Friday, December 21, 2012

The Wizard's Curse

 The Wizard's Curse (Yao guai du shi) Directed By Yuen Cheung-Yan. Starring Leung Bing Kwan. (1992).
    Criminals that know sorcery are being hunted down and only Ching-Ying Lam the unibrowed super priest can defeat them! You know you're in for some shit housed rat craziness when Mortal Kombat style characters start hurling magical lights and stars at each other! Stop motion ghost footprints decorate the forest ground and Wong Jing (the sleaziest producer in Hong Kong!) is at the keyboard as the screenwriter.
    Bullets dunked in the blood of a black dog subdue these enchanters. The head wizard creates a Terrific Vampire with sperm and period blood poured into a cauldron, according to him "It's the top monster in the field of sorcery". Sorcerers are brain eating deceitful people that stab each other (with blue boners)! and have to time everything out just right to stay invincible! Buddha is not responsible and can't protect believers from evil wizards.
    Meanwhile two whiny dudes are at the hospital having there dicks operated on.They are both cops and one of them ends up with The super priest's daughter, who works there. The father and daughter have conflicting religious beliefs, this may be foreshadowing because the main wizard said "no Gods can destroy the Terrific Vampire".
The daughter can only find creeps and pervs to date and in a "Bewitched" style scenario, the father uses voodoo behind the scenes on his daughter's boyfriend to make his penis disappear! The mother has bizarre powers too and talks to paper dolls. There's even wacky sitcom style music.
    The combined male and female creature that jumped out of the cauldron from the beginning is out biting people and sucking out their brains. It can disguise itself and fly around in a leather jacket, while one head keeps popping out and gnawing on brains, some times it fights by swinging its giant blue boner around.
     Lam's daughter, disgusting as it is to her, has devil killing saliva because she was born at a spiritual hour! The bumbling police get involved, but only magic can help. There's fast motion shopping montage for magic potion ingredients, sort of like an alchemist Benny Hill. The mom is extra wacky and uses her magic panties to battle the creature and even turns into her daughter to seduce her boyfriend. The Terrific Vampire breaks into the hospital to kill our heroes at the end like a leather clad hermaphrodite Manitou, putting everyone to sleep. Instead it ends up in a final showdown between the parents, decked out in their Taoist fighting garb, they throw cartoon shapes at them. Sometimes the glare gets in the way of the subtitles, subs should all be yellow and outlined. This one is incredibly fast paced and a seriously fun movie! As soon as I figure out how to upload a copy I will, until then sorry no link to watch!

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