Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Porno Holocaust

-Reviewed by Skunkape-
Directed by Joe D' Amato ( 1981)

An island that once was a nuclear testing ground is being investigated by a team of biologists. Leading the group is none other than George "Anthropophagus" Eastman, he plays Dr. Lemoir. The doctor and his colleagues, two sexy ladies and a married couple need a ride to this island and so they hire,
Captain O'Day (Mark "Ball Warts" Shannon). But before setting sail they discuss how sea life in the area is growing abnormally large and that the locals believe a murderous monster inhabits the island.

"Hmmm, did I leave the iron on?"

Captain Jack Off will take you to that special island.

"You'll need a good A200 Shampoo to get rid of these!"

Atomic Load
The story of the monster is true. He's a mutated survivor from atomic activity. Any man who crosses his path will be killed. Any women who crosses his path will get fucked to death, literally. He'll rape you and because his sperm is highly radioactive after he finishes, "you're finished"!

"This diary sucks!"

The monster becomes smitten for the captain's main squeeze, the beautiful  Annie (Lucia Ramirez).
He takes her to his cave of love, grunts a lot, and even gives her flowers. So Romantic! After the monster leaves to resume more mayhem, Annie finds a notebook. She gets the 411 on who this freak really is.  So lets Meet the Monster!

                                         1. HIS NAME IS ANTOINE DEMADURO                           
                                         2. HE'S BEEN THERE SINCE THE FIRST EXPLOSION 
                                         3. MOVED INTO THE CAVE WITH HIS WIFE AND       
                                             CHILD ON A MONDAY, SEPT. 19TH 1958
                                        (His wife and child are now dead and he keeps
                                                                                    their skulls as a memorial) 

 So now it's "Beauty and the Beast." The captain tracks them down and shoots a spear into the beast's chest. Wounded, he staggers toward cappy about to take him out. Annie calls out the monsters real name "Anttoine!" that distracts him and gives the two lovers enough time to escape while the atomic menace pushes up the daisies.

This review is only one take on the film. The other would be "a bunch of people fucking on the beach."
Even though the film is pretty much garbage, it's special to me. It's one of the first of four VHS titles I bought from Threat Theater International's catalogue.The version I received was a poor print with no subtitles.
However the music left a huge impression on me and composer Nico Fidenco is one of my favorites. His scores are always fantastic.

"The Tide's coming in baby!"

"A really big coconut fell on my head!"

The title of this film alone is legendary and seeing it today cleaned up with subtitles made for a pretty good time.

 5/10 On the CULT-O-METER

 If your not prude, give it a shot

Theater of Guts
Tribute Trailer
"it will take your breath away!"


Monday, April 29, 2013

Vice Squad

Vice Squad Directed By Gary Sherman starring Wings Hauser (1982).
   Vice Squad begins with one of the greatest Hollywood Blvd montages that's full of prime scuzzy footage injected with the fury of Wings Hauser's punked out fuzz song devoted to "Neon Slime"! that even if the rest of the flick is dull, it really gets you amped up! Sandy Howard (the Angel trilogy) and Gary Sherman (Dead & Buried and Raw Meat) are in charge of production, most of it was shot on location in dingy clubs. 
Princess of Miller Lite in the can
    Once known 80's relic or MTV VJ, Nina Blackwood does a pretty effective job of playing a gullible beaten and abused hooker named Ginger  and Season Hubley (who always plays a hooker in practically every film including Paul Schrader's Hardcore) is Princess, she supports her child financially by turning tricks in the city. In this film, all the male characters are either oversexed perverts, psychotic maniacs or grimy pimps, I find this honesty refreshing! 
Elvis taught me how to train my bitches
   Wings Hauser plays redneck hustler Ramrod, his scenes of torture and abuse against hooker Ginger (Blackwood) with a wire hanger are seriously uncomfortable and hard to watch, he eventually beats her to death.
   The cops are out patrolling everywhere, trying to crackdown on all the human garbage flooding the mean streets of LA. Two especially idiotic Vice cops (one in a members only jacket and the other in cornrows) are the protagonists of this sleazefest. There are a lot of stupid police in this movie.    
   Walsh (the members only jacketed cop) forces Princess to cut a deal and follow Ramrod, who gets his rocks off on slicing up girls. She strolls around different strip clubs, wears a wire and immediately runs into the clutches of this hillbilly cracker. At first it didn't make sense to me, that all these cops are targeting a maniacal pimp or care about a dead hooker, but that's the premise of Vice Squad and it does give them job security, since the streets are crawling with scumbags, it's all they deal with day in and day out! I first saw clips of this movie in Terror In The Aisles (it's not a horror movie obviously, but if you consider the rampant misogyny terrifying, now we're getting into some psychological monsters! Season always seems to play a hooker with a heart of gold and I like her acting style. According to IMDB, she channeled the rage of her custody battle with her ex- Kurt Russell and she gives a nice performance. I saw her on an 80's Twlight Zone which was very dull, but I thought it was nice that she finally didn't play a hooker!        


Ramrod visits all these underworld characters, mechanics with hacksaws, modern primitive gun salesmen and Rerun the Pimp. Fred Berry actually shows up in a small cameo and gets his balls cut off! Toward the end, Ramrod leaves so many dead hookers in a his wake and the cops keep messing up, that he's able to escape and get back to Princess and beat her down. The two dumbest police in the whole movie are these two latinos, who take two cowboy boots to the face! It all ends with a long car chase with Ramrod pinned against a car and wall, taking a bullet to the brain. I can't recommend this film highly enough and there's no real gore, but lots of uncomfortable sleaze.
Revenge is a dish best severed with a hacksaw


Saturday, April 27, 2013

Basket Case

Basket Case Directed By Frank Henenlotter Starring Kevin Van Hentenryck (1982)

   Me & Belial go way back, as a young horror fanatic that got in trouble for plastering gore pictures on my bedroom walls (I remember being jealous of "Chainsaw" in Summer School, for not having as many posters)! Basket Case & I go back to the early 80’s when I would always see that bizarre pair of eyes and claws peaking out of a basket at different video stores in Florida and NY, among the infamous Faces Of Death Mondo stuff and H.G. Lewis Big Box covers. I first read about it in a Fangoria Bloody Best issue and man did it scar me for life! It also taught me a valuable lesson; not to fuck with a hotdog scarfing pint sized mound of gelatinous flesh, or you will end up with permanent damage and die violently.

   It takes the circus freak revenge aspect and sets it in vintage Time Square, where Frank lived and cast his friends and production team (sometimes interchangeable) to help bring this schlocky masterpiece to the screen. Dwayne Bradley and his brother Belial are lost in calloused streets of the rotten apple, they show up at a sleazy hotel with an odd assortment of derelict tenants and angry police. Dwayne seems to have an endless amount of cash, which causes some of the creeps to break into his apartment, good thing he has a ravenous pint sized mutant watchdog ready to eviscerate any perpetrators. He carries his brother around in a wicker basket. Other incidents that prevent Dwayne from getting bashed over the head and robbed happen in various locations (he falls asleep at the movies) and of course like in the trailer everyone wants to know… What’s in the Basket!!!
You're my dinner Bitch!

                   They really regret finding out and get dismembered in vicious ways. I first saw this film on USA Up All Night hosted by Gilbert Gottfried (and later Rhonda Shear), his comments were excruciating and I don’t recommend seeking this version out. 

My ears are bleeding!

Then for my 21st birthday, (which I spent with the great Skunkape!) I got the limegreen clamshell Something Weird Video VHS tape (which I still proudly display)! That’s when I really got to appreciate this flick for its artistic lowbrow trash value. The basic premise is that a team of corrupt doctors botched a conjoined twin surgery and separated the brothers against their will, which pissed them off enough to seek revenge later. The doctors change their identities, but years later, Dwayne and Belial bust them up in a major disgusting way. The little guy tears and claws his way through the city, but also tries to control his brother and oversteps his boundaries. He is overprotective and tries to prevent him from having a relationship (he meets a weird girl in a cheap ugly blond wig), why he is interested in her is a mystery, it’s a big city after all! Belial incessantly nags him telepathically and it strains their relationship. One of the girls that plays a friendly hooker is a staple in all of Henenlotter’s films, Mrs. Beverely Bonner,she is in all of his films (even the lame Bad Biology) and years before in a movie with Divine, check out this great interview at Retrocrush.

    Another person that’s always featured in Henenlotter's films is 60’s horror host icon John Zacherley (although he’s in everything else besides this one, and not in Bad Biology). It's one of those classic horror flicks dear to most gore fans that I know is overly reviewed, but still at Theater Of Guts we aim to pay tribute to the classics as well as delve into unknown territory. I highly recommend owning the SWV DVD which is loaded with tons of extras and even commentary!

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Battle Girl

Battle Girl (Emergency: Living Dead In Tokyo Bay) Directed By Kazuo “Gaira” Komizu Starring Cutie Suzuki (1991).
   The director of gag inducing massacre's like Guts Of A Virgin &  Entrails of a Beautiful Woman (this man obviously has an offal fetish...Puke!) is behind this robotic flavorless effort.
   Battle Girl is a departure to say the least,it's almost as if he needed a breather from swimming around in the scum pit of entrails, and made something bland, he's powerless without guts! (very apropos for this site)! Battle Girl a is criminally sauceless (bits here and there obviously, but very tame) Anime live action style superhero vehicle.
Here's the deal; a meteor has hit Tokyo and armed forces spring into action Captain Fukioka a sinister leader demands more electricity, is he Battlegirl's Dr. Frankenstein?, not sure yet? But some nice Repo Man style map graphics are shown.
A blockade is set up and it seems that this director is showing the military prowess of Japan when faced with an epidemic, I mean this is not their first monster mash! And 3 days later a horde of zombies infected by amphetimne gas pollution invade the town. Society is rapidly devolving into a safe haven for punks to rob and murder any unarmed citizens left.
Fashion Punk's still not dead!
Punks in a bus party down with weapons (think Japanese noise crust band attire) this is the new youth emerging after this meteor strike, it spawns multitudes of fashion victims apparently!
   At first Battlegirl is unassuming in her dirty jean jacket, but she is powerful in her supreme computer tech skills, an attribute you think would have been obsolete in a future dominated by space zombies and fashionistas fighting for meager survival, but you would be wrong!
The film starts to turn into live action animae (or cosplay) superfast as Battle Girl inherits a Rambo/Robocop suit that's equipped with automatic sunglasses) and goes to work.
The Captain sends his Kiss makeup soldiers after her and soon green hipster blood is spilling like a loose slurpee machine on the fritz!
BattleGirl's more adorable alter-ego
Cutie Suzuki who plays Battle Girl in reality is a wrestler, I like their literal translation of Gorgeous Ladies Of Wrestling better than ours.
 She finds mutilated casualties in a refugee camp and fights a metal toothed, Wolverine clawed soldier while a Sheena Easton "Strut" style instrumental techno song plays. The violence it pretty tame and videogame-esque. 
United Fruitcake Outlet
   Everyone is infected by the cosmo-amphetamine plague. The fight choreography is the most pitiful aspect of Battle Girl! I've seen better stunts in a Dolemite flick! This film has zero character development and people, shoot a lot of guns and blow up zombies but who cares! It's very plodding and difficult to feel connected to any of the interchangeable characters. A pretty weak effort from a usually hard edged and capable director.Next time stick to what you know best Mr. Komizu, GUTS!!!! Available via Fandor.
Is there a Dentist in the house?

Monday, April 22, 2013

The Grapes Of Death

Grapes Of Death(Les Raisins De La Mort) Directed By Jean Rollin. Starring Marie-Georges Pascal (1978).
   This is one of the early French NOTLD influenced chemical contamination zombie films that beat many to the punch, the first being Jorge Grau’s Let Sleeping Corpses Lie in 1974. This is the second Jean Rollin film on TOG to be reviewed and it’s not as vile as Living Dead Girl, but it’s still an important movie. Wine makers on a farm begin to have breathing problems, Kowalski one of the jagged toothed unkempt, 70's biker rock looking workers complains first. Later two girls are attacked by an infected mutated Kowalski, who boards the train and lumbers forth with a pulsating growth spurting out of the side of his face. This disease turns people into infected zombies alarmingly fast and pretty much rots their insides, the zombie epidemic is similar to Nightmare City in that they are more pustular then undead.
   There's some Phillip Glass style organ music during a countryside escape scene as one of the girls; Elisabeth, leaves the train and unfortunately ends up by the wine barn where pesticides are creating mindless unhealthy creatures.
   Just like in the original Tombs Of The Blind Dead, travelers must be weary of leaving the comfort of the railroad, because once you step onto the soil of an empty village, the people there are terrified or in this case diseased and in a defensive mood. She ventures into a stone cottage adorned with wine on the table and artwork (an unassuming trap that seems welcoming). The people she finds have a hostility about them and definitely don't want any police involved in the train murder of Elisabeth’s friend by Kowalski. A father and daughter take her in and it turns out a plague is affecting everyone within a short radius of the wine farm and causing the father to kill people. They all break out in yellow runny sores and the dad shoves a pitchfork into his daughter.
is there a Doctor in the house?
   Liz finds a car and flees the scene, but is met by a man with a pulsating oozing sore blistering out of his forehead. Rollin uses the “shoot them in head” patented zombie method, but these aren't really zombies and many of them whimper and seem to want help, which makes them kind of pathetic. There are no hospitals in the lush countryside in Rollins universe.
   She finds a blind girl named Lucie (Mirella Rancelot) and leads her through the eerie countryside and it slowly grows darker as they walk. The girl has been feeling her way around the trees and corpse faces and has lost her blithering psychotic guide Lucas. Zombies begin to swarm around them and her guide drags her away and nails her to a wooden door then hacks her head clean off!
   Bridget Lahaie (Faceless, Electric Blue) the famous sexy blonde from other Jean Rollins films and some adult ones shows up with two large dogs, as a small tribute to Mario Bava’s Black Sunday. She tricks Elisabeth, and the wine pesticides that have reduced all of the baguette and wine-munching villagers to runny sored lunatics, have not (for some reason) blemished her flawless body.      Two hunters arrive and lucky for the audience, she immediately strips just to convince them that she is not a zombie! Lucas disgusting and tenderly makes out with the severed blind girl’s head. The hunters that show up armed with shotguns are working class beer joes and have eluded the French zombie plague! I would have survived this zombie plague too being the beer connoisseur that I am!
the meatloaf in my brain cavity is ready to serve
   The pacing is tedious yet is entertaining enough to keep your interest and I’ve sawed logs through Let Sleeping Corpses Lie (which I’m going to re-evaluate and drink lots of coffee for a future review). In this film you get erotic star Bridget Lahie, who I’ll take over Ray Lovelock any day (not that he isn’t handsome)! There’s a nice reverse twist between the hunters and the last survivor that I won’t spoil here. This is another film available Via Fandor but Netflix also offers many Jean Rollin films. Fandor has the rare ones and my favorite part about them vs. NF is that they offer subtitles on TV through Roku and I always have problems with that, so they are the better option in my opinion, especially if you are a regular TOG reader and need your cult movie fix all the time. So check this film out if you are an early Romero tribute completist. 6 out of 10.
Would somebody mind popping this fella back in my socket?

Hack the heads off middle aged girls and put em on my wall!

You'd totally let me infect you with genital pesticide rot, admit it!

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Interview with John Walter Szpunar

Interview By Crankenstein. Xerox Ferox is an incredible book documenting the late 80's-90's era of Horror zine culture, when people churned out devotedly stapled together reviews during off work hours and used what ever cheap sources they could find to get the message out about these films, these people were heroes in my opinion. John Szpunar ran the company Barrel Entertainment, the brave souls who put out the Criterion style DVD version of Last House On Dead End Street! Mr. Szpunar graciously accepted our interview, so please support him by buying this book and attending Fantacon 2013 where he and all those involved in the Deep Red heyday will be there, which is pretty monumental for any gorehound!

How influential do you think Chas. Balun and Deep Red magazine were on the horror community?
Very influential.  Chas. and Deep Red were the starting point for me, that’s for sure.  Prior to reading Deep Red, I was reading Fangoria on a regular basis, but by that time, it was a little too mainstream.  Deep Red introduced me to a lot of stuff that I wouldn’t have been aware of.  It made a big impact on the kids of my generation.
The infamous Gore Score
Chas. had a great stable of writers working for him:  Dennis Daniel, Kris Gilpin, Greg Goodsell, Graham Rae, Steve Bissette…  Each of them had their own voice, and every voice was very important to me.  There was no bullshit when it came to Chas. and the boys.  It was all from the heart. 
The infamous Third world cannibal films

What are some of your favorite cannibal films and why?
My favorite will always be Cannibal Holocaust.  You just can’t beat the intensity of that film.  I first saw it on a bootleg tape that a friend of mine got from Donald Farmer.  Before the thing even started, there was a trailer for Shocking Africa, that mondo film by Angelo Castiglioni.  That certainly set the mood!  There was a bit of fuzz on the tape that lasted for a few seconds.  Then, Riz Ortolani’s score started up. The marriage between the beautiful music and the violence in the film was (and still is) breathtaking. 
Of course, I also enjoy its ugly stepchild, Cannibal Ferox.  The film’s a mess, but you have to hand it to Lenzi—it’s one hell of an entertaining mess.  John Morghen is so over the top.  Those are the two cannibal films that stand out for me, although I also have a soft spot for Jungle Holocaust, Eaten Alive, and Man from Deep River.  I found it fascinating that Deodato and Lenzi were competing with each other.  It’s kind of crazy when you think about it today—there was actually once a commercial marketplace for that kind of stuff!
I should point out that I never would have even heard of the Italian cannibal films if I hadn’t had read Steve Bissette’s chapter on them in The Deep Red Horror Handbook. I read that thing and immediately began searching for every film that he mentioned.  A guy that I worked with was from a pretty bad area of Detroit.  It was a tough place to live, but they had some great video stores down there.  He used to shop around for me, and he’d come back with some really weird stuff.  I’m pretty sure that he rented Mountain of the Cannibal God, that film with Stacy Keach.

What happened to your DVD company Barrel Entertainment?
We called it quits for a few reasons.  First of all, the marketplace was changing.  Even though we’d signed to Ryko for distribution, we weren’t moving many units.  Everything imploded.  Little companies like Panik House, Subversive, NoShame, and Barrel were all casualties of the times.  It’s a shame that things ended the way they did, but I’m very proud with what we were able to pull off.  We were just two guys who loved movies—we didn’t have any knowledge of the industry before we started things up, yet alone any formal business training.

When did you first learn about the film Last House on Dead End Street?
I first read about it in The Deep Red Horror Handbook and immediately tried to track down a copy.  It’s funny—I had to go the grey market route for that one.  No video stores in my neighborhood rented the Sun tape.  My friend Art Ettinger (the editor of Ultra Violent) told me that one of the video stores in his home town actually stocked it—he didn’t realize that it was a rare tape until years later.  Anyway, I finally got my hands on a copy, and it blew my mind.  I’d never seen anything quite like it before, and the mysterious origin of the film made things even more surreal.    I ended up releasing the film on DVD years later, which was certainly something I never could have ever imagined happening.  That release will always be special to me.  I felt that I was doing something very important—not only as a film archivist, but as a fan.
John 2nd to right between Jorg Buttgereit and Graham Rae.      

What horror zines from the ‘80s and ‘90s are influential?
As far as the ‘80s go Sleazoid Express was the zine that got things going.  Everything kind of grew out of that—Gore Gazette, Trashola, Slimetime, The Exploitation Journal, and even Deep Red owe a lot to Bill Landis.  Those zines spawned others, and the result was one of the greatest periods of fan writing in history.  There was Cecil Doyle’s Subhuman, Michael Weldon’s Psychotronic, and Donald Farmer’s Splatter Times—I read every issue that I could get my hands on. As the ‘90s rolled along, Craig Ledbetter’s Hi-Tech Terror became European Trash Cinema. Slimetime became Shock Cinema.  Tim Paxton was always doing something. Ecco and Video Watchdog made a serious impact on me, and they got better with every issue.  It was a glorious time.

What is your opinion on Film Threat and the trash piece directed at Chas. Balun?
I was shocked when that went down.  On one hand, I can totally understand Chris Gore’s position regarding Nekromantik—Film Threat Video had the rights to the film.  What I’ll never be able to understand is the way he handled things.  A simple phone call or a letter could have cleared things up without any of the mess.  I lost a lot of respect for Film Threat when Gore started calling Chas. out as a money-grubbing bootlegger.  This was certainly not the case, and I think it caused a lot of damage to the fan community.
You know, it’s important to point out that Film Threat (pre-Larry Flint) was a very important zine.  It got the Cinema of Transgression out of New York and into suburban living rooms—I doubt that a lot of people would have known about Richard Kern and Nick Zedd if it wasn’t for Film Threat.  I’m from the same town as the Film Threat guys were from, and I really liked their coverage of Sam Raimi, Josh Becker, and Scott Spiegel. 

Please talk about my favorite zine Gore Gazette and Rick Sullivan…
Rick Sullivan’s Gore Gazette was one of the greats—rude, rowdy, and hilarious.  A lot of people compare it to Sleazoid Express, but Rick started the GG as an answer to Bill Landis.  You can say what you want to about Rick, but he kept his zine going for something like fourteen years. That’s an amazing run, and he deserves a lot of credit for what he did.  I wish I would have been able to interview him for Xerox Ferox, but I was told by a mutual friend that he didn’t want to revisit those years.
Talk about the highly anticipated Xerox Ferox...
Well, I interviewed Chas. Balun shortly after we recorded the audio commentary for Last House on Dead End Street.  As I said, I had always been a big fan of his, and that interview was a very big thing for me.  Shortly after that, I talked to Steve Bissette for a long time about his career. That sort of expanded into another interview about horror zines. Talking to those guys was great, and it got me thinking about doing a book. Life sort of got in the way, and I had to put things on the back burner for a while. The thing is, I never turned the heat all the way down. 
A few years ago, I got back in touch with David Kerekes from Headpress. I’d done some writing for him in the past (and he contributed some excellent liner notes to some of my DVD releases), but we’d sort of fallen out of touch. To make a long story short, David got my brain turning.  I resumed contributing to Headpress, as if I’d never stopped.  It was a lot of fun, and I started thinking about Xerox Ferox again.  Luckily for me, David was interested in the project.  I made a list of potential interviews, and started climbing the mountain.

The end result is a book of fifty interviews with some of the key people of the old zine scene.  It starts with Steve Bissette (who also did the cover artwork)—he gives a great introduction and overview of things.  Next up is Bhob Stewart, one of the key guys from the zine scene of the ‘50s and ‘60s.  He published The EC Fan Bulletin in the early ‘50s.  That was the first fanzine devoted to EC Comics—The Haunt of Fear, Tales from the Crypt, Mad, etc.  The horror zines were spawned from sci-fi and comic fandom, and he was a very interesting guy to talk to. 
As I said, there are fifty interviews in the book. I talked to a lot of the old Deep Red crew—Dennis Daniel, Kris Gilpin, Greg Goodsell, Graham Rae, and Tom Skulan are all in there.  I’m really glad that I got the chance to talk to Jimmy McDonough (Sleazoid Express, The Ghastly One, etc).  He had some great stories about the old days. 
David Kerekes and Chris Poggiali conducted a few interviews, and I can’t thank them enough.  And Jan Bruun contributed a great interview with Bill Landis and Michelle Clifford. These guys really helped me round things out, and I’m very grateful to all of them…

Friday, April 19, 2013

Black Devil Doll from Hell

Only $3.50!

  Right off the bat you get an opening title sequence with a 6 minute and 50 second theme song. It sounds like a rejected track from the Butthole Surfers' Album Hairway to Steven.(which for me is a good thing)

Our heroine of the film, Helen Black is played by the fearless Shirley L Jones. A typical day for Helen seems to be going to church and getting harassed by an annoying friend always trying to convince her that she needs a man so she can get laid. But being the good christian woman that she is the advice is rejected. This particular day she is also bothered by a dude selling TVs and other goods out of the truck of his car and he makes some sexual advances of his own that are denied. Later she decides to visit the Road's End Gift Shop where she is intrigued by what looks like a black "My Buddy" Doll from the 80s with dreads. The shop keeper tells her that the doll has been purchased 4 times already and always finds its way back to the store sooner or later.

"Would you like this gift wrapped?"

Helen buys the doll and after she gets it home weird things begin to happen. For instance, now when she showers she touches herself.(sounds normal to me) These scenes in the shower are the most frightening in the film. The next day or so the doll is talking and walking. The puppet uses his demon magic to possess and rape her. He explains that "Before he can give her pleasure he must first give her pain." He also calls her "bitch" a lot. The real surprise comes when he's standing at the end of the bed and in homage to "The Shining" says "Here's Johnny!". You can always count on a little comic relief from a puppet, even before he rapes you.

"Think you got enough soap? Bitch!"

"It's Howdy Booty Time!"

Helen has now gone from a church going model citizen to a dirty whore. She can't get enough of the doll's burnt bacon lookin' tongue.But now that she's insatiable the puppet decides it's time to dip and heads back to his place at the gift shop. Helen is now spreading her legs for anyone she meets but she's never satisfied like she was with her devil doll. She purchases the doll a second time but only to discover negative consequences!(to say the least)

"Your place or mine?"

"Get me some visine, quick."

Yes, earlier I called the lead actress fearless but maybe she owed the director Chester Turner a shitload of money to star in this shot-on-"shit"eo classic.
This movie can not be recommended, either it will be a 0 or a 10 depending on your taste.
I give it a 7/10 on the CULT-O-METER because it has survived the test of time and actually spawned a rad remake in 2007 buy director Jonathan Louis Lewis. Long Live Black Devil Doll!!!!!

Theater of Guts presents the Black Devil Doll Tribute Trailer
What if Lions Gate Films bought the rights and marketed the film 
as a Tyler Perry movie????
Watch and find out what it would look like! 


Thursday, April 18, 2013

The Evil That Men Do

The Evil That Men Do Directed By J. Lee Thompson  Starring Joseph Maher (1984)
   This is one of my all time favorite Charles Bronson flicks! It's got everything, terrorism, genital torture, swingers, Miguel "Puma Man"Angel Fuentes and a talking fish! Bronson and J. Lee Thompson (10 to Midnight, Happy Birthday To Me) have worked together on so many great projects that only this man could convince Chuck to push the envelope in the manner that he does in this juicy role!
   Bronson sleepwalks through all of his roles and this film is no different but I'd expect nothing less than prime Chuck dishing out punishment and brutality, he's an expert craftsman in this forum! So leave the acting range to Deniro and let's get moving! 
   Bronson is Holland, a retired CIA assassin lounging out on the tropical beaches of the West Indies and chatting about his worries and fears with his fish pal, Quasimodo (I swear this really happens in the flick, go watch it now)!
I dropped a little acid in the ocean for my fish pal

   Dr. Molloch, a maniacal surgeon is torturing captives and making people eat their own intestines and broken glass! He's played deliciously by Joseph Maher, who I know as the drunk guy who rudely leaves his dog Farfel with Jerry Seinfeld. The contrast of unassuming vicious terrorist portrayed by mild mannered type of guy is some inspired casting! He's a vicious criminal and along with his sister they are butchering people and generally committing indecent acts of sex and violence. So Holland comes out of retirement and goes back to dealing with this type of worm-ridden filth the best way he knows how. Rhiana Hidalgo (Theresa Saldana) and her kid tag along on this mission, posing as a makeshift family and are later used as bait. 
Talk or I'll tell more stories about my dog Farfel

   One of the best moments in the film happens during a bar fight as Miguel Fuentes, the Puma Man star with gigantic features goes to manhandle Rhiana and is met with the clutches of Chuck Bronson's leathery hands squeezing the life out of his dick!!! This painful display drops him to the floor like a sack of potatoes, it's one of the funniest and most alarming scenes in film history.
  Molloch's black henchmen Randolph meets Holland in a bar and they both talk about setting up a sleazy hotel party  with an interracial threesome between them and his fake wife. Holland's CIA use of training seems to always involve dirty tricks and as soon as Randolph arrives at the room, all keyed up for some debauchery, he is met with a blade hurled directly into his neck and is dragged into the bathroom and cut-up like a pig carcass. This is the last straw for his fake wife Rhiana and she leaves. 
Does this mean no threesome?

   Later on a crucial tape recording of Molloch's sister's voice is made and used against him during a cave scene. Molloch and his sister are dealing in human slavery and cocaine trafficking, they deserve what they get. The sister character seems to be the only human Dr. Molloch has any compassion for. One random coke dealer is strung up by a fire hose and tossed out a high rise building by Holland. Also watch out for an inspired cameo by John Glover (52 Pick-Up, Gremlins 2).
  Migrant workers that were exploited and tortured by the evil surgeon show up to enact revenge and chisel their way through his limo with their tiny hammers! Don't let them fool you, these weapons wreak a serious amount of damage! See the uncut version only though, but now-a-days this isn't really a problem and censorship is incredibly laxed. Gun nuts looking for constant firepower might be disappointed, but to quote Happy Goldsplat "Fuck Em!" Holland uses his Macgyver style skills of ordinary household items to bring down this terrorist surgeon bastard!
Small hammers do alot of damage

  This is a non Cannon release and comes off like a more sadistic Death Wish sequel with some political intrigue thrown into the mix.Highly Recommended!
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