Thursday, April 18, 2013

The Evil That Men Do

The Evil That Men Do Directed By J. Lee Thompson  Starring Joseph Maher (1984)
   This is one of my all time favorite Charles Bronson flicks! It's got everything, terrorism, genital torture, swingers, Miguel "Puma Man"Angel Fuentes and a talking fish! Bronson and J. Lee Thompson (10 to Midnight, Happy Birthday To Me) have worked together on so many great projects that only this man could convince Chuck to push the envelope in the manner that he does in this juicy role!
   Bronson sleepwalks through all of his roles and this film is no different but I'd expect nothing less than prime Chuck dishing out punishment and brutality, he's an expert craftsman in this forum! So leave the acting range to Deniro and let's get moving! 
   Bronson is Holland, a retired CIA assassin lounging out on the tropical beaches of the West Indies and chatting about his worries and fears with his fish pal, Quasimodo (I swear this really happens in the flick, go watch it now)!
I dropped a little acid in the ocean for my fish pal

   Dr. Molloch, a maniacal surgeon is torturing captives and making people eat their own intestines and broken glass! He's played deliciously by Joseph Maher, who I know as the drunk guy who rudely leaves his dog Farfel with Jerry Seinfeld. The contrast of unassuming vicious terrorist portrayed by mild mannered type of guy is some inspired casting! He's a vicious criminal and along with his sister they are butchering people and generally committing indecent acts of sex and violence. So Holland comes out of retirement and goes back to dealing with this type of worm-ridden filth the best way he knows how. Rhiana Hidalgo (Theresa Saldana) and her kid tag along on this mission, posing as a makeshift family and are later used as bait. 
Talk or I'll tell more stories about my dog Farfel

   One of the best moments in the film happens during a bar fight as Miguel Fuentes, the Puma Man star with gigantic features goes to manhandle Rhiana and is met with the clutches of Chuck Bronson's leathery hands squeezing the life out of his dick!!! This painful display drops him to the floor like a sack of potatoes, it's one of the funniest and most alarming scenes in film history.
  Molloch's black henchmen Randolph meets Holland in a bar and they both talk about setting up a sleazy hotel party  with an interracial threesome between them and his fake wife. Holland's CIA use of training seems to always involve dirty tricks and as soon as Randolph arrives at the room, all keyed up for some debauchery, he is met with a blade hurled directly into his neck and is dragged into the bathroom and cut-up like a pig carcass. This is the last straw for his fake wife Rhiana and she leaves. 
Does this mean no threesome?

   Later on a crucial tape recording of Molloch's sister's voice is made and used against him during a cave scene. Molloch and his sister are dealing in human slavery and cocaine trafficking, they deserve what they get. The sister character seems to be the only human Dr. Molloch has any compassion for. One random coke dealer is strung up by a fire hose and tossed out a high rise building by Holland. Also watch out for an inspired cameo by John Glover (52 Pick-Up, Gremlins 2).
  Migrant workers that were exploited and tortured by the evil surgeon show up to enact revenge and chisel their way through his limo with their tiny hammers! Don't let them fool you, these weapons wreak a serious amount of damage! See the uncut version only though, but now-a-days this isn't really a problem and censorship is incredibly laxed. Gun nuts looking for constant firepower might be disappointed, but to quote Happy Goldsplat "Fuck Em!" Holland uses his Macgyver style skills of ordinary household items to bring down this terrorist surgeon bastard!
Small hammers do alot of damage

  This is a non Cannon release and comes off like a more sadistic Death Wish sequel with some political intrigue thrown into the mix.Highly Recommended!


  1. I love Charles Bronson. They really don't make movies like this anymore. I'm lucky enough to own an original poster from the film's release. Great article!

  2. THE EVIL THAT MEN DO is truly the best Cannon Film that Cannon Films never made(with both Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus wishing that they would have made this film[if given the chance]).

  3. Yeah I think J. Lee Thompson could get Bronson to do the most demented shit like this and 10-Midnight. I guess I should review more of these like Kinjite.


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