Friday, July 26, 2024

Chinese Torture Chamber Story (New VS restored Edition).








 Chinese Torture Chamber Story Directed by Bosco Lam. Starring Yvonne Yung.  

In my review from 2012 of this newly restored title by Vinegar Syndrome, I had just discovered the perverse world of Wong Jing. My standards for the depravity he doled out with his category III flicks were apparently very high and as a result set by this film. I credit the Deep Red Catalog for this and also commend 88 Films, VS, Severin, Kino and all the other Media companies for unleashing these maniacal films in pristine condition!

 

Did we really need this morally reprehensible fuck-fest to come out on Blu-ray? I mean solely for my enjoyment then YES!I wonder how many people out there even knew of this title before VS announced it? I was stoked to re-watch it for sure because it’s just so fucking unique and brutal but not in a stomach-turning kind of way. I haven’t seen it since 2012, the year I started this blog. Hard to believe and it’s cool to see how far we’ve come in unearthing strange hard to find cult classics for those who missed out back in the day.

 

Almost weekly I rent VS titles from the record store I work at and CTCS is highly irregular in quality and culturally for their usual fare. This film does have all the sleaze, sex novelties and cancel culture red flags here that are usually represented in a Cat III title. On Tubi (as of this review) there is currently a documentary on the subject of CAT III films to help the novice navigate his way towards the Shaw Bros and Men Behind the Sun territories. So, if you like demented shit in an Asian period piece setting, you will dig the hell outta this!

 

There’s so much torture in this movie involving the antics of Little Cabbage played by Yvonne Hung Yung. 

 

Nuff Said


Yang played by Lawrence Ng is a sex maniac and involves Cabbage in his debauchery and lies. He first notices and is also enchanted by her “tiny feet” I loved that this new version comes with English subs or original Language w subs. That way you can rip a bong hit and laugh at the chop-socky dubbing. But it gets more thorough because the disc includes Cantonese and Mandarin language.

 

These snazzy fingers traps will turn lil' Cabbage into Coleslaw


The style of Torture Chamber is like an erotic wacky comedy with punishment. One new aspect I noticed were the Grand Inquisitors fuzzy mauve hats, which was an inspired fashion choice!

Kwong-Leung Wong plays Got Sui Tai. In this, he supposed to have a huge donkey dick. I like how one female character pantomimes the size to Little Cabbage (who later on wrestles the massive python).Kwong-Leung was in John Woo’s Killer and all 3 of the “On Fire” movies by Ringo Lam. He seriously outdoes himself in this role in the sex acrobatics department.

 

There is a slight parody to the Patrick Swayze movie Ghost (with an Asian sounding version of The Righteous Brothers song), which ends with a giant orgasm hitting a gong across the room. Next, we are thrown into high flying kung Fu mid-air sex in a haunted forest. This is my favorite part because it’s just super wacky.


Horniest couple of the forrest award goes to...

Back in the torture chamber a man is sentenced (by association with Cabbage). He is dragged through broken china and has his fingers torn off by pliers.Cabbage is sexually assaulted by two Samoan looking women. The last 30 minutes attempts to outdo "Mark of The Devil" with its grand inquisition grossness. There are Mario Bros sex sounds and jokes about rape. Among the torture is that exploding dick gag we keep hearing about, some really insanely tasteless shit, but what do you expect from a Category III!   

I left some parts of my original review in this one. I really enjoyed this one but understand if not everyone can stomach it. There are many scenes where females are slapped (and it looks very realistic) or beaten and man-handled. I think those with weak stomachs would rather not bother watch these sorts of films anyway, there’s lots of A24 bullshit for them to gnaw on. This movie is more titillating and or revolting than a THOU album cover.


BUY HERE







Tuesday, July 23, 2024

Bloodlust (1992)



Bloodlust (1992) Directed by Jon Hewitt/Richard Wolstencroft

 

Does an Industrial music flavored Australian indie flick with a vampire fetish sound like a fun time? Then (as of this review) Tubi is the one place that has this rare treat available. so let's get goin Mate!

 

Like I’ve said before, Chas knew a treasured gem when he saw it. 

There’s another film with this title that I still jab Mr. Goat in the ribs about and that’s the German Mosquito (aka Bloodlust 1976). This one has an industrial soundtracks from the likes of 100 Homo DJs and Revolting Cocks. Oh Joy!

 

The fly that died in my coffee looks just like Al Jourgensen


The three gun nutter butter bloodsuckers are Frank a redhead (Kelly Chapman), a Blonde named Lear (Jane Stuart Wallace) and Tad, a longhair dude (Robert James O'Neil). (Erok here, it was very hard to recall which female was which and the actors never appeared in anything else, so excuse my laziness).

 

To my shock, I found this director has a knack for comedy, some of it on the bad taste Troma level or a foreign Street Trash which I guess would be Body Melt! 

 

Man do they love their 2nd Amendment rights in Austria or maybe vampires just really enjoy massacring police with endless rounds of hot lead! You think they’d drink all the yummy Dunkin’ syrupy blood in their veins? But ok we get it, shoot to kill already! 


There’s a racist dude who talks shit about Italians. Seems uncalled for.

 

Some of this movie has a rock video vibe to it like those AmRep ones. Dope Guns and Fucking up your VCR—something like that.

 

Murray Hill?


The random pilgrims running around town staking people kind of wear out their welcome pretty fast but they are necessary to destroy vampires.They have a pincushion mascot who looks like an Aussie Gwar character. 

 

I'm in Sleazy P Martini's Posse


I think more people should be aware of this film. It's raw, clunky and yet brutally endearing.

I get the feeling that people in bands would trade this tape back in the bootleg

days. Think of Bloodlust (92) as an exclusive club for weirdos with a taste for a Skinny Puppy adjacent vampire movie.


Hey Quit Jackin Off!


let the torture commence


Wednesday, May 15, 2024

Cthlulu Mansion


 Cthlulu Mansion Directed By Juan Piquer Simon (1990)

 

From the auteur behind two exploitive gross-out classics, Pieces and Slugs-the movie! This one has that bizarre ESL type dialogue where people sound “Murican”. This just makes an already ridiculous movie even more enjoyable. Simon has some duds in his career (entertaining ones nonetheless like Pod People aka Extraterrestrial Visitors).

 

I recognized  actor Frank Finlay from Lifeforce (1985), he plays a magician who incinerates his wife accidentally using Love-craftian magic. 

 

Doug Henning was my star pupil!


A middle-aged gang led by Hawk (Brad Fisher) sell coke in a haunted house ride. It’s an impressively ghoulish location, sort of like a run-down version of the London Dungeon.

 

Chandou the magician and his daughter Lisa (Marcia Layton) get abducted by the gang but they all finally end up at his mansion. Oh, and he seems to have a closed eye on the palm of his hand or some mutation that will pay off later.

 

that's just my skin condition, "DON'T MENTION IT AGAIN"!

Candy (Kaethe Cherney) a frizzy haired punkette says “I love Tuna” after biting into a sandwich.

Later on, she says “I bet you wipe your ass with 20$ bills”! Now there’s some choice JP Simon dialogue right there!

 

The punks throw darts at a painting of the magician's daughter, terrorize Chando’s mansion and generally create havok.


Lenora, the magician’s wife possesses Candy and warns her husband that “Evil is Now Congregating” since he opened the portal!

 

I haven't seen one bloody tentacle, so let's call this Chandor's mansion



These giant Ed Roth style monster hands pop out of the fridge and drag in Candy. She was my favorite character but sadly she’s now in refrigerator heaven.

 

all the ratfinks and weird-oh model kits live in this fridge.

A detective who kind of resembles Billy Ocean gets killed then a bag of coke drifts over to the fireplace and bursts into flames.

 

One character gets in the shower and then drowns in blood. Hawk is later haunted by the ghosts of the victims.

 

Eva suffers the same fate as Bobby Joe from Evil Dead 2. Tree vines cover her body and dissolve her. I enjoyed this one more each time I watched it and that was twice. JP Simon has some clunkers in his catalog but this is certainly NOT one of them. Well worth owning on blu ray.

I guess for me it's a tie between The Rift and Trumpy aka Pod People/Extra-terrestrial visitors for worst.


excuse me?



Monday, April 15, 2024

Chas Balun vs Film Threat




CHAS BALUN VS FILM THREAT
 
-Erok/Crankenstein

The first time I discovered Chas Balun was through Fangoria. I saw the hypnotic ad featuring the eyes of Christopher Lee from Dracula A.D. 1972 which boasted about “chunkblowers to rip your guts out”. I was thoroughly intrigued and requested a copy of the bootleg catalog, I even ordered the Deep Red delivers shirt and literally wore it until it dissolved off my torso. I was aware of Balun's writing in Fangoria and Gorezone and loved his anarchistic sense of humor and punk/ hippie way of writing. I’d heard all about these Film Threat shit posting letters aimed at one of my heroes Chas Balun. While digging around, I finally found them on archive.org. 

In the letters between Balun and Manfred Jellinski there is some vitriol and shots fired over contracts and illegal duping. We’re talking about VHS tape deck/ foreign laserdisc technology folks, I mean how archaic. But often that’s what TOG is all about so “Be Kind and Rewind” if you dare. 

Jellinski starts off by telling Balun to stop selling his illegal boots of Nekromantik 1 because Film Threat owns the rights. Next Balun offers free promotion for Buttgereit and Jellinski to spread the word about Nekromatik 2 (which was heavily showcased in DR Alert #1). I recall first seeing the grotesque sight of a nude girl, played by Monica M., fondling a realistically dismembered corpse in a bathtub. I myself didn’t become aware of Film Threat until I bought an issue that mentioned Parker Posey. 

Film Threat and Manfred's response.

The vicious letter ends with Chas basically unglued and irked beyond belief. He calls Film Threat, Chris Gore and his mutant twin “punk snitches” and “quasi-porn merchants”. It seems as though he felt caught and says some idiotic things like “I didn’t make all that much money from bootlegging your films”. I guess he should’ve known better but I still gotta side with the big guy. 




They were very unfair and mean spirited in David E. Williams article. Chas sadly comes off like a “caught child” as M. Jellinski puts it and both sides handled this situation poorly. But for Chris Gore/ Charlie Sheen to sic the U.S. Government on Chas when they knew full well that Guinea Pig (1985) was never an actual snuff film, it comes off as a nasty move. Hashtag Winning! 

To me both sides look childish. I always assumed that Jorg and the Deep Red crew were pals, considering Graham Rae (who briefly wrote for FT), took him along on their journey to see Ed Gein’s gravesite. (read here). 

Both parties are sadly from a bygone era of VHS tape traders and for some that dead format had a sudden resurgence in popularity. I myself collect VHS tapes but prefer the cleaned up version the film makers intended us to view. The technology boom to restore anything of cult media had no signs of stopping, just as long as there are rich nerds with deep pockets willing to re-purchase shit they already bought a month ago, with a handy dandy new slip cover! Whoopie-fucking-doo! 

Seriously though without Fangoria, Gorezone, Deep Red Magazine or Psychotronic Video, where would I turn to for sources of all the horror, cult films I treasure? Film Threat never taught me a thing and I noticed how they seem to despise any bootleggers. The underground would still thrive regardless of who they slandered. These hypocrites would publicly shame the victim, even though years before FT sold bootlegs. In the “hatchet-job” piece called “Busted” by David E. Williams, they mention going after a lowlife named Donald Farmer! Read Xerox Ferox to learn more about that zine writer and film maker. 

FT’s opinion goes so far as to say (and this was written in 1992), "Dario Argento. George Romero. Lucio Fulci. Balun viciously stabs them all in the back by pirating their legally available work and selling it for his personal profit". This is way off base and funnily enough somewhat true. I mean I received The Hypnotic Eye (1960) with commercials, it was taped off of some local station. And I could pretend and say “Oh yeah I can just order the KINO blu-ray for 10$ online instead”, YEAH RIGHT! It wasn’t that fucking easy! The only source you had in the 90s was turning to bootleggers and Yes, the quality was horrendous but if you wanted to see them uncut, Chas had your back. 

In 1992, the pristine uncut versions of these impossibly rare flicks didn’t exist yet and you had all the butchered versions of every Italian Horror available! Instead of Tenebre (1982) you suffered through Unsane (1982). 7 Doors of Death (1981) the truncated version of The Beyond (1981) was all that my local Blockbuster carried and when I saw the original version my jaw dropped (read my review here). As for Romero goes, Deep Red sold the extra-long euro-cut of Dawn of the Dead (1978). 

You can dream that America already had every impossibly rare cult movie at our collective disposal back in the day, ones currently are all getting a 4K restoration (whether it needs one or not)! But I was there and it was a struggle for ghoulish film lunatics because we needed our fix. CB was the main reason for my education in rare underground cult trash films and through the chapters of the Deep Red Horror Handbook, I discovered the works of Buddy G, Jim Van Bebber, Roger Watkins and other influential indie film makers. Balun shared and meagerly profited from his collection of laser discs and duped foreign horrors for those who dabbled in the grey market. Does anyone think Film Threat and the team behind Nekromantik's bullying helped matters? I don't and it made both sides look desperate.  

I also find it fascinating that companies like Grindhouse Releasing, Blue Underground, Severin and VS have all restored the picks Chas celebrated in his books and zines. I submit for your "Rod Serling" type approval that it was Balun who ignited to flame and inspired others to secure the rights for proper release. Not only that, he included some films that are still unreleased in his catalog (or ones that have yet to come out like Run and Kill (1993). This man was light years ahead of his time. I’m glad these legit companies were able to decimate the bootleggers and now the licensed, upgraded versions are available but for decades, a 2nd generation dub of The Beyond (1981), LHODES (1972) or Porno Holocaust (1981) was all that existed in the 90s. This is mainly attributed to censorship in the USA, these VHS dupes were pretty much my only source as a suburban kid trapped in Florida with typically generic Blockbusters or Hollywood Video to rent from. OK, my two sources were 16000 and Video Waves (which carried all the Film Threat shit). 

Lately insane HK movies I only knew existed because of the Deep Red Catalog are getting 4K restorations like Burning Paradise(1994), Blue Jeans Monster (1991) and Ebola Syndrome (1996). These are some fucked up movies that I was only aware of their existence through CB, which inspired me to review them. And YES---like Film Threat accused him of selling out the film makers to get stoned on weed and maybe Orange Sunshine, he committed this petty crime. After this incident, Chas stopped selling boots of Buttgereit’s work. I currently own the Film Threat clamshell VHS and Cult Epics owns the rights now. 

Chas wrote so passionately about Nekromantik in the DR Horror Handbook that it made me want to rent the tape. I did buy a bootleg of Bad Taste (1987) and Meet The Feebles (1989) in high school. Do I feel responsible for causing Peter Jackson to struggle before he made LOTR? Ha fuck no! I mean you could make the argument that the internet devoured all forms of pay media, rendering it all free. Unlike the mean article about Chas printed in Film Threat, at least I didn’t read about how paunchy, childish and backstabbing Chris Gore is. Why go there? And who’s really the childish one here? I’ve never been a fan of FT’s condescending tone and thirst to be accepted by the mainstream Hollywood masses. They are not fondly remembered by me at least and these excerpts come off in my mind as “Punching down”. 

In one picture (the one featured at the start), FT brags about harassing Balun on his turf, the Fango Weekend of Horrors! Nice going choads, bothering a legend who’s trying to mellow out! Chas remains a triumphant educator in my film history knowledge and FT, a cringy reminder that not all zines have something important to say.

Wednesday, April 10, 2024

Wicked City (1992)




Wicked City. Directed by Peter Mak Tai-Kit (1992). 

This is the live action version of the anime from the 87. It starts off at warp speed and just gets more into Yokai Monster territory as it blurrrrs along in a frenetic pace. A boxer’s BBQ’d corpse shows up. The death is attributed to happiness a new street drug. No, it’s not original “Stummys” the drug from KITH: Brain Candy that makes you happy because like Bruce’s character yells on stage “Fuck Happy”! 
The main character gets a hunch there may be monsters (or REPTOIDS) and we’re off into “Monster land”. It’s a mix of The Hidden (1987) and a heavy dose of film noir severed up psychedelic style. 



The two monster hunting agents are played by Jackie Cheung Hok-Yau (Ken) and Leon Lai Ming (Taki). Cheung was also in two insanely great HK flicks worth seeking out, Bullet in the Head and Haunted Cop Shop 2 (which we reviewed here).

Shock the Macaque monkey


The bros battle giant tentacles that claw their way through flesh. One monster looked like vagina face from Breeders (1984, T. Kincaid). Some of the style and lighting reminds me of The Hunger (1983), very MTV influenced. There’s an unhinged kitchen fight with one of the shapeshifters. A character busts out with neon blue lightning squiggling everywhere even on his eyebrows. It ramps up even further a half hour in as spouts of blue blood pours out of neck stumps. One handsome fellow whom I thought was gonna be the breakout star ends up losing his arms, head and then vomits. Ok so a few mins later he’s back! And just before he was rolling around a power plant in the gentle rain with Gaye, a sexy monster lady who’s involved with one of the Special Monster Squad dudes (the HK one not the Fred Dekker one)! 
you have a date with death


Reptoids are a snobby upscaled Alien race Nakadai Tatsuya plays their leader. One female character who wears the same metal bikini as Princess Lea gets into an epic battle that extends to the parking garage. The power plant is where they get their real jollies off at. Two naked characters party hard and shed limbs like Reptoids totally should and do in their natural habitat! I dunno either, just go with it, this movie assumes you’ve already read the comics and can figure out what’s going on. It somehow doesn’t hinder your enjoyment, which is rad! 

There’s so much action, pretty much non-stop. Oh Yeah, there’s a bizarre scene where a guy fucks a pinball machine. The VHS tape of this one came through the record store that I currently work at and it remains unsold. 

the pinball machine FUCKS!


If you love frenetically paced HK hi-jinx with mucho butt kicking and an all-around monster mash, seek this shit out. The anime is easily available to find on blu/dvd but this live action one is not. I watched it on one of the free Tubi style streamers and it's on archive.org in Eng. dubbed form.

Monday, April 8, 2024

Blood Sisters



Blood Sisters (1987). Directed by Roberta Findlay

Ello Kiddies, It’s EROK/CRANKENSTEIN (in the most atrociously Crypt Keeper-esque as I can muster) I’m back at it again. I hit the pause button and just didn’t feel like writing that much plus the movies just kept piling up and it was overwhelming to say the least. Currently, I found a job at a record store and have access to all the kinds of flicks that I used to order from the DR catalog back in the day. I mean for fuck's sake The Seventh Curse is on blu-ray and available for any child to watch on Tubi! The future for underground cult media has us all collectively spoiled. And thankfully all these companies are upgrading and making the second-hand merch mine for the sole enjoyment and less desirable to the one who upgraded to 4K or Blu. Y'all can upgrade into oblivion, I'll take the scraps and leftover blu/DVD/VHS trimmings.

This film in question was on a straight up DVD with Joe Bob Briggs commentary. Why would I rent this movie by notoriously inept porn director Roberta Findlay? Um mainly because Joe Bob does the intro and was on the box cover. He only gave it 3 stars and boasted that it’s no Tenement! Read the review for that aforementioned flick here http://www.theaterofguts.com/2015/08/tenement.html 

Joshua John Miller in drag?

Walter Sear who scored both 7 Doors of Death (The Beyond) and Dr. Butcher (the snuff Maximus cut phones in the drab jazzy music heard here). One bugged-eyed gal in giant glasses represents the stereotypical “New Yawk” Jewish girl. She says things like L’ CHAIM and Meshuggeneh. 

nothing to see here (look away we're having toilet sex)

There’s some gratuitous nudity as various frat sisters get their swerve on. One character named Larry says “Eat my shorts Tampon breath”. The frat house which was a former brothel is haunted by sex workers. The sisters in question are all blindfolded in the car on their way to the aforementioned house. They are in for a big surprise. When the girls hear about the vengeful spirits they still snicker about it! 

Kill two dummies with one bullet!

Lurkers (1988). a movie we reviewed a few years ago was Findlay’s previous film before this one. Next came Prime Evil (also 1988), which I’ve never been able to force my way through. This movie has enough gratuitous nudity to keep most males (or those sexually) interested but it kind of bobs along in a Scooby Doo haunted house kind of way.




 I recently listened to a fascinating interview on the Rialto Report  podcast. The host gets as close to Mrs. Roberta Findlay as anyone could, her story is pretty disturbing and you really delve into the depravity of her childhood and you can almost relate to why she was attracted to such filth and scuzziness. It’s worth a listen, I am a devout follower of that show and their website is also informative for anyone interested in adult entertainment from the 70s and 80s. Blood sisters is not the weakest from her catalog but it’s not that memorable and that’s the worst sin it commits-boredom!

Saturday, August 19, 2023

The Legendary Stardust Brothers

 


Legend of the Stardust brothers (星くず兄弟の伝説, Hoshikuzu kyôdai no densetsu) When my best pal Goat Scrote, who is a Mosquito the Rapist merit badge winning champ and I saw this film together, we knew this was a major crowd pleaser. In case you forgot, read Goat’s review of the dreaded aforementioned film click this link

Then my birthday rolled around and I knew Stardust Bros was thee movie others had to fuggin see to believe. Yes, it’s that good. If you are a fan of musicals or even if you aren't, fear not this movie covers all bases and will win you over. There’s even a snappy peppy number with the bloated corpse of Hitler. Yowie Zowie! 

My advice is to gather your more adventurous film nerd pals and get baked or drunk and crank this shit up! It starts off in B&W, next the brothers dance in unison and boast that 2 yrs ago they hit rock bottom. They are super flashy and their song is insanely infectious. Their names are Shingo (Shingo Kubota) and Kan (Kan Takagi).

Kan is the androgynous one

There’s lots of Japanese Punkers and chipper girls, zombies and animated parts. The main singer of London Boots wears a Degrassi (1987-89) Joey Jeremiah style hat. He breaks into a fake Wham! sounding earnest number. This is Shingo, future brother of Kan's former band. 

    Zit Remedy? More like Shit Remedy!

I like the business deal location area which looks like an abandoned high school. Two thug punks guard the studio with chains and bats. Kan and Shingo meet Turtle, a petite little cutie who’s tougher than she looks. She is played by Kyoko Togawa.

There's got to be a morning after....

This movie is part Wizard of Oz and Eastern Phantom of the Paradise but that’s not even scratching the surface. There are lots of songs, better than VH1 type rock band montages most tunes are fun as hell but later on the drama hits hard. The three band members meet a slick mutton chopped label head who’s look reminded me of Jim Jones (who was a big Elvis fan too). He goes into a new wave ditty that’s like Valley Girl and the makeover scene in WOZ

don't worry Japanese Kool-Aid is safe.


There’s also the obvious nod to A Hard Day’s Night. The band explodes in popularity as the executive with glasses and mutton chops sings the plot points. The Bros sing about how shitty it is to be famous with a sheer brilliant take on MTV style crash and burn out. 


STARDUST-MANIA

They all sing and dance on various sets and finally down a long staircase. There’s a moody Goth number that mentions credit cards being maxed out and cheating. There’s an insane song that ignites after Shingo’s temporary white girlfriend lights up his cig. 

LSB has zombies, stop motion creatures, mummies, it packs so much entertainment value in. A haunted nurse with a giant syringe causes the Dust bros to fly through another highly entertaining acid trip through time space and animation. Drop the orange sunshine already! Like Dr. Pretorius says to Crawford in From Beyond let the pineal gland party "Let it happen".

No I won't sign Robert Englund autographs

This aforementioned scene is a short clip you could use to whet someone’s appetite that may be on the fence about Asian films of this ilk. This film is very unique and should be in the Destroy All Movies book for its punk ascetic. The ska number with a Morricone adjacent organ solo is just bonkers in the best way.

I beat Liquid Television's dead ass!

One night the female character goes on stage instead of the Dust bros. Her song is one of my favorites. It has 2 keytars and is catchy AF. Marimo the former little turtle has surpassed the Stardust bros in fame and worst of all she is being chased by a goth rocker. He sings about how tanned skin is already out of season. 

Arm LBGTQ plus now!

This movie demands for you to be under the influence so light up with whatever you got and enjoy the buzz. This was a recent find and I remember the Alamo Drafthouse in SF played it but I never heard of it or maybe just forgot. It’s astoundingly fun, the songs are great and it was all inspired by Winslow Leach of Phantom of the Paradise fame and most likely Paul Williams. Oh, and don’t miss the ending which marks a disturbing cameo by Hitler.
LSB IS ALL THAT AND A BAG OF WASABI SHRIMP CHIPS
You can watch it on TUBI! (Note Tubi is connected to Fox News which makes all us Liberals feel dirty while I doubt Conservatives care this much about cult films). At any rate that channel always has something from all the companies cult movie fanatics tend to buy. Severin, Alamo Drafthouse, AGFA, Blue Underground, Shout Factory and Contv. 

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