Monday, October 20, 2014

The Female Vampire

The Female Vampire (Erotikill, Bare breasted Countess, The Loves of Irina) Directed By Jess Franco (1973). 

Lina Romay (Franco's main lady and protagonist) sure knows how to accessorize--I mean that Dracula cape, boots and belt-- is a fashion statement that could really turn heads this Halloween! So yeah-- Jess Franco, one of my least favorite directors is back here on TOG! Why may you ask am I bothering to review The Female Vampire, because in the catalog under the title Erotikill (which I fondly remember seeing as a big box at my favorite video/convenient store in Florida). Chas promises "spunk sucking vampire perverts", which sound as repulsive as you'd imagine. What obligated me to watch it, was that it's available on Netflix instant and its high time I subject myself to more Jess Franco torture (even thought I suffer from Franco-phobia)!

Aubrey Plaza in This Ain't Parks and Rec XXX.

   You can't ask for a better opening (pun intended) than a furry vampire lady crotch thrust into the camera--am I right? As inviting as those luscious lips may appear, whatever you do, don't let her suck your dick, because she will gnaw it off and you will instantly die!
   Erotikill, as it is called in the catalog or The Female Vampire is the tale of Irina, a bloodsucking lesbian mute connected to The Karnstein legacy. Carmilla by Sherdan Le Fanu is very influential on some of the most gore soaked and sexually explicit Hammer Films and Blood Spattered Bride (which I've previously reviewed). It's kind of silly how they spell it Karlstein with an "L", maybe they didn't get permission or something. Franco and Rollin basically owe their entire careers to that filthy little lesbian vampire novella and always draw from the same well. 

OK we're here for the audition Mr. Abrams

   Lina Romay has one fuzzy bikini line and doesn't wear pants for most of the film--excited? If I were a twelve year old discovering this on late night Skin-A-Max, I would be beside myself. I just imagine Franco peddled this movie to different lurid producers by pulling them aside and offering his wife's cooch as part of the deal and by the end of this flick, you may never want to see it again!

BURP....Why did I eat 40 hotpockets before this scene?

   Jess shows up in one of his famous cameo roles as an Inspector, for some reason his disheveled pudginess reminds me of a beatnik Paul Williams. He mentions how Countess Karlstein blew the chickenplucker and murdered him in that bizarre fashion.
Lina's fuzzy pussy is shown off so much, it should have gotten a separate acting credit! 

   Inspector Franco ventures to Maderia where a blind fellow who looks like a collegiate version of Lemmy from Motorhead helps him solve the mystery of the pantless crotch biter.
There's scene toward the end where he grabs a hairy handfull of squawk and solves the mystery right then and there. For a vampire flick, this is a drip dry bloodless affair. Even though there's barely a plotline, its oddly fascinating in its shear stupidity.

Get me my agent (says the vagina)!

   The Countess has a crush on her journalist friend Anna and begins to haunt her. Anna's body has pock marks and weird veiny nipples-its pretty gross! In fact the sex scene they both participate in is hideous (seminal fluid dribbles from Lina's mouth)!

   Sometimes the jazzy music sounds like Vincent Guaraldi- the Charlie Brown guy.
A John Holmes looking fellow played by Jack Taylor (Pieces, Conan The Barbarian), periodically shows up through out the film want to know the secrets of being a vampire. 
He gets that fatal crotch bite soon enough. 

   An abrupt scene with butch sadomasochists happens that doesn't really add much to the film (unless you like to see ugly women have gross sex). I've read that there exists a hardcore porn insert version, which I'd imagine projectile vomiting as soon as I popped the cassette into the VCR!
Pay no attention to those fart bubbles

   It all ends with the Countess taking a Bathory type red bath while bobbing her merkin up and down as the camera gynecologically zooms in and out. This movie is completely idiotic, very trashy, has no redeeming qualities and yet it still kind of works. I have no idea, why I enjoyed the film, its really dumb but I know Franco-philes will love it. It's reprehensible unabashed garbage! Watch it now before Netflix figures out they are carrying erotica. Fandor is aware of what they carry and is behind this kind of content, they are the cult film Netflix.


Saturday, October 18, 2014

The Devil's Nightmare

 The Devil's Nightmare Directed By Jean Brismee, Starring Erika Blanc (1971).
During the month of Sept 2012 when I started this blog, I had just finished watching this  very special Gothic Italian horror film. My wife inspired me by saying "Hey you're watching everything on YouTube already why not review them and do something more creative".  That's when I got the idea to track down every film related to the Chas Balun catalog or Deep Red magazine and the rest is history. So this review has been in the works for some time now and even though it's more of a Mad Ron's Prevues From Hell pick (that legendary tape was purchased by way of Chas too). I am 98% certain it was featured in D.R. one way or another so it counts. 
I'm watching the Redemption version, which is the best quality one available and there are some muddy lookin copies out there. It has this awful Goth lesbian Elvira type segment before the film that is very cringe worthy, so lean on that fast forward button if you get this copy. 


   It starts off in Nazi Germany with some bomb footage as two elderly Nazis, await the birth of a child. Once he realizes the baby is a girl, he heartlessly stabs it with a huge knife (they show this in full detail and not off screen) and it's utterly repulsive! 

Very shocking even by today's standards

   Then it kicks off with a fuzz drenched psychedelic number by Alessandro Alessandroni that sounds like it would fit on a garage compilation like "30 seconds before the calico wall".
Years later the same Nazi who they
now call the Baron (Jean Servais) lives in a creepy castle. I think this act of supreme cruelty has brought a curse on the house; this film is very Catholic and superstitious. A bunch of frowny faced tourists and one disgusting man with chicken pieces hanging out of his mouth encounter Satan, who in this is a spindly fellow in a field played by Daniel Emilfork. He looks like a cross breeding of Margaret Hamilton and Jack Skellington (just in time for Halloween). Emilfork is someone I fondly remember as Krank from City of Lost Children. A woman journalist is the first victim found with the mark of the devil burned on her arm and all the killings that follow are based on the 7 deadly sins.
The movie is very Bava-esque and has vibrant colors and gothic imagery, but is a lot more religious then you'd expect.    

I'm Jack the fancy new pumpkin king

   Erika Blanc who plays Lisa the succubus was also in Kill Baby Kill. She is an incredible shape shifting actress, her facial contortions are terrifying and reminiscent of Spencer Tracy's minimal make-up performance as Jekyll and Hyde. The makeup is subtle, but effective as Lisa goes from beautiful to cryptic with grey features and intense menacing eyes. Blanc is very attractive and was featured in Italian Playboy in the 70's (lately a lot of actresses in films we've reviewed have been popping up on that list). 

Succubi have feelings too

   In the haunted castle the travelers encounter some spooky shit and all die in cool creative ways. The butler with one bulging eyeball was the other Nazi from the opening scene, he mentions some kind of lie about the child's mother stabbing herself. This total bullshit, since we know what happened in the beginning and the butler is covering up the hideous murder. The mark of the devil is found in the priest's room, it looks like a lobster claw, in fact that's what cracked me up about the trailer, which showed a big-ass cartoon crustacean pincher.

pick up your drawn butter and claw crackers in the theater

    It's all a set up for Lisa the succubus who lives among the castle and each visitor represents the seven deadly sins. They will soon be punished in this ultra catholic punishment fantasy.
It starts off with two busty lesbians fornicating, one cheats on her lover with a man and the other is killed by a giant snake. Another character played by Lucien Raimbourg who smokes a pipe, looks like a non midget version of Billy Barty. 
They all sit down to dinner and the Baron mentions to them how there's a succubus in their midst and that his family legacy is doomed by a pact with Satan, the Billy Barty guy scoffs and says "Ha I'm an atheist"! 

Did I Do That? (in Urkle voice)

    Satan shows up later to collect his payment in the finale.
 Erika Blanc looks great in a sexy black skimpy dress. She's obviously not to be trusted and is that aforementioned sex demon in human form. 
She quickly tries to seduce the Father Alvin Sorel (Jacques Monseau) who remarks that he's still in school and has not yet a full fledged man of the cloth. Is his will power strong enough to resist the temptations of this she-demon, you'll have to see to find out.
I should never have done Game of Thrones cosplay

   Everyone is afraid to go to sleep and they prop chairs against their door knobs for security. Then dead cat's blood starts dripping from the ceiling on one of the lesbians.
The Priest sees buxotic visions of Lisa the succubus who wants to devour his soul among other things. When he rejects her advances she starts feeding the sloth (the guy on the bus shoving chicken into his face) and he chokes to death.
Everybody's out to milk this castle for all its worth: financially, sexually and through gluttony. One greedy woman sinks into a pit of gold in the basement.
There's a cool medieval torture chamber in the basement that's put to some use. An iron maiden and guillotine are utilized. It all ends in a final showdown between her and the priest and a warning not to eat and drive. Classic Gothic horror worth checking out!


Bill Maher as Alice Cooper

I heard Iron Maiden was here, where's Nicko McBrain?

Don't forget to tip your butlers

Don't drive and eat

Thursday, October 16, 2014

The Trail

The Trail (Jui Gwai Chat Hung) Directed By Ronny Yu, Starring Kent Cheng (1983).

Here's a Golden Harvest epic directed by Ronny Yu that is not in the famed Deep Red Catalog, but it got such a high rating in the underground Hong Kong video trading circuit, that I paid Skunkape in grape hubba bubba (which is street level primo weed) to procure a copy for your benefit, we're just doing you readers a favor so don't forget to tip your dealer. 
   Yu is the now lame-o director who used to churn out magical shit like Bride with the White Hair, since then he took over the later Chucky sequels and Freddy Vs. Jason (try to scrub those out of your subconscious right now or you will get a preconceived opinion about his work)!
   I recommend viewing this slightly sober, because there's a rich tapestry of storyline that you may accidentally overlook. Ricky Hui and Kent "Fatty" Cheung (from Mr. Vampire and Run and Kill) show up at a village that shuts down very early for some odd reason. They play the Ennio Morricone score from John Carpenter's The Thing periodically throughout the film. 

Oh Shit, is that the Wicked Witch of the West with a flaming broom coming toward us?

   Meanwhile at a separate village, people are up late partying and singing songs. It's not all chow and fun as an evil Master played by Miao Tan forces a girl to strip naked as he drowns her boyfriend in a fish tank. 
   Captain (Kent) warns his buddy Ying (Lau) as they dine, not to eat too much because he might get hemorrhoids! They are both monks who get recruited to cure leprosy by a guy who resembles a monkey/catfish and the sadistic bastard who drowned his servant for perverted reasons. 

Blazing Saddles 2: A Fistful of Yen 

   They find a rag tag group of ner-do-wells and take a hike through a misty forest. One fat galoot in their crew named Bo (Cheng Fu-Hung) almost drowns in quicksand but gets rescued soon enough. There's "Indiana Jones" style boasting hijinks and comedic timing as they defeat some marauders in facepaint.  
We're both up for the role of Short Round

   Later on something sinister comes bubbling up from the swamp, it starts killing animals and people with lightning fast precision. After a few more slapstick scenes, the team figures out that a zombie (or Mummy) is responsible. Their methods to deal with it are strange to say the least, they are: yellow paper, a net and virgin urine! These weirdos make every boy in the village piss in a pot so they can use the pee to fight evil, lets see an American filmmaker take that bit of pedophilic weirdness to their Western Hong Kong remake! I actually would hate to see that happen!

Can you direct me toward the set of John Carpenter's The Fog?

   The creature hides in a spooky tower and they all wear garlic around their necks as they search. This is the first time I've seen garlic used to ward off a monster in any HK film, so it's slightly unusual. They don't even bring it to a fight in any of the hopping vampire films.
The syrupy looking dribbling beast quickly shows up and picks up a huge pig, draining it like a chili dog. It nearly kills Fatty, but he somersaults off the ledge and falls into a net on the ground.

  The next day, they return to the castle for more "Temple of Doom-ish/ Golden Child" type shenanigans. The monster is shown mostly by way of shadows, with only that pustule arm sticking up. 

Oh man I love those Chinatown knock-off light sabers

Fatty and his pals are totally fucked, that is until they find a helpful wizard with an eyepatch. This film has no sympathy for its dying characters and once they're gone, the other people have no reaction or use it as a slapstick device! 
   The evil Master who drowned that innocent man in the fish tank from the beginning, takes over as the villain during the last 10 minutes. It turns out he's somehow responsible for the zombie's trail of vengeance. Maybe that's why it's called the trail, who knows?

Can you please cover my anus/face with Tucks medicated pads?

  When they finally show the Mummy's face it looks like a gaggle of hemorrhoids with long hair, bleccchhhhhh. Make sure you stick around for a surprise Exorcist joke that's a really howler!
The Trail is a little shaky, inept but a lot of fun and very original, I think it's worth seeking out.


Yogurt the wise? No, Don't make a fuss, I'm just plain ole Chinese Yogurt!

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Invasion Of The Blood Farmers

"Invasion Of The Blood Farmers" (1972) 
Directed by Ed Adlum
Written by Ed Adlum
Starring: Norman Kelley, Tanna Hunter, Bruce Detrick
Review by "Machine Gun" Kristin 

This particular version of "Invasion Of The Blood Farmers" I watched I had a less than appealing opening featuring director Fred Olen Ray. It was more or less a montage of him pulling objects from various women's breasts, etc to the point of tedium. *Barf*. Sorry Fred. :(

Sorry guys, no hash browns in this house

"Invasion Of The Blood Farmers" opening sequence consisted of a blood colored cloud, that could easily be mistaken for an outtake from "Innerspace" (1989) if it was directed by Cash Flagg/Ray Dennis Steckler. This movie has the makings to be fodder for "Mystery Science Theater 3000" (if it already hasn't been) but also it's very likable on it's own. It's about a race of druids (or also called Sangroids here) looking for blood sacrifices to save their Queen. The voiceover (which is actually director, Ed Adlum) in the first scene talks about Stonehenge and a mistletoe being the kiss of death (?). Yeah, I didn't get it either. I apologize for getting too hammy around here, but I can't help but think of Spinal Tap with all this talk of Stonehenge and Druids. That's probably showing my lack of historical knowledge where I can only make pop culture related references. haha. (That's all the references we know around here, .Crank the ed.)

"coming to a blood clot near you!" 

According to IMDB, most of the cast members worked on this film in exchange for beer. haha. "Farmers" while very low budget, has decent pacing and a homegrown kinda sweetness to it. It's a rough film with klunky but charming acting performances. The first character we see is named Jim Carrey which unfortunately purports the uncontrollable urge to crack jokes at the film. "hey, I know two things they have in common; one's dead and the other's career is dead". *zing!* Sorry Jim. Later, we even have a character named Egon, so let the "Ghostbusters" references commence!

"More booze!"

As I mentioned earier, Ed Adlum directed this, but actually got his start playing guitar on some fantastic records in 1961 as part of The Castle Kings. He also wrote for Cashbox and Creem magazine a few years later. Make sure add "You Can Get Him Frankenstein" by Castle Kings to your Halloween music playlist.

He also makes a cameo in "Farmers" as newly wed, Milton who decides to shower before having sex with his now wife. He'll probably regret that!

"there's a TV here! I told you this was a first class motel!" 

Our main characters are engaged couple Don and Jenny. Her dad is a scientist studying Jim Carrey's blood (which resembles 123 Jello) after he's found dead. Jenny's voice reminded me so much of Donna Dasher/Mary Vivian Pierce from "Female Trouble". I thought she'd ask for an "extremely large glass of ice water" at any second. hehe.

"damn these stubborn blood stains!"  

The Sangroids are disguised as farmers who stick out like a sore thumb in their overall and straw hat combo, yeee-haw. They're hunting for blood around a small New York town, killing many and using tubing to drain blood viciously from their victims. A particularly grim scene is when they kill and drain the blood from Jenny's big fluffy dog Buster. Then later, they proceed to hang the poor thing outside her house, fleeing after a vigorous door bell ringing.

"c'mon, I just wanna give ya a hug!"

The motivation of all this seemingly senseless killing and draining of one's blood, is to save the Queen of the Sangroids. The wildly effeminate lord of them (who's the spitting image of the maƮtre d in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off"), hangs by her side while she lays in a clear casket.

"this'll be a HOOT!"

There's a lot of blood and gore in this movie, which has surprisingly garnered a PG rating. I'm not sure if that's a modern rating because I thought that it was GP in the early 1970s. It may have made the cut off because it was in 1972 when GP changed to PG. As usual, violence is okay, but sex is apparently way more offensive.

"I'll have a Bloody Mary" *zoinks!*

"this poster paint is refreshing" 

With "Farmers", you of course have your usual continuity problems, such as sudden night and day changes in the lighting and a ridiculous amount of phone calls made during the film. Even so despite it's many flaws, I liked the movie. It reminded me a little bit of a tamer H.G. Lewis' "2,000 Maniacs", which I haven't seen in awhile. "It's a bicentennial celebration, YEE-HAW!".

And now, I present, the greatest phone call ever filmed!


There's gotta be a fly buzzing around the room or something. 


Watch "Invasion Of The Blood Farmers"

Check out my cult movie, etc button shop 


Friday, October 10, 2014

Bits & Pieces

Bits & Pieces Directed by Leland Thomas, Starring S.E. Zygmont (1985).

The credit music sounds like fake DEVO, probably because they couldn't afford "Bits and Pieces" by the Dave Clark Five.
After sitting it through a marathon of slasher flicks, I imagine the 13 year old me eagerly awaiting the next blood drenched skin flick and then popping this dime store oddity in and immediately shutting it off. It opens with a bare-assed male strip scene as the camera leans in uncomfortably close to those hairy ham hocks. That would definitely scare me off and be like a bucket of ice water on my libido, after wanting to see more co-ed shower scenes and axe hacking maniacs. In this slasher movie, we get a killer with an Oedipus complex that according to Chas Balun "tries hard to be the U.S. equivalent to J.P. Simon's Pieces". I think it's trying to be Maniac for the LGBT community.

Let's get this paunchy belly party started!

   The star creepo is named Arthur (played by S.E. Zygmont, which sounds like a fake name). He immediately reminds me of Joe Spinell, since he talks to mannequins and is haunted by his mother. Tanya (Sheila Lussier), a teased up blonde get abducted by the bowl-hair cutted wacko who wears office attire and calls everyone "Mommy". He straps her to a table and grunts and groans like he's taking a shit as he cuts into her.

Are you even listening to me?

   Lussier ended up in some semi mainstream garbage like Glitch! and Beverly Hills 90210. No one else in this film however was ever seen or heard from again (sort of, more on that later).

   The shoestring budget is pretty apparent, but I've seen worse and it's rare for this style to be shot on film instead of the usual shitty-o.
   Bob Carter (Brian Burt), a seasoned lieutenant shows up to where the dead body was found cut up in a dumpster. Most of the actors are terrible and this film is oddly fascinating. 

What if Ron Swanson and Ron Burgundy mated?

   Tanya, the girl that was chopped up and stuffed into garbage bags has a friend named Rosie that Arthur decides to stalk and kill. The voice of his mother antagonizes him into following her in order to get rid of any witnesses. The lieutenant puts out a police sketch of the missing girl that looks like a bad drawing of Murphy Brown.


   I feel like the director Leland Thomas may have owned the male strip club that the movie is centered around and basically wrote a slasher movie around its location. Arthur the maniac uses the parking lot of the strip joint as a human hunting ground and finds plenty of victims. He resembles Vincent Gallo in a Shemp Howard wig. In a flashback they show his mother humiliating Arthur, after she finds him spying on her while she has sex. That kind of abuse reminds me of serial killer Henry Lee Lucas. They punish the child by making him wear a wig and put on lipstick. His mother is a total drunk skank and he eventually kills her.   

I wore those spectacles from The Jerk and now I'm cross eyed

   Tanya's friend Rosie is very stupid and keeps calling her friend for weeks on end to see if she's home. She doesn't figure out that her friend is dead until the police sketch shows up on the front page of the news.

   Every girl in this film has bouncy blonde mall rat hair for some reason. The soundtrack frequently plays this irritating magical wind chimes sound. Bob starts a relationship with Rosie (which is against protocol, he should probably be thrown off the case)! They have a little beach date montage scene accompanied by some terrible music. The killer murders another one of her friends as Bob and Rosie hump by the fire side (man she moves fast)!

Grain Alcohol wishes and Cheese Doodle dreams

   Arthur breaks in and kills Rosie's parents (I like how her father was in the middle of conducting music on his stereo, then gets knocked out)!
   Bits & Pieces wants to get so authentic with the police radio jargon that it sounds like the credit sequence from COPS played for 10 minutes, Breaker, Breaker--10-4 Good buddy. I mean why do we need that?

I'm the Mummy, I scare people

     You've seen Freddy, Jason, Michael Meyers and Leatherface . . . now get ready for Arthur! That tagline may have worked into duping impressionable 10 years olds to rent this. This film is on that level of "can't believe how dumb this is" combined with "why is this so enthralling and stupid", so in that respect I enjoyed it.

    There's an unexpected ending that's pretty satisfying, so get really drunk and you'll be able to make it through. Leland Thomas it turns out is a film professor at Columbia College in Hollywood and made a cameo as the guy who calls Arthur an "Apple Ass". If I went to that school I would bug him all the time about this film. I'm thinking when they remade Maniac with Elijah Wood, they obtained the wrong film and remade Bits & Pieces instead, Bill Lustig you owe Leland a paycheck!


Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Fighting Back

Fighting Back (Death Vengeance, Street Wars, Philadelphia Security) Directed By Lewis Teague, Starring Tom Skerritt (1982).

It's been forever since we've reviewed a non-horror film, with lots of action and "horrific" elements. The last one I can think of was The Evil That Men Do. Tonight's film is underrated and I never would've discovered had it been for a random late night search on Netflix. Before it was available everywhere to stream, it was scarce even on VHS. It was also known as Death Vengeance, I mean there's a Bronson-esque dude as the enforcer and you've got a Chuck Norris vehicle called Forced Vengeance (the only Norris flick to include a rape scene). Needless to say this impressive knock off, was soon forgotten, but thankfully now people can check it out away from the stigma of just being another DW copy.
   Loud mouth wanna-be politician John D'Angello (Tom Skeritt) loses his mind after some street jerks snip off his mothers ring finger with garden shears in a robbery at his Italian deli in Philly.

I could've used a snub nose in that tunnel with a certain H.R. Giger beast

   This is a good ripoff of Death Wish and Skeritt is more jovial in his psychotic ness than Charles Bronson (who doesn't really act, so much as show up and do the job he was meant to do). I like Teague's directing style and Alligator, is one of my all time favorites, which really convinced me to see this. He also made Cat's Eye, Cujo and The Jewel of the Nyle which are all fun in their own right.

I'll just take that delicious grandma finger bone for my soup

   D'Angelo and his wife are pretty stupid--how stupid are they-- how about yelling at a pimp while he's slapping his bitch; the "bitch" tells them to fuck off and then they all get in a car chase! Now some people would say, that's not cool, a dude slapping around his lady product (or commodity), but sometimes you just don't get involved, even Frankie Dunlan from Combat Shock knew better not to chase the pimp. This car chase ends up causing Mrs. D'Angelo played by Patti Lupone (Corky's mom from Life Goes On) to have a miscarriage. It's all handled in a completely ridiculous way as they collide into each other on the front lawn and hop out, guns drawn at each other's noses.

Just kill me instead, I don't want to face the humiliation of buying my mom maxi pads

   The helplessness of crime and the corruption of the justice system is the same narrative used in Vigilante (which came out a year later). Fighting Back takes the JFK assassination and other shocking Mondo footage as an example of the disillusion of society against this new breed of ruthless criminal. The media, led by the guy who played Sledgehammer (David Rasche) is out searching for someone to make an example out of and John becomes the perfect fall guy. So you can't really say that the Bill Lustig film took any plot points, because it was a reflection of a fed up victimized society and both films were sending out the same message. Vigilante in my mind is an untouchable perfect film.

Holy Shit! Philly's own Noam Chomsky just breezed on in for a lecture!

This film is not as well known as others in the genre, it was written by David Zelag Goodman who also penned Straw Dogs and Logan's Run.   
   There's an abnormal amount of famous people for this vigilante flick. And unlike the Death Wish series, females aren't rape targets or stupid idiots like they are in all the Cannon produced classics. They really amp up the revenge fuel during a scene where the family dog is strung up and covered in blood! John's chicken shit cop brother is played by Michael Sarrazin (They Shoot Horses Don't They)?

Man, that dog in Gremlins got off easy!

   The always riveting Yaphet Kotto shows up to tell Skeritt (who abruptly interrupts his dance class) that he's a racist. He gets into another scrape with the same black pimp who insults him by saying he can't control his woman or his bowels! He's not actually racist and never chokes back any prejudice expletives like Bronson in Kinjite yelling at Chinese people to go back to their own country! He has one black friend played by standout actor Jim Moody from Bad Boys (1983). 
Ted Ross who played the lion from The Wiz, has one of those strange long mustaches that looks like a bristly caterpillar, accuses him of racial profiling but he has no evidence. It's almost as if they'd taken out all the rape scenes in most other vigilante films and replaced it with this bit of social commentary on racism.

We only wanted you to teach us how to Jazzercise!

   Things get bizarre for the D'Angelo family as one of his middle school age kids shoots up heroin and is caught nodding out at the dinner table, he bought it from a guy that runs a fast food joint called Capt. Chicken!!

I hope they never figure out our 11th secret herb and spice which is meth

   There are many explosive scenes with D'Angelo snapping and quickly getting enraged. He's a complete idiot and with his street team of brainless thugs do more harm then good, kind of like a more inept Guardian Angels. They basically start a minor race war between Italians and the African American Pimps. During one jaw dropping moment he has a vicious brawl with the chicken franchise manager who peddles heroin. A fight ensues and the boss defends himself with a small medieval axe!

I like some Jazz and a cheap basketwine while I'm chasing the dragon

There's a very special brief cameo by the mayor of Tromaville and the heavyset no guff takin' necrophile from Street Trash; the always like able Pat Ryan. The community activism starts to get out of control, on the danger level of Death Wish territory (we don't get a neighborhood armed with bazookas, yet but it's on the way)! Actually the clownish patrol car full of idiots in hats and sunglasses reminds me of the one in Repo Man. 

Oh no, someone snuck in Tenafly Viper, stupid poetic justice.

   This pimp from the beginning played by Pete Richardson (who has hardly any resume on IMDB for some reason) just won't let John D'Angelo skid by without him causing animosity. He gets burnt alive in a Cadillac fire set by John. The news media finally rewards D'Angelo for all this senseless violence and during his inauguration as councilman, they play the most overtly offensive "Goomba tunes", like the pizza pie song. It all abruptly ends as if they ran out of script or wanted to save some for the sequel that never came along. I think this film demands to be seen more than once, at first it registers as a weird TV movie drama, but then later the social commentary seeps into your subconscious, see it more then once to get the full effect.

Don't you hate those Right wing gypsy cabs?

I'm the cowardly lion with more razzamatazz

I hate drumming for the Tangerine Puppets 

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