Thursday, October 31, 2013


Pieces (Mil gritos tiene la noche or 1000 cries is the night) Directed By JP Simon starring Christopher George (1982).
Last year I reviewed something totally off the cuff and Halloween unrelated (but no less horrific and terrifying). That film was Alan Clarke's SCUM, a visceral unnerving portrayal of English borstals. This year after the onslaught of Asian flicks that have been invading the blog, I decided to take one day of rest and bring them back later, right now its time for some pieta stuffed with entrails and book learning or Juan Piquer Simon's classic Pieces!
   When I first saw this movie as a youngster I didn't get it and turned it off. All I knew about it was that Paul "Bluto" Smith (who kinda looks like my dad) was chopping up co-eds with a chainsaw at a college. This was during the heyday of 80's snuff scare, Reagan religious hysteria and it was covered in enough controversy which made me want to not revisit it for a long time or maybe I just wasn't ready.
    Then a bunch of shit happened, I went to community college and after the Grindhouse Releasing ultimate version came out, I thought I'd give it another shot, since it was in a less fuzzy condition than the video tape I had seen. That's when I fell in love and now treasure it as one of my favorite slasher flicks! There's two different audio tracks that have separate music (I like the Spanish version soundtrack better than the CAM library score) but the badly dubbed version is essential!
    At no point should there be logic applied to anything in this film, that would unravel it like a pathetic naked mummy. 
   In Boston 1942 a young boy's prude mother freaks out when she finds him putting together a naked girl puzzle. The same thing happened to me when my mother saw an ad for The Gore Gore Girls in Fangoria that showed nipples, accept I didn't hack her to bits (or "pieces") like this rambunctious pint sized maniac did! 
   Years later I went to CCSF, which resembles the campus in this film, there's a pool, a tennis court and lunatics in charge of the asylum.
   Now in present day 1982, a cute skater girl gets decapitated in broad daylight on the lawn by a gardener with a chainsaw.  
Yawn, I wish I had some hotdogs to cook on my desk
   Exploitation vet Christopher George (The Exterminator, Enter The Ninja) and his real wife Lynda Day George show up to investigate. They always work together as a package actor deal I'm assuming. Paul L. Smith is seen polishing a huge chainsaw and case closed, he seems to be the only murder suspect, but OH SHIT! after he's taken away, gruesome murders keep happening. The killer is shown in a silhouette of a hat and cloak that reminded me of those 80's "neighborhood watch" signs.
Have you seen this man? call Mcgruff the crime dog
   In the world of Pieces, five minutes will go by before a naked girl shows full bush and than is dismembered in the ghastliest way possible. All the students are overly exaggerated and Simon is clearly poking fun at the genre (which was still in its infancy in 1982). The students say random things like "there's nothing better than smoking pot and fucking on a water bed". Kendell (Ian Sera) a winter wonderland sweater sportin moppet and his nerdy pal Goggles (or sometimes Swartz) help solve the case. The teachers are totally inept and the shrimpy Dean played by Edmund Purdom seems the one least likely to handle a chainsaw and lug around garbage bags full of mangled body parts, but just wait!
I'm holding this for a friend I swear!
Kendell works with Mary (Lynda George), who goes undercover as a tennis instructor, for what reason I have no idea! She does run into a fake Bruce Lee impersonator and almost gets pummeled to death! Mission accomplished!
I suspect it was Colonel Mustard in the conservatory 
   If you like busty girls in leotards who get naked and than immediately die in the most hideous way, this is the movie for you!! There's an over the top waterbed murder that boils down to the entire slasher genre in one scene, a misogynistic orgy of cathartic violence and catholic repression. Lucio Fulci accused Friday The 13th of that crime before anyone and he was right. Simon however mentions in the DVD interviews, that he was more influenced by Mario Bava. In the early 80's the film was accused of hard edged misogyny and people wrote "sexist pigs" on the poster in lipstick, Simon mentions this in the DVD extras interview. Pieces is impossible to take seriously because the splatter is thick with irony!    
Dusty old bones full of green dust

   So after each murder the killer assembles another piece in his rusty old jigsaw puzzle that he had as a child. When they finally reveal the killer, I was flabbergasted! I mean there's no way he could hack and dismember with such force, using those frail boney hands and fingers (don't worry I'm not spoiling it this time, for those who haven't seen the big reveal). Lynda Day George howling in an awkward fashion BASTARD! is made for a goofy Youtube moment! I also love how after everything is wrapped up and solved, a dick grabbing Franken-corpse pops out of the closet and turns Kendell from man to female!  
The director J.P. Simon in the Grindhouse interview extras mentions that after SuperSonic Man (which just recieved a Rifftrax treatment), he hooked up with producer Steve Minasian and they exploited King Frat together in the Spanish market! 
Available to stream on Huluplus and Buy the DVD, which is packed with tons of vital extras
Remember, You Don't Have to Go to Texas, but you can't stay here (or whatever that tagline was)! 

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Shojo Tsubaki (Midori, The Camellia Girl)

Shojo Tsubaki (Midori, The Camellia Girl) Directed By Hiroshi Harada
In the DR catalog there are a few anime titles, aside from Akira and Urotsukidoji, I was extremely bored by the whole genre and never watched any of the ones featured. Later on I found out many of the titles in the catalog were based on Manga's like Star Of David, RapeMan, and Story Of Ricky. I'm a complete novice to the world of cutesy cartoons with bulging "Margaret Keene" inspired eyeballs, ripping off Blade Runner (or Anime as a whole), but I like graphic violence, so lets dive into this sushi role of nails and broken glass!
   I became aware of this film through clips on various tumblr's (the always reliable Illcon tumblr ramped up my interest enough to seek this hideously ugly cartoon out). It's originally based on a Japanese 20's era paper drama (or Kamishibai) and its director Hiroshi Harada spent 5 years painstakingly animating the film in isolation like a demented Charles Shultz!
too many Midori sours
   Midori (no not the "Herbert West" colored girly drink mixer), the Japanese one, doesn't fuck around, it swirls around your psyche and dunks you headfirst into a cruel world where rats infest the corpse of your mother and you have to fend for yourself on desolate roads, finding shelter among a Japanese version of Todd Brownings Freaks (I even spotted a nod to Prince Randian, the human worm)!
   Midori's parents are killed and after thinking she's applying for a job as a flower selling girl, she immediately gets tricked and raped by circus freaks (or fairground people). The story has Disney connotations, only with smashed puppies and horny circus freaks.   

Everybody do the body dysmorphia shimmy
    Anything Midori cares for is crushed or stolen from her, it's a gut wrenchingly bleak existence. A sadistic hermaphrodite smushes a few innocent puppies and than uses the meat for a stew. There are so many revolting and yet fascinating images that make someone like me, who has no interest in Anime feel like they should give it another chance. 
   In the second act, she starts to adjust to her new life and falls for a dwarf magician. Things seem better and her confidence slowly returns, mainly because her new husband has shape shifting powers and the cruel freaks stop bullying her. Things soon go from tolerable to miserable again, because the dwarf encases his wife in a giant glass bottle and turns the audience at one of his shows into a hurricane of bursting entrails and human deformities!
   For a minute all seems on the verge of looking up, than it all comes crashing down into ultimate darkness again. The is one of the most hateful, nihilistic cartoons I've ever seen, filled with dazzling and revolting imagery that's supremely existential. Brace yourself for the unpleasantness and for christ sakes avoid internet memes showing all the juicy bits before you see the whole shebang! 
Not recommended for the severely depressed, because it may push you over the cliff!
somebody call cartoon PETA

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

The Imp

The Imp (Xiong Bang) Directed Dennis Yu Starring Kent Cheung (1981).
Dennis Yu is a recent criminally overlooked director that I've discovered by way of the Deep Red catalog, which has countless rare Asian horror titles. He followed up The Beasts with this one, chock full of things found in the Mr. Sparkle Simpsons commercial like wind,ghosts and evil babies waiting to be reborn.

   It starts off in an interview, where the character mentions he used to sell bras (that Seinfeld episode instantly came to mind). Mr. Cheung (Charlie Chin) a sad sack down on his luck goes home to his pregnant wife up a long staircase. He seems like a caring husband, not the typical maniacs seen in most Asian horror films. When he shows up for another interview, it turned out that a disgruntled lunatic chopped up the boss and they carried him away to the morgue. All of a sudden a job as a night watchman just falls into his lap and he's in uniform at the mall getting trained, What Luck! 
   In the control room he meets Fatty, a character played by who else, but the fat dude from Run & Kill, Mr. Kent Cheng with a 70's looking porn stache.
   The main character gets a call that his wife is having their baby, but gets trapped in a sinister elevator that fills up with water. It descends to a level of hell with green smoke and a shrieking mutant! A security guard named Big Hulk (Ching Wong) proudly boasts that he killed a poor dog and its now in a giant bowl of soup that they all share! He accidentally swallows a bone and chokes!
How do I feel? What do you think?
The lighting and shot composition are miles above some of the inferior Asian video dupes, I've seen lately. The music has this frenetic quality and does a nice job of creating tension. It's a welcome change of pace from the usual stolen soundtracks from big budget Hollywood. Fatty tried to drive Cheung's wife to the hospital but his dog turns vicious and fears the child (possibly an homage to The Omen)?
Yeah, I'm trying to score
All of his co-workers are in danger from an unseen baby sounding creature on a rampage! 
What I can only describe as a business warlock steps in to offer help, he's an odd ball who calls frogs in jars "ghost suppressors" and his beliefs seem to be rooted in the Chinese calendar and Yin and Yang.
They call me Biz-Lock for short
   Late at night he attempts to battle the creepy green fog, wearing a sacred medallion that protects him from almost getting his ribs caved in. The green smoke can do some horrific damage and later burns up a car and turns Cheung's co-workers into blood thirsty zombies. The "business warlock" tells the security guard to place religious amulets around the hotel to ward off the evil. You never know what you're going to get with these Eastern religious motifs, its a mixed bag and always fascinating to me.  
Why is this bullshit happening to me?
Ah Cheung's wife starts turning into a guts eater and keeps intestines in the fridge. The Imp visits the main character in a hellish land of water, chains and blood, it swears to take over and become reincarnated as his child! The ending is very ambiguous,we see the evidence, but how do we really know if the protagonist was insane and dreamt up all of the madness in a haze of stress! The Imp plays tricks on your mind and leads you through a manic ride ending in a brilliant climax just as compelling as The Omen.  
   This seems kind of random, but Fatty wears two separate shirts that form the sentence "Am I A Girl, No I am a man! and it's never mentioned or referenced at all, watch out for this zany moment! 
What is the deal with that shirt?



Sunday, October 27, 2013

Wake In Fright

Wake In Fright (Outback) Directed By Ted Kotcheff Starring Donald Pleasence (1971).
The most disturbing thing about Wake In Fright to me, besides the brutal and genuine slaughter of majestic innocent kangaroos is how it makes you hate beer with a bitter intensity. Beer in this film equals pain and misery. The social fabric of enjoying a pint and having a relaxing time is replaced by an angry choking down of the yellow liquid and the contempt for anyone not joining in with the ritual. Either you drink or there's gonna be a fight! All of the men in Wake In Fright get drunk in the early morning, load their guns, drink continuously through out the day, as if the bottle is superglued to their gaping spittle traps. Everyone around them must drink and conform to the constant stupor or they are treated like a leper. If you want to eat or drink water, you get a fishy eye or an empty threat. They consume the delicious poison because there is nothing else to do in this barren wasteland, than to soak up enough brain trauma to escape reality, like all text book alcoholics. The horror is born in the collapse of "fun drinking". That's the ugliness that really got under my skin, the aggressive hospitality. The simple act of refusing to take a drink is seen as defiance.  
Have another Beer mate!
    The story slightly resembles Straw Dogs, only instead of British civilians seen as raving maniacs out to rape and lynch any outsiders, it makes Australians look like dangerously unhinged social misanthropes. John Grant (Gary Bond), a school teacher leaves for a miserable Christmas vacation in a desolate mining town filled with gamblers, crooked authority and suicide cases. John meets Jock Crawford (Chips Rafferty) who unintentionally hooks him into the seductive world of gambling with the heads or tails game (where's the rock,paper,scissors table)?
   He loses all of his money and meets Donald Pleasence (in one of his greatest roles ever)! Pleasence has acted in so much garbage that its nice to see him in this effective role.    
Tim Hynes (Al Thomas) and his daughter take him in, everything that would usually seem safe, in a "normal" circumstance, is another step that leads to certain doom! All of Tim's pals are hard drinking thugs and the party gathering gave me that same tense feeling of forced fun that Blue Velvet's soiree with Frank Booth and Dean Stockwell holding a mechanics light and lip synching to "In Dreams" by Roy Orbison did.   
A bald bearded clown they call the sandman
   I hardly had any sympathy for John, because he goes along for this destructive journey and even seems to enjoy it. The scenes of real kangaroos getting slaughtered is something out of a Jacopetti/Prosperi production and are viciously gruesome. I wonder if John has a case of stockholm syndrome as he tries to fit in with these no class goons and kills an innocent baby kangaroo by their commands. At any rate, it was impossible for me to empathize with him. At the end of the film, they imply that these scenes were meant to show these creatures are endangered by bringing in "real" hunters to kill them. This seems completely stupid to me and is an excuse to use real animal violence to pump in more shock value into the film. It does its job though and is absolutely revolting! During the filming the camera crew were exhausted and many vomited at the site of real death.
The lonesome death of Kangaroo Jack
   Drafthouse Films should really be commended for restoring this lost Oz-ploitation film because its a masterpiece! It's great that Netflix finally started streaming their catalog, maybe Shout Factory will join in, unless they have plans to start their own streaming service like Warner Archives (I am not on board for each individual company having its own instant service, its too expensive)! The director Ted Kotcheff went on to some odd  film choices like Weekend At Bernies, North Dallas Forty and aside from First Blood, never made anything as gripping or excessively violent. It's available now on instant Netflix and also on Fandor.
More Beer just up ahead!

Water?? Cough, Choke!!

Thursday, October 24, 2013

The Haunted Cop Shop 2

The Haunted Cop Shop 2 (Meng Gui Tang) Directed by Jeffrey Lau. Starring Ricky Hui (1988).
Every Asian Cult Film encyclopedia tried to warn me never to watch Haunted Cop Shop 1, so I have no idea if its an Empire Strikes Back or Raped By an Angel 3 deal, where it's not safe to go in blindly without knowing the back stories of each elaborate character's pasts,presents or futures. I am taking a gamble with this one, because I would hate to get burned by a wacky supernatural comedy dud.
   HCS2 doesn't start, so much as burst forth like a juggernaut of Chinese vampires and headless ghosts. The two main characters are haunted by tax collectors, who have a secret business meeting with police and vampires around a table where blood is served for refreshments (What? no donuts)? 
time to call the Yellow Bun Busters!
   Ricky Hui and Jacky Cheung play the two government lunkheads sent on a special mission to destroy the monsters infecting the city (think a Chinese rip off of Spies Like Us with more action and gore)!
   Wong Kar Wai the famed indie darling director of Chunk King Express and Happy Together wrote this and the original HCS
   A sexy vampire Madam shows up in a dank hallway with blood oozing from her mouth. Man-chill (Hui) almost gets bitten, but every time he touches her boobs or humps her, she giggles in a loud orgasmic way and it prevents her from biting! My dog does the same thing to subdue vicious female dogs!
   Kam-Mark Kay (Cheung) flies through a hallway on skate board mops, chasing vampires. There are some jokes that flew over my head or get lost in the translation, but its never dull!
A jarheaded cop attempts to start a Ghostbusting team so he can get a promotion and then more got lost in the translation. (I found myself scratching my head alot, possibly the DVD release will clear up the confusion).
Nerdy Dracula wants a soda

   Cop Shop 2 is extremely slapstick and very wacky with the police office banter, it goes out of its way for cheap laughs beyond the scenes of ghost hunting and vampire slaying. The film switches gears for awhile and basically goes into a Hong Kong Police Academy only with severed heads stuck in basketballs!
   Man-chill accidentally gets bitten once on the neck and begins to turn into a werewolf! Two vampires show up (one has Gene Simmons KISS make-up and the other in a cheap Dracula get up)! This film is sort of a murky unofficial sequel to Mr. Vampire that's way more outlandish. Some of the same actors are in it and its even includes a small parody of hopping vampires, when a character says "no, just walk normal".
   Some randomness that occurs: a girl washed her hair in a bloody tub with a vampire girl underwater, a homophobic guy thinks staking someone will erase the gayness and these Ghost Busters (no Venkman or Egon in sight) act like animals to make a chicken lay eggs. 
   A character named Romeo keeps claiming to have menopause gets smacked in the face repeatedly by Bad-Luck, its not funny and looked painful.
Smirky dismal

   They harness all their spirit within, to battle an attractive female vampire and turn into Wuxia style Chinese men and women in drag!
   The bumbling Ghost Busters with names like Bad-Luck,Little Bald, Romeo and Little Witch insult each and lumber around in the dark, while Man-chill periodically tries to bite them with his one fang. 
I saw a chinese werewolf drinking a Pina Colada at Trader Vics....
They come up with the same technique to destroy the blood suckers as Gremlins 2 and Slugs: The Movie, only this time it's with a combined stream of everyones urine and electricity! This film is out of its gourd and even with all the random moments and insanity, its a total blast! Eventually when TOG puts together enough money by selling t-shirts and donating blood (collectively from each contributor of course, we shall form a rare Asian film DVD company to rival Mondo Macabro, its leading up to that with all the Asian brilliance only available on shoddy formats)!

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

The Northville Cemetery Massacre

Northville Cemetery Massacre Directed By William Dear Starring Carson Jackson (1976).
This is one of the last ditch efforts in the Biker-sploitation genre that manages to bring the grit and grime missing from most Peter Fonda/Bruce Dern pseudo-angst ridden psychedelic Roger Corman outings. And best of all, the bikers are the innocent ones wrapped in a small town authoritarian conspiracy.
   According to K. Randall Ball's book Terry The Tramp: Times of a One Percenter, The Scorpions motto was "Family plus Job plus club equals brotherhood". I guess that could mean they had a tough work ethic or Brotherhood could be code for Aryan, who actually knows! These were bikers that liked to cause havoc, but kept the criminal element in check, otherwise why would they agree to play themselves in a film, other then to showcase how bad ass their motorcycle club was. They sort of reminded me of the breed of bikers that raised Rocky Dennis, not the ones that stomped out guts and caused race riots at Altamont.
Can't lose with the stuff we use!

   Northville comes off like a no budget, more realistic version of "Sons of Anarchy". Chris (played by David Hyry), an inbred looking bleach blonde, red faced doper Nam vet, hitches a ride with The Spirits (played by the real detroit gang The Scorpions). Cops fuck with these Denim greasers every chance they get, but they're able to stay one step ahead of the law, because they have all kinds of friends in low places. The film quality has the charm of Manos The Hands Of Fate crossbred with the bikers and rednecks from Dawn Of The Dead.
Nixon, there's never gonna be a worse president right?

   Mike Nesmith of The Monkees fame does the catchy soundtrack and sings goofy songs about "a friend with weed in a friend indeed" and the Semi-Truck Man! The Monkees would never touch that kind of edgy material!
   What makes NVCM so enjoyable is its documentary quality, heavily loaded squibs and decent acting. William Dear and Thomas Dyke do an excellent job of showcasing the bikers and they come off very natural. Everything goes from peaceful to ugly after two cops pull out a shotgun and rape Chris' girlfriend.  
   Although The Spirits do have a secret weapon to battle the pigs, a mad scientist with a secluded bunker out in the suburbs who supplies them with their arsenal. He does a hammy Patton impression championing the 2nd Amendment and looks like contract serial killer Richard Kuklinski. 
Their hideout is a must see moment, giant swastikas are everywhere among the tepid beer and Miracle Whip sandwiches! Chris was dubbed by Nick Nolte and the leader of the Spirits looks like Sam The Sham.
I still can't get that damn wagon together
The cops, parents and the media seem to all single out these "Nazi loving" peaceful hippies.
   My favorite part is when Mr. Armstrong (Len Speck) the ecologist says he enjoys hunting these biker losers not for sport but out of "necessity to thin the herd".  
   Putnam (Craig Collicott), the cop that raped Chris' girlfriend shoots Lemon, one of the bikers at point blank range for no reason, just because he has a seething rage for anyone in denim with long hair. Later on there's the guaranteed massacre at Lemon's funeral with cops in helicopters. 

Die Hippie Scumbag

Diarrhea guaranteed!
R.I.P. How did he know beforehand?



Monday, October 21, 2013

The Witch With The Flying Head

The Witch With The Flying Head Directed By Ren-chieh Chang. Starring the flying witch as herself. (1982).
Cigarette burns, surface scratches and record needle fuzz, litter the picture and soundtrack for this seriously rare Chinese horror film. Skunkape found this in a bombed out dumpster and painstakingly resurrected it for mp4 viewing (my life would be so incomplete without that fucking ape)! Most versions available are missing subtitles (come on Mondo Macabro! release this one already, its featured in the Pete Tombs book for crying out loud)! The storyline is hard to decipher (one version I watched had no subs and the other subs that went out of focus)!! I know one thing though, there is no witch, just a decapitated vampire that shoots out laser beams and fire! 
    At a Buddhist temple, prayers are frantically recited, but nothing can stop an evil prince from sending his magical snake to crawl through her vagina and straight up her organs, transforming Yu Chen into a snaggle toothed Krasue (or this time a Penanggalan, these Eastern monsters have so many names that its hard to get them straight)!      
   This floating severed head attached to dribbling guts from Asian folklore is vastly different than the ones depicted in Ghost Of Guts Eater or Mystics In Bali, but they're all distant cousins. There's no hunger that drives the creature to kill, it just bites anyone in sight.
An homage to Deep Red
   The princess possessed by an unholy snake flies around biting villagers lost in the woods. The effects are a lot better than the chromakeyed "Clutch Cargo" head superimposed over backdrop footage. You see the witch head float around with latex bladders and guts pulsating, then it actually snaps back onto it's neck with a loud pop!
Don't bother me, I'm taking a nap
   There's some ganked Basil Poledouris music from Conan The Barbarian played during the credits and soon after music from Death Wish 2. The princess is in debt to the snakeman because he caused this vampire curse. In order to fix the problem, they visit a Monastery doctor who helps her purge up snakes that are slithering in her organs (we are treated to an inside view). 
   Two chubby monks with backwards swastikas on their chests battle the flying witch and the snakeman (who may be Satan in human form). I swear I heard Hanna Barbara cartoon sound effects as the monks fight. 
   Yu Chen the Krasue flips around, bites chunks out of the priests neck and vomits up flames! But when she's in human form, she regrets everything and is suicidal. Late at night, when she's able to kill potential rapists, her demonic powers come in handy! 
   In the Deep Red Catalog they sold this one without subtitles (you don't really need them to figure out what's going on). It's basically a spectacle of different monks battling a floating severed head that breaks out crazy weapons like mini disco balls and multicolored lasers. The second act would possibly make sense, if for one thing, I could read the subs or they did a little re-writing (because not many reviews can explain what's really going on) I was lost! I still enjoyed the film and the effects are top shelf quality!
Heil Hitler!
   A Taoist priest places a Bagua Octagon on the door of their temple to protect them from evil outside, which does temporarily stop her head from popping off. The recent characters (who don't really fit into the first half of the story) are searching for Mr. Tang, an escaped character with a snake symbol on his forehead who thinks he's safe with Yu Chen. They actually fall in love and have a child (the snakes must have dodged the womb)! As far as I can tell, he's connected to the snake man from the beginning and there's a feud between kingdoms, because more snake people show up seeking vengeance. Witch makes it seem that snakes are mortal enemies against floating severed heads.
Take that SnakeWoman!
   It's annoying how the subs go under the frame or the video line slices them in half (get a head-cleaner)! I couldn't read one word toward the end as they play the nazi face melting music from Raiders of the lost ark. I demand an explanation and a proper release for this oddity.      
This blog does a good job of figuring out what's going on, if you're still confused like I was!
It's available without subtitles on Youtube (for a limited time).
Rock and Roll is dead, long live Disco!

Mouth Saber

Saturday, October 19, 2013

The Beasts

The Beasts (Or Flesh And Bloody Terror, Shan Kou) Directed By Dennis Yu (1980).
Beasts has been compared to everything from Deliverance, The Hill Have Eyes, Last House On The Left to I Spit On Your Grave and that's a fairly accurate description. Like a perverted Voltron, all parts combine to form one powerful force of rape and extreme violence. And like House By The Lake, which had Canadian drooling hillbillies, this is another particularly rare breed, I was delighted to find out about-- Chinese rednecks! "The Disco Boys" are the sadistic backwoods psychos out for blood and forced entry. 

   They look like an Asian garage punk band like Teengenerate or Guitar Wolf!! One long haired character has snaggled teeth like Joey Ramone and another a Brillo pad fro that reminded me of David Hess. Then there's Mo (Kent Cheng of Run and Kill fame), a bald, fat mongoloid with a pet monkey that he lugs around like a stuffed toy!
   Right from the start there's some cheap senseless violence committed towards real animals, like a boar (which is roasted on a spit), a chicken, snake and a rat that gets chomped on by a Bear trap.
only the stuffed animals were unharmed

   Some teens venture out into the woods to have a picnic and like most typical slasher films, the locals don't like their kind and the kids immediately find secluded areas to fuck in.  
   Three of "The Boys" get pissed when the group of teens won't share their food, so they decide to rape Ling, the most innocent girl in the group played by Ching Yee Chong
She is the "Mari Collingwood" figure in this film and after her vicious gang rape, she becomes so distraught at one point, that she brushes her teeth in the toilet at the mental hospital!
   After finding her body sunk in the water, the kids try to battle the disco boys, but they break out Viet Cong style torture pits that are too savage for these amateurs. 
That's when Ling's father, who's totally roided out, turns into Gaylord St. James plus Rambo and decides to murder the Disco punks in tiny shorts! He goes to all sorts of elaborate lengths to hunt each and every one of these creeps down and violently wipes them off the map! Toward the end he does leave Mo alive and whimpering, without his monkey to console him.
A Monkey's love knows no bounds
   This and Dangerous Encounters Of The First Kind are slightly related, because they both make the youth seem unhinged and on the verge of destruction. They both use real animal violence to shock and make it seem that all authority is too stupid or powerless to stop the natural progression of angry hostile youth. I only had one issue with this film and that was the subtitles, which are very confusing in a sloppily translated way. This should be re-released with accurate subtitles, they seem too literal and have no slang to them. Talented director Dennis Yu also made The Imp with Kent Cheng and later on The Evil Cat with Jing Wong in 87. So if you are looking for wild untamed Chinese hillbillies ravaging a group of dopey teens, definitely check this rare oddity out! 
Something's different about Krug

Hey Ho Let's Kill

Rejected by the Gong Show, the unknown comic was forced to move to Hong Kong

This new sonic toilet brush works like a charm

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Lady Exterminator

Lady Exterminator (Barang Terlarang) Directed By Maman Firmansyah Starring H.I.M. Damsyik  (1987)
Eva Arnaz, the cover model looks like a Rambo clone with a bazooka, not a feminine Robert Ginty like you'd expect. In The Deep Red catalog this was under the title I Want To Get Even and for a rape/revenge Indonesian exploitation film, it has a shocking amount of conservative Christian values to preach!
   The commentator blurts out VIOLENT ASSASSIN!--- This is the first time I've ever had someone read the credits! It grabs you by the throat and shoves you into a heroin den with drooling junkies as the voice over recites the cast members (they seem exceptionally proud of this group of unknowns, who very well could be real junkies).
We ran out of drugs, can we borrow some
   Go For Broke, Commando WildCat or Lady Exterminator doesn't give us a minute to settle in for some character development or subtle nuances.This is another nonstop action Thai pro-female revenge flick (like its cousin Lady Terminator), and has a ton of alternate titles, its dubbed to sound Westernized. A bald drug lord named Cobra hangs out in a disco (he looks perpetually stoned), he's also an arms dealer with a band of chipper teenage assassins and a prostitution ring. 
   The Lady Exterminator or Irma endures a sweaty rape simulation from her husband Rudi. He seems to be a ticking time bomb of testosterone and furious male rage. There's a shrill disco song that sounds like an over-amped Ultravox instrumental that abruptly cuts to a backseat with a girl being shot up with morphine. The soundtrack at times also sounds like an 80's new wave coke fueled nightmare.
   Girls start panting and moaning but the most they do is roll over in their bras or while the humping begins, the action moves out of frame. During a sex scene with Cobra, one of his cronies seductively sucks her thumb while holding a machine gun!
   Censorship laws in Indonesia are like Amish country (I wonder what their action rip offs would looks like). Irma gets shot up and gang raped (with her clothes on)! In Virgins from Hell (another Thai action flick) there were many opportunities for gratuitous sex, but censorship laws are very strict! There is a lot of swearing and violence but hardly any nudity, which makes it kind of surreal. 
   Her husband drives Irma to a clinic and forces her to have an abortion, but she does a somersault, while the car is still moving. The Lady Exterminator keeps screaming that her baby is innocent and goes into a pro life/conservative Christian rant (normally I wouldn't agree with her), but Rudy is such a fucktard that its hard not too.
Here's a coat hanger let me abort it
Rudy is a real piece of shit who's hobbies include beating on pregnant girls, abusing prostitutes and raping. He hooks up with a gang of half shirt enforcers that includes an Asian Super Mario. 
Have you seen any bricks that spit out coins?
Cobra disappears and Rudy replaces him as the main villain, after he rapes Irma's friend in the woods, he grunts "Scream, implore, it makes me think of my wife's voice"! It doesn't end well for him after the gang connected to the sexual assault finds out. 
   The pacing of Lady Exterminator at times is like a warped melodrama, interjected by random kung fu fights and disco. Irma busts out of nowhere in a miniskirt with a bandana and incinerates bikers with her bazooka, while another guy shoots a machine gun that spits out cartoon fire. It actually ends with a Bible verse!! It's totally wacky, like a zero budget version of Virgins From Hell or Lady Terminator. This one is very hard to find, the first time I heard of it was through Shocking Videos (a sadly now closed mail order video service that was a good source for rare cult stuff). As far as I know this title is only available on VHS. 
Highly Recommended!
Barbecued biker

eat cartoon led

I'm so baked

Not Appearing in The Expendables 3
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