Tuesday, October 30, 2018

The Entity

The Entity Directed by Sidney J. Fury, Starring Barbara Hershey (1982).

This movie from 82 has aged well in the era of the #metoo movement. Think about it, a ghost or demon with the power to sexually assault a female, get away with it and because there’s no traces of anyone, it makes the victim look bat shit crazy! It’s terrifying! I’m obsessed with this allegedly true tale so much that I even bought the novel by Frank De Felita and was captivated by it. It's based on Doris Bither case, which happened in Culver City, Ca, which apparently was never solved. Barbara Hershey delivers one of her most incredible acting performances as protagonist Carla Moran, De Felita's pseudonym for Doris. I even found the book at a thrift store and was thoroughly entranced by the source material.

 Carla (Hershey) is not only repeatedly raped by the spectre, while in the bath or in front of her frightened boyfriend played by Alex Rocco, but in front of her kids as well. This movie is ghastly, eerie and fucked up! The sense of dread and fear never lets up, at least for me. From the perspective of the outside, Hershey’s character seems like a wacko and all of these disturbing events could only exist in her mind at first, but the audience witnesses all these frightening attacks as well and we believe the victim. Later on, the entity reveals itself to others around her, but the most frightening aspect of this film is that no one can stop this nightmare. Right now I see it as an allegory of Republicans destroying every facet of normalcy, it continues on with no signs of stopping and it’s sickening. If this were released in theaters now, I’m convinced that the patriarchy, in the age of Trump would side with the sexual predator ghost as the real victim!

if that's what's going on in 2018, leave me in the 80's.

Carla is on edge and helpless to defend herself from an invisible sexual demonic force. I get this unnerving reaction, the Charles Bernstein score really ramps up the tension. In Poltergeist, you buy the laughable premise that a haunted house is dominating a family’s suburban safe haven and its commitment to their ultimate destruction resonates so much so, that it works. You must buy the premise of both films to work.

the vile Orange vagina reminds me of something presidential.

Carla gets bruises all over her body from the vicious sexual attacks. Stan Winston created the indented breasts that rise and appear as if they’re being squeezed against her will. Ron Silver who plays the doctor doesn’t really believe her and chalks it up to hysteria. He does prescribe her anxiety meds and tells her to take a bath, but how can she feel safe, when that’s exactly where the last encounter occurred.

Gawwwd I just shit my britches!

When the demon visits her, there’s a chugging nightmarish guitar chord or banging on piano keys, it’s unnerving. Carla mentions in one scene that she hooked up with a motorcycle riding juvenile delinquent who was abusive in order to get away from the clutches of her religious father, this ex-boyfriend is possibly the demon that’s haunting her now. The most terrifying scene occurs when her family is right next to her and the ghost zaps her son and breaks his wrist. David Labiosa who played the son, later on had a substantial acting role as the busboy who lost his job in that one Seinfeld episode. One of her daughters is played by Amy Ryan, the girl who has the demonic pig ghost imaginary playmate from the Amityville Horror.

Jambi the Genie from Peewee's Playhouse cameo.

None of the white men, smoking cigars who psycho analyze her believe Carla Moran and they think she’s just an orgasm junkie. Yeah that's right, just like that Buzzcocks song!
Ron Silver’s character equates Carla’s insanity to Medieval creatures driven by the fear of sex instilled through her ridged father’s extreme religious values. It’s all so Freudian and the concept of powerful women seen as conjuring up demons goes seems in league with witch burning films at least to me.

Another aspect that this one shares with the aforementioned Tobe Hooper ghostie is the concept of paranormalists (or ghostbusters) horning in and solving problems or in this case making them far worse. They really exploit her and sadly this movie portrays the main character as the perpetual victim. This group of ghost hunters seem very desperate to find a real case of a haunting. I see this as exploiting the wave of psychic phenomenon that was rampant in the 70s. My fav. scene is where they attempt to lure the ghost into a web of nitroglycerin trap with Carla as the bait, so they can freeze it!

the Intelevision version of the Entity had really cool graphics.

This film really strikes a chord with me, it’s freaky, scary and mind blowing. More people should see it and it should be re-released with extras. Sadly, there's only a barebones DVD and it's not available to stream anywhere.

Tuesday, October 9, 2018


Splatter Farm Directed by The Polonia Bros, (1987).

There are some shitty-os (shitty movies shot on video) that have come down the pike that defy rationality and description, but Splatter Farm is a special case. We’ve seen many unquestionable turds float to the top of the bowl like 555, Killing Spree or even Burning Moon, but this one is horrendous and puts them all to shame. When Skunkape is too busy, which he understandably has been lately, I must call on my other best pal Sharky, who is the lunatic that sent me this flick. We also watched it together over the phone and be forewarned, this one requires being smashed, fried and totally baked to endure the tortures of the damned. So, act accordingly when viewing this highly toxic event.

this is totally fine but weed is still illegal in the South.

SF apparently has an audience because it was re-released on DVD with quotes from Joe Bob Briggs and Frank Henenelotter praising its merit. But I'm pretty sure there are horror fans out there that will buy fucking anything because one of my most hated movies Lucker The Necrophagus has a special edition DVD! Skunkape is that movies only fan.

Can I have your autograph Mr. Odenkirk?

Splat begins with a pervy hayseed named Jeremy, who bashes the bejeezus out of a raw meat filled dummy. Next, the Polonia Brothers, who look like typical 80’s AV Club dweebs drive around for a little while. I imagine they took the video tape of this very movie on their way to the high school auditorium to show it as their summer school thesis. You might think The Black Devil Doll is the most atrociously, inept shot on video opus, but I’m almost embarrassed to say, this one was definitely edited using 2 VCRS! The music is slightly better than the casio tone for the hopelessly deranged aka the keytard stylinz of Chester Turner. I guess you could call Splatter Farm, the White Devil Doll!

Woah! Wrong tape again!

There’s tracking issues, a giant PLAY that flashes over the edits and I was kind of disturbed at what these kids were up to. I wonder what film makers possessed these knuckleheads to enact such fictional depravity and involve their Grandma/ Aunt to join in on the sexual deviance. I'm guessing it was Pasolini and Fulci. I kept wondering if it was going to hit, amateur porn levels of sickness and it sort of does. There’s fisting, coprophagia, pee drinking, a dude shits out a knife and wiggles his belly button in extreme close-up. It’s all simulated though, which still isn’t comforting. I don't recommend watching it alone, because you will most likely give up and watch reruns of WKRP in Cincinatti.
Thanks again to Hollywood High's #1 fan for sending me this. 

What we got here is a failure to communicate, the famous line from Splatter Farm.

Tuesday, September 4, 2018

Beyond The Door

Beyond The Door (Who Are You?, Chi Sei?, Devil With Her), Directed By Ovidio G. Assonitus (1974).

I’ve attempted to watch this Ovid Assonitus schlock fest repeatedly ever since I’ve seen the trailer on Mad Ron’s Prevues. But I always scratch my head, take a migraine pill and lie down. I never got what people saw in this movie that is until now.

According to Roger Ebert, who like always was confused and a little disturbed that the T.V. ads drew in the audiences who probably had their patented Howard K. Scott upchuck cups handy for the ensuing barf-a-rama.
I was pretty stoked to even see where they filmed certain scenes in San Francisco, having lived there previously for 10 years.  There’s gratuitous Golden Gate footage of course, Alcatraz (where I worked for a time) and also Safeway.

It begins in the same candle lit dimension as the Police video for “Wrapped around your finger”. A dark void with an altar that has a naked female who morphs into a Manson looking dude who still has a pretty sweet rack.
I got moobs

Satan’s voice tries to clear up some plot development but I was totally confused. The details involve Richard Johnson as Dimitri, who you may remember as “The Boat can leave now” guy from Zombi 2. Johnson returns from hell after dying in a car wreck to deliver what he promised to Satan. Or something, I mean the guy that wrote the fucking Visitor is responsible for this shit, I’m sure he gulped an entire bag of shrooms while chasing it down with an iced cappuccino!

The Media VHS version sucks compared to the Code Red one, just skip it, you’ll thank me later.
They don’t even play the extremely funky and catchy soundtrack by Franco Micalizzi and the big bubbling band! I’d like to say that I have fond memories of finding the Chi Sei? Score on vinyl at somewhere cool like Amoeba or Kim’s Video in its heyday, but no I just downloaded the score in the early aughts on a blog that used megaupload, pretty lame!

Kim Dotcom you suck!

Gabriele Lavia, the actor who plays the husband, looks like Dean Stockwell’s stunt double. He’s appeared in some Dario Argento films. That’s a good coincidence because the mom, played by Juliette Mills looks like Kirsten Dunst. Oh yeah and their son who practically carried the sequel on his tiny shoulders drinks from a Campbell soup can with a straw. None of this is in the Media VHS version by the way.

just packing my MAGA lunchbox.

 Ovidio really knows how to rip off the source material, I mean he’s made an entire career out of it. He produced Piranha 2, Tentacles (2 flicks that plagurize the Jaws franchise) and likes to claim he spawned James Cameron’s career (excuse the Spawning pun)! Then there’s The Visitor, which makes even less sense in unedited form that’s available on Shudder, (I’m glad I didn’t watch that for my review a few years ago).

In Beyond The Door, there’s no Ouiji board fooling around or incantations that bring on demonic possession or explanation as to why the mom gets all pustule and levitates but if you’re looking for coherence in an Ovidio helmed movie you need help!
Also not only is Jessica inhabited by evil spirits and swiveling her head around Linda Blair style but she’s pregnant—bonus!


There’s some gratuitous pea soup in cans in various places around her two kids who are extremely obnoxious and dubbed. The way Jessica throws her vomit around and talks like Shirley Temple reminds me more of the Richard Pryor/ Laraine Newman Exorcist parody then the Friedkin original.

Blade Runner cosplay.

They must’ve gotten their porcelain dolls from the same road side dump in Tourist Trap because they come to life, start cackling and doing some scary ass telekinetic shit!
There’s one scene in the longer cut where these black dudes surround Juliet’s husband and one plays a flute with his nose!

street corner version of cross eyed mary played with a nostril.

Greg Goodsell mentioned how there’s a Pink Flamingos nod, so watch out for that. I’ve hated this film for years, so It’s kind of inspiring to see that the Code Red version (which is pretty cheap online) just randomly showed up on YT. It convinced me that even though this movie still is pretty bad and a shameless rip off, I still enjoyed it for its ridiculous audacity. I can only recommend it for people in the states where Rutles Indian tea is legal, if you know what I mean.  

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