Once upon a time there was a
serial killer named Jack Frost. Jack was caught by the morally upright sheriff of
Snowmanton county, and swore revenge. On the way to be executed, however, the
prison transfer van crashed into a tanker truck full of weird experimental chemicals,
which melted Jack's flesh off into the snow. As you would expect, this turned him
into an evil snowman.
Jack
really gets into the spirit
of the season, using sleds, Christmas ornaments, and holiday scarves as
weapons
on his killing spree. Victims fight back with ice picks and blow-dryers.
One
idiot fires a gun at him while he’s in the form of a puddle of water on
the
floor... man, it's hard to root for the good guys here. The villain
finally starts hitting his
stride about an hour in, cracking shitty one liners and playing a round
of “hide
the carrot” with one of the local teens when she tries to take a bath…
turns
out noses aren’t the only thing that snowmen use carrots for. In the
end, of
course, his weakness turns out to be antifreeze. Makes sense. Probably
should have tried that sooner, coulda saved some lives maybe.
This obviously should not be confused with the Michael Keaton family
movie which has the same title and the same basic “dead guy comes back as
snowman” premise. This one came first, and it’s bad, but it’s not THAT bad. Like
so many of the movies I watch, Jack Frost revels in its own crass stupidity.
The special effects are ridiculously cheesy. It’s not scary, it’s not very gory,
and I grinned a few times at some of the lines (“I’m the world’s most
pissed-off snow cone”) but there isn’t anything laugh-out-loud funny. I’m not
sure how this spawned a sequel -- set on
a tropical island, no less -- but it’s a funny world we live in. I love
Christmas horror but it’s okay to miss this one. Review By Goat Scrote!
So I was going to include a couple more Christmas Review tacked onto this one but I decided to save it for next time because there are hardly any good Christmas horror films, so watch this one if you are planning on getting wasted and making fun of it. I also remember the cool hologram VHS cover and I encourage those gimmicks that I'm sure will be coming back (Ed.)
WATCH HERE
So I was going to include a couple more Christmas Review tacked onto this one but I decided to save it for next time because there are hardly any good Christmas horror films, so watch this one if you are planning on getting wasted and making fun of it. I also remember the cool hologram VHS cover and I encourage those gimmicks that I'm sure will be coming back (Ed.)
WATCH HERE
This was a bad movie but I still found the whole rape scene with the carrot to be kind of disturbing. The girl in that scene was Shannon Elizabeth before she made American Pie
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