Monday, December 24, 2012

Jack Frost

Jack Frost Directed By Michael Cooney Starring Scott Macdonald. (1996)
                Once upon a time there was a serial killer named Jack Frost. Jack was caught by the morally upright sheriff of Snowmanton county, and swore revenge. On the way to be executed, however, the prison transfer van crashed into a tanker truck full of weird experimental chemicals, which melted Jack's flesh off into the snow. As you would expect, this turned him into an evil snowman.
                Jack really gets into the spirit of the season, using sleds, Christmas ornaments, and holiday scarves as weapons on his killing spree. Victims fight back with ice picks and blow-dryers. One idiot fires a gun at him while he’s in the form of a puddle of water on the floor... man, it's hard to root for the good guys here. The villain finally starts hitting his stride about an hour in, cracking shitty one liners and playing a round of “hide the carrot” with one of the local teens when she tries to take a bath… turns out noses aren’t the only thing that snowmen use carrots for. In the end, of course, his weakness turns out to be antifreeze. Makes sense. Probably should have tried that sooner, coulda saved some lives maybe.
This obviously should not be confused with the Michael Keaton family movie which has the same title and the same basic “dead guy comes back as snowman” premise. This one came first, and it’s bad, but it’s not THAT bad. Like so many of the movies I watch, Jack Frost revels in its own crass stupidity. The special effects are ridiculously cheesy. It’s not scary, it’s not very gory, and I grinned a few times at some of the lines (“I’m the world’s most pissed-off snow cone”) but there isn’t anything laugh-out-loud funny. I’m not sure how this spawned a sequel  -- set on a tropical island, no less -- but it’s a funny world we live in. I love Christmas horror but it’s okay to miss this one. Review By Goat Scrote!
So I was going to include a couple more Christmas Review tacked onto this one but I decided to save it for next time because there are hardly any good Christmas horror films, so watch this one if you are planning on getting wasted and making fun of it. I also remember the cool hologram VHS cover and I encourage those gimmicks that I'm sure will be coming back  (Ed.)


1 comment:

  1. This was a bad movie but I still found the whole rape scene with the carrot to be kind of disturbing. The girl in that scene was Shannon Elizabeth before she made American Pie


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