Monday, January 7, 2013

Nightmare City

"Nightmare City", aka "City of the Walking Dead", originally titled "Nightmare in the Contaminated City" ("Incubo sulla cittá contaminata"... the Italian title is much sexier-sounding) Directed By Umberto Lenzi (1980)
Review By Goat Scrote
    Some zombies crave flesh. Some zombies crave brains. Some zombies even crave love. These zombies... well, these zombies crave blood, but much more than that, they desire the simple pleasure of pointless violent mayhem.
    The radio mentions some kind of vaguely-defined radiation accident. A mysterious plane lands at the airport and horribly burned knife-wielding mutants unload. This first slaughter sets the tone for much of the rest of the film. A whole lot of the "meat" of the movie, especially in the first half, involves crowds of zombies rushing crowds of humans and stabbing or occasionally shooting them. There's very little biting, but a rather surprising amount of licking. (!!!??? Yuck, like, gag me with a spent fuel rod!)
    Most of the zombies look like they've (literally) got shit smeared all over their faces. The terrifying radioactive feces-creatures aren't slow, mindless Romero type zombies. They're fast and and sadistic and they use knives, submachine guns, sickles, cars, or whatever else is handy. The radiation has turned them into infectious, nearly-indestructible super-killers. Unfortunately for them, these particular zombies feel pain. They are also highly flammable and have a strange phobia of helicopters. As for the humans, everybody wants to split up and go exploring strange noises by themselves, unarmed if possible, which makes perfect sense when there's a zombie apocalypse going on.
    The main character is a TV journalist played by Hugo Stiglitz. If that name sounds familiar, it's either because you love shitty Mexican horror movies, or because Quentin Tarantino named a character after him in "Inglourious Basterds". The moralizing philosophical discussions between Stiglitz and his wife which crop up repeatedly during the last half of the movie are utterly dreadful but thankfully brief. Death surrounds us! Oh, the fathomless dumbness of mankind. We've brought this on ourselves with our stupid, stupid ways! We are all to blame! Fine, yeah, whatever lady... I suspect that I sound just like that when I'm off on a stoned and/or drunken rant.
    Director Umberto Lenzi seems to have a love-hate relationship with titties. Probably the most notable feature of this movie is the sheer number of gratuitous breast mutilations. I have never seen so many boob stabbings in my life. I literally lost count!
    Considering that the condition is supposed to be contagious through even the slightest wound and they can only be killed by destroying the brain, it's weird that the zombies leave a trail of ordinary run-of-the-mill corpses littered about. We never really see any of the victims getting back up, and although a number of characters become infected, it always seems to happen off-camera so that we can be, uh, "surprised" as each minor character turns out to be a zombie when they turn up again later. In one scene, a half-faced zombie is turned away from the camera in such a way that he looks normal to us. The characters approach from the zombified side. They act like they don't know it's a zombie, however, until he turns AWAY from them, so that we the audience can see the horrible makeup that the actors have been looking at the whole time. Did no one notice that this was a problem and point it out to the director? Didn't anyone on this movie care about the ART of FILM, godammit? Or did they just figure that anyone who would watch that far into the movie had the cognitive abilities of a cocker spaniel anyway, so who cares?
     Yeah, so, um... that's pretty much the movie right there. Some highlights:
    22:20 Sloppiest mastectomy ever. I wonder if these zombies can file lawsuits, too?
    46:20 Ninja surgeon scalpel throw! Badass! HE should be the hero.
    57:20 Harpoon gun!
    1:03:00 Eyeball gouge!
    1:09:02 Hatchet toss!
    1:10:45 Molotov cocktail to the gas pump! Classic zombie crowd-control maneuver.
    1:11:15 Well thank goodness we didn't burn ALL the booze.
    1:17:05 Candlestick to the head! Take that, organized religion. Nice church, by the way, sorry about defiling your altar with priest-brains.
    1:22:00 Whoah!!! Exploding head! There are a whole lot more of those to come in the next five minutes.
    1:27:50 Really? Fuck you, movie. I guess they told us right in the title that it was a nightmare, but I thought they were being, you know, metaphorical.
    1:30:30 "The nightmare becomes reality!" Wow does this ending suck. The Monkees did the whole circular movie thing waaaay better in "Head", if you can believe it.

Gosh! This could make me sick

Hugo Stiglitz: Ladies Man

Undead Dr. Katz


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