Sunday, November 11, 2012

What Have They Done To Solange?

What Have They Done To Solange? Directed by Massimo Dallamano. Starring Fabio Testi. (1972).
            I’ve yet to see a decent giallo, I hate most of them! This one has a reputation as being the best one, but it’s very disappointing. The public domain home movie, scratchy film line version I watched didn’t improve matters. It was kind of torture and I had to save my own sanity so I cheated and fast forwarded (I encourage this! if a movie is pissing you off, it’s a good way to relieve stress)! Whenever I watch these type of Eurotrash flicks it always reminds me of that Seinfeld fictional movie “Rachel Rachel” an erotic journey from Milan to Minsk! 
           Camile Keaton from I Spit On Your Grave is somewhere in this one I couldn’t find her! It’s difficult enough to sit through a giallo, but one with bad dubbing, shaky camera and a fuzzy washed out lense? I must hate myself today! Also I am obligated because it’s listed in the Chas Balun catalog. The best thing this movie has going for it, like a lot of tedious sucky Giallos is the Morricone soundtrack, which kind of sounds like the soundtrack for CopKiller (or Corrupt). It takes place at St. Mary’s Catholic school in London. Fabio Testi (The Big Racket, Contra Band) is having affairs behind his wife’s back. The Italian teacher is a suspect in the murder of various girls at the hands of a black gloved killer (the Giallo signature) Argento and Bava did a much better job taking this motif and giving it some substance and quality. Even though I’m still afraid to watch the Adrian Brody Giallo! Joe D’Amato did the cinematography (which is pretty bad in places), I mean heads are cut off at the frame. This mystery has too much padding and its hard not to fall asleep. I finally woke up when I recognized a church organ that Joe Preston played on his radio show before a song by Lucifer’s Friend to brilliant effect. The only cool shot in the film, there are two actually; a bathtub drowning and a kitchen abortion. There is a gross unappealing shower scene sort of like the one in Caged Heat (which has hideously naked hags fighting in an icky fashion). My advice is to watch a more effective school girl dorm classic like Black Christmas (which is in no way a Giallo!) instead and you might as well fast forward to the last 5 minutes because they break down everything that happens in the first hour and a half. A total waste of time!

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