Thursday, April 10, 2014

Igor and the Lunatics

Igor and the lunatics Directed By W.J. Parolini, Starring a bunch of nobodies (1985).
After trudging through the muck and slime of utter doldrums (e.i. Bloody Wednesday) I needed to take a break and watch something that I knew would cleanse my brain palate, something classy or category III. I knew I would at least not feel like I had metaphorically crushed my own balls in a vice again and could look at myself in the morning without utter hatred for mankind.
   Then why the hell am I watching a B-rate street gang (or not yet formed garage punk outfit) feature by the brain trusts over at Troma? Two reasons, Rick Sullivan's "Gore Gazette" review made it sound so retarded that it became a must see flick and Troma had a trailer that was hard to beat, I mean the narrator did a little fancy pants voice inflection when he said Lunatics, why, what's the deal?
   I know I'm in for some more torture but just call me Albino from Mark Of The Devil's bitch because I'm goin to bite the bullet, whatever happens, happens! No turning back now!
I hate you John Fogerty, but I love you Captain Beefheart

   The opening is better than three Italian Warriors/Escape From NY ripoffs put together, well maybe not, but the music sure is snappy!
A topless girl is strapped to a giant sawblade and cut in half as a dude getting ready for a Charles Bronson look-a-like contest awkwardly tucks his wife in and leaves.

Next week I have a Donald Sutherland look-a-like contest to go to

   The wife wakes up and reads a letter that paints a grisly picture of his involvement with a groovy Manson-esque cult. Paul is the leader, but Igor constantly tries to upstage him. Paul uses mind control to subdue his followers and they act like hall monitors if someone is seen in town without permission. The pastural locations and amateurish acting work in its favor, I mean yeah its a shitty movie but I enjoyed it. Igor out of the hippie cult followers was the most untamed (he kind of looks like a hippie version of Bruce Brand, the drummer from Thee Headcoats).

want some fried chicken?

   They rewind the sawblade scene again (which eats up twenty minutes) so they can show it splitting her naked body in half, it was a decent effect. Igor wears out his welcome very fast and may be the most hammy actor I've seen in awhile. The fuzz show up and attack the hippies when they throw punches goofy whipcrack sounds clickity clack.

Hold on, let me drink some more annoying juice
   A baby is left behind and the former cult member continues to bring us up to date as Paul and his group (who so far haven't been called The Lunatics) get out of jail. Igor takes a scalpel, guts a black female victim and offers her fried chicken. The actor that plays Igor goes out of his way to be antagonizing and stupid beyond comprehension, my only hope is that he put this on his acting reel and was laughed out of every agency in town.

this painting sucks
   Mary-Ann the red-haired wife from the beginning, gets stoned and has a nightmare about Igor and one of her pals starts off a joke "What's the difference between a duck…" and never finishes the punchline, it was infuriating! 
   Tom Turner is seen on TV condemning his former cult past, he rents a car at Budget and hits the road to revenge. 
   Mary-Ann's house gets broken into by the baby left behind from the beginning. This movie takes all these sidetracks in order to show screaming middle aged women being chased or cut up by stupid Paul and Igor, there's no one here to like or care about.
See the belt goes down here, not up there

   I'm not surprised to see that no one ever worked again in this film. The way the story evolves is clumsy, they might have pulled it off had more competent talent been involved. 
   I only wish the frothy mouthed hippies from I Drink Your Blood fought Igor and the lunatics, they would've wiped the floor with them.
   Mary Anne does a decent job of beating Igor to a pulp, which was my favorite moment, he's one of the least likable characters in recent memory.
   These are the kind of blood thirsty hippies that take to murdering their own like ducks to water. I mean yeah they deserved it and I guess the only way to move on is to literally kill your past. The ending, which takes place in a famous 80's fake Japanese restaurant was totally random and I remember it featured on some of the VHS box covers. So keep your expectations low, drink a six pack and make sure there are some friends around for you to crack jokes with and you might even like this trash.

I'm so baked

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