Saturday, January 11, 2014

The Witchmaker

The Witchmaker (Legend Of Witch Hollow) Directed By William O. Brown, starring Alvy Moore (1969).
A blonde in granny panties out in the swamp gets bonked over the head and gutted upside down while an ankh (or Egyptian symbol of resurrection) is drawn on her stomach in lipstick by a drooling lunatic.
   A rambling old-timey cracker blames the crime on "witch perverts" as typical B-movie college edu-macated folks get a tour on a riverboat (some of the ladies wear white gloves and the men carry brief cases).
The hulking figure hides behind the swamp trees as the group get comfy in their cabin, he's an imposing Solomon Grundy type swamp hick. 
   The team is out looking for psychic phenomenon related to electro-magnetic waves or some other "city folks gobiltty gook".
   It turns out some of the blonde bikini babes have witch blood and remark on how they put the whammy on a relative. Luther "The Bezerker" looks like he could be Rob Z'Dar's grampa and laughs incessantly as a topless girl (covering her breasts) runs toward the screen on instant replay. The Bezerker (which is perfect professional wrestler name) is played by John Lodge, his last film was the bizarre Miami Florida trainwreck; Revenge is my Destiny. 
   Luther invokes satan to help him with his sorcery (he paints the egyptian symbol again, which is not evil as all, but positive, Shhhhhh don't tell the director of this movie). A Margaret Hamilton type soggy witch is conjured as they both get sauced (on Alligator Wine perhaps)?
I'll tell yoo when I had enough!
He makes a deal to add one of the blondes to the coven. The people in the cabin have a seance, this film has a goofy kiddie scare quality that's cutesy, making it slightly annoying (but this is the mid 60's and only H.G. Lewis among a few others were delving into extreme gore at the time). I'll cut them alittle bit of slack, even though its very tedious and not as fun as it should have been.    
   The overt satanism probably shocked Christians at the time (in the same way Coffin Joe offended Catholic groups in Brazil), it's all very strange for a 60's movie in a tame kind of way, almost as dull as another 60's Warlock movie I can't stand; The Dunwich Horror.    
I resent that Crank, we were all rejected from that Bewitched audition!

   Luther assembles a cast of Bewitched type rejects toward the end and the other characters in the film almost knock over the momentum with the most tear inducing boring dialogue,I've heard since suffering through Showgirls 2

you're just the coolest Satan
   Director William O. Brown never made another film after this one, his whereabouts are unknown. Alvy Moore from Green Acres went onto have a nice career, either appearing in Satanic dreck like this and Brotherhood Of Satan or voicing cartoons in the 80s.

Slightly Annoying, skip this and watch something with more Guts, like The Sentinel! 

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