Saturday, January 4, 2014

Get Out Of My Way I Really Mean It!!!!

Artist's representation of Mr. P. Ness

Turd Of The Week By Eliot P. Ness

I got a lotta nice responses from Get Outta My Way, Man!! (as long as I've made one soul smile, my life has had a purpose!) and bless Cranky for reprinting it here again, from the late, great Subhuman! Also, peel an eyeball for The Scum People too, which I also loved & it wasn't as well known as the former & I must admit, both bogus reviews still make myself laff (he said pretentiously!)...

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Street Trash's homage to Get out of my way man
Get Out Of My Way Man, I Really Mean It!!! proves to be a film as stupid as its title. This Mexican/Canadian co-production stars Giraldo Pieyya (who?) as a constipated Bud Spencer-type who was severely traumatized as a child when his mother first caught him alone in the bathroom--moving his bowels.
   "I can't believe you did that!" she scalds him in an early flashback scene. "Sitting there, pinching turds! Grunting! Stinking up our beautiful home (which had no walls, and was in a Mexican slum neighborhood)!! Consequently, the young Raul could only defecate in bus terminal restrooms.
   Hence, for most of the film's insurmountable two-and-a-half hour running time, Pieyya waddles his huge frame down unending streets and slams people with his fat arms, proclaiming repeatedly, "Get out of my way Man, I really mean it!!" as he makes his way from one Greyhound station to the next. 
   The film has an incredibly disgusting ending, in which the fat man, after having the worlds worst Big Mac attack, gorges himself on one Mexican restaurant after another, vulgarly cramming food into his mouth and down his throat (filmed in nauseating close-ups) in a culinary orgy which lasts for almost the entire last hour of the film, belching and farting all the while. He then calls three waiters to his table, where they spend ten full minutes of screen time pulling him out of his food booth. The incredibly bloated fat-ass then bounces down the street screaming, "Get out of my way! Look Out!!" As he had eaten his way into unfamiliar territory, he is unable to find the local bus depot, and as he rolls out into a busy traffic intersection, he literally explodes on camera, spewing viscera and excrement high into the air (some of it even hits the people standing around him).
   This sight caused the woman in the car next to mine (I saw this godawful thing in a peoria drive-in) to laugh hysterically and honk her horn--along with many others--for the following ten minutes.
   This is the first film to be distributed by the new Superb Films, Inc. Co,. and let's hope there aren't many more of its ilk to follow.

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