Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Revenge Of Billy The Kid

Yes, the actual title!!!

The Revenge Of Billy The Kid Directed By Jim Groom, starring Michael Balfour (1992).
Skunkape was twisting my arm for months to suffer through this goat bestiality, early Peter Jackson-esque puke-a-thon. I finally did it after shock treatment and the dreaded ludovico technique.
get me something to be sick in
   Meet the disgusting McDonald family, led by Gerald McDonald (Michael Balfour who a few years later ended up in Tim Burton's Batman), he looks alot like Charles Bukowski, most of his kin have features of those born next to a nuclear meltdown. When they eat, the food just dribbles out of their black and green teeth, as if they can't hold it in their slaw jawed faces. Sadly, enough food is wasted in this movie to feed all the starving children in Africa. The youngest and only attractive girl in the film is Ronnie (there are a lot of variations of the Ronald McDonald name in this film), possibly a thinly veiled attempt to shit on the respected name of Ray Kroc's clown spokesman!

These people make the Skeksis look like they have some table manors.

Miley Cyrus now twerks on a farm!
   Ronnie (Samantha Perkins) is like Marilyn from The Munsters, the attractive girl that the rest of the clan treat as if she's the mutant. The cast of this film makes my eyeballs itch, because they are all hideous. They sleep, eat and fart next to each other, I think the director's mission was to make people hate farmers.
  Gerald gets drunk one morning and inseminates a goat that immediately drops his half breed child. Ronnie protects the baby, acting like a surrogate mother (aping a certain E.B. White fictional farm girl). The family wears out their welcome fast and do repulsive shit like pop foot blisters and bathe each other in the living room. Billy the half human hybrid baby goat, grows to Alien sized proportions in no time and spies on its father while he sleeps (or pees in a bowl by the side of the bed).      
Sometimes it resembles a hand puppet miniature version of Rawhead Rex with antlers.

"I think we're alone now, the eating of the grass is the only sound."

"Those horns of yours are, well, making me horny!"

"Please adopt me Brangelina!"
   Ronnie meets a guy on the mainland who has an Evil Dead poster on his wall. You'd think a "man on goat" love scene would be the most revolting aspect of Revenge, but you'd be dead wrong! Just wait, there's so much more to lose your lunch over, like a sex scene between two of the most butt ugly humans ever to escape from the bowels of hell, complete with constant farting and thrusting! The camera work gets progressively better (the first half is all brown and the last 30 has an stylistic blue filter). The subplot of Ronnie in love with some moron named Lance, who dreams of owning a pencil store, is all the audience has to grasp onto to. Is that enough?

"Sorry, I can't date someone with a ripped Evil Dead poster."

Blue Light Special

   Not really, Revenge has many flaws and is impossible to like, but its in a category already overflowing with unlikeable content, characters and situations, which makes it passable. It's got that stupid likeability that keeps it afloat and the second half makes up for the first. Billy goes on a rampage, busting ugly faces like human pinata's filled with pus and gruel, justifying the title, so there's that! This film was shutdown for lack of funds and restarted years later according to IMDB. It's not as good as Black Sheep although both films have that early Peter Jackson quality that's hard to beat. Proceed with caution, for the adventurous only!

The Beverly Shitbillies
"You all come back, ya hear!"

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