Friday, September 13, 2013

Ginseng King

The Ginseng King Directed By Ru-Tar Rotar, starring- information too spotty (IMDB MIA) 1989. 
Ready to take a wild trip? Got your things packed, than let's roll up for the Ginseng King! If you were to throw in some ancient Eastern medicine, Sid & Marty Kroft style puppetry and Yokai Monster wackiness, you'd get the idea of what kind of mindwarp The Ginseng King has in store for your eyeballs! Prepare yourself now!
According to the film, mushrooms bring immortality but Ginseng gives longevity (who cares, give me some shrooms)! A young boy runs around the forest following a talking, smoking root who hops around and leads the kid up a tree, where a cobra bites his hand. It's ancient relative shows up to help, he looks like a two legged teenage version of Snuffleupagus.
Did I scare you?
   There's tons of healing smoke floating around in the forest (there's no denying you too should be heavily medicated while you watch this). Some ninja mutants show up and a pretty girl, but they only want to trick Ginseng and all are in need of severe medical attention!
Still not used to your weird assed face yet!
Good thing the King can levitate and shoot blue cartoon lightning out of his stumps!
The boy Hsiaoming and his mother live in a haunted forest crawling with nazi zombies! A monk shows up to help out and gives acupuncture to heal a zombie attack, then the Ginseng King offers one of his whiskers to smooth things over, bottom line: don't fuck with Ancient Chinese medicine!
   Because the monk wears a swastika (which in Buddhist culture is counterclockwise and means something positive), the nazi zombie salutes him thinking he's in the Aryan nation. The Ginseng King sadistically chuckles as the nazi zombie steps on a landmine. Hsiaoming's mother gets bitten by the nazi zombie and they need to go on a quest to destroy the 3 headed demon king, before its too late.
3 heads mean lots of arguements
   The forest location and the different roots and creatures sort of reminded me of Pan's Labyrith (I wonder if Del Toro is a fan)?
I think you'd had enough candy GED
   Grampa Earth God leads the kid along a SuperMario/Godzilla adventure and asks two grouchy giants named Magic Ears and Magic Eyes for assistance. GED looks as if he has criminally neglected gingivitis! They then show a bunch of stock footage as Magic Eyes looks for where the Ginseng King is being held prisoner, at first he's not very helpful, he gets distracted by a naked girl popping out of the pool! Avert your eyes children (I wonder how many unaware parents rented this for their kids)?  
I've heard too much and I've seen it all
   They find a witch chained up in a cave who tries to trick them and cackles incessantly (If I saw this part as a kid, I know I would've been traumatized)! I remember being scared when I saw Gumby go to a distant planet where a vampire nerd kid tried to bite him! The ninja mutants worship the three headed demon king and he blasts them into oblivion if they disobey.
I'm just crabby because my mother is a chemically imbalanced witch

   The leopard princess who leads the ninjas starts to warm up to the boy and GED, but its hard to trust her, because she's flighty and switches gears a lot! It turns out both boy and the woman need help for their ailing mothers and join forces. One of the most annoying characters is the leopard princess' witch mother, but she knows kung fu and how to destroy the 3 headed demon king!
Will our fateful heroes make it out alive? If you can find this ultra rare movie don't miss it! In my mind it should be required viewing for kids over 12 among such fantasy epics as The Never Ending Story, BeastMaster and Krull
Synapse is the new leader in distributing Asian oddities, but they really need to stop putting out the overflow of softcore pervy Nikkatsu flicks and buy this one up, because it deserves a DVD loaded with extras and correct information (I had a difficult time finding any actor names involved). Get on the ball Synapse!

A very stoned version of E.T.

Gauntlet 2/ Dio style sword and sorcery

ALL HAIL The Ginseng King
Now watch the trailer!!!


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