The Worm Eaters

[check out Paul J. Zamarelli's VHS Collector site]

The Worm Eaters Directed and Starring Herb Robbins (1977). 

I'm completely repulsed that they've finally unveiled the secret of this disgusting underground society. There's a few famous members like those Mopey twins from the Kids in the Hall and Andrew Zimmern. Make no mistake this is a fetish film, we see wrigglers slithering in and about girls open mouths, I'd imagine certain people will find this boner-iffic! Not me however I'm a regular meat and potatoes joe lunch pail when it comes to sex. 

I didn't mean to turn you on, by that I mean me.

The credit sequence which looks like a hideous coloring book with crayon scrawlings of worms on a hotdog over the American flag, has that famous "Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates me" song on kazoo. Mikels, who from what Psychotronic has told us is a wife collecting Mormon but maybe he's also into vermiphillia. Or deriving sexual gratification from slimy or buggy things doing the wild rumpus on your genitals. Be warned only twisted weirdos aka regular TOG readers should venture further.

Makin America Eat Shit Again!

It starts off at a party. Ursula a bratty like twerp tears open her birthday cake to find a bunch of brown wrigglers then everyone at the party scatters Benny Hill style. That's not even the beginning of the bad comedy or acting that's abhorrent. We don't see any of these characters later so put them out of your mind. 

A dude named Herb Robbins wrote, acted and directed this film. Robbins cut his teeth in the schlocky B-movie circuit and was in R.D. Steckler flicks like The Lemon Grove Kids, Tobe Hooper's Funhouse and weirdest of all Convoy with Ernest Borgnine as Dirty Lyle (he's one of the barflies lurking in the back). So as you watch him act like an offensive methed out stereotypical homeless immigrant, keep in mind that he had a career and possibly made a living!  

Can't I just masturbate in private?

I'm not sure why it's taken me so long to tackle this film from the illustrious Deep Red catalog but this new Crackle style app on Roku called Tubeit-tv has a copy, so I'm checking it out! I hate how all these apps force you to watch the same commercials over and over. I miss the old days of searching through stacks of videos to find an obscure trashy movie--the future sucks! OK, enough of my bitching, back to the review.

Herman, the main worm farmer looks like a soiled homeless cracker in crusty overalls. He has a thick nondescript Euro-accent and is really gross and unlikeable. He talks to the night crawlers that hide in his socks and slither around on his neck while he's driving. This movie is bat-shit crazy!! There's this Miss Yvonne type redhead who delivers gobbledygook lines--I mean I had no idea what she was saying! She might've been speaking clear as a bell English, but my ears couldn't interpret it. Herman obviously tricks people into eating live worms, that's basically the gimmick here. I almost horked out my dinner as I watched this disgusto-thon! I have a pretty low tolerance for watching mouths stuffed with real earthworms, it's so fucking revolting, I was even haunted by it later and it pissed me off as I attempted to enjoy a meal! So--Yes, this movie works to upset your stomach. 

That's nuthin compared to that time when I queefed on Chairry

Herman's pests mostly cause women to choke and die because apparently no one in this town bothered to learn the heimlich. These three women go on and on about hot dogs for some reason, maybe they love the flavor of ground up hog anus over worms. And what's even worse is that once they chow down they don't die, they become the matted skid marked protagonist's humanoid fish bait slaves (or worm people). Herman makes fun of some hippies trying to protest and most of the citizens around town attempt to bring the comedy but it's totally devoid of any real laughs, it's just fucked up and confusing.

I keep telling you we gotta special order that Japanese rape tentacle porn mag you wanted!

The only thing I could sort of compare it to might be if H.G. Lewis and Nick Zedd collaborated but that sounds better than this bullshit! Eventually his victims transform into giant worms. But why does this movie exist at all, it's giving me a migraine wondering who would respond to this, maybe creeps who enjoy sneaking horrifying shit into people's food and get off on that. When the women turn into annelids, they chitter a sound like Cousin Itt.

I love See Fooood!

Greg Goodsell claims there's a subplot concerning small town politics, he knows his shit and maybe I was too busy barfing into a patented "Howard Scott Up Chuck Cup" to pay attention. All week anytime I tried to enjoy my meal all I would think about was close-ups of people gulping down fried chicken with worms slithering around in their lips--BLAAARRGGHHHHH! If this sounds like a masturbatory trigger for you then by all means go out of your way to see it, just stay away from me! If you wished and dreamed that scene in Pink Flamingoes where Divine eats poodle shit and chomps open mouthed was played over and over again then this is the movie for you!

TOTALLY UNREDEEMABLE TO SOME, FOR OTHERS MAY CAUSE AROUSAL

USA UP ALL NIGHT WEEK RETURNS: DEMONWARP

Demonwarp. Directed By Emmett Alston, Starring George Kennedy (1988).

Demons, Sasquatches they're interchangeable right? Everybody knows that! According to that other Bigfoot movie--you know Skunkape's favorite with Crazy Wanda, which was brought up for a heated debate, Big Foots and Demons are the same. Or maybe they're just the Ghosts of Demons suggested by my pal Paul "Sharkey" Vandervort--this is some high concept shit for George Kennedy to be involved in. Apparently he was only on the set for three days. Billy Jacoby, who you may remember from every other 80's movie in existence. Dr Alien was a movie he starred in that we featured last year on UP ALL NIGHT WEEK. He's wearing the same all denim attire that he had on in Just One Of The Guys why am I so sleeved out by denim anyway? I can't explain it! For more on Denim phobia, an ailment I suffer from check out my take on Flesheater.

Haha I got the last Toaster Strudle Pastry!

As far as Sasquatch-sploitations go this one beats the shit out of Willow Creek, that lame ass Bobcat Goldthwait one that came out a few years ago. I expected more from that guy and was a fan of his directing work. Scream Queen babe Michele Bauer is available, sucking down Smokey and the Bandit's favorite swill Coors! She shows up to liven up the woods and later on gets her chest torn open "Fuad Ramses" style in a sacrificial alien ritual. Stick around till the end to see that unexpected turn where they kind of throw everything at the wall to see what wacky wallcrawler will stick. By the way, whatever you do don't read up on this movie before you watch because the ending is spoiled everywhere (I would've been pissed had I not gone in blindly and check it out from a suggestion of my pals over at the Videojunkies site).

Of course Skunkape loves this flick, here he is in a shameless cameo!

While George Kennedy is busy planning his next Trivial Pursuit move and wearing his lucky yellow Bigfoot repellant hat, the hairy beast storms in and rips the shit outta his daughter and drags her away. After that they leave you stranded with some of the most annoying actors (including Bad Ronald's brother AKA Billy J.) but stick it out because it gets better. Skunkape and I actually watched this a few years ago and I completely forgot, either I was too wasted or just fell asleep. After George Kennedy died (1925-2016,R.I.P), I figured why not give it a whirl and I also recently saw a gritty 70's crime movie where he played a machine gun totin bad ass in called Thunderbolt and Lightning. In the 90's he was the spokesman for this laughable product called Breathasure that conned people into thinking bad breath begins in your stomach. In one ad he was trying to appeal to teens by saying "Pizza, Onions, Awesome!" And to combat that nasty garlicy mouth just pop these pills. Anyway back to the review.

I'm trying to appeal to the hipsters with my Paddington Bear costume

John Carl Buechler was supposed to direct this, he created half of the creatures and even wrote the script but bailed and made Friday The 13th 7 instead, (it's unclear why but that was obviously a wise move). Later on Michelle Bauer, of course, gets naked as the grinning mutant monkey peeps behind some leaves. The behemoth takes her friend and twists her head off (maybe he was pissed that she kept that bikini top on). This movie gives Bigfoots a bad name like its a propaganda movie that Harry from Harry and the Hendersons should rally against!

The racist message of this movie is killing me inside!

I was hoping that George Kennedy might've picked up the disease the cat from The Uninvited had, where he'd be equipped with a small cat (or a tiny George) that could pop out of his mouth and over power the greazy big ape. Unfortunately he had to be on the set of a higher paying production most likely it was along side Frank Drebin eating pink pistachio nuts. This movie brings into the fold of the concept of a "Were-Squatch" which is pretty fucking creative! Then it gets even more bizarre as a zombified Billy Jacoby does a super lame Christian slater/ Jack Nicholson impression. This film actually got a bow-wow rating in Deep Red but Chas still seemed to enjoy it. This movie is alot of fun and gets weirder and weirder as it goes along. I sometimes confuse it with Demonwind (which is also worth checking out), the same thing happened to me one drunken weekend where I watched Mortuary and Mausoleum and I still can't remember the difference--but I digress. Check this one out it's rad as hell and don't confuse it with a "Demonwrap" which is just an extra hot pepper mayo sandwhich at your local kitschy deli!

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED! 

(Extra Special Thanks to Sharkey for collaborating over texts with some great jokes for this review. Make sure you check out his site and bands like The Teutonics and 3 O'Clock Rock.) 

No I'm not Cash Flagg but I will forge his name for 20$

Snapping into human Slim Jims

The Sadist

The Sadist (Sweet Baby Charlie, Profile Of Terror) Directed By James Landis, Starring Arch Hall Jr. (1963). 

Literally four years after Charles Starkweather, "The rebel with out a brain" and his 13 year old girlfriend Caril Anne Fugate went on a killing spree in reality, this film came out. Fairway-International Pictures and The Arch Halls (Jr. and Senior respectively) would be the very first to capitalize on the real life serial killer atrocity. 

   Before cinematographer Vilmos Zsigmond went onto Hollywood super stardom with credits like The Deer Hunter, Deliverance and Close Encounters, he shot this film along with Ray Dennis Steckler's Incredibly Strange Creatures and Blood Of Ghastly Horror.

   Just before this film, Arch Hall Jr. played the lovable lunk head rock star Bud Eagle, but instead of a guitar this time he plays a revolver. He is incredible as Charley Tibbs, a gutless killer who relishes in petty theft and murder of the frailest weaklings. Tibbs is the kind of guy that would really enjoy slowly pulling the legs off a spider or shooting fish in a barrel.

Bud Eagle called in sick, I'm taking over

   A bunch of starchy shirt, skinny tie wearing squares and a prim and proper lady (Ed, Carl and Doris), break down in a junk yard and unfortunately for them, they are not alone.

   They all mention that they are school teachers and are about as likable as cardboard cut outs.

I hope a stiff wind doesn't come along and knock us over

   Charley shows up finally with his trollop Judy (Marilyn Manning) tucked under his arm and a gun pointed at the teachers, who get stranded on the way to a Dodgers game. 
   Arch Hall Jr. looks especially menacing in this role, like a greasy faced runt with crisco dripping from his pompadour. He's immediately threatened that they have anything of value in their pockets (a few baseball game tickets). Tibbs has an automatic gripe against their social status and detests anything linked to education. Charlie cackles like a moron and holds all three characters hostage as his girlfriend snaps her gum.

Don't call us inbred, we're second cousins

   Even though the entire film takes place in one single location, it's never dull and should inspire other film makers, shooting on a lesser budget to make something as interesting and thought provoking.

   Pretty teacher Doris Page is confronted by Charlie, after he holds a knife to her throat, he says "how does it feel to be touched by dirt"? Then he shoves her goody goody face in the gravel. I could see how Tim Van Patten was influenced by Arch Hall Jr. for his Stegman character in Class Of 1984.   

Even your neck thinks its too good for my blade

   He relentlessly antagonizes these unlucky authority figures and blindly despises them because they make him feel psychologically inferior. 

   As he terrifies the wimpy school teachers by shooting out tires and headlights (which were apparently live rounds), he guffaws like a mongoloid with brain damage. As the oldest teacher Carl pleas for his life, the maniacs guzzle NeHi soda and cackle in his face! 
   The two that survive, don't even bother to fight Charlie or his girlfriend Judy as they have a picnic and dance to music. The teachers just wait to die like slaughtered cattle.
 

Best enjoyed while shooting public school officials

   Two cops eventually show up, but die like stuck pigs. The killers admire their celebrity status over the police radio and of course chuckle about it. Charlie acts like the "Wicked Witch Of The West" with her hourglass timer and constantly measures peoples lives using objects like a soda bottle or how fast they can fix a car. The last twenty minutes are a dynamic show stopping thrill ride even for 1963 standards, don't miss it or you'll regret it.

   Helen Hovey who played Doris fell off the face of the earth and never acted again. The other cast members worked in one form or another with Hall or Ray Dennis Steckler, Don Russell later worked on The Nasty Rabbit. 

   I think a good double feature with this would be The Incident By Larry Peerce, another early 60's film about gutless punks terrorizing people, this time, a group of subway riders. It's alittle more sleazy than this film, but has many familiar faces and takes place in a minimal amount of locations.
Highly Recommended! 

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Hollywood Strangler Meets The Skidrow Slasher

The Hollywood Strangler Meets The Skidrow Slasher (or Model Killer) Directed By Ray Dennis Steckler (or Wolfgang Schmidt). 1979
   I got to meet Ray Dennis Steckler at his video store in Vegas when he showed his films at Las Vegas Grind,a garage rock festival in the 90's,but I had no idea about this lurid film and was only aware of his goofy monster junk like Incredibly Strange Creatures...,Rat Pfink A Boo Boo and The Thrill Killers, all courtesy of Psychotronic Video and Sinister Cinema. I later found out that he also directed porn, this film seems like a precursor toward all out hardcore porn territory, but thankfully its not! Yeeshh! 

You dirty rat!

   I'd read some really bad reviews of this flick, but when you compare it to Steckler's other films, it's a natural progression and if anything an improvement over his slapstick, Bowery Boys Meets The Monsters schlock. I am very curious to know how he moved from kiddie fare to this wretched territory. And just like Ed Wood after awhile, they both went broke and were forced to churn out uninspired hardcore nightmares!

No thanks!

   Even though that's the pattern that both Ed Wood and Steckler eventually moved toward, I was a little shocked by the transition, but mostly delighted to find the beloved director of Wild Guitar moving into "Don't Answer The Phone" rapist photographer terrain! 
   This is a loose sequel to The Thrill Killers (which seems totally unrelated to me). Yeah there are psychos, but the wacky hijinks make this one seem from another planet! 
Anyway, Pierre Agostino plays Johnny Glick (I had to look up his character name cause I don't think its ever uttered once). He looks like a dwarf version of Fred Lincoln and trolls around in his beat up car, looking for models to assault and strangle. Steckler dubs his voice and all of the sound was later added in giving it that Doris Wishman quality.The killer can only find solace with his pigeons and refers to women as "garbage".

I'm wearing depends undergarments

   Carolyn Brandt (Steckler's wife) is long in the tooth, but still oddly attractive as a fit senior citizen type frazzled old lady who runs a cheap book store and stabs bums on the side with her switchblade. The strangler appears at various women's houses, how he gets in is a mystery and kills them repeatedly through out the movie, why is it so fascinating? It might have something to do with the fact that Steckler fills the background with weird thrift store records toys and ephemera, making it entertaining just to look at. All of these women should be able to overpower Agostino, it's a totally ridiculous male bullshit rape fantasy! 
   The porn theaters and grimy locations really make the usual Steckler trademark hokey-ness kinda edgy. Amateur cheesecake photographers are among the lowest forms of humanity to jab at in exploitation films. My favorite aspect about Agostino is how he randomly calls girls, kils them, then never cleans up the bodies and relaxes by eating frozen yogurt or nursing a Bud in the can. 
  The sassy senior citizen slasher jabs winos in the throat with a switchblade and doesn't ever clean up after the brilliantly red colored poster paint, pouring out of a human body, they both have that attitude of "let someone else deal with the mess". The slasher also runs a bookstore, where hobos constantly wander in, what a nuisance! 

Call my agent!

   The soundtrack goes from eerie dime store keyboard to cartoony rumpus type music and one victim wears a KISS towel! Agostino actually begins to fall in love with Stecklers wife! Their contact consists of him trying to approach her from across the street, let me tell you, you can cut the chemistry with a knife! Yeah right! 

Kiss meets the phantom of the towel

   I find it kind of nice that Steckler regards his wife in this regard (but then again he is filming random naked models and ventured into porn (with her in tow), so I take it back! I'm also afraid to watch any of his hardcore stuff, call me a prude I don't care.

Yay Baloon Party!

   There's a bizarre rollerskating naked balloon party down at Plato's Retreat West to watch out for! After awhile it the pacing started to grind on my nerves and its seriously repetitious!
   I had to ask Steckler about MST3K making fun of his wife and he said he didn't like it and was offended, but didn't let them know or anything. I'm glad I got to meet RDS and he signed all my videos and was generally a nice guy, at the time I was aware that he directed porn, but was too chicken to mention it. I do wish I had seen this before hand because I am curious to know the back story, did he intend to join the slasher movie circuit or was this a one off thing? Anyway I'll never know, Rest In Piece Ray Dennis Steckler. The film is available via Fandor, please click the banner and get a trial, they are the cult movie Netflix!   
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