USA UP ALL NIGHT WEEK RETURNS: DEMONWARP

Demonwarp. Directed By Emmett Alston, Starring George Kennedy (1988).

Demons, Sasquatches they're interchangeable right? Everybody knows that! According to that other Bigfoot movie--you know Skunkape's favorite with Crazy Wanda, which was brought up for a heated debate, Big Foots and Demons are the same. Or maybe they're just the Ghosts of Demons suggested by my pal Paul "Sharkey" Vandervort--this is some high concept shit for George Kennedy to be involved in. Apparently he was only on the set for three days. Billy Jacoby, who you may remember from every other 80's movie in existence. Dr Alien was a movie he starred in that we featured last year on UP ALL NIGHT WEEK. He's wearing the same all denim attire that he had on in Just One Of The Guys why am I so sleeved out by denim anyway? I can't explain it! For more on Denim phobia, an ailment I suffer from check out my take on Flesheater.

Haha I got the last Toaster Strudle Pastry!

As far as Sasquatch-sploitations go this one beats the shit out of Willow Creek, that lame ass Bobcat Goldthwait one that came out a few years ago. I expected more from that guy and was a fan of his directing work. Scream Queen babe Michele Bauer is available, sucking down Smokey and the Bandit's favorite swill Coors! She shows up to liven up the woods and later on gets her chest torn open "Fuad Ramses" style in a sacrificial alien ritual. Stick around till the end to see that unexpected turn where they kind of throw everything at the wall to see what wacky wallcrawler will stick. By the way, whatever you do don't read up on this movie before you watch because the ending is spoiled everywhere (I would've been pissed had I not gone in blindly and check it out from a suggestion of my pals over at the Videojunkies site).

Of course Skunkape loves this flick, here he is in a shameless cameo!

While George Kennedy is busy planning his next Trivial Pursuit move and wearing his lucky yellow Bigfoot repellant hat, the hairy beast storms in and rips the shit outta his daughter and drags her away. After that they leave you stranded with some of the most annoying actors (including Bad Ronald's brother AKA Billy J.) but stick it out because it gets better. Skunkape and I actually watched this a few years ago and I completely forgot, either I was too wasted or just fell asleep. After George Kennedy died (1925-2016,R.I.P), I figured why not give it a whirl and I also recently saw a gritty 70's crime movie where he played a machine gun totin bad ass in called Thunderbolt and Lightning. In the 90's he was the spokesman for this laughable product called Breathasure that conned people into thinking bad breath begins in your stomach. In one ad he was trying to appeal to teens by saying "Pizza, Onions, Awesome!" And to combat that nasty garlicy mouth just pop these pills. Anyway back to the review.

I'm trying to appeal to the hipsters with my Paddington Bear costume

John Carl Buechler was supposed to direct this, he created half of the creatures and even wrote the script but bailed and made Friday The 13th 7 instead, (it's unclear why but that was obviously a wise move). Later on Michelle Bauer, of course, gets naked as the grinning mutant monkey peeps behind some leaves. The behemoth takes her friend and twists her head off (maybe he was pissed that she kept that bikini top on). This movie gives Bigfoots a bad name like its a propaganda movie that Harry from Harry and the Hendersons should rally against!

The racist message of this movie is killing me inside!

I was hoping that George Kennedy might've picked up the disease the cat from The Uninvited had, where he'd be equipped with a small cat (or a tiny George) that could pop out of his mouth and over power the greazy big ape. Unfortunately he had to be on the set of a higher paying production most likely it was along side Frank Drebin eating pink pistachio nuts. This movie brings into the fold of the concept of a "Were-Squatch" which is pretty fucking creative! Then it gets even more bizarre as a zombified Billy Jacoby does a super lame Christian slater/ Jack Nicholson impression. This film actually got a bow-wow rating in Deep Red but Chas still seemed to enjoy it. This movie is alot of fun and gets weirder and weirder as it goes along. I sometimes confuse it with Demonwind (which is also worth checking out), the same thing happened to me one drunken weekend where I watched Mortuary and Mausoleum and I still can't remember the difference--but I digress. Check this one out it's rad as hell and don't confuse it with a "Demonwrap" which is just an extra hot pepper mayo sandwhich at your local kitschy deli!

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED! 

(Extra Special Thanks to Sharkey for collaborating over texts with some great jokes for this review. Make sure you check out his site and bands like The Teutonics and 3 O'Clock Rock.) 

No I'm not Cash Flagg but I will forge his name for 20$

Snapping into human Slim Jims

The Werewolf And The Yeti

The Werewolf And The Yeti (Night of the Howling Beast) Directed by Miguel Iglesias, starring Paul Naschy (1975). 

This film has a reputation for being one of stupidest of all time and is the prime example of just how ludicrous and hypocritical the Video Nasty list was. It is fun to see what they deem offensive though and "Sharky" one of Hollywood High's number 1 fans convinced me that I should give this trashter-piece a closer look. God help us all, for what terrors I'm about to unearth onto the internet. Needless to say if you plan on watching this yourself, keep your expectations on the level of the deepest darkest basement. Don't watch the Youtube version it's broken and censored.

you forgot the "D"

   It begins with extra loud wind noises as Paul "Wolfman" Naschy, lookin' like Chewbacca on meth, slaps around some skiers out in the snow. The animated credits float over his mugging face. I can't imagine that even in the non-dubbed version anyone besides hardcore Naschy fans could take this one seriously, but then again I'm not in that sect of devotees. 

 Naschy playing a character named Waldermar is an expert Nepalese speaking archeologist, who sees photographic evidence of Yetis and agrees to travel into the frozen tundra to capture the rare beast. The Winter Sasquatch picture looks suspiciously like the famous Patterson-Gimlin one.   

Sheesh, this parka is alittle too snug

   This is my third Naschy flick, I enjoyed what I'd seen and I know to watch what I say around ravenous fans of the Spanish wolfman, because alot of them (oddly enough) have no sense of humor. I'm not going to pull punches though and so far the best I can muster up about the film is that the goofy dubbing is mildly amusing. The Yeti scares the shit out of some locals and they refuse to join the expedition for fear that "the demons of the red moon" will strike!

   The local Nepal musicians play a song over a religious rite that sounds like a honking strangled goose. This is the ultimate in moronic behavior as far as the Video Nasty list goes, maybe those Brit's had lycanthrophobia or were scared of that ugly dog on the video box. 

The Spanish wolfman accidentally stumbles into a strange cave for shelter. This turns out to be the worst place for him to end up, because he encounters a gaggle of wolf-babes who attack and bite him. Then a full moon rises in the sky and you can guess what happens next!

I dunno about you but mine tastes exactly like Oscar Meyer Bologna

   The transformations are of the stop motion Lon Chaney Jr. type, which are always good for a laugh. Practically all the the secondary characters are stupid hunters that add nothing to the plot aside for quick easy wolf meals!

I swish the marinara around in my cheek before I spit it on the pizza fuggetabout it!

   The werewolf sometimes has long Spock ears and looks like he has a mouth full of tomato paste after a snack. 

   All of a sudden a Khan shows up with backne, he has a harem of babes and thinks the Dr. (I'm guessing the wolfman is also a doctor as well as an Archeologist) will help cure his back problems. This is where the gory back transplant for the Khan scene shows up, you could inject whatever elements from more entertaining horror flicks and this wolf diaper would still stink!

   I'll say this for this film, I like the snowy locations--there's a positive!

   It starts to get like a very special episode Kung Fu as a bearded medicine man surrounded by candles agrees to help Naschy with his wolf-itus. 

   I'm still waiting on that Yeti, there's this evil Khan character who threatens to take over the entire second half. Even if this film is a total waste, I'd be slightly satisfied if at least there is a monster mash at the end.

  OK, they deliver a piss poor day-for-night monster battle in the lowest light conditions possible, I mean it looks like to shadows chasing each other (I can't tell who's the Yeti and who's the wolf)! It ends on a happy note, which is good for them but shitty for everyone else, especially the "Yeti", who we never get to actually see, well we see him for a split second! Even if you're the kind of horror fan that can tolerate the most tediously dull shit, you'd be hard pressed to find something to latch onto here. Or maybe I just don't get Paul Naschy, I want to like him and know there's another film I've yet to see that's alot better then this wolf dump! 

SKIP IT AND WATCH THE HOWLING AGAIN, NO FUN! 

Don't forget about me, I'm still here!

  Special Thanks to Bruce Holecheck for posting this rare VHS cover for this film on his site http://bruceholecheck.blogspot.com/

MAMMY!

Point Counterpoint Review: Night Of The Demon

 Night Of The Demon Directed By James C. Wasson starring Michael Cutt (1980) Tonight on TOG we're gonna try something slightly different, a critic battle or point counterpoint. Each critic will weight in on what they like or dislike about the selected film; two critics enter, everybody loses!

Crankenstein:

A bigfoot that tears off dicks, appendages and rapes human women? Sign me up I once said, that is until I sat down and watched this snoozefest!

Skunkape: Certainly the right attitude to have based on the accurate description, however, slighty boring while waiting for the action. This movie may not have what it takes to be a "best" worst movie but the stupid characters can be more than entertaining with their god awful dialogue between each bigfoot killing.

Crankenstein:It's like a nyquil bomb covered in ape hair with stupid characters, blood clots that trickle along in slo-mo and the film even wants to re-define what a sasqatch is, it's a fucking Bigfoot not in any way shape or form a demon! Let me outta here! 

Skunkape: I love the slow motion! Normally I can't stand it, for example at the end of They Call Her One Eye. It brings the climax of the film's excitement to a screeching halt  But in this film, when the keyboards of doom start to fade in with some growling noises you catch all the ridiculous facial expressions of the actors and the death scenes become funny. Just wait till you see Mr. Foot bang two girl scouts together Three Stooges style all in glorious slow-mo. They picked the wrong forest to sell cookies

Nyuck Nyuck Nyuck, gimme some Samoas!
 I'll Smash you Girl Scouts into "brownies"!

Crankenstein:The second time I watched it I was appropriately drunk and found it funnier that way, like certain bands or movies you should only go in heavily medicated before attempting that journey. There have been better "beast mating with women" films that have destroyed this one, like The Beast Within and Humanoids From The Deep. This one should rot in the same vault as other forgotten big foot bestiality epics (if other one's exist!!)

Skunkape: Ok so the Bigfoot rape could have been better, but Bigfoot love is still something you don't see everyday. It wasn't about Bigfoot just getting his rocks off in that scene,he genuinely wanted to be a dad and almost succeed. He loved Crazy Wanda(actually he loved normal Wanda but after he raped her she became known as Crazy Wanda) and if her father didn't kill the hairy little critter maybe he wouldn't be so pissed off. Yes drinking is recommended but have some redbull and vodka and don't watch to late and you'll be fine.

 Crankenstein: Highpoints for me were that sexy babe with the pointy nipples, the disembowelment toward the end and of course the biker getting his dick pulled off while urinating! Another monkey turd that doesn't deserve all the attention it got from the Video Nasty list.

"You can't piss on hospitality or Bigfoot!"

 

"Wipe your big feet on the mat before coming in the RV."

Skunkape: (My highest point is the sleeping bag death, watch as a poor bastard gets swung around in a circle in sleeping bag vision you get the POV shot of bigfoot holding the bag and he throws him right into some dead wood were the victim gets impaled on a branch. Ouch! Watching a biker pee, and seeing his wee is nasty even before it gets ripped off so keep it on the video nasty list but find a copy and indulge in the stupity because its a hoot.
 Crankenstein: I think if I watch something enough it grows on me, but in this case it just falls out of my brain like so many other forgettable junk. I understand why You enjoy it, but I can't help but despise this movie, its incredibly dark (almost entire shots don't register on the screen) and the acting and tension is non existent! I like Harry & The Hendersons a hundred times more than this flop! 

Skunkape, Blow it out your ass, you old stick in the mud!

Skunkape says "CHECK IT OUT"

"Cookin up some fried lips."

To much Botox

"You fertile baby?"

Night Of The Demon, not a Sid & Marty Kroft Production

Does the Bigfoot match the drapes?

Some crazy flowers for crazy Wanda.



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