Saturday, July 20, 2013

Yor Hunter from the Future

 If you need a beefy actor for your action film, you call Arnold Schwarzenegger, if he's not available maybe Jean-Claude Van Damme, if he can't do it perhaps Dolph Lundgren. Well you get the picture! All of these guys are to good for your shitty adventure film so it looks like your stuck with Reb Brown. Reb plays Yor, the mighty blonde barbarian who wears a medallion around his neck which holds the key to his past.(like Lonestar from Spaceballs)
 I will say that out of all the movies I've seen Reb Brown in, he's in top form physically. Unfortunately when the film begins that doesn't save him from looking like a goofball running down a mountain to the awesomely bad theme song Yor's World by Guido and Maurizio De Angelis . He looks as if he's going to lose his balance at any second.

"After I smack you, you'll be a Dino - Sore!"

Yor starts his day by saving the lovely Ka-Laa (Corinne Clery of Hitch Hike, Story of O) from a paper mache triceratops. Ka-Laa and her faithful guardian Pag (who looks like the Mentors' singer El Duce) take Yor back to their village. A few minutes later and the village gets attacked by some grubby cave dwelling tribe.They destroy everything and everybody except for our three heroes. Well maybe two heroes, Ka-Laa doesn't do to much except look good half naked. Pag at least has some skills with a bow and later we find out he's a pretty damn good trapeze artist.(that scene is priceless)

"What did you say your name was again, Ator?"

"I'm in the 4 -F Club."

Yor fights these cavemen and floods their beloved home(the caves), later he battles a rag clad fire worshiping tribe known as sand-people(insert Star Wars joke here) who worship a beautiful blonde women named Rea. Turns out, Yor and Rea are from the same race.(the blonde race perhaps?)They team up and fight their way out to freedom. When Yor reunites with Ka-Laa and Pag the addition of Rea creates a love triangle. Ka-Laa becomes jealous and cock blocks Yor every chance she gets! If this film was directed by Joe D' Amato instead of Antonio Margheriti, I'm sure the two ladies and Yor would be getting along just fine and enjoying a menage a trois within minutes. Luckily for Ka-Laa some remaining cave thugs who survived the flood show up and kill Rea giving her Yor all to herself.

Geico is so easy, that even a caveman can do it.

"Before I die, slip me the tongue!"

Yor and the gang discover another village, which of course is destroyed in minutes after they arrive but this time by lazers coming from the middle of the ocean. Yor takes a boat in order to see where these lazers are coming from and discovers an island run by a fellow known as Overlord (John Steiner). This  island is like no other with all kinds of technological advances and a deadly droid army. Is Yor any match for the Overlord and will he discover the mystery of his orgins there? Watch and see!

All Aboard, the Turd-tanic

"When you were little you starred in a reality show called Honey Yor Boo."

Infamous fat man on a trapeze scene

This film grows  on me every time I watch it. Sometimes the low budget action can seem tedious other times it can be a hoot depending on your mood. But if "yor" into Conan clones or even the occasional Road Warrior apocalypse knock off film then what are you waiting for? "Yor" in for a real treat!

7/10 on the CULT-O-METER

Theater of Guts
Tribute Trailer
It will be "Yor" favorite!

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