Friday, February 6, 2015

Fatal Love

Fatal Love (Wei quing) Directed By Lo Gin, Starring Nga Lun (1993).

The soundtrack pulsates with the nauseating beat of hospital clicking noises and the loud thud of a heartbeat (No, Don't cue the Don Johnson song just yet)! Breasts are unwillingly squeezed, a scream is bleated out and self defense classes are taken in a flashback, as we see how the attractive female protagonist ended up half dead in a hospital bed. A mousey girl who plays a Streetfighter arcade game, frames another innocent female by planting drugs in her locker. This offense results in her expulsion from the academy and she gets majorly pissed. The bitchy girl's mother played by Maria Cordero, offers to cook a "celebration egg" for her daughter and knows that Debbie has a bad reputation as a notorious liar.   

the celebration egg was also featured in Defending Your Life

Debbie is played by Ellen Chan Nga-Lun of The Wizards Curse and The Eternal Evil of Asia, two films a lot better then this tepid mess. The jaunty keyboard/saxophone music was very nauseating to me. There are two officers that school her in the ways of being an undercover cop, one is chubby with a short face, the other has a long face and giant ears. The subs fly at the screen so fast, that I had to rewind them a lot and the quick cutting makes it seem as if they left some major story elements on the cutting room floor (I was confused as to what was happening). What garbled mishmash I can piece together is that she must find a gangster named Fun Tin (Michael Wong Man-Tak) and either arrest or assassinate him. According to the synopsis on Imdb, after being thrown out of the police academy, she takes a job as an undercover spy to take down a murderous business tycoon.

Oh Hell no, I won't put out my cigarette 

 Debbie lies to her mom and says she's becoming a karaoke singer, nice cover up right? That's gotta be one of the worst story ever, but her dumb mother buys it! She immediately impresses a philanthropist named Fun Tin on the golf course and he checks out her butt in those tight pants. They go to a French restaurant and he tries to impress her with his ordering skills (man, this is pretty tame for a Cat III film that Chas described as "knocking your dick in the dirt", he was talking about the ending though . . .we shall see if said painful scenario will pan out).

Hong Kong Caddy Shack

They waste a lot of time, establishing their idiotic relationship which includes lots of exercising and dinners (wake me up when something interesting happens)! I like how she has a Bart Simpson alarm clock though, that was cool. She catches him engaged in some very kinky sex that includes a boxcutter, cigarette burns, it's mildly disturbing and also some foreshadowing for the finale. OK, so I'm willing to give this film the benefit of the doubt, perhaps it will get better. Fun Tin likes to collect guns and show them off, he carries an illegal hollow point bullet that we'll hopefully see do some rip roaring damage later (it doesn't).
Shorty and Long Face coming soon to the cast of Brooklyn Nine-Nine on FOX

Miss Chan is weary of this psycho and asks him if he enjoys hunting and he basically retorts with, "man is the most enjoyable animal to kill". There's nothing more frustrating than white on white subs, and Fatal Love has enough that you miss out on certain plot points. Luckily there's not much going on.

Fun plays a round of Street Fighter with a random girl and rapes her in a dark room, then it gets worse as he chops her up with a broken bottle and films it. The fanciful music is really annoying and threatens to take you out of the film.

All of a sudden the film takes a turn in the La Femme Nikita direction and Miss Chan is ordered to take out this psycho druglord. I hope it makes a u-turn and steers into gore town, I'm hoping that ending will deliver. For the second half of the film, he calls himself Fuk Tin (I'm thinking the subtitle people were smoking dope and couldn't type)! 
nothing worse than inferior Yam!

Tin should've been played by Simon Yam, he's a hybrid of his gangster character from The Naked Killer and Dr. Lamb with less interesting results (and for readers who didn't check out my Dr. Lamb critique, I pretty much despised it). The characters in this film are interchangeable and at times I thought the two females were the same person and I never do that! After reading the synopsis however I realized they are the same person in disguise, Doh! They add a dumpy Aunt character who's incredibly annoying. I hope that it hasn't come to the point where ToG has fully scraped all the chum from the bottom of the Deep Red bootleg catalog, but this one is really tedious and not worth checking out. 

With 23 minutes to go, Fuk kidnaps a random woman and douses her with gasoline--what is the point? The violence that finally surfaces is gratuitous and has no connection to the plot, which makes it completely ineffective and useless. Fuk Tin tricks Chan into falling in love with him (hence the title) and snapping soon after. After they have slow erotic sex (Yawn), he ties her up and rams a giant funnel down her throat. They cut away as he pours an assortment of liquids (two whole bottles of Scotch) and cereal down her throat. She timidly vomits a little bit (when she should look like Daniella Doria from Fulci's Gates of Hell). There's also another film under the same title with Molly Ringwald, try not to get them confused. 

Here's my Pee Wee Herman mad dog tooth brushing impression


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