Monday, February 16, 2015

Emanuelle Around The World

Emanuelle Around The World (Confessions of Emanuelle, Emanuelle Versus Violence Against Women) Starring Laura Gemser, Directed By Joe D'Amato (1977).

Before any credits role, the viewer is treated to one of many ugly 70's hump sessions, but then again we are waist deep in yet another D'Amato/ Gemser sex fantasy depraved thrill-rides known as the Emanuelle series (the extra "M" is left off to distance itself from the inferior "White Brit Silvia Krystal one"). 

Pretty much anything goes in these films, snuff, cannibals, this one includes a banana sex scene that's haunted me ever since I saw it at the mentally fragile age of 9. 
It begins with Gemser balling in the back of a moving van in San Francisco. It was especially exciting for me to see Emanuelle fuck her way around Frisco because I recognize most of the locations they show (I lived in Oakland for 10 years and I even worked at Alcatraz for a spell). None of the majestic city has really been paved over since the 70's, when this film originally came out. Even people in the city by the Bay know about the world famous tart and set her up in a glitzy hotel. Gemser is very attractive and looks a lot like Padma Lakshmi from TV's reality cooking charade "Top Chef". She bumps into Ivan Rasimov (who most cannibal film enthusiasts know as the cult leader in Eaten Alive and the blonde punching bag from Man from Deep River). 

what shampoo is that, Charlie the Tuna # 5?

This film has my absolute favorite rock song by Nico Fidenco, with it's retarded lyrics about "Needing a special light to take a Picture of Love". Emanuelle's philosophy as a journalist is that she screws her way around the world (hence the title) and yet remains free from the entrapments of "love and commitment" all in the name of equality and liberation of course. This is the secret to her success as a traveling journalist (although she must have a scorching case of gonorrhea). 

I need some more change for the homework hotline

I love the fluorescent warehouse location her slimy boss resides at, in Emanuelle in America and in this one, it was super funny when she bails on her job and takes a vacation, basically telling him to fuck off. Nick Alexander, Al Cliver's disembodied voice shows up this time dubbing a bearded hippie who tells her about a love cult (hopefully it's not of the Mike Myers "Love Guru" variety). Brigitte Petronio, the blonde actress who gets sliced and diced with a straight razor in House on the Edge of the Park by David Hess shows up to fondle the Indonesian temptress. She looks kind of like Cindy Brady with tits and mentions that she was almost gang raped by a Middle Eastern slavery syndicate. 

I hope Hess didn't sneak his way onto the set to finish the razor job

Then later, what do you know, but Mr. Anthropophagus hisself shows up, George Eastman! He watches as some of the grossest dong suckling and bone smuggling happens with multiple partners (Bleccchhhhhh)! This film just goes to show, how ugly human sex can get, you may want to keep a Howard Scott Up-Chuck Cup ready under your chin! Eastman is supposed to be Indian (and is dubbed by a guy who sounds like Apu), but looks more like a B-rate Jesus impersonator.

Clean up on all the aisles

As they show Gemser being graphically penetrated, her spread open genitals turn into a Caucasian women's private parts (I'm guessing she wouldn't go the full nine for D'Amato, And I must commend her for this act of dignity). The Indian cult leader goes on about the caste system and how Kama Sutra is important or something. He even bones Emanuelle, who's about as hard to persuade to engage in casual sex as unscrewing a jar of already loosened pickles! 

Let's both pat our heads and rub our bellies at the same time

Just like in Erotic Nights, when Georgey boy has sex, they never show penetration, because it's probably in his "never nude contract clause". I like how she uses the same spy camera journalism watch from Emanuelle in America to get some snap shots (or ahem. . . "snatch shots"). It gets real ugly once she unveils a Middle Eastern sex slave ring that starts off with dumb girls in Rome being picked up and used. Then the plot goes into how Emanuelle wants to empower these women and try to undermine the sex slave trade by hooking up with the victimized girls. 

Rolls Royce driving hot shots lead the girls into a rape trap. One thug who looks kind of like a smoother faced Billy Drago sicks his henchmen on a blonde and they viciously rape her (this point of the film starts to get really dark)!

Billy Drago, post face lift

One of the scariest one-eyed lowlives with a burnt face and a neck brace shows up and picks a girl to engage in forced entry with just like he's choosing a crustacean from the tank at Red Lobster. That repulsive display just sort of ends abruptly and then she hooks up with some other nameless dude. 
Cripes!! What are you up to now Stephen Collins from TV's 7th Heaven?

Now in Hong Kong, she encounters a seriously frightening individual named Chang who has a dungeon with women he tortures and hysterically laughs at in the bowels of his Chinese restaurant. Some of these scenes are straight out of a 50's Mort Kuntsler pulp mag as the Asian fellow maniacally cackles then puts a snake into a women's vagina and forces a German Shepard to have sex with a tied up and scared female (this part was very depressing to me)!  

Pinch me, I'm so happy I must be dreaming!

During the last 20 minutes, Joltin' Joe actually makes a cameo appearance as one of the Mid East investors. One floppy haired butt chinned Saudi business man has a threesome with Emanuelle and a blonde, offering his oil up in return.

Joey "Baggadonuts" D'Amato in da house

There's so much depraved sleaze constantly flowing throughout this film that its hard to discern which is the most appalling scene (I guess you could flip a coin and choose). The last five minutes are seriously disturbing as a naked girl is raped by five homeless guys and even Emanuelle is sexually assaulted. She just shrugs it off and jet sets away with Rasimov onto another sequel. I'm thoroughly fascinated by these films, they are disgusting, offensive, ugly, exploitive and completely fascinating. There's no way you can recommended these to a novice though, you certainly have to brace yourself when you view an Emanuelle film or a Joe D'Amato one in general.


experiencing erectile disfunction? Use a banana!

I specifically requested organically roasted hipster brew! 

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