Wednesday, August 7, 2013

The Simonetti Horror Project

The Simonetti Horror Project Directed By Claudio Simonetti & Felix Imevbore (1990).
If you are only familiar with Claudio Simonetti's soundtrack solo work or with Goblin, get ready to lose all respect for this man as you are bombarded by some of the most acid-washed "Keytarded", mullet sportin, eyeball raping, this side of a coked out 80's time warp! 
  Don't take this the wrong way, because I thoroughly enjoyed this promo concert, which resides somewhere in the overbloated universe of Spinal Tap meets Jan Hammer led by a business up front, party in the rear funky phantom.
  Witness one of the most atrocious versions of Deep Red you'll ever hear with rhymes by Dr. Felix, hip hop record scratching and sped up 'tra-la-la' singing. Felix obviously has never seen the film, taking the Ray Parker Jr. approach to songwriting and the retarded verses go "Deep Red, Let's have some fun".

   This concert has some of the most embarrassingly 80's over saturation of chroma-key and video toaster effects, with stale left overs from the Aqua-net era, apparently still the height of fashion in 1990's Italy. Speaking of poisoning the environment with hairspray, Claudio's ode to the destruction of the Ozone "Ozone Free" is featured, while grim pictures of space and the earth are projected over the band. There's a song called Craws (which reminds me of Robster Craws), a misspelled song from the Opera soundtrack. During "Tenebre", Simonetti pals around with his skeleton Alfred and mouths the lyrics into a headset which sound like Blabiddity Blap Blabittity Blap.
Thumpity Thump, Thumpity Thump, Thumpity Thump.
   There are an insane amount of Korg Keyboards,Roland Keyboards and Keytars with ColecoVision monitors fastened to the board in case the band needs to play a fast round of Donkey Kong! I'd imagine they just went into a Keytar shoppee and said we'll take everything! They may have even scored the same keyboard that Ferris Bueller had, who knows? 
   The stage is decorated by paper mache dragons and a gargoyle that resembles a mutant Frank Zappa. There's also a few music videos tacked on for Demons and Phenomena.            Simonetti and his crew beyond Goblin have always had that stink of euro-trash lingering on them and for those looking for comedy gold, it's required viewing, I cannot stress how fun and hysterical this video was! 
   There's not an inkling of self awareness, that maybe this was a terrible idea, which makes it so entertaining! The only thing I can compare it to is that Sports Tim & Eric video, some 80's guitar instruction by Yngwie Malmsteen or someone more hideous, it's that good!
   We here at TOG are ravenous fans of Claudio and there's no denying the man has talent, this is a must see purely for its cheese factor alone!
Stop! Dr. Felix Time

This is humiliatin!

Those are some Wack Beats Yo!

That's right folks, zero irony

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