Thursday, August 22, 2013

Negative Happy Chainsaw Edge

Negative Happy Chainsaw Edge Directed By Takuji Kitamura (2007).
Review By Goat Scrote
First of all, points for the title. That’s what made me give the first ten minutes of the movie a chance, and I was glad that I did. This is a pleasantly weird superhero-kung fu-supernatural-romance film, not so much a horror film. There’s no gore and no scares. In fact I don’t think anybody died at all. That’s something of a disappointment since there is a very scary-looking villain who would be right at home in a teen slash-a-thon. He’s a creepy cowled figure in black with lots of gratuitous chains and a big emm-effing chainsaw with pistons made of human skulls. This monster is such a badass he keeps his heart in a cage of bone in his chest. Yeah, I know, technically we all do that, but the way he does it is much, much cooler: His heart is partly exposed and the cage around it is held together by screws in the flesh. Now, if you or I walked around like this, it would be a serious problem for any number of reasons, not least of which is the fact that anyone could come along and stab us right in the heart. This is in fact what happens to the villain, but he demonstrates why he can walk around with his internal organs exposed: He pulls the knives out and throws them right back.
Seaworld Chainsaw Massacre
 The movie is centered around a series of inconclusive fights that occur between the superpowered heroine and the chainsaw-wielding villain. She is an ordinary woman who suddenly developed powers at the same moment the villain appeared for the first time, apparently. He always arrives flying out of the sky, chainsaw swinging, taking chunks out of the local scenery. She fights back with wire-fu powers, knives, golf clubs, and rakes. These encounters become so ritualized that at one point they make a joke of it, showing Chainsaw Man’s dramatic surprise arrival and then promptly cutting to the aftermath of the combat. Chainsaw Man eventually turns out to be sort of a manifestation of her own dark side, which is why she can only fight him to a standstill and never defeat him.
stop following me!

The main protagonist is actually her sidekick, a dopey guy who starts following her around after she saves him. This motorcycle-riding teenaged everyman promptly formulates the idiotic notion that he is going to beat Chainsaw Man to impress his crush, despite a complete lack of superpowers or basic common sense. Ultimately that’s pretty much what happens, though. There’s a weak subplot about one of his friends that used to be good at everything and then died, which is apparently supposed to be his motivation for, uh, trying to be a good motorcycle rider or something. Feel free to skip over those bits and just watch the fight scenes, because those are a lot of fun.


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