Saturday, February 16, 2013


Contamination Directed By Luigi Cozzi. Starring Ian Mcculloch (1980)           
            When Luigi Cozzi made Contamination he took the poster for Alien, borrowed a little from Invasion of the Body Snatchers and went to the fridge to see what other moldy eggs or gunk stuck in there might also inspire him. Clearly eggs and people in hazmat suits are a nice chunk of the hilarity that occurs in Contamination and that Goblin score keeps you sedated and glued to the screen. It's a lot of fun and the best Luigi Cozzi film in my opinion. I actually saw his stupid Lou Ferrigno Hercules movie in the theater with my dad when it came out.
            Cozzi is a huge sci fi nerd (he also made that Buck Rogers deleted episode with Joe Spinell, otherwise known as StarCrash) and seems inspired by all the classics, consider him an Italian Forest Ackerman but with less money (and even less talent).
            I always love when Al Cliver's disembodied voice shows up (or Ed Mannix), it dubs a few people in this one, it's gotten more work then Al himself.
            An unmanned ship full of corpses is found (similar to the one in Zombi 2) but only giant green eggs are on board, they sing, gyrate and explode.
            The green eggs travel off the boat and now are hanging out at a coffee bean factory and unleash their deadly yoke in the faces of a clean up crew. It starts a gruesome chain reaction of bursting organs and a shower of what resembles a gushing overstuffed human bean burrito.
             Louise Marleau plays Col. Stella, originally Cozzi wanted Caroline Munro, but was pressured by the producers to hire this significantly older Canadian actress instead. She works at an experimental government defense lab. The score is pretty rad and sounds like heavy bass (Goblin's Fabio Pignatelli is a maniac on the instrument) played over Atari sounds. The title track sounds like the middle part of “Heart of The Sunrise” by Yes but with overdriven videogame noises.
            I'm glad they took the chest bursting from Alien concept to irrational lengths and there are tons of slo-mo shots of meaty intestines flying around. In Alien a single chest is busted open, but in Contamination the eggs cause the rupture just from being picked up.
            Two spaceman; Hamilton and Hubbard are accused of delivering the menace from Mars to Earth and sought out by the defense team of scientists. Ian Mcculloch, every gore fans favorite crispy haired bloke plays Ian Hubbard (son of old Mother). Everything in his house is plaid and liquor bottles are lying around everywhere. Hubbard is all broken up about his boyfriend Hamilton betraying their friendship and covering up the egg conspiracy. Stella bullies Ian into a trip to S. America and he slaps her full force in the face. It turns out Hamilton is running an alien Easter egg sanctuary hidden in a delightful coffee factory. Apparently in this film, eggs can only be smuggled in as coffee with no exceptions! I mean eggs and coffee are synonymous with breakfast… it’s all making sense now right?
            A big egg that looks like a glowing slimy football is dropped next to the toilet while Stella is showering. It makes slow groaning stomach type sounds or slowed down Chewbacca.
            Ian hangs out in the jungle during one scene, rambling about zombies (perhaps he wandered onto the island of Matool by accident). Instead he finds hazmat suit wearing egg farmers who use microwaves to incubate the alien spawn. The basement cyclops (or the mother alien) looks like something off a Sam Arkoff poster, it crunches Stella's spaceman boyfriend. I love Contamination, highly recommended! It's split up in parts right now on Youtube so watch it that janky way or buy the DVD.  

I'm what some refer to as a Science MILF
Wampa's easter egg cave
Have you seen this bloated chicken McNugget?
Don't leave me hangin bro!
Making of Contamination

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