Monday, February 11, 2013

Centipede Horror

Centipede Horror (Wu Gong Zhou) Directed by Keith Li (1984 or 88 not sure).
            These ain't no Atari style Centipedes or human variety, these are the genuine article, the roaches wormy cousin. The narrator sounds like he recorded his dialogue in an infested bathroom and he most likely did to get some live footage of these multi-legged varmints. Two siblings go on an island vacation to South East Asia where they have roadside grass jelly(wha?) and ground coconuts you drink from, Andrew Zimmern would be in Centipede Horror Heaven!           
            The sister and her friend get some unfriendly crawly attention in the forest from the pesky creatures and are hospitalized, one even dies of a heart attack! The brother is very distraught over it and the doctors blame it on leftover atomic dust from Hiroshima! 
            Carnival barkers selling snake oil like in Killer Snakes and Calamity Of Snakes show up once again and are taken seriously for curing diseases! I only wish that was bullshit and senseless killing of animals for virility was fiction! They actually let this medicine show reject into the hospital before someone can yell SECURITY! her face breaks out into black boils and she dies. Some of the music is stolen from The Terminator, Rocky 3 and Poltergeist!!!

나는 바보 동정
            It's pretty cheesy that they would steal the music and apply it to their own emotional moments. Centipede Horror likes to use methods of fixing everything beyond science and medicine by relying on magic and nonsense!  It turns out the grass jelly salesman is some kind of evil wizard in on the centipede revenge. Another medicine man (who looks like an Asian Walter Matthau) uses invisible voodoo kids to do his bidding,who he calls little peas, this is one freaky forest! The Matthau looking priest puts stamps all over the naked girls body and plays the drums with giant meat bones all the while singing "Wacka-Do, Wacka-Do". This causes her to vomit up scorpions.
          The movie takes odd detours that add weird moments that don't connect to anything and there's hardly any centipedes, what gives?
          The old wizard has that Shaw Brothers style soiled wig and uses black magic to control the brother character, a magic amulet that he wears prevents his death. There's a bad ass wizard battle toward the end with ringing bells and a fire circle as centipedes get vomited out. 
          During the last few minutes they must have paid the bug wrangler, because the centipedes are back in action! The wizard had also possessed the brother character's girlfriend, he doesn't notice the million little critters scurrying outside his apartment because he's making out with his lady (possessed by a man). Comin up is probably the strangest shit I've seen in awhile (and that's really saying something)! A group of what I can only guess are ghostchickens returning for retaliation for being sacrificed are lazerbeamed! The wizard responsible for the whole centipede catastrophe is burned alive and things don't really go back to normal, just lots of puke hits the fan. Barforama!

Keep away from my magic donuts

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