Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Calamity of Snakes


Calamity of Snakes. Directed by Chi Chang. Starring Ying Lee. (1983).
   If you are fond of snakes then turn this movie off immediately because it fucking HATES Snakes! I know it says directed by Chi Chang, but Skunkape and I are convinced that it was ghost directed by Indiana Jones. I know what you are thinking, that's just a Spielberg invented character, well whoever Mr. Chang is he has a seething vile hatred of legless reptiles and he wants them punished!
   Calamity is one of those grainy, eyeball straining Hong Kong flicks that shows no mercy to its viewers all five senses (bad dubbing,geek show gore,dumb characters, it even smells like a pet store)! Right in the beginning a giant forklift is plunged into a gravel pit of genuine snakes and they are smushed a hundred times until they turn into greenish red pulp. The poor serpents are sold on the black market for all kinds of erroneous remedies like virility, handsomeness, you name it! Samuel L. Jackson was in his 30's when this was made,I imagine he shouted his famous tagline at people in line at the theaters to see this cheese ball snake flick and was pleased as punch to hear these white devil reptiles got what they deserve!
  The IMDB listing for the actors have no names for characters at all and little information (when's that Criterion edition coming out)? The film is watchable for Hong Kong insanity completists only and snake haters (I felt sorry for the poor critters). Oh and I almost forgot there's a giant mongoose who dines on a snake and also a bizarre interpretive dance troupe involving Dig Dug-esque people in hazmat suits with flame throwers! This whole mess has the feeling of H.G. Lewis manning the controls of a terrible karate flick. Pretty gross but in a cartoony way. There's an odd scene where a fat woman eats and eats all sped up while they insert a real pig eating from a trough, so apparently they hate fat women as well as snakes! Watch the whole shebang and many more over at B-movies.com


Are we not Dig Dug?

This hurts you more then it hurts me!

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