The End of The Wicked (1999)

The End of The Wicked (1999)
Directed by: Teco Benson
Written by: Teco Benson (screenplay), Helen Ukpabio (story)
Review by: "Machine Gun" Kristin 

I discovered "End Of The Wicked" through a user made list of movies on the website, letterboxd.com. The list is titled: Atrocities, Odditites, Trash, Trippy, Religious, Tinfoil Hat, WTF, The Worst in Film & Video and boy, is it ever. haha. After sifting through over a thousand films in the list, I found some hand painted posters produced in Ghana. I recently researched these strange film posters, which are displayed and preserved in a nice space in Chicago called the Deadly Prey Gallery. There, you can look at the many different types of movie posters, all pretty much the same style, painted in oils onto hand sewn flour bags. The poster interpretations of American films (mostly action and horror) are just as strange as you may have anticipated if you're familiar with other bizarre foreign posters from countries such as Thailand or Poland. The Ghana posters are in wide, gruesome brush strokes and make some movies look way more interesting than they actually are haha. I couldn't help but be reminded of the "The Mutilator" drawing from the art classroom scene in "Ghost World".

"Oh. I thought maybe this was supposed to be your father."

The thin plotline of "End Of The Wicked" consists of a group of Nigerian shape-shifting Beelzebub worshippers with what looks like hamburger meat plastered onto their faces. Their Lord is a white face make up covered man with a hairy bloody chin and Fat Albert's voice. He commands them to retrieve enough blood to fill a lake in 24 hours, although this goal is never achieved. The dialogue is either difficult to understand through bad audio and thick accents, which ends up being really unintentionally funny. In one scene, where a group of children are being initiated into the Satanic cult, a girl is told to "blow up all electronics in your home, drink bleach, glasses and then cause fever and failure to all of the children in your home" 

 

Beelzebub's Glamour Shot

The sets look to be decorated from those terrible large shops that say "antiques", where everything is brand new, dark pink, fake period piece style chairs, and particle board entertainment systems. Bleecchhh. Or better yet, they hired the set decorator from one of those strange religious shows that sometimes pop up on broadcast TV, with the giant desks and potted ferns in the background. I'd imagine this movie is a cross between "Black Devil Doll From Hell" (which I still haven't seen yet) and "Mystics In Bali" for the absurd special effects and bizarre, super awkward perverse scenes. In "Bali", the floating head (with organs intact), eats a baby right out of the womb, whereas in "Wicked", we're assaulted with the visual of main character Chris' Satan-worshipping mother (aka Lady Destroyer) raping his wife with a giant magic penis. Fun! Even better, we're somehow treated to not one, but two scenes involving bloody crotches! Yay! I feel like I should be running down the "drive-in totals" like Joe Bob Briggs there are so many wacky things in this gawd-awful movie. In one scene (brought to life in a GIF I made below), the evil children summon a plate of inedible looking pasta on the back of some poor guy while he's trying to sleep. After they devour it with their bare hands, the man wakes up in major back pain. So gross. Later, this same man is subjected to his eyes literally popping out of his head in a dream and he wakes up blind. I'm not even 100% sure what he did that was horrible to deserve this, but he ends his life by stabbing himself to death. He definitely made somebody in this movie mad. 

"I Wanna RAWK!"

Meanwhile, our main man Chris is (unbeknownst to him) still constantly being tortured by his witch mother throughout this movie. Until he's finally transformed into a goat and his throat is slaughtered. They appear to have actually sawed a poor goat's throat to achieve this scene and it is gruesome and horrible to watch. Speaking of real life horrors, this movie was concocted by Helen Ukpabio. She appears in this film as a pastor who I guess is supposed to save everyone from evil, but that doesn't seem to happen. This film was produced by Ukpabio's company called Liberty Foundation Gospel Ministries and it's basically Christian propaganda. She's a wealthy evangelist that apparently through her teachings has influenced many to abandon and sometimes actually murder their children believing that they are in fact witches in disguise. There is a documentary on the subject called Dispatches Saving Africa's Witch Children on YouTube. There's a barrage of very negative press about her career and her bizarre teachings. She was actually banned from entering Britain in 2014 and she has sued the British Humanist Association (BHA) for defamation for basically twisting her words around. BHA's reply: 

“The fact that she is threatening to launch a legal claim for half a billion pounds over an alleged distinction between being accused of exorcising "Satan" or "Vampires" tells you all you need to know about Ms Ukpabio.”

Completely crazy! 

Watch "End Of The Wicked" (in two parts, first part linked here) HERE!

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Wilczyca AKA She-Wolf (1983)

Wilczyca AKA She Wolf

Directed by: Marek Piestrak

Starring: Krzysztof Jasinski, Iwona Bielska, Stanislaw Brejdygant
Review by: "Machine Gun" Kristin 

Boy did I want to like this one! The opening to similar to "Don't Torture A Duckling", with horrific images of animals eating one another. In this case, a bird picks at a dead, mutilated horse, that looks much too realistic. Matter of fact, there are many scenes of animal cruelty in this that are pretty questionable. Are they real? Are they not? Horses basically scream like crazy in one scene and a dog looks like he's really hurt. The rarity of this film makes it difficult to trace the origins of its creation, so we don't know for sure if there were any animals actually hurt in the making of this movie.

I chose to watch "Wilczyca" solely based on the poster artwork. I know, I know, that could totally go either way. I know I was definitely duped by the Giallo film, "Eyeball". The poster is crazy! So of course, how bad could it be? Well, it stunk! haha. I've even done a past review here on TOG for it. Here in "Wilczyca", we're in Poland, which is unusual within itself. I don't know of too many Polish horror films in particular. They certainly run the gamut on insane poster artwork though. I guess I should've let that be a hint as to the incoherent storytelling I was about to suffer through. I actually did some reading of other reviews after I watched it, which I never do because I don't want to influence my opinion of a film before I start writing. In "She-Wolf's" case, I had to because I had no idea what was going on. There is so much regional, political back story that I didn't understand the events taking place much. There's a pretty concise review on Braineater that explains the plot completely. Even so, it still doesn't save this movie.

From what I could dig up research wise, those who are familiar with the Polish language have pandered the subtitled adaption to be pretty inaccurate in some spots. I'm just thankful that there's any attempt at a translation. I've watched a few movies in the past, (such as a VHS copy of "Cristo Te Ama" which is a 1970s drug infused Mexican exploitation film), that had no subtitles at all, so I had to sort of connect the dots based on visuals only. Apparently in "She Wolf", there's a scene where he refers to somebody as a "bumpkin", which is a goofy word to use within itself, but he actually meant something more complementary than that. Pretty funny. The main character, Casper is completely unlikable, scratch that, no one is likeable! hahaha. He beats his wife Myrna, who lays dying after after a botched abortion (scandalous!) in the opening scene. Casper's been away for months and has just come back. She says that she'll die like a bitch! Whoa! What a thing to say! Turns out, she's a bitch indeed-a dog, er, werewolf! She's even clutching a wrapped up paw from a wolf! Ewww! I guess the best thing to do when your husband is an asshole that beats you and then leaves you for months at a time, is to just pick up witchcraft to pass the time. I mean, hell, it's the 19th century, what else are you going to do? In a later scene, Casper's brother describes Myrna's bizarre behavior, while they're pulling her rough looking casket in the terrifyingly snowy backdrop. Other reviews of "Wilczyca" have described the drenched in snow scenery as "beautiful", but personally it creeped me out. It seemed like the most depressing place to possibly be. While they're burying her, the older brother (I forget his name), starts whittling a wooden steak and says nonchalantly that Casper has to hammer it into his dead wife's heart. Ughhhhh.

From here, the movie draaags. They introduce some more unlikable characters such as Juliet, who is played by the same actress as Myrna. I actually did not notice that until towards the end when Casper realizes it himself. The print of this I watched was pretty grainy, so that may have been why I didn't notice. Or maybe, I just didn't really care, haha. I'm sure there's more I could say about the actors, but I guess if you can't say anything nice, you probably shouldn't say anything.

Besides the beginning scene, the steak hammering and the real or not animal cruelty, the gore in this is pretty minimal. They basically save it all for the end of the film, which is a pity, because it's hard to say if anyone's even made it that far. Thankfully the film clocks in at about an hour and 38 minutes, so it's not excruciatingly long. "Wilczyca" has received some mixed reviews from what I could dig up. People seem to either love it or hate it. I can't say that I hated it, but I don't think I'm going to be watching it again anytime soon. It definitely did its job in creeping me out, but probably not in the way that the filmmakers intended.

RATING: 👨🏻👨🏻 2 mustaches!

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Argento's "Three Mothers" Trilogy

“Suspiria” (1977), “Inferno” (1980), “Mother of Tears” (2007)

by Goat Scrote

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In director Dario Argento’s trilogy of horror films, the Three Mothers of Sorrow are powerful malefic witches who are greedy for wealth and power. They live in special homes designed for them many years ago by an alchemist, who didn’t realize their wicked natures until too late. Mater Suspiriorum, the Mother of Sighs, lives in a dance academy in Freiburg, Germany. Mater Tenebrarum, the Mother of Darkness, lives in an apartment building in New York City. Mater Lachrymarum, the Mother of Tears, lives in a mansion in Rome.

     The witches secretly rule the world from these hiding places but they are actually portrayed as quite petty and self-destructive. This begs the question, why haven't the witches used their long lives to amass material wealth and mundane political influence, instead of just going on occasional killing sprees?

  Argento’s film “Tenebre” (1982) is unrelated to the series despite the title. “Inferno” is the film which deals with Mater Tenebrarum. Exploitation director Luigi Cozzi made an unofficial sequel to the series in 1989 which has carried a number of titles, including “The Black Cat” and “Demons 6: De Profundis”. I’ve discussed it already elsewhere because it is also a fake sequel to the “Demons” series.

     If you're interested in where Argento got his inspiration for these movies, be sure to scroll down to the bottom of the article for a brief discussion of the book "Suspiria de Profundis".

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Suspiria *****

     This horror film is legendary for very good reasons. The story is flawed but everything else more than makes up for it. It’s not hyperbole to call it fine art.

SIGHT *****

     One of the most visually stunning movies ever made. The composition and camera work are beautiful and inventive. The use of lush primary colors and geometric motifs makes for an incredible viewing experience. The movie has a look all its own which has been imitated many times but never duplicated (not even by Argento).

SOUND *****

     Also one of the great film soundtracks, composed by Claudio Simonetti and Goblin. The way sound and music are used in this movie is just as important as the visuals. The sound design has an otherworldy and menacing quality which builds unease throughout.

SCARES *****

     A tense nightmarish feeling, like a fever dream, pervades the whole movie. The death scenes, although there are only a few, are unpredictable and intense. They don’t always make sense — dreams are like that — but that doesn’t stop them from being scary.

STORY **

     The plot is murky and at best adequate, although one could argue that this actually contributes to the dreamlike quality of the film. The story is set primarily at a prestigious dance academy full of sinister characters in the Black Forest of Germany. Horrible events are underway and the school is at the center. A hidden coven of witches lashes out at anyone who threatens their veil of secrecy, leading to a string of bizarre "accidents" and murders around the city. The coven is led by the evil Mater Suspiriorum, the Mother of Sighs.

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Inferno ***

     What sets “Inferno” apart from other Italian horror flicks is its visual flair. It’s not a very scary nor a particularly absorbing movie, unfortunately, but it's almost as gorgeous as its predecessor.

SIGHT *****

     “Inferno” is beautiful. Visually, it's a worthy successor to “Suspiria”. Striking colors, geometric patterns, and beautiful shot compositions create individual frames which could stand as artworks in their own right. It’s worth seeing it in the best quality you can manage because it’s all about the visuals.

SOUND ***

     The score is written by Keith Emerson. There are times when his music fits seamlessly, and other times it seems to go in its own direction and belong in an “Omen” film or a 70’s TV show. The clashing music sabotages several of the scary scenes in the latter half. Some of the characters are musicology students which offers a logical way to bring some effectively-used classical music into the soundtrack. The sound design lacks the nightmarish intensity which helped propel the first movie. Hard to rate because it is so all-over-the-place sound-wise.

SCARES ***

     It has a few very creepy scenes. The tense early scene of a woman swimming in a fancy apartment submerged underwater is particularly haunting and surreal. The few great moments like this are spaced too far apart. The scares are sometimes undermined by unintentional comedy, such as an attack by ill-tempered house cats, or a guy screaming “Rats are eating me!” as he dies. The disappointing special effects at the end seem to belong in a campy 60’s era Vincent Price film.

STORY **

     The backstory of the Three Mothers is further fleshed out and continues to make hardly any sense. The two surviving witches both commit some murders in this film. The focus is on Mater Tenebrarum as she tries to preserve her New York hiding place. For all her supposed magical power she mostly uses knives to kill people. The unsatisfying ending hinges on the inability of the mighty witch to cope with a mundane household accident.

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The Mother of Tears ***

     “Mother” tries for an epic high-fantasy scope, with many characters demonstrating magical knowledge and abilities. The attempt to top the previous two movies hinges pretty much entirely on upping the gore, body count, and sexual perversity. Argento discards the more restrained and stylized approach which made the other two films stand out. "Mother of Tears" falls far short of the grand climax to the series which it was meant to be.

SIGHT ***

     It just looks like a pretty ordinary modern horror movie sprinkled with some truly awful CGI. The palette is mostly earth tones, with lots of black. Stylistically it is jarringly different from (and inferior to) the look and design of the first two movies.

SOUND ***

     Professional and competent, with some good work by Claudio Simonetti. Nothing too out of the ordinary here either, though. It just sounds like a typical scary movie. The loud nonstop shrill laughter of most of the witches sounds too much like a stereotypical caricature of witches cackling in a corny old cartoon. This makes it hard to keep a straight face during many moments which ought to have been full of tension.

SCARES **

     This movie is a little bit boring despite waves of gross-out gore and violence that sweep across the screen. It has the bloodiest and most sadistic kills of the series. That's super, but it doesn't make up for the lack of any real suspense or chills.

STORY **

     Mater Lachrymarum retrieves an artifact which greatly amplifies her power. She summons lesser witches from all over the world to join her, and the entire city of Rome descends into madness under their evil influence. The plot is the most coherent of the three (which isn't saying much), but unlike the first two it’s mostly a chase movie. The way they show the people of the city slowly turning into homicidal maniacs in the background of the main action is a nice touch. Mater Lachrymarum's defeat is a bit of an anticlimax, unfortunately.

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Argento's Source Material

      The characters of the Three Mothers of Sorrow originate from “Suspiria de Profundis” (“sighs from the depths”), a book of “prose poems” or imaginative essays written by Thomas de Quincey (favorite subject: drugs). It was first published in partial form in 1845 and remains very incomplete. Charles Baudelaire translated parts of the work into French and quoted it in his 1860 “Les paradis artificiels". (Translation “Artificial Paradises”. Topic: drugs.)

     The specific piece of de Quincey’s work which inspired Argento’s series of films is called “Levana and Our Ladies of Sorrow”. The Mothers were inspired by mythological triads such as the Fates and the Furies. For de Quincey, they were personifications of the trials and burdens which had shaped his life. Levana was a Roman goddess related to childbirth and is a fourth, distinct figure in the essay. It's quite a good piece of writing, considered a literary masterpiece in fact, and it’s only a handful of pages long. You could read it. It’s worth the time.

GUTS FIELD REPORT: NASHVILLE MIDNIGHT MOVIE at The Belcourt: LHODES

Some of you may be aware that I now reside in the location of HILLBILLIES IN A HAUNTED HOUSE and a few Altman films aka Nashville! At this very week I'm actually making my escape from the suburbs of Franklin, a white privilege, Disney-fied conservative utopia to a more Liberal, diverse location, fingers crossed things turn out better! I used to live in Oakland but am confined here for awhile until it gets less expensive in the Bay Area. Enough of my yakking though lets boogie!

Ahhhh-- LAST HOUSE ON DEAD END STREET, what can I say, I love this flick! If you haven't read my review from a few years ago click this link. It's mind boggling to me that this scuzzy, surrealistically unpleasant lowbrow flick played at The Belcourt theatre, I was out of my skull excited, but did anyone else appreciate it? I'm not entirely sure; let me rundown all the things that went on that night worth mentioning. 

There was a super fun theme related drink called "It's Only A Drink", hearkening to the Wes Craven tag line, which was also borrowed from Dave Friedman and H.G. Lewis' trailer for COLOR ME BLOOD RED (which went "It's just a picture, keep telling yourself"). 

Like my Humanities teacher once said, "The best artists steal but no one notices"!

The first time this movie was broken down, analyzed and eviscerated (like Nancy Palmer on the operating table was) in the infamous Deep Red Horror Handbook. Chas spoke about how it was required viewing, convincing me to order the bootleg in high school, which in turn warped Skunkape's mind when I let him borrow it. Let's be crystal clear if it weren't for Balun raving about it, not many would've heard of this movie. That's why Barrel Entertainment got him to record one of the most legendary commentary tracks along with Roger Watkins (both are sadly deceased now and the world is worse off)! Later on that led to the DVD which is now out of print. That commentary session was moderated by John Szpunar, author of Xerox Ferox and the upcoming book "Blood Sucking Freak, The Life and Films of Joel M. Reed. "

In the pre-internet days everything surrounding this ghastly alleged snuff film was all still speculation because no one knew that Terry Hawkins (Roger Watkins), the main actor was also behind the camera until he revealed this on a message board in the early aughts. 

So here's what went down, I hit the road with my LHODES Rotten Cotton shirt (CLICK LINK TO BUY ONE), which everyone was knocked for a loop--half impressed and slightly weirded out that I was such a diehard fan. None of the kids that worked there had seen the film yet, but I convinced them that it was "gnarly as fuck" and depressing! The dude at the candy counter wondered if it was similar to an Argento film and I said "No, that's too glossy, think more grimy". I bumped into a new friend that I had made last week during the last midnight screening named Chad R., who was the only other person who got there early enough to catch the pre-show of whacked out trailers and related short films. 

Both of us in an empty theater instantly reminded me of the time I saw the afternoon premiere of NIGHTBREED at the Coral Springs Mall theater in Florida. The guy seeing the Clive Barker film yelled "WHAT TIME IS IT?" from the last seat all the way against the wall and it spooked me a little, I'm fairly certain he bailed after that. 

I go well with those Red Lobster cheddar biscuits 

They showed a silent surrealistic foreign short that I didn't catch the name of, which had close-up shots of statue faces (similar to the opening of Dead End St. perhaps)? Next a tripped out Satanic acid soaked propaganda short called "Virgin Sacrifice," which actually steals footage from the last midnight movie I watched "I DRINK YOUR BLOOD", another favorite of mine. Then came an extended prevue for THE WIZARD OF GORE (as a split second tribute to H.G. Lewis, R.I.P.).

Two cute girls in front, who had a Manson/ hickster thing going on, I couldn't tell, it was dark. One quipped that she thought Roger Watkins' acting style was on the level of Tommy Wiseau--now that's one of the most off base comments I can fathom in reaction to this, but that's what my ears picked up.

The slice and dice overdubs and especially the genuine slaughterhouse footage caused one of the females to throw up her hands in a "Gimme a fucking break" sort of motion and then she mentioned that she is a meat eater. I'm guessing she felt hypocritical at that remark.

I'M DIRECTING THIS FUCKING MOVIE YAWNNN!

The print that Vinegar Syndrome presented had some noticeable differences from the bootleg version and the restored out of print DVD. First of all the Ken Fisher digging into the entrails went on a lot longer in the beginning and at the "operation table" portion. The music during Terry's seduction of Nancy Palmer was groovy and lightened up the moment, it's called Cybernetic Fast. The wah-wah guitar almost gave it a cheesy 70's porn vibe, which is in total contrast to the frenetic darkness that envelopes this entire freak-out.

Is it inappropriate if i sing I AM YOUR DENTIST right now?

Two dudes behind me, who had giant tubs of popcorn cackled a few times, I was actually delighted to see this noticeable response and I gotta hand it Trashville theater goers, you have more of a sense of humor than the "pindrop" silence I've endured in the past during a few 80's slashers like MANIAC and THE BURNING at a screening of my favorite SF theater The Castro, I hate to say. Don't fret Oakland buds, I'd still saw my own foot off with a rusty hacksaw to live in the Bay again!

I still think the party scene with the hunchback, minstrel show and kid bringing out the whip on a pillow like a hotel mint is uncomfortably hysterical--it's just very surreal. Roger Watkins is a student of surrealism and takes this shit seriously, but he pretty much is a speed freak porn director who branched out and created one of the nastiest horror flicks imaginable and totally nailed it! Besides Joe D' Amato who else can claim that title? On the big screen, I did notice profuse chomping at air, open maws and it seems like all the actors were zonked out on heavy drugs, I wonder if this level of commitment would've existed without it? The chanting was more audible to me and I forget how the dialogue is repeated and kind of goes in waves of "I'm making a movie, I'm directing this fucking MOOVVIIIEEE". The last 40 minutes are almost excruciatingly hostile and disturbing, everyone seemed captivated until the last eyeball was popped. The thumping bass of the heartbeats were seriously loud!

I didn't let any of the snarky comments ruin my experience and it was fun to see people's reactions and I can't wait to check out the next midnight show which is THE GREASY STRANGLER (which looks like if Todd Solonz tried to do a porn parody of FROM BEYOND). Looking forward to that!

   

      

The Devils

The Devils Directed By Ken Russell, Starring Oliver Reed (1971)

I was super stoked to find this rare gem at Amoeba records for cheap! Not only was the price right, but it's unbelievable to me that this film seems almost like it's banned in the U.S.! I mean yes, this is still sadly a cripplingly religious nation, we only find this bullshit out during election time when all the religious fascists crawl out of their loony bins. But come on, this is 2016, censorship is practically dead and it's a mystery to me as to why this film is unavailable when any kid can dial-up Cannibal Holocaust on Youtube or Hulu in pristine condition. Who cares though, I have a copy now that looks astoundingly good from the VHS version I had in the 90s. I remember lending my copy to Skunkape, which I got from Chas Balun's VHS catalog of course, when we were both in TV production school together and he didn't seem impressed. He later confided to me that this wasn't the case, it was more along the lines of what the fuck did I just watch and it took him awhile to process it. I'm not Catholic and have always enjoyed it when cinema takes the wind out of the sails of organized religion so I was onboard from the beginning. My oddball childhood in a Christian cult still makes me nervous about overly-religious people. 

Did you just beef, or is that my upper lip?

I love how immediately they establish how all of this really happened (it's based on The Devils of Loudon by Aldous Huxley and John Whiting's adapted play). It's the bizarre tale of Urbain Grandier, who's crime of being lusted after by all the sexually oppressed nuns condemned him to a painful death of being burned alive at the stake. The film begins with Baron Munchausen looking androgynous French men in gaudy make-up and lipstick, who praise the union of Church and State. The effeminate villains are based on the real Louis XIII and Cardinal Richelieu. Meanwhile, Father Grandier (Oliver Reed) presides over a funeral where Catholics and Protestants have stopped waring and he wants to keep the peace. The King and Loudun have an agreement that states they will not level their city and it's protected from witch-hunters waltzing in and taking over. Although once rumors of demonic possession hit the air, the security granted to the city all comes crashing down.

Lets trade funny hats, mine's hiding those delightful French macaroons

There's so many creepy crawly things to enjoy, beginning with "Dies Irea" (otherwise known as that song from The Shining). It's interesting to note that one of the most terrifying composers Krzysztof Penderecki who's music was used in the Stanley Krubrick film also based an opera on the Devils of Loudun.

Nobodeee knoowwws the trouble I seeen...

Some of the horniest nuns ever led by Sister Jeanne (Vanessa Redgrave), a psychotic hunchbacked one all seem to worship Reed's character. Just the sight of him sends this freak into a spooky sexual fantasy of flowing red hair as they show her deformed naked spine bursting at the back. Everyone seems repressed and on the verge of a psychotic breakdown--it's all so tense! Grandier (Reed) is very pompous and acts like a megalomaniac, he's just impregnated a topless mime girl and with a mouth full of flowery words basically tells her to fuck off. He lays on some freezing dialogue like "hold my hand, it's like touching the dead", translation: "don't be hitting me up for child support you clown-faced ho." There's some foreshadowing that he ends up paying for later, can this dude help it though, that he's so disgustingly charming I mean? I'm sure all those birthers and bible thumpers probably carry the same kind of infatuation for Joel Osteen.

I know I'm a Juggalette and all but treat me with respect 

Hardly a minute goes by when there isn't something ghastly that bashes you over the head, like two medieval surgeons fucking up and killing a woman by way of wasp stings, crocodile bites and who knows what else in the guise of primitive medicine. Grandier is openly defiant, hated and lusted after by most of the population.

It's time to Crocodile Rock BITCHES!

The convent looks like a mental institution, which is definitely not accidental. I like how there's always a stray dog wandering around in the background in almost every other scene. All females in this movie are nursing a boner for Reed, he's the luckiest rooster struttin around and taking advantage--that sly dog. This movie and The Brood are my favorite roles of Reed's and he's pretty incredible in both, very intense and yet also irrationally calm. 

The nuns sexualizing Christ's pain on the cross reminds me of something Mel Gibson might have wet dreams about. There are many scenes in this movie that are hysterically disturbing, but it doesn't get to that Bill Maher level of religious hatred toward everything Godly like you'd imagine. It's very blasphemous, but I found an underlying current of positivity when Reed's priest character seems to actually have faith in his own interpretation of God. Even though Grandier is really slutty and sins, he still carries a humanist approach to religion and doesn't preach at people, or threaten them if they don't fall in line. He has many flaws, but is a decent leader. The first inkling that everything is about to go down the toilet at the hands of the Catholic transgendered mimes seen in the beginning, arrives with a Flintstones style demolition machine operated by slaves with bloody raw feet in a giant hamster wheel. There's so many incredible flashes of medieval weirdness that are on a Bergman level of cryptic. The depiction of 15 Century France is pretty disturbing and seemingly accurate of the rich shooting Protestants dressed as birds on the courtyard. Who knows, maybe they did that shit, I wouldn't put it past them, it's wilding entertaining and I love almost everything from this time period of witch burning. Ken Russell's film had to be influenced by Michael Reeves' Witchfinder General, since it came out a few years earlier but he claims to have not liked the Vincent Price film for some unknown reason.           

SPRING BREAK!!!!

Gemma Jones who plays Reed's wife Madeline, later on ended up in some Harry Potter films and this is her first role. I was delighted to find out that Graham Armitage who plays Louis XIII had a cameo in the horrid Cannon flick Going Bananas with Deep Roy as a talking ape. Think of that the next time you are terrified by the imagery of this film.

King Diamond was totally wrong though, "Nuns do have fun", these sisters bite on rosaries, put on mock weddings and hump statues, he's definitely not talking about this breed of cloth. I've never seen Vanessa Redgrave in anything else but she's captivating in this film and I dunno if it's just me and even though she's out of her mind, I sort of felt sorry for her. Her lustful obsession and jealously of Grandier's secret wedding with Madeline brings a shit storm of torture down on her head when she convinces the Catholic inquisitors that she's possessed. They start off by anally probing her (her robe is bloody and Ken Russell doesn't show anything going in thankfully).

One aspect I've never seen in a witch burning film shows that the priests have a shred of rationality before they unleash the pain train, this doesn't really mean anything though because once they get going, it never stops, they even pick through her barf for "evidence".       

The two creepy surgeons are my favorite characters, one of them looks like Christopher Guest when he played the 6 fingered man in The Princes Bride. One of the most unhinged male actors in the film who wears purple John Lennon type glasses through-out is Michael Gothard. the way he spits "CONFESS" at Oliver Reed's face and waves a torch at him like the Wicked Witch of the West makes you want to slap off his hippie hair. Sadly in reality, Gothard who suffered from severe depression, committed suicide at the age of 53.

Hold the phone, I think I left an Arby's beef and cheddar on the dashboard of my car

As Grandier and his bride ride off to the edge of the lake and take a nice vacation, some of the most perverted sacrilegious shenanigans get underway. What's even crazier is that all the insanity that goes on there's even a famous deleted scene that was cut (it's on Youtube however). Grandier should've never returned to the city because it's under siege by witch hunters and exorcists who basically use it as an excuse to whip up nuns into a sexual frustrat-athon and Caligula type debauchery rears its ugly ass. There's a perfect moment of levity that always sticks out in my mind when the executioner, who's the only person on Grandier's side, attempts to give him a slice of mercy by telling him "Don't worry, before the fire is lit, I shall strangle you".

before I tie you to that burning pyre can I interest you in taking an executioner survey

Sister humpback even feels guilty enough to try and convince the inquisition that she's made it up, but it's chalked up as evilspeak. I love this film and it's a crime that it's not available, someone get on the ball and release this shit already, in a world where The Green Inferno can play mainstream multiplexes this release should be mandatory. This is the film that all other nunsploits and witch burning flicks should be measured by and it doesn't get any creepier or masterful than this one--go out of your way to see it (if you can find a copy).