Deadly Dogs vol. 4

DEADLY DOGS 4

By Goat Scrote

Atomic Dog

In this installment, misunderstood mutant dogs...









... trained killer Nazi dogs...

The Boys From Brazil

...and experimental Army dogs off their leash.

Dogs of Hell

The Boys from Brazil (1978)

Mainly a ripoff of: “They Saved Hitler's Brain” plus “The Omen”

The Dog(s): Dobermans trained by a paranoid racist are commanded by a child-aged clone of Adolf Hitler to kill mad scientist Josef Mengele. Holy fuck! The dogs are scary and the kid is scarier, but they only become important during the climax in the final twenty minutes.

Summary: A young man searching for escaped Nazi war criminals discovers clues leading him toward a horrifying conspiracy by surviving Nazis to "re-create" Hitler. There are 94 clones which have been adopted out all over the world. They are being brought up under conditions that will help warp them into having a twisted psyche like der Führer, and also put them into positions of influence when they are adults. Somehow the movie avoids being cheesy and maintains a very dark tone. A determined investigator puts the pieces together to figure out what is really happening.

Best Scene: The denouement shows one of the cloned Hitler kids in a darkroom. He is developing photographs of the bloody murder scene. He has kept a trophy of his first murder, a trinket carried by his victim. Mengele may be dead, but this scene assures us that the chilling consequences of his experiment will torment future generations. It's a solid skin-crawler of an ending.

Dishonorable Mention: More of the dogs, please! Oh, and more dead Nazis!

Recommendation: This is a pretty darn good flick from the director of “Patton” (1970), “Papillon” (1973) and “Planet of the Apes” (1968), with a superb cast including Gregory Peck, Laurence Olivier, and James Mason. Steve Gutenberg is also in the movie. The horror at the core of this movie is the threat of a resurgence of fascism in a new generation, which has a special power to terrify at this moment in history. Very highly recommended!

Dogs of Hell (1983) 
(aka Rottweiler)

Mainly a ripoff of: Anyone who paid to watch it. Not to be confused with Brian Yuzna’s unrelated film “Rottweiler” (2004).

The Dog(s): Well, they tell us there is a pack of killer Rottweilers, but the absence of evidence on screen leaves me unconvinced.

Summary:  Southern good ol’ boys vs. escaped, out-of-control, military-trained Rottweilers. That sounds awesome on paper! The movie itself is a steaming pile, unfortunately. The first kill is at 20 minutes, but the dogs are still just sound effects. There’s a mud wrestling scene at 23 minutes and I’m relieved that at least there is some kind of action on-screen, even if it is dubious “comedy” which does absolutely nothing at all to move the story forward. The first actual dog appears on the screen at 26 minutes, just barely. I was 49 minutes deep in my journey into boredom before I noticed another dog appearance. The pack appears to consist of two dogs, who show up, get killed, and are immediately replaced by two identical dogs. “Rottweiler” was released theatrically in 3D. There are a number of really cheesy shots like a dart on a string coming toward the camera. The 3D moments would have been groan-worthy filler even with the gimmick.

Best Scene:  A rottweiler gets his head blown off with a shotgun! Actually it’s not that great, but it’s the closest thing to an exciting moment that this movie has to offer.

Dishonorable Mention: During the mud-wrestling scene, the sheriff sucker-punches a citizen with no provocation, after getting the perp to relax by lying that he won't hit the guy. What a total cocksmith. Oh, he's the hero? I guess I was supposed to think he was awesome because he can punch so hard. Also, it's really, really obvious that the filmmakers had exactly two Rottweilers. That's just fucking insulting. Show a few seconds here and there of five or six dogs running through the woods to make the rest of the illusion work. It's just plain stupid filmmaking, and the whole boring mess is made with the same lack of craft. In fact, I declare this entire movie to be a Dishonorable Mention. Take that, you big dumb movie.

Recommendation: Slow and boring, hardly any animal action, ineptly done, and that sheriff is no Joe Don Baker. This was a rough one to get through, folks. Hard pass. So very hard.

Atomic Dog (1998)

Mainly a ripoff of: "Beast of Yucca Flats" retold as an After-School Special… with dogs!

The Dog(s): Cerberus the "Atomic Dog”, Trixie, Lobo, and Scamp… a very dysfunctional canine family. Industry pro Roger Schumacher was head animal trainer.

Summary: A puppy named Cerberus gets caught in a minor atomic accident and is left behind by his owner when the contaminated power plant is abandoned. He grows up to be a super-intelligent dog with strong family values. Cerberus has been abandoned, abused, and attacked by humans, and eventually kills a teenager who shot at him with a rifle. The lonely Atomic Dog frees a family pet, Trixie, and takes her back to his radioactive love nest. Some time later, she drags herself home to deliver a pair of pups before she dies. From afar, Cerberus watches his pups, Lobo and Scamp, grow up. When Lobo violently turns on his human family and is taken to the veterinarian, Cerberus kills the veterinarian to free his son. Lobo is blamed for the death, and later shot. Cerberus begins a campaign of revenge. Scamp continues to protect his human family from his father. The grieving Atomic Dog kidnaps the youngest daughter of the family as a replacement for his lost son. Her family tries to rescue her and has a confrontation with the Atomic Dog. In the end, Cerberus sacrifices himself to save the little girl, and Scamp comforts his dying father.

Best Scene: The final fight between Cerberus and the humans. He uses his wits to beat them. When they shoot him with darts, he immediately pulls them out with his teeth. He works loose the knots securing big waste containers and drops them on the human father and son. It’s a good climax, relative to the rest of the movie.

Dishonorable Mention: What kind of Homer Simpson level moron would bring a puppy to their job at a nuclear power plant?

Recommendation: Extremely tame made-for-TV fare, this is what would happen if Hallmark Hall of Fame started churning out low-budget horror. The animals are very well trained, but overall mediocrity makes this is a snoozer and you can safely skip it.

A Zed & Two Noughts

A Zed & Two Noughts Directed By Peter Greenaway, starring Frances Barber (1985).

Reviewed By Kris Gilpin

After Peter Greenaway's first major film (The Draughtsman's Contract, shot on 16mm), his second feature was 1985's 35mm A Zed & Two Noughts (aka ZOO), a fittingly morbid rumination on death and decay.

It begins with the deaths of two women in a car crash, wives of zoologists (though I never saw any guests visiting the zoo throughout the film) who then become obsessed with the deaths and death in general ("I can't stand the thought of her rotting away!" "The wives of two zoologists die in a car driven by a woman named Buick, after being attacked by a swan on Swan's Way?!"). They later shoot time-lapse films of dead fish, dogs, crocodiles, swans (a swan caused the deadly car crash), etc. rotting away, while also watching old documentary footage on the origins of life.

OK, Now according to Little Black Sambo, if you run fast enough, I should have some delicious butter for my pancakes

This film features Greenaway's frank use of full male and female nudity (as with his The Baby of Macon, Prospero's Books, etc. Over 30 years later, Hollytrite still doesn't have the maturity to make films like this!), including the sexy Frances Barber as Venus de Milo, who's kind of like the zoo's resident hooker (?). There are also running references to symmetry: the brothers are twins named Deuce, played by real-life twin actors, the two late wives, pairs of amputated legs, twin newborns.

Alright now just poop toward the middle so I can tie them in a knot

Using very few close-ups, Greenaway's beauty photography (his D.P. is Sacha [Greenaway's 8 1/2 Women, The Pillow Book, and Drowning by Numbers] Vierny) utilizes lots of colorful tracking shots. And P.G.'s straight ahead focal point, head-on shots and busy frames always reminded me of Kubrick's camera-image style, though Peter G. offers long takes of smart, humorous, "exaggeratedly realistic" dialogue here, too.

And the lighting in ZOO (a Zed & 2 Naughts--get it? ;-) they based on the painting style of Vermeer. Together they came up with 26 different ways of lighting their scenes, using moonlight, candles, flashing light bulbs, car headlights, starlight, etc.

The beauty music is by Greenaway regular Michael Nyman, whose catchy keyboard-based, repetitious, almost meditative musical themes remind me of my beloved early Philip Glass pieces. Nyman also worked with the director on other films, including the great Cook, the Thief, His Wife & Her Lover. A separate song which also reoccurs in the film is the kid's classic, "The Teddy Bear's Picnic." (!)

ZOO was narrated by David Attenborough (ha), who would later go on to narrate tons of popular British TV series. It is a slow-paced but always fascinating, offbeat film and well worth seeing, as is all of Peter Greenaway's best work...

I beat off to that decomposing animal footage and then used it to clone dinosaurs!

Images

Images Directed By Robert Altman, Starring Susannah York (1972).

Here at the TOG coven we like to branch out arthouse independent style and get snobby, I mean as I've mentioned before in the realm of Deep Red, Herzog and Deodato are connected, that's just how it goes-- accept it. I mean yeah, one auteur has mellowed out considerably and just made one of the soft-balliest documentaries about the Internet that I've ever seen in my life and the Italian grampa is doing his version of Wal-Mart greeter, but whattya want anyhow? People get old and their brain deteriorates, it's even happening to me and I'm only 40.

This film has been on my radar ever since I saw 3 Women, loved it and wondered if Altman was capable of pulling off a decent horror film. I got what I wanted out of this one and more, it’s a thoroughly fascinating psychological horror drama that scared this shit outta me at 2 in the am! I suggest you watch it during the day or don’t hang with The Rutles at one of those fancy tea parties while it's on.

it's all there in black & white clear as crystal, legalize fizzy lifting drinks!

Almost everything about it shouldn’t be frightening at all, like the fictional realm of unicorns, seeing yourself naked holding a cute dog, Rene Auberjonois, the guy from Benson/ Deep Space Nine and most effective of all John Williams and Stomu Yamashta's music. When has E.T. or Yoda’s main fanciful music dealer ever accomplished the fear and dread that permeates this tale of a woman’s rapidly dissipating sanity. Sometimes the score gets frenetic and reminds me of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre one, with the terrifying clanging and banging.

It begins with Susannah York’s character babbling about unicorns and bullshit and she’s abruptly interrupted by what sounds like her own voice on the phone. York played Superman's mother in the first two films and won an academy award for They Shoot Horses Don't They and even best actress for this film, tragically she died of bone marrow cancer at 72. 

There’s an undercurrent of Lynchian mindfuckery that just made my skin crawl and it seems to have slightly influenced Lost Highway, years later when Robert Blake’s ghostly figure tells Bill Pullman's character to call his house to see if he's on the phone.

call 555 SLUT, I hear she puts out

The whole film is really unsettling and makes you anxious (and I’m on all kinds of meds so this film isn’t good for me)! This film was never in Deep Red Magazine, but just like The Beguiled, it has a heavy amount of eeriness hidden in an unassuming way and that film was covered before in a chapter by Steve Bissette. It has this foreboding dread like Don't Look Now, which I think would make a snazzy double feature.

thanks Bravo's 100 scariest moments for ruining this ending and fuck you Andy Cohen.

Cathryn rolls down a beautifully lush hill, the location is a majestic and yet dreary Ireland, as the camera focuses in on a dangling ornament on the rearview mirror, she drives forward completely asleep at the wheel. That image seems to deliberately nail it—right? I mean the car is driving but no one is behind the wheel, it's like a beautifully shot pun.

I hate when my Uber driver nods off

The spooky French man played by French Connection actor Marcel Bozzuffi who haunts her, often transforms out of her husband mid conversation or once while they’re kissing. Is he real, a former boyfriend or a figment of her eroding sanity, this figure does mention that he’s a ghost and she attempts to kill him a few times. I love when she hits him in the forehead with a rock (it looked uncomfortably real to me) and he bleeds all over the kitchen.

The last film that creeped me out this way was The Entity, which always makes me uneasy and weirded out. The moments when Hershey’s character resigns to the fact that this paranormal force will never leave her side and can’t be stopped or trapped left me with a cold unnerving feeling. Another level of madness that's very subtle is that the actors and characters names are switched around, for instance Cathryn is the real name of the little girl who plays Susanna (and Susannah is called Cathryn in the film). Altman seems to wanna drive me crazy with that sentence!

you think that's distressing, here Dr. Phil is wearing an Altman mask!

One character, named Marcel who’s a supposed friend of her husband is a lecherous rapist and constantly paws at Catherine. Often you can tell when her hallucinogenic madness gets to more of a boiling point because the music gets scarier and the mysterious French man leers behind the people that are physically there. At certain moments it’s hard to tell which one is really there or if it's an image from her mind. It's never revealed until the end but your brain starts to connect the dots. You can never really trust what’s happening and it makes you suspicious of everything--it made me incredibly anxious. The book "In Search of Unicorns" was published on its own, wouldn’t that be great if some kid at a thrift store got a hold of it and wanted to see if there was a movie and involuntarily delved into the world of arthouse Criterion snobby shit via Altman? Let's hope that actually happens. There are many theories as to what occurs and which metaphors are present or invented but those are usually a drag to read. I suggest you don’t listen to what the critics have to say before hand and go in with zero expectations. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.

INTERNET ARCHIVE LINK 

Diabolical Inheritance

Diabolical Inheritance Directed By Alfredo Salazar, Starring Margarito (1994).

Man I gotta watch more Telenovelas or at least ones as demented as this shit! I was raiding the mondo exploito.com archives and came across what looked like a midget in Ronald Mcdonald greasepaint mugging at the camera with a toothy smile, based on that alone, I was sold! I knew I had to put in the call to my number one dealer in hard to find off the beaten path wackiness, Mr. Skunkape. Of course he never lets me down and is the reason this site has stayed afloat for all these years. I do the finger clickity clackin', he does the movie trappin' or something like that. I mean I can’t find everything on Fandor or back alley Salvation Army dumpsters.

The production values are low as fuck, we're talking Fisher Price camcorder style. There's a hideous sex scene that's heavy with shadows layered upon more darkness and confusion, but stick around no matter how tedious the storyline gets because there’s a Grimace cookie waiting for you in a pile of fetid fly covered $ menu cheeseburgers.

I got the dia-beet-tus

It takes place in Mexico, which is oddly topical now considering there’s an authentic Oompa Loomp clown now residing in the white house and all the intolerance toward Latinos. Don’t worry I refuse to go on a political tirade, there’s years of that bullshit everywhere else online. It's even more relevant with the rise of scary clowns making an appearance in different areas and frightening the shit outta people lately. And there's the endless debate whether Guy Fieri, the singer of Smash Mouth and ICP are all the same person, but that's another story. Anyway on with the review.

Clown lives matter Yo!

After Tony’s Aunt croaks, he inherits a creepy old mansion, a pretty typical set up for a haunted house movie but this one really delivers in the unintentionally funny department. There’s lots of slow-mo falls over buildings, down stairs and Margarito Esparza Nevares, the elderly little person who plays the doll is terrifying. He carries the entire production and does a genius job, sadly Margarito just died a few months ago.

used to be available for parties and school events

Tony (Roberto Guinar) scoffs at his girlfriend fretting over the attic, which is filled with demon masks and Satanic bibles. Red flags are waving all over the place, but nobody heeded the warning of course until it’s too late. The two women in Tony’s life are pretty attractive, one of them gets naked but you can hardly see her body, it’s encased in a squiggle fog of video haze. Later on after his girlfriend gets into a horrible accident he moves on real fast and ends up with his hot blonde secretary. They don’t have as much as a split second memorial, just some flowers are quickly placed on her tomb and then it’s off with his new lady friend—that’s cold blooded!

There’s one insane part where Roy, Tony's chubby cheeked Campbell kid looking son and his blonde sitter played by Lorena Herrera visit an insane park. This place is off the chain, there's nursery rhyme statues, actual monkeys swinging around next to ducks above a pond and a giant King Kong statue that moves and blinks it’s eyes—I almost did a spit take on my computer and fried the hard drive.

you know what would go well with my clown midget burrito, some plantains.

It almost gets into Black Devil Doll from Hell rape territory during a dream sequence, but that doesn’t pan out. The most skeeved out I reacted was when a a sleeping hobo gets gouged by a jagged bottle in the head by the short clown, I mean it was just fucked up, nobody deserves that kind of punishment!

While you're up can you grab me a fruit roll-up?

The nightmare fuel rapidly increases into a crescendo of cackles and video tracking shakes. At 1:20 minutes there’s just so much to enjoy, thanks again to Mondo Exploito for turning me onto this warped little flick! I haven't looked it up, but this seems like a prime Video Vortex pick, I'm guessing it will eventually show up on the roster and is just as demented and tedious as you'd expect but I dug every frame of it!

IF YOU CAN FIND IT, GO OUT OF YOUR WAY TO GET A COPY, MORE FUN THAN A HORDE OF CLOWNS FEASTING ON BEEF AND COCAINE!

AND,

Since we don't clown around, we're proud to present this

Trailer That Smells!