Terror in the Aisles

 

Terror in the Aisles. Directed by Andrew J. Kuehn (1984).

Before taking notes I forgot that I already sort of kind of reviewed this movie on Kindertrauma but click the link here to see what I mean.  

This is basically an expanded version of that aforementioned letter. ENJOY.

 This is a film that had an overpowering effect on me as a youngster. You need to see it at a certain age to not think it’s just panders to the genre or that its merely a clip-show. For the gore-hound not yet jaded by it all, this is a perfect sampler. The technology to see everything known to man didn’t yet exist which is why I’d imagine the blu-ray turned some people off who’d already seen the films covered. This one taught me about rare films of the time like Vice Squad (1982), MS.45 (1981), Nighthawks (1981) and it had offbeat ones like The Seduction (1982) with Morgan Fairchild. Growing up in the suburbs in the 80s I saw this on WDZL channel 39 in South Florida. That channel was thee shit back then. On that station is I also saw Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) and Re-Animator (1985) 

In middle school I subscribed to Fango and did a report on horror movies of all things. My classmates cackled during the scene where Linda Blair did the white-eyed demon dance and screamed "FUCK ME"! I brought in a VHS dubbed copy to school. I’m fairly certain I saw these snippets before the actual William Friedkin sacrilcious puke-fest.

The first movie they show clips from during the Donald Pleasance narrated start is When A Stranger Calls (1979). I remember as a young child my mom turned the sound off of this film. She said, the music is what makes it scary! It took me a long time to watch this early Carol Kane stalker thriller and it’s an unexpected treat. This review will tend to veer off into other movies terrain because this is in essence a horror compilation. I saw clips of John Carpenter’s Halloween (1978) in this before I viewed the original, SHOCKING I KNOW!

The frenetic editing rhythm turns into a guessing game of how many films will you need to see later or which ones can you name. I remember setting my VCR to record Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) because I saw clips of it initially in this film. I guess I owe “the aisle”, a valuable teaching tool this review at least or a ritual sacrifice--not! 

Fred Asparagus aka Joe Mama Besser exploded drummer of Spinal Tap and the barkeep in Three Amigos (1986) is hysterical as one of the ghetto theater shouters! They perpetuate an ethnic stereotype in this scene that people of color shout at the screen in urban grind houses. This is that bit of racism that wouldn’t fly today in 2025. Or would it? Billy Crystal even made a joke about this bullshit! 

Nancy Allen looks very attractive in a news anchored way. Jaws (1975) clips interspersed with Halloween (78) clips happen. Donald P. drops Dr. Phil style psychology on yer ass in an unwarranted off-putting way! ICK! Hey, let me outta this theater I’m going to the lobby to get a snack! 

They include huge chunks of The Marathon Man (1976) which is a powerful film but not Horror. At the time I was dabbling in special FX makeup to emulate Dick Smith, Rick Baker or Tom Savini three of my heroes. Smith did half the makeup for the films featured herein including Marathon Man (76). The Psychotronic review of this compilation was from the perspective of someone who’s seen these films separately verses this being the entry point. In today’s world that’s virtually impossible. I haven’t read other reviews of this but watching again as an adult I can seen why people might think it’s a waste of time.

TITA gave me ideas on what to watch next and made me crave more and more horror/action flicks. So in that respect it’s sugary sweet mush for your brain. Two action series they include are Jaws (75) and Alien (79). This is where I first discovered Wings Hauser in his most famous role as Ramrod in Vice Squad (82). This was the very first clip I ever saw Rutger Hauer in as the global terrorist Wulgar. Terror I believe was making a point that action films can also be traumatizing and fit in with horror too.

Hauer Vs. Hauser

 Midnight Express (78) is another great example of a tense thriller with horror elements. You should take this mixtape as a crash course in cult movies. Jack Sholder’s Alone in the Dark (82) shows an extra unhinged maniac played by Martin Landau. 

they don't give Oscars to assholes--oh wait!

Nancy Allen parrots the 80’s mentality that these films exploit women and they for some reason show a classic like Whatever Happened to Baby Jane (1962). Jamie Leigh Curtis bumps into hospital walls, as Jack Nicholson terrorizes Shelly Duvall’s character in that Stanley Kubrick cabin fever epic. The clips of Invasion of the Body Snatchers (78) reminded me of how I initially saw this and then the Mad Magazine parody before I even watched the 70’s remake. I wonder if Nancy Allen felt uncomfortable narrating sex scenes from slashers. They rag on sex work too when a clip of The Cat People (1982) with Lynn Lowery is shown. Plus we get Jane Fonda looking at her watch in Klute (1971). Now there’s a film I have yet to see. 

It seems sacrilege to me that they rescored movies like MS.45 (81) or Midnight Express (78), Dressed to Kill(80) too---"Hell No Pino Grigio, I mean Donaggio" but once again I was totally unaware!!! This is before I heard their brilliant scores yet because I was probably in the 6th or 7th grade. DVDs barely existed and the internet had yet to ruin culture. Oh yeah and if spoilers trigger you don’t bother watching, most of the juiciest moments are exposed, punchlines are answered. I saw this one clip of Phantom of the Paradise (74) with Beef in the shower hit in the face by Winslow Leech's plunger before I even watched the entire thing. 

The goofiest, slap happiest moment of all is the MTV style music video called “They’re not very nice"-Larry Weiss. The synthy tune celebrates animals attacking humans and how the world is sick and they're used to it. 

Pleasance warns us not to leave the theater and go home all alone. Someone should've warned him not to go to Italy and make shitty movies (that I love)! 

I think in today’s horror community this mentality that says gore movie fans are psychotic maniacs is long gone. Horror nowadays is more accepted than ever and perceived even further as coming from an all inclusive point of view that’s accepting of the other. That’s why we now have Queer horror and more open and honest perspectives on this misunderstood scene. Woke minds are re-evaluating old classics. In my mind horror tells the future and regurgitates culture, it reflects on what we all fear in an enjoyable, cathartic way. Each Splatter film's goal is not to harm but to heal. Scream Factory released this on Blu-ray in the plague year of 2020.

RECOMMENDED FOR A 9-13 YEAR OLD IN A PRE-INTERNET WORLD. ALL OTHERS WATCH AT YOUR OWN RISK.