Monday, November 16, 2015

Yes, Madam

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Yes, Madam (Police Assassins,Karate Tiger, Ultra Force Super Cops, Lady Hard: Great Hong Kong Criminal Investigation)  Directed By Corey Yuen Kwai, Starring Michele Yeoh (1985). 

A flasher with broken teeth and an Afro instead of being cuffed gets his dick smushed in a book by female super cop Michele Yeoh. This is Cynthia "the female Chuck Norris" Rothrock's debut film and probably her best. The lightning quick fight choreography by Yuen and Hoi Mang is all over the place. This is a Dickson Poon production (tee hee) and with a name like that you're guaranteed quality! Poon is the former Mr. Michele Yeoh, but has since divorced the Crouching Tiger temptress, there are tons of HK familiar action stars we've mentioned before in this one like Sammo Hung, Tsui Hark.

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I'd think twice before saying we look like a nice butch couple
The wild and erratic action is almost on the manic level of Full Contact, which is pretty hard to beat. They rip off John Carpenter and toss in the score for Halloween during suspenseful moments, for instance: when a gangster played by Dick Wei of Zu Warriors and Seven Curse fame uses an apple as a silencer to shoot off some dude's mouth, we hear the famous Michael Myers background stings.

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Gulp, gimme another hot lead appletini would ya?

I am partial to Tsui Hark as a director more so than an actor, but here he's likable as a character named Panadol, which is a fever reducer like Tylenol. I watched the Chinese language version the first time I saw it, but for this review I'm watching the dubbed one which is unintentionally funny (I normally despise chop socky dubs)! The last time I saw Hark and John Shum Kin-Fun, his balding bespectacled buddy was in the tedious Roboforce (which is in the DR catalog but I have yet to review).

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Dennis Rodman and Van Damme, are you fucking serious?

All the male characters are especially stupid and make Michele Yeoh, who's daily routine seems to involve causing genital trauma to criminals, look responsible--maybe she should transfer to another precinct. 
Sammo Hung looks weird with died white hair and facial hair that seems painted on, he's no less idiotic than every other schmuck here. The bad comedy threatens to water down the action, but it never really does and there's an even balance.

After 30 mins, Rothrock shows up and kicks a guy in the face (her leg looks like it snapped off disembodied style and beat the poor dude in the chin). The ass kicking beauty looks really cute in short hair, her and Michele seem like they stopped off at the same salon. After interrogating Eddie Maher, she crunches a lit cigarette on his face! The fight choreography is fucking bonkers, Rothrock is definitely the bad cop in the police relationship between her and Yeoh.
Hark's character almost dies a few times, he gets strangled and hung from a tall building, which is played up as comedy and in response to Cynthia's police brutality, he calls her a nasty white bitch!

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Do you think I can pull off this Ninja Turtle April O Neil jumpsuit?

Whenever they switch from just wacky comedy to no fighting, the film is pretty much intolerable. One character's name is Aspirin? Funny right? 

The fighting resumes at a nightclub as the two female cops beat the piss out of suspects and one innocent bystander's head sails through a Nacho stand, spraying glass shards everywhere. I feel as if most of the budget on this film went into medical attention that the actors really endured--those stunts look excruciatingly realistic! This flick is on the same level as the Tiger Cage series which will be reviewed eventually.

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Medic, we need more hot molten cheese and glass shards pronto!

The two lady cops are very sexy, if only there was a shower scene to break up the appallingly bad comedy! Yeoh and Rothrock bust out some show stopping violent skills, stick around to see them put to the test against a knife wielding Asian Borat look-a-like who gets a painful looking drop kick into an aquarium.
If you like a mixture of shitty comedy and cute babes breaking faces in a full throttle non stop way than this one is your dog. It used to be available on Hulu and Netflix but has since disappeared. Check it out on Youtube for a limited time.


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