Tuesday, July 8, 2014

I Dismember Mama

I Dismember Mama Directed By Paul Leder, Starring Zooey Hall (1972).

This is the first feature in one of the most dynamic trailers of all time, I'm talking of course about "The Giggly Guy" coming attraction from Mad Ron's Prevues From Hell! 
That trailer with fictional newsman Howard Scott, the Up-Chuck cup and a John C. Reilly look-a-like is legendary to all of us here at the TOG Headquarters. It made a theatergoer go berserk down at the Bijou Theater! We tend to mention it whenever the chance arises and Skunkape and I will sometimes prank call each other using Happy Goldsplatt's voice or chuckling in that warped deranged creaky giggle.

It scared the piss outta the old lady!

   I count this as the dud of the double feature. Only a grindhouse huckster could dredge up such a clumsy double bill. This one is a pedophiles wet dream, while Blood Spattered Bride is some high brow Karnstein bloodsucking lesbian splatter. Vicente Aranda directed that artsy piece of vampiric cinema and is still working today, before he made "Bride" he directed The Exquisite Cadaver (see Chris Poggiali's review here).
   The two films have little to nothing in common but I Dismember Mama was directed by Paul Leder, whose daughter Mimi went Hollywood and churned out some of the most big budgeted wretched popcorn cinema like Deep Impact, Pay it Forward and the recent HBO show The Leftovers. Paul made this a few years before My Friends Need Killing (review here), right after APE. 
   I remember seeing that video box with the scary goateed fellow pointing a switchblade (with his next victim in the reflection). It was in a lot of videostores in that glorious era and I never bothered to rent it until I saw the trailer on the "Mad Ron" tape. They tried to sell this thing with all its various titles like "Don't open the door", which sounds almost exactly like that Ramones song "you should never have opened that door". 

The Night Stalker copied my style

  Albert (Zooey Hall, who sort of looks like Richard Ramirez) pines for the affections of an underage pre-pubescent blonde and the film wants you to be on board with their twisted relationship. Here's a strange fact-- in reality Annie (Geri Reischi) the underage girl Albert stalks, went onto play Jan Brady on the Bunch's Variety Hour!

I took Albert to my audition and he slugged Eve Plumb with a led pipe!

 We first meet the ferret-like Albert at a mental ward, the actor who plays him does a good job of being disturbing and creepy, they use the most inappropriate music while he almost strangles a nurse to death. He's institutionalized for trying to stab his mother and can't wait to get out so he can kill again, because he believes "all women are whores".

I challenged Fonzi to a knife fight and kicked Richie in the nuts

Albert is a rich conceited bitchy fellow who thinks he's the cats pajamas, this actor went onto alot of TV shows like Happy Days and Barnaby Jones (going by David Hall). Maybe he was afraid this movie might effect his wholesome career.   

   After stabbing a hospital worker he slips out and is now loose on the streets. His doctor, who doesn't even bother to toss pills at him, has given up. 
   Down at the Yum-Yum Tree plaza the escaped psycho hot-wires a cadillac and plans to pay his frightened mom a visit to "finish the job". 

out of all these choices which one will give me diarrhea the quickest?

   The slap happy Big Band music is wildly ridiculous as he strolls around in clumsy fitting hip clothes and a giant hat that is in danger of popping off his giant mane of werewolf hair. At this point I should mention I vomited alittle over the shitty music, good thing I had my patented Up-Chuck-Cup!

Fasten this cup to your face now! 

   He humiliates his mom's busty red headed friend and makes her strip, just before he stabs her to death. Then her daughter Annie (who becomes the object of his unhealthy fixation) shows up and he lies to her like a child molesting Grinch.

   None of this matters because they relate to each other immediately as children and she even runs away with him. Their relationship takes up the majority of the film, they also have a quaint mock wedding! The montages start comin fast and furious as the theme song "Poor Albert" plays. The criminal couple make a whole day of it, they go for a boat ride then on a trolly and have a picnic! The sleaziest part of the film is their twisted relationship and in his sick mind, he cares about her because in his words she's "undefiled". Excuse me, BARF WRETCCCCHHH!

Whew, Ok I'm back now! He carries all this warped lust inside and murders a random blonde to fulfill his craving to rape Annie. Pedos do the darndest things!

That's OK Officer, we're fine

OK, I'm glad I got that free distressed stomach cup (which is getting pretty full).
A detective (who's kind of stupid) follows them around, but is never on the right track. That character is played by Gerald Mullavey the psychotic Nam vet from My Friends Need Killing. This film is unpleasant on many levels and to me it registers as half good (I'd give it a sideways Ebert/ Siskel thumb). 



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