Friday, July 11, 2014

Gore-met Zombie Chef from Hell

-Reviewed by Skunkape-
Directed by Don Swan (1986)

This film received the infamous dog rating or Bow-Wow  in September 1988's Deep Red number 4. This big box title would stick out like a sore thumb among mom and pop video stores everywhere. Then one day this big box would shine in my very own collection of VHS titles. My friend worked at a sub shop/video store and it was going out of business. So we snatched a few titles that you would never be able to purchase at your local Suncoast.(remember that place?) This was a time in my life where I was experiencing all the greats for the first time, classics like Evil Dead, From Beyond, Bad Taste! So needless to say Gore-met Zombie Chef had nothing to offer except a sure way of falling asleep."Hated it."

The Gore-met Chef is named Goza.(Theo Depuay) An immortal priest once part of the righteous brotherhood, kicked out and cursed to eat human flesh for killing the high priest. What a great idea, not, instead of killing Goza the remaining freaks, sorry I mean brothers Azar and Lonzar give Goza a curse in which he has to murder humans and eat them to stay healthy, other wise he gets weak and a nasty skin condition. Not very righteous if you ask me. So what is poor Goza to do? Well, with the help of another defector of the brotherhood named Blozor they open up a beach club and bar called none other than Goza's Beach Club and Bar where all his sauces are kept secret.

The Curse:Putting Goza on the Rag?

Yellow American, Provolone, or Foot Cheese?

So why even review this movie? To be honest it was featured at the Alamo Drafthouse as part of their video vortex series. Did I go? No, it was on a Wednesday, Wednesdays are bad for me but I did watch it again and after fifteen plus years of bashing it  I enjoyed evreything that I once hated about it. The terrible quality of the film, terrible jokes, and terrible effects all made for pure entertainment. Goza will even randomly talk to the audience on occaision like he's fuckin' Ferris Bueller, but the best scene is Goza's big dance number with a few topless chicks and goofy sythesizer music blasting. It's like a skit from Tim and Eric.

"Ladies would you like to do the macarena?"

So, am I reccommending this film to you now? Hell no, but when you've seen everything under the sun, from Return of the Living Dead to Salo and the Gore-met Zombie Chef finds it way to your TV set, it may be a good way to kill an afternoon and it may  even causes you to smirk a few times.
Only a pro like Steve Bissette would figure out this movie is one big Righteous Brothers joke!

3/10 On the CULT-O-METER

See what horrors you'd find in the big box above!

Watch Theater of Guts' Trailer/Music video


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