Wednesday, July 23, 2014

ILSA : Harem Keeper of the Oil Shieks

Ilsa Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks, Starring Dyanne Thorne (1976).

This is the film that turned everything around for me, I expected to be offended, shocked and morally bitch smacked. What I got instead was a laugh riot, as the series continued the Nazi elements which have always been implied, started to fade into the background. In the first movie they are front and center in a totally fetishized manner. This is my favorite of the series, it's so campy and in league with early John Waters, who's always sort of flirted with Manson elements and comical fascism. This is what sustained the series, they got more fun as they went along and Yes!, as you may remember from the first Ilsa, she was murdered at the end. In fact everyone from the original film who died are back, only this time their roles are re-arranged so the audience doesn't get confused (I guess)?
   IMDB and the Cinema Snob claim they softened this sequel to drum up mass appeal, I have to scream Bullshit at that assumption! There's noway that anyone besides degenerate neo-nazis, people wandering into the wrong porn theater, hardcore gore nerds or misanthropes would be able to stomach this Nazisploitation. I've stayed away from this series, that before I caught on Youtube, I thought was the equivalent to stomach churning trash like the Traces of Death series or any other Mondo knockoffs that I avoid like ebola syndrome. So if I was too nervous to watch this, you know any regular theater patron of the mainstream 1970's would not even dare venture into the depths of a dingy grindhouse or swampy drive-in to see this--- not ever. So Fuck whoever started this internet rumor that's given me a pet peeve beyond belief! 

Take these so you don't have a baby

   So what do you do when your gulag is bombed out and you have no place else to conduct diabolical medical experiments, you head out to the Middle East of course!
Suspend that logic incessantly gnawing at your brain stem because many of the busty babes that were decimated in all sorts of ungodly ways are back for more torture! Most of these titanic chested glamazons have worked for Russ Meyer, like Colleen Brennan, Uschi Digard and Haji (R.I.P). 
   Jerry Delony from Slacker and Invitation to Ruin is the sadistically hammy El Sharif. American investors Dr. Kaiser and Commander Adam use "good old diplomacy" to fly in and get some of that sweet black gold. Harem Keeper doesn't waste time with the cruelty or debauchery as three sexy girls with ginormous tits show up in chastity bikini bottoms (with a key hole) and are set aside to be killed slowly later.

Ewww he smells like Hummus and hot garbage

   Ilsa is second banana to the Sharif and is his instrument of creative ultra violence. This time she's constantly accompanied by two sexy black chicks named Velvet and Satin (Tanya Boyd and Marilyn Joi). We get to see what they are made of, as they beat the living shit out of a flabby dude, while both topless and tear his mustache off in a bloody husk!

You're next, Hipster with a wacky ironic stache

   Sometimes Dyanne Thorne's calloused mannerisms remind me of a thicker thighed Dee Reynolds from It's Always Sunny. There's tons of lesbian sex as the Meyer girls, who arrived in giant present boxes from the beginning are put to ball draining work.
   Don't drop your pants just yet, because there's never a moment in this film where something erotic isn't interrupted by something vile and revolting. There's cages of fat women force fed with an industrial feeding tube that has a hand crank attached. Faster Pussycats' Haji is a belly dancing spy who gets some of the cruelest torture inflicted upon her. Ilsa crunches her breasts with a vice and lets some ants feast away until her eyeball dangles out of her skull like a Graham Ingles drawing. Later on, they ram the shit out of her with a hydraulic dildo that blows out her guts! This should shut anyone up who tries to argue with me that this film was toned down or tame.

This is gonna hurt your asshole

   Even though this is a Nazi film, there's hardly a mention of Hitler, but there's something event more ghastly to chew on, most genuine Nazis were accepted in the Middle East and the Israeli-Palestine conflict isn't doing antisemitism any favors. Even if they remade this, the location makes perfect sense. 
   There's no overt political message, but the underlying connotation of oil barons torturing and buying human sex slaves is not all that uncommon. It's a stereotype that's not that farfetched. 
   The level of sleaze and unpleasantness is pretty high, so expect to be offended!
  Dr. Kaiser (who hates sheep eyeballs and later gets fed a human one) and his buddy Adam Scott, the American investors finally arrive. Ilsa goes out of her way to seduce Adam, she gets dressed up like a Christmas ham and even walks two greyhounds at the party to impress him. This is the kind of randomness that really works to this film's advantage and there are some funny moments among the vicious cruelty.

Richard Kennedy would be a perfect guest on 70's Match game

   The Sharif thinks Richard Kennedy is gay and sets him up with a boy sex slave. This comedic talent was also in The Love Butcher, Invasion of the Blood Farmers and Edmonds action classic Bare Knuckles. During some of the sex scenes they use library music from Dawn of the Dead!
   Buck Flower (Back to the Future, Massacre Mafia Style) shows up an a beggar with leprosy who gets to fondle Ilsa's milk cannons. Even she gets tortured for not obeying Jerry the eyeliner dwarf's (or The Sharif's) orders!  
   Ilsa doesn't die this time, she just waits it out in a dungeon until The Tigress of Siberia, which is another great sequel! The series continued on where Jess Franco tried to squeeze a little more cash out with Wanda The Wicked Warden. And to this day, Ilsa-Mania is so popular that Dyanne Thorne sells personalized autographs and conducts weddings with her husband (who played a prisoner in one of the sequels). Check out the link here! 
For just 25 bucks you can get a cheeky photo of Ilsa lathered up like this one from the Tigress in Siberia.



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