Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Salon Kitty

Salon Kitty Directed By Tinto "Brass Monkey" Brass Starring Ingrid Thulin. (1976)
  Tinto "The Ass Man" Brass helmed this spectacle of Nazi kink cabaret antics. The film opens with  He/She musical numbers as both sides of her face sing different parts, what a fun time to be alive (only if you happen to be German), otherwise you aren't having such a swell time! Annie Ross, the woman who drives the Basket Case bus and got turned into a cyborg in Superman 3 is the singing voice that performs all the songs!
  Naziploitation is such a misunderstood genre and can run on a scale of campy fun garbage (like Ilsa) to highly brow provocative garbage (like The Night Porter).
Fatman, but no Jake
Lady! Give Donald Duck back his outfit
 They all tackle the debauchery and misery that went on from a Nazi perspective during the holocaust and most of them are hard to watch or enjoy, this is my least favorite sub genre. So then why am I watching this one, you may ask? I have no idea, but on some weird voyeuristic level I enjoy the total unabashed irrationalism and freedom these film carry, because they can pretty much show anything and I wonder what they will come up with! 
4 out of 5 doctors choose bayer aspirin
  Helmut Berger (Beast With A Gun, Faceless) plays a Nazi who hangs out in a sauna (with a piano), where naked dudes jump rope as the camera roams and hovers over their grotesque genitals. Helmut is no slouch when it comes to trashy movies, but what is an Ingmar Bergman eugenue like Ingrid Thulin doin in this? She must be comfortable around fake Nazis though (since she was also in Luchino Visconti's The Damned)!

this lady wondered on to the set of Contamination
A Nazi eugenics doctor insults a black cadaver and then goes onto to praise an Aryan prostitute with a stillborn half abortion coming out of her stomach (an obvious mannequin). They believe that Jesus was not Jewish, but conceived by a Roman prostitute and a German mercenary. If you are looking for a sadistic sleaze fest, look no further, the first nine minutes are very disturbing! Real pigs are slaughtered while cackling butchers prepare them for a feast. As gruesome as the live pig slaughter is, bacon fanatics like myself and Jim Gaffigan will recoil in horror, but probably won't go vegetarian, Pork is just that tasty! 
this little piggy went to market
Naked Nazi soldiers are rounded up, male and female and ordered by Helmut and others to get rid of their inhibitions and have a full blown orgy, while a band plays. This must have happened a lot, since it was also later depicted in Gestapo's Last Orgy! That film would steal a little from this one and The Night Porter to come up with its own death camp melodrama.

German version of The Bachelor
 These sex scenes are more graphic and very awkward as each of them are watched from a long hallway in cramped cells. One demented scene shows a legless man entering a woman. Real dwarves and amputees are seen having sex (the IMDB message board is lighting up with oddball responses about this subject). The soldiers lear in closely at the cells while the camera zooms in, I love how these gruesome Nazi spectacles have talented production design and crews, otherwise it would feel dirty. Not that there isn't a cavalcade of perverted trash parading around in this vile naziploitation vehicle, but thanks nonetheless Tinto!
  One celebratory hussy who looks like a tranny blow up doll sings the Liza Minelli caberet songs to delight those who want a little pizazz with their Nazi freak show! That sordid character is the title character Kitty Kellerman the famed madam of the Third Reich!
  Helmut hands his perfect stock of wenches over to Kitty and she grooms ever speck of hair (whipping those beavers into tip top shape)!
  Think of Salon Kitty as a less cannibalistic, but still fucked up Nazi romp with star power under its belt! The film is also a precursor to Caligula (that one had a major league budget) only replace the Nazi's with their distant relatives The Romans, (come to think of it Malcolm McDowell would have made a cool Nazi)!
  It's less unpleasant then Gestapo but still pretty repulsive, so leave your barf bags in the closet and hang onto your opera glasses because there's some highbrow concepts floating around among the sludge!

Pardon me do you have a mint?

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