Wednesday, May 2, 2018


STITCHES directed by Alan Smithee.

Here it is May again, time to re watch The Wicker Man and participate in the sacrificial ritual of USA UP ALL NIGHT WEEK. The gift that keeps on giving, it’s a pleasurable struggle like mowing the lawn or walking the dog. Sadly Jim Hendricks aka Commander U.S.A. passed away recently into the great basic cable graveyard beyond he was inspirational to many and will be missed.

What if Porky’s wasn’t set in a boring fucking high school but a morgue among students akin to Herbert West? You’d watch that shit right? I mean that segment of Fast Times where Vincent Scavelli pulled out a human heart and Spicolli went “GNARLY” was enough to get the script writer here typing away on an entire movie based on that premise! So here we are Stitches what cha got?


During the credits three medical students dressed like cadavers scare the shit outta some people venturing into the institute, they kind of resemble the jaundiced corpse from ROTLD.
Ralph (actor) the googly eyed fellow from The Devil’s Rejects and Human Experiments gives a coffee machine an enema—funny right?

Don’t hide your head in shame yet because this is the only other film I can recall that has the Asian exchange student from Revenge of the Nerds in it. I wonder what Harvey Pekar thought of this movie if he was that pissed off about the Robert Carradine vehicle? That’s one of the most overreactions against that film I can remember. Eddie Albert from Green Acres who played the president in Dream Scape. The Mahoney/Guttenberg prototype is the not Shaun Cassidy Hardy Boys sibling Parker Stevenson.

Ahh a punk rocker! They spit on people.

There's one part with a one way mirror gag that goes awry and a offensively gay dude who's super horny and makes dick jokes for awhile. That gay dude is none other than Murray The Unknown comic! The Asian guy dresses like a hypodermic needle. Eddie Albert from Green Acres hosts a party where everyone dresses punk, Halloween style, which is yet another reason the Destroy All Movies book included it. If you like King Frat or Beach House you'll eat up this one. I immediately told Paul about it but I don't think he dug it.

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