Saturday, May 5, 2018


Day Of The Dead Directed by George Romero, Starring Howard Sherman (1985).

This is a review that might alienate all of my friends, readers and family members, accept Skunkape who I know shares the same opinion on this film. It’s highly controversial and feels like I’m stepping into a trap of my own design but here we go anyway. Right off the bat, I consider Day of the Dead a classic 2 stars film, it could've been better but it's not the worst of all time. There I got that off my chest!

"High Five, High Five, High Five, High Five High Five"

I even taped this episode during it's run on UP ALL NIGHT where Gilbert Gottfried shit all over the characters and tense situations, defusing whatever ardency Romero aimed for. At first I felt like I was witnessing a crime and going against all that I knew was intriguing about a zombie film. Let’s face it though none of these characters are like able on the military side or the hero side. Sarah (Lori Cardille) is very butch and wooden. Her boyfriend Miguel (Anthony Dileo Jr. ) is a whiny bitch, who looks like a gay Cat Stevens. As a "straight" couple there is zero chemistry, that in lies the first series of hiccups that I've always had with this movie, it's very difficult to identify or emphasize for the characters. The stereotypes are rampant throughout, like the flask slugging Irish Star Trek Bones—ish McDermott (Jarlath Conroy) to the exaggerated Jamaican guy (Terry Alexander).

"I should have been a sailor!
Miguel Salazar's Day Off

"I told you not to touch my pole!"

Savini however makes it all tolerable and wonderful, the effects are brilliant, creative and mind blowing. But everything from the watered down script to the incessant bickering is shocking especially from the politically savy Romero.

Where do I start with Rhodes, one of the worst authoritarian dickwads who rules a team of drooling morons, exuding testosterones. Dr. Frankenstein I’ll deal with because he’s attached to Bub (Howard Sherman) one of the best zombies of all time. Bub was even on an episode of Seinfeld, you may remember him as the guy who got Junior Mints stuck in his organs from Kramer spilling it everywhere.
"We are the 3 Amigos!"
I always remember Bub's instructions on how to pull out the posters in the Fangoria Poster mag, telling us not to let the staples tear out our finger nails for risk that they might temp you to chew your own digits off for their taste value. The usually captivating John Amplas is all neutered and shriveled up by the macho military dumb asses talking over everyone.

"Sorry, I have nothing to donate to Big Brothers, Big Sisters this year."

I love this song by the Cranberries!

Another highlight is when Lori hacks off Miguel’s arm and cauterizes it so he won't be infected by the zombie plague was very creative. There are truly clever and innovative moments within the film, but it all adds up to a very unsatisfying  affair. I hate to say it, but for the sake of Gottfried ripping on it and my own anxieties about being a closet hater of Day I gotta come clean and express these views.

"I need a new chiropractor!"

"You said it Erok, now I gots something to say!!!"
If you made it this far then let me tell ya that you should think of this review as a "Roast". We're celebrating something we love but pointing out every short coming and making fun of every flaw.
This post would certainly be incomplete without mentioning the awkward performance of Ralph Marrero who played Rickles. It's the kind of performance that almost makes you feel embarrassed for the little guy. The foul mouthed character of Steel (Gary Howard Klar) is played nearly to perfection as a menacing goon and Rhodes's right hand man. However, when Steel and Rickles share screen time it's like watching a head strong Uruk-hai next to a drooling incompetent Orc.

Steel and Rickles
"Night of the Living Bread is so Funny!"

Rhodes unfriended me on Facebook. :( 

As much as I hated all the military bozos I 'm actually starting to side with them! Was Dr. Frankenstein really going to pass around the walkman and teach every zombie how to salute? His research was stupid he should have been working on a giant weed wacker or some kind of zombie melting gas!
"Did you call an Uber?"

Track 1-The Dead Walk
Great for doing aerobics!!!

Another thing I have to mention is the musical aspect. John Harrison's score certainly gets the job done but is that what you want? Just to get the job done! After collaborating with Goblin and having them compose that iconic heart pumping score for Dawn, it just seems like Day really could have had more music and better music at that. I do have some of the tracks in a few of my horror playlists but just go listen to "The World Inside your Eyes" right now by Sputzy Sparacino and then just try to argue with me ;) That song is super schmaltzy and there's zero irony to be found, it's almost as bad as the Dr. Felix portion of the Deep Red Simonetti Horror Project remix.

This kid said that he loved the Day of the Dead remake, so we killed him.

Speaking poorly of Romero or Day of the Dead should not be allowed EVER, but maybe now we'll get you to leave a comment! Go for it! Tell us what you think!

"Please don't post this review!"

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