Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Nomad Riders

Nomad Riders Directed By Frank Roach, starring a bunch of nobodies (1984).

Frank Roach who made Frozen Terror, one of the shittiest video nasty flicks of all time directed this solid biker flick. You may remember his last film, which was on the chopping block for a heated debate between Crank and Webberly Rattenkraft (actually it was more of a solid agreement that we felt it sucked balls). This is his second and last film then he completely disappeared into obscurity, maybe he did some of the technical advising on Sons of Anarchy or was Peggy Bundy's hair extension guy/fluffer?

only Roach-clip can satisfy my lady boner

If you're thinking Pete Fonda or Bruce Dern style biker movie, any second I should hear some Davie Allan and The Arrows or fuzz guitar, cross that off your expect the unexpected list. This unconventional biker flick has a seriously 80s slasher film type score that's incredible, if the movie itself weren't so cheese-tacular, I'd say it outshines what's on screen, but damn it Roach if you didn't nail it this time!

Office attired corporate jerks are responsible for burning Steve Thrust (whatta name!), the main character's wife and child alive and setting the fuse of vengeance. They seem to have gone to the Leonard Smalls academy of picking on fragile creatures only because they target grandmas and unnecessary threats. This is like a no budget rejected Cannon flick or something Amir Shirvan wishes he could achieve!

The Smalls academy promotes extreme prejudice against hamsters and nana's kneecaps

Thrust looks sort of like Richard Belzer in the 70s. Bronco, a Barry White looking dude fends off the same bikers from the beginning with an electric saw.


Steve always wears all tan and beige or cream colored suits, even though it's supposedly 1984. They play this bad punk music that sounds as if Ray Jay Johnson and Kraftwerk teamed up. Steve's Buddy Charlie staked out the biker's hideout which has lots of skanks and even a gypsy!
There's one smiley enthusiastic stripper who looks like she stepped out of the JC Penny lingerie catalog. It's available on Fandor and it's fucking insanely fun, get a trial and go out of your way to see it!

These jeans really show case my FUPA

John Fogerty wipes out another CCR casualty

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