Monday, June 6, 2016


PIGS! (Blood Pen, Daddy's Deadly Darling, Roadside Torture Chamber,Horror Farm) Directed By Marc Lawrence, Starring animals soon to be bacon. (1972). 

In the Deep Red catalog this pick, which was also on the Video Nasty list (but was not prosecuted), was described as breathtaking sleaze from the Heartland of America--not so much. Maybe they meant to attach that onto Poor Pretty Eddie or Prime Cut because this chore is a total snoozer. Everything about it comes off like a misfire and a wasted opportunity, but then what do I know, I was bored to smithereens during Barn of the Naked Dead and that movie has its devoted flock (Heh, get it like a flock of geese, whatever I'll be here all week).


This flick for a long while was owned by Troma and recently has been restored by Vinegar Syndrome, who've been churning out some decent stuff beyond the SWV leftover dreck. And yeah, there are just some movies in the catalog that are pure torture (see Long Island Cannibal Massacre, which was ridiculed as a total bow-wow and then peddled off for 25$ to those that just had to check it out anyway). 

I've tried to watch Pigs a couple of times but gave up, it's the cinematic equivalent to chugging a gallon of that Orange poison liquid Sunny D while wearing a paper bag over your head. It's very dark, gives you a disgusting taste in your mouth and has zero health benefits. So why am I doing this to myself? I dunno but anything mentioned or sold in the Deep Red catalog I must review and document, it's a noose I fastened around my own neck and I deserve all the punishment it delves my way. 

Troma put it out, so you know it could go either way as a fun retarded Terror Firmer scenario or a Dumpster Baby experience where 2 mins feel like 2 days. How did Marc Lawrence, who's played gangster heavies since the 50s fuck up an easy concept like this, "pigs eat people and get rid of all the criminal evidence". He didn't have to do much to make this scary. I was mortified when I read Clive Barker's "Pig Blood Blues" in middle school, about an evil talking pig who devours kids in a reform school. If this movie was a half as warped as that short story, it would've been a winner.

Bacon burps are the best!

 Let me break down why Pigs fails in every way. First off, they added some of the worst actors in dimly lit settings that get darker by the minute. There's tons of overly loud pig shrieks and just when you think you will see a scary scene of pig gnawing at a human body, it looks so dark you might as well be starring at nothing. Ok, I guess that's not all true we do see a chopped up appendage doused in ketchup get chomped on by a porker but it just leaves you cold. No real action to speak of, they really botched what could've been a demented film into a dull waste. The only ones responsible are Lawrence and his daughter who seemed to have total control over the production.

Jesse Vint (who am vaguely familiar with from Silent Running with Bruce Dern and card playing robots) is the most famous. Marc Lawrence, who looks like a creepy skull faced child molester acts opposite his real life daughter Toni. Marc has a lot of a acting credits but only directed a handful of films, this one which by today's standards would get maybe a PG-13 rating has only snippets of blood. My favorite aspect of the film is the hippy dippy-bing-bongy rockin' title track by Charles Bernstein. 

Is this movie watchable, in a pig's eye!

I'm so glad they later improved on this idea with Evilspeak and even with the half good Silence of the Lambs sequel Hannibal. The funniest part to me is how Zambrini (Marc Lawrence) who harbors a girl that stabbed her father after she was raped by him is asked by a cop looking for her. He's goes "Yeah she's got mental problems" and he looks at him repeatedly saying "Hmm... what does that mean, I don't understand", OF COURSE YOU DON'T CAUSE YOU'RE A FUCKING PSYCHOPATH!

makes sense to me!

I feel the same way about this movie I don't get how anyone can get any sort of enjoyment out of it. I just didn't get it, but like many horrific experiences they eventually end and I can move on.


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