Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Invasion Of The Blood Farmers

"Invasion Of The Blood Farmers" (1972) 
Directed by Ed Adlum
Written by Ed Adlum
Starring: Norman Kelley, Tanna Hunter, Bruce Detrick
Review by "Machine Gun" Kristin 

This particular version of "Invasion Of The Blood Farmers" I watched I had a less than appealing opening featuring director Fred Olen Ray. It was more or less a montage of him pulling objects from various women's breasts, etc to the point of tedium. *Barf*. Sorry Fred. :(

Sorry guys, no hash browns in this house

"Invasion Of The Blood Farmers" opening sequence consisted of a blood colored cloud, that could easily be mistaken for an outtake from "Innerspace" (1989) if it was directed by Cash Flagg/Ray Dennis Steckler. This movie has the makings to be fodder for "Mystery Science Theater 3000" (if it already hasn't been) but also it's very likable on it's own. It's about a race of druids (or also called Sangroids here) looking for blood sacrifices to save their Queen. The voiceover (which is actually director, Ed Adlum) in the first scene talks about Stonehenge and a mistletoe being the kiss of death (?). Yeah, I didn't get it either. I apologize for getting too hammy around here, but I can't help but think of Spinal Tap with all this talk of Stonehenge and Druids. That's probably showing my lack of historical knowledge where I can only make pop culture related references. haha. (That's all the references we know around here, .Crank the ed.)

"coming to a blood clot near you!" 

According to IMDB, most of the cast members worked on this film in exchange for beer. haha. "Farmers" while very low budget, has decent pacing and a homegrown kinda sweetness to it. It's a rough film with klunky but charming acting performances. The first character we see is named Jim Carrey which unfortunately purports the uncontrollable urge to crack jokes at the film. "hey, I know two things they have in common; one's dead and the other's career is dead". *zing!* Sorry Jim. Later, we even have a character named Egon, so let the "Ghostbusters" references commence!

"More booze!"

As I mentioned earier, Ed Adlum directed this, but actually got his start playing guitar on some fantastic records in 1961 as part of The Castle Kings. He also wrote for Cashbox and Creem magazine a few years later. Make sure add "You Can Get Him Frankenstein" by Castle Kings to your Halloween music playlist.

He also makes a cameo in "Farmers" as newly wed, Milton who decides to shower before having sex with his now wife. He'll probably regret that!

"there's a TV here! I told you this was a first class motel!" 

Our main characters are engaged couple Don and Jenny. Her dad is a scientist studying Jim Carrey's blood (which resembles 123 Jello) after he's found dead. Jenny's voice reminded me so much of Donna Dasher/Mary Vivian Pierce from "Female Trouble". I thought she'd ask for an "extremely large glass of ice water" at any second. hehe.

"damn these stubborn blood stains!"  

The Sangroids are disguised as farmers who stick out like a sore thumb in their overall and straw hat combo, yeee-haw. They're hunting for blood around a small New York town, killing many and using tubing to drain blood viciously from their victims. A particularly grim scene is when they kill and drain the blood from Jenny's big fluffy dog Buster. Then later, they proceed to hang the poor thing outside her house, fleeing after a vigorous door bell ringing.

"c'mon, I just wanna give ya a hug!"

The motivation of all this seemingly senseless killing and draining of one's blood, is to save the Queen of the Sangroids. The wildly effeminate lord of them (who's the spitting image of the maître d in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off"), hangs by her side while she lays in a clear casket.

"this'll be a HOOT!"

There's a lot of blood and gore in this movie, which has surprisingly garnered a PG rating. I'm not sure if that's a modern rating because I thought that it was GP in the early 1970s. It may have made the cut off because it was in 1972 when GP changed to PG. As usual, violence is okay, but sex is apparently way more offensive.

"I'll have a Bloody Mary" *zoinks!*

"this poster paint is refreshing" 

With "Farmers", you of course have your usual continuity problems, such as sudden night and day changes in the lighting and a ridiculous amount of phone calls made during the film. Even so despite it's many flaws, I liked the movie. It reminded me a little bit of a tamer H.G. Lewis' "2,000 Maniacs", which I haven't seen in awhile. "It's a bicentennial celebration, YEE-HAW!".

And now, I present, the greatest phone call ever filmed!

There's gotta be a fly buzzing around the room or something. 


Watch "Invasion Of The Blood Farmers"

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