Black Cobra (Eva Nera)

Black Cobra (Eva Nero, Emanuelle Goes Japanese,Erotic Eva) Directed By Joe D'Amato 1976

All aboard this Chinese/Italian manicotti barge stuffed with broken nails, shrapnel and wasted talent. I went in with zero expectations so I wasn't pissed off or anything, just alittle confused and annoyed. Bruno Mattei is the editor (never a name I can rely on) and Piero Umiliani (the Mah nam ah Nah guy) did the score, but nothing could elevate this beyond a dull soft-core flick with a dash of revenge thrown in. 
   Skunkape has a degree in Joe-D'Amato-nomics and is an expert on all things Emanuelle. I'm pretty sure he's watched every sequel at least three times in a row and digs the hell out of all of them. And if you're thinking this is a snake bestiality movie then surprisingly--that is for D'Amato--this time you're dead wrong! 

Please don't frighten my trouser snake, It was just in the pool 

   Laura Gemser, the Indonesian seductress basically plays herself in every film. You know what you're getting into when you fire up a Joey D flick! This time however snuff films are not used as a masturbatory device, George Eastman is nowhere to be found and there's no cannibals or drug smuggling, only sexy Emmanuelle gyrating around with serpents. 

Meh, I've seen bigger

   Sound exciting? 
   Well if that's your bag then look out, because you also get Jack Palance as a collector of exotic snakes. This is Gemser's third unofficial Emanuelle film after replacing the white one (Sylvia Kristel) when she starred in Black Emanulle (even though she's Asian). The series didn't hit those taboos exploitation fans have come to rely on just yet. Gabrielle Tinti (Gemser's real husband) plays Jack Palance's brother. The last time I saw Gemser and Tinti was in the superior Massacre in a Women's Prison, he played Crazy Boy Henderson. 

I know there's a language barrier, but this is definitely not a suppository

   Palance is in full "Believe or Not" mode and like almost everyone in this film just brings whatever he has to the table, zero acting ability, only spit, grit and presence. 

Jack Palance plays Judas a rich playboy lizard collector who's infatuated with Eva (or Emmanuelle) and tries to get in her pants anyway he can, but has no game at all. The rugged square jawed Oscar winner was great in The Mercenary (with Tony Musante), and spent a lot of time over in Italy early in his career doing various Spaghetti Wests and Poliziotteschis. He's not above appearing in schlock, which I respect and later on he appeared in one of my favorite proto-slasher's Alone In The Dark as an escaped lunatic who brings a handgun to a punk concert.  
   While all the men try to figure out how to sleep with her, Eva is busy at her job on the beaver patrol (or having lesbian sex in massage parlors). 

this will help cut down our water bill

   For late night Skin-A-Max fare this one is totally phoning it in, there's none of the depraved shit we've all come to expect from joltin Joe D'Amato. Eva hops in the shower with one blonde and they wash each other's bikini zones (if I was twelve this would've made my weekend). Then immediately after they feed a live mouse to a snake and it ingests the poor specimen lickity split (this is the most depraved the film gets, sorry to say).

   Jules (Gabrielle Tinti) gets jealous enough to sick his brother's green mamba on Eva's lover and she dies from the bite. Everything about this film is all cheesecake and depravity handled with kid gloves, maybe they toned it down because a big time actor was on set, who knows? Snakes are used as weapons in this film, which is pretty cool, but it's not enough to recommend it. After a long career of baring it all for the cameras, Laura became a costume designer for D'Amato and Claudio Fragasso (she dressed up the Nilbogs) and as far as I know fell into obscurity. She will forever be immortalized in her role as Joe D'Amato's ingenue for his cathartic perversions, a down and dirty bisexual journalist who made the exploitation film genre a little more shocking.   

NOT UP TO SNUFF WITH THE USUAL GEMSER/ D'AMATO PRODUCTIONS, SKIP IT!