Monday, April 24, 2023

Moonchild (El nino de la luna)

 Moonchild (El nino del la luna) Dir by Agustí Villaronga 1989.

How much eerie whispering and hocus pocus can you cram into a single introduction as if you’re in a nonsensical competition with The Visitor (1979)? Whew! It’s OK though because it’s just a dream or is it? Well anyway we got the ethereally beautiful Lisa Gerrard of Dead Can Dance and the dir of In A Glass Cage, which is a movie I only saw twice (once to take notes during my review). That aforementioned film is so repugnant that I don’t ever want to see it again but I do have respect for the film maker who recently passed away. 

David has the power of the moon and to spook his adopted mother Maribel Martin star of the Blood Spattered Bride (1972). This was Martin’s last acting credit and she was in another amazing film we reviewed called Roots of Evil (1979). David ends up at an X-men type school for freaks, you know kids with mind powers and such. Lisa climbs under a chair during a meeting and sees the young telepathic. The plot had something to do with impregnating the moon. Maybe this is where Neon Joe: Werewolf Hunter got the idea from? 

Poor little David is now looking for the answers from the moon’s light. The subs cut in and out at one point, and I sadly don’t speak Spanish so I kind of assumed what people were saying at points. Dave discovers Georgina’s (Gerrard) picture and is seen by the commanders of the academy as a silly ridiculous woman. Hey! No talking shit about LG or Dead Can Dance! The first time I heard that band was in high school, I was just getting into hardcore music in Florida and was at a Miami record store called Yesterday and Today. I overheard a punk girl ask for her specially ordered record (you couldn’t find their catalog in the US yet) and I heard their music described as terrifying and hypnotic. There was even a skate video that used Cantara as a ridiculously outlandish choice verses “normal hardcore punk”. 

music to get mangled on a skate board to?

I can’t tell what time period this film is supposed to take place but it looks like the 20s. Daveed (or David our main protagonist) chooses Lisa as the mother of the moon. The plot is nonexistent so if you need a movie with one, go watch something dumb like a Marvel movie. This one is arthouse baby! 

The pint sized moon boy keeps tempting Gerrard’s character Georgina with booze because she’s an alcoholic. Oh, and get this-- LG goes full blonde bush out nude in this role as she’s strapped to a table. Her and David Sust from In A Glass Cage (1986) have to fuck to satisfy the moon. He looks unrecognizable in big coke bottle-specs. Why is any of this happening, uhhh arthouse? 

you don't get it since it's too high brow for you Crank!

When Georgina looks up at the moon, I wondered if the Mac Tonight guy would look down from the stratosphere and wink. This scene takes a hard right as the poor frightened LG is surrounded by the clinically metal instruments of surgeons. There’s a break out of jail scene with the three main characters. Maribel Martin’s character finds her adopted son and puts him in a rubber room. They all want to protect the pregnancy. Next hitmen are hired that use poison darts. Lisa and David escape on a boat to Africa. SPOILER. Coke bottle glasses doesn’t make it. 

Mac tonight sucks and so does the Alt Right!

One of the first Maiden albums I bought was Seventh Son..., so I was singing "Moonchild" in my head for the title of this film. There are several films with that same title, one from 1972, 1989,1994 and 2003. 

Once they get to Africa, I can’t tell what they’re up to because the subs stopped working and I should learn Spanish, thanks for reminding me Skunkape TV! There’s 40 mins left somehow! Why, arthouse! 

Slugworth shows up finally up as a Col. Kurtz-esque figure. He’s got that Pat Todd (legendary singer from The Lazy Cowgirls) skullet hairstyle. The end has them in a Beyond (1981) type sandstorm with the wolves running and David Warbeck’s blind eyes blazing. 

The Horror.... the horror (Slugworth Kurtz) 

David the main child in this film and his mother’s relationship makes me uncomfortable. What does it all mean? I’ve read some reviews on Imdb and people are scratching their heads too, you may as well. I hate to say it but I thought In A Glass Cage (1986) was more coherent if not unpleasant. This one is very pleasant and the cinematography is masterful AF. His adopted Mom seems to have a heart after all as she listens to the babblings of her son. He gives an impassioned speech. There are a lot of unnecessary fadeouts. I give this one 2 trips through the Criterion Closet out of 5.

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