Saturday, March 25, 2017

Beach House

Beach House (Down the Shore) Directed By John A. Gallagher, starring Kate McNeil (1982).

Paul Sharky Vandervoort alerted my attention to this schlock-ter-piece and he knows good trashy teen movies! So I bartered with him and he finally agreed to peddle a copy in an unknown location sold for a high ransom among other paraphernalia out of his Studebaker beater so that I could dish out the dirt here for your enjoyment, hope you appreciate it. 
You've seen King Frat and Ghost House, now get ready for what I can only describe as "Mook House" as in an all Italian American frat party! The "Beloosh" of this Animal House is the tubby bleach blonded slob Baby (played by Paul Anderson)! He wears sunglasses at all times and calls everybody else baby, hence the nickname.

The music is really lethargic power pop or sometimes fake Freddy Cannon. There's all sort of famed prefab punk stars involved in the music like one of the Paley Brothers and Adam Roth. Roth who plays Googie was very close with Dennis Leary and played guitar on his hit song "Asshole" and was in The Del Fuegos. He also had his own catchy song check it out here. According to this movie, it's all happening not at the Joisey Shore, but at Ocean City!


Down at "Phil's Rock Room and Disco Inferno (see ya get best of both music genres) they all pogo to "Ca Plane Pour Moi" by Plastic Bertrand! Cecile (Ileana Seidel), a frizzy haired chick jaunts over to the hotel of Baby and his cohorts and lets everybody slobber on her after her snaggletoothed afro-ed boyfriend can't get it up. She is just asking for trouble and all the girls at the party hate her! Sometimes the lighting guy nods off and forgets to turn them on (during the night scenes you can't see shit) that's one of my main complaints about this flick, which is otherwise jam packed with entertainment value.Usually I'd save this one for USA UP ALL NIGHT WEEK but I twisted Sharky's arm off and forced him at knifepoint to upload his video tape to Youtube.
Marty (Al Wheatley), a total creepy perv wanders in while girls are bending over or minding their own business, he gives off a serial killer vibe.

People say I look like Greg Lowery

In Beach House there's this strange "turkey and tequila" party or a TNT! Maybe it's a Philly thing, which is where this film takes place, not sure. There's one birther type guy who keeps bringing up George Washington and trying to embarrass his girlfriend in front of the portrait. I gotta consult my Destroy All Movies book to see if this one is in there (actually I confirmed that the co-editor did review it). It's got waay more punk looking people and music than even Surf 2! One girl wears a shirt for a Boston power pop band called The Marshalls. Marty the perv turns out to be an aggressive stalker/ rapist and almost attacks Cindy (Kate McNeil)! That actress must have a great agent and is still consistently working, she was in Monkey Shines and a bunch of popular tv shows like Madmen and X-Files.

Last Supper?

During the last few minutes all these incidental characters we don't really care about all bone while the band (which doesn't seem to have a name) plays "When You Find Out" by The Nerves!

Don't worry it's all gluten free

It's pretty frustrating how the last half takes place during the night because there's not even a street light and I think they might've forgotten what type of movie this is because it shifts gears into slasher territory. The music even gets more Casio sounding ala Don't Answer The Phone as Marty chases Cindy on a merry-go-round! My head hurts, I'm very confused and I didn't eat one of those magic brownies again by accident! Stick it out if you can because this is one weird underground punk infused beach party train wreck.

SHIT, I'm so wasted on Tryptophan!
If you live in the Bay Area make sure you go see The Teutonics who are amazing and do a cover of the song they play at the end! Thanks again to my best pal Sharky for hooking me up! HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!


  1. I didn't know Greg Lowry was in a movie. I will have to see this film now.

  2. Great read, my father (Marino Amoruso) Was the writer of this movie, he was also the character Anthony, who was the "birther" guy. (My grandpa played the police officer).


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