Thursday, January 14, 2016

Bride Of Deep Red

Bride of Deep Red compiled by Chas Balun (no date).

In the 90's (even early 2000's) I used to make trailer comps from tapes that I ordered through snail mail channels or at videostores (R.I.P). It was kind of like making a mixtape for some girl to impress, only with visuals instead of music and a way to showcase your collection of rarities and obscure knowledge. Anything on Mad Ron's Prevues From Hell was fair game, since it's one of the most epic trailer comps of all time, its an undisputed champion and even has some of the wackiest ventriloquism shenanigans to entertain you further than you deserve!

Chas offered many trailer/ whatever best ofs, making of docs and all kinds of goodies crammed onto one video tape from the famed DR archives like Son of Deep Red (which will be reviewed as well). Keep in mind this was at a time when all of this stuff was ultra rare and only available on laserdisc at best. On one cassette comp, the making of Guinea Pig was famously included along with the finished Asian"snuff" flick. The morons at the FBI and Charlie Sheen never bothered to watch it of course to confirm that it was all latex and fake blood, then the worst shit imaginable went down! And as you may be familiar with because it's constantly mentioned on this site, it got Chas into a lot of trouble over nothing.
I may be a sadistic necrophile but at least I wrap that rascal during intercourse with filthy skanks

Skunkape traded Dune melange (or Frank Herbert's 11 secret herbs and spices), promised his first born and even ate Sea Monkeys to obtain this rare tape for my viewing pleasure, this primate really goes above and beyond for all of us, I hope everyone fucking appreciates it! 

Oh, Man is it worth it though, I'd eat a whole bucket of worms (speaking of that shit-tastic T.V. Mikels flick is planned to eventually be reviewed) to get this tape pre-internet. Thankfully we've got the computer and I don't have to. The Bride of Deep Red-- dare I say is on an equal level of fun hilarity of Mad Ron's Prevues (or any trailer comp you care to mention), it's a party cannon of a video treasure that would satisfy even the most discerning elitist gore snob. Another legendary trailer compilation, which I've handed out burnt copies to anyone who I think would appreciate is SWV's "Dusk Till Dawn". So what do we have here, well just cast your nostalgia net back to the days before Steve Job worship and Zuckerberg narcism, man those days were so much better when you could digest information instead of craning your face and mental stability to keep up on the latest millisecond of useless information. Fuck the future!

It starts off generously with a gaggle of Romero and Fulci trailers that sets the way back dial right where it outta be, before mainstream America was craving "Walking Dull" or monotonous, drama along with generic beige zombies who all look identical. Yawn!

Oh shit, some blue sunshine seeped into my JuJuBees and now I'm trippin' balls

Some films you may want to jot down and others look better in 2 min form than they actually were (like John Russo's tepid Midnight), the trailer is pretty rad though! There's a movie I wish I'd never actually sat through (read the review here). 
The best part about this whole shebang is that it was meticulously pieced together for your enjoyment with two tape decks fused together chosen by a guy that new his shit and assembled a rad tape for you to get wasted or toasted to, it's inspiring. I even spotted Seinfeld's Uncle Leo ("Hello"!) in a preview for Nico Mastorakis' Grandma's House, whatever that is. 

I told you Jerry, don't fucking bring up my crime of passion!

The trailer for Funhouse is great because its better than the finished product (well--OK-- I enjoyed it for what is was-- but you gotta admit, the Tobe Hooper flick is pretty fucking incoherent and sloppy). I know I shouldn't trash another popular favorite like the snoozefest CSPWDT, but here I go again, sue me, I was bored!

Brought to you by gingivitis and the British dentist council

Two nasty trailers are connected with no relation what so ever are Henry Portrait of a Serial Killer and Africa Blood and Guts, other than the fact that they're both hideously cruel and unnerving to sit through. The Alien trailer is amazing, if you'd never even saw the film, you wouldn't realize that the preview blatantly gives everything away but it's all spliced in quick succession that you never feel gypped. Lurkers is a terrible movie by Roberta Findlay (big surprise!) but it's kind of enjoyable in all it's stupidity, I actually liked it more than Tenement. There are a few Blaxploitation flicks in the VHS catalog like Black Gestapo and Welcome Home Brother Charles but the super fun "One Down 2 to Go" is suspiciously absent, the trailer is rad though, I have yet to view the entire movie, from what I hear it's very dull. That's the beauty of ordering from Balun, when you got a tape, you'd be exposed to a slew of trailers that made you want to seek them out and branch out beyond the catalog. 

Did a cow shit in here or is that just my upper lip?

Before Shark Vs. Zombie was a viral video that was later used to sell PC's here is the clip in all it's glory on a dingy looking second generation dub along with other choice moments from the epic Fulci eye gouger. Seeing it on the big screen in crystal clarity at the Roxy Theater in San Fran was incredible and I cant complain at all about a shitty looking film getting a much needed face lift. There's an example where the future is a major improvement over the brownish hues and head ache inducing grain from the old version.

And the party continues with the most psychedelic Bava preview ever, Carnage (or Bay of Blood), I always made sure I slipped that one on a videotape I traded with pen pals. 
An hour 11 mins in, we're knee-deep in Asian territory with the insane trailer for Endurance and Death Cage. A pervy anime that shows a demon fuck the shit out of a babe as a dude who tries to rescue her gets sliced up real good. It's all shown unsubbed, so who knows, I'd guess it was Devil Man if I didn't just watch that one.

The most incredible part of this video is the anti-gore propaganda bullshit piece called "VCR Horrors" on 20/20! I remember watching that at 12 or so and obsessively wanting to see Evil Dead 2. I mean they show so many clips of it, I feel as if they owe Sam Raimi a 1000 apologies. They subject parents to a clip of Make Them Die Slowly to try and scare the shit outta them (hopefully they didn't beat their kids soon after). Obviously the stupid parents are responsible for letting them rent these tape without consent. The way they interview these kids is great because the 12 year olds come off as intelligent ravenous gore fans, not unbalanced maniacs who need to be on therapeutic drugs. One girl even claims she gets turned on by gore, Nice!

The Jig is up Bueller I found you in the porn section

It's sort of crazy because I watched this as a kid and no had no idea who Chas Balun was at the time, but obviously he made a huge impact on my life before I even knew who he was. The producers interview him and he says kids today want a body count because they're weened on MTV. This was also the very first time I saw the Cellar Dweller tear someone's head off and lick its chops. Compared to today, this crusade against video ratings seems restrained and no one is calling for a ban on the tapes similar to what happened in England with Mary Whitehouse and her stodgy hypocrites. It's very hard to track down but worth the effort, good luck finding a copy. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!

(Note this film may actually be Son of DR but is labeled wrong because in the catalog it's described as including a interview with Dario Argento conducted by Dennis Daniel and deleted scenes from John Woo's The Killer but since this is not a physical tape and only an mp4, I had no way of really knowing which volume it was. It doesn't effect the amount of entertainment herein but it's slightly disingenuous). So if that's the case just assume that this was a review for Son and not Bride, I'll try to get a handle on my OCD and take some more valium--too much coffee again. see ya next time creep-os. 

We all miss you Chas, Rest in Peace.

1 comment:

  1. Yes, what up with the British? Did Whitehouse and her kin think that dolls would spring to malevolent life after watching CHILD'S PLAY? As others have pointed out -- the one film that DID inspire a mass shooting in the U.K, RAMBO: FIRST BLOOD remained free and available for all to see!


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