Monday, May 8, 2017


Pandemonium Directed By Alfred Sole, Starring Carol Kane (1982).

This was actually a Commander USA Groovie Movie pick according to the Youtube video I watched it on but it still counts in my book! The Commander was always a welcome site while channel surfing in the late 80s, he was portrayed by Jim Hendricks, a struggling actor and part time cabbie. He had that hipster Ghoulardi style lingo down, only with more of a Jersey gripe. There's a cool interview with him on Temple Of Schlock (link). And he also showed up in American Scary, the horror host documentary.

 It’s to be seen on your drug of choice, not that we condone that sort of thing Sargent Stadanko. My brain almost erupted from my skull cavity when I discovered that Alfred Sole, the same dude who directed the ultra creepy, masterful slasher Alice Sweet Alice, made this one as well. I would say that everyone must've been clamoring to appear in his next film, but then I forgot about the abysmal Tuna's Island (I mean Tanya's Island review here ). Let’s see—there’s a bazillion B-rate and cult celebs in this one. We’ve got Pee Wee Herman who has a coke snorting horse, David” Squiggy Lander, Tab Hunter, Carol Kane, who does a Carrie impression decades before all the weak ass remakes clogged up the cinematic toilet. A pre-Fast Times Judge Reinhold, Phil Hartman-- OK, Jeez, you get it there’s enough famous people to sink the Love Boat! The main character is a mid 30’s cheerleader played by Candice Azzara (who is allegedly related to my Aunt Beatty, at least that’s what my dad mentioned when we watched Fatso with Dom Deluise when I was a youngster).
It’s on the cheesy level of a shitty horror parody like Rockula or Full Moon High but more Laugh-in or Carol Burnett Vaudeville style tongue in cheek. Tab Hunter possibly thought this was Grease 3, or just needed a quick paycheck. Actually the style of humor is a lot like D.C. Follies, I still can't believe that Freddy Krueger showed up on an episode.  

quit Bogarting those rails ya stupid fucking horse!

Carol Kane shoots red lasers out of her eye sockets and they goof on Carrie, it’s more funny in a ‘what the fuck am I watching kind of way”, now would be a good time to smoke up or drink some high gravity Steel Reserve, it’ll help I promise.

Debra Lee Scott, who I think is strangely attractive is featured. When I mentioned her on Twitter, Skunkape said she looked like Carrot Top. This is the guy who used to bring in Fatliners, a morbidly obese porn to terrify students in our TV production class. Judge Reinhold has a hideous bleach blonde dye job. The most disappointing part of the film is that there are tons of hot chicks and not of them take off their clothes. One girl gets a drill with a toothbrush attached shoved down her throat but that's just icky, not sexy. I mean if you're that dentist character in Bloodsucking Freaks you might get a boner.

This is less humiliating than Ishtar but on the same level as Kimmy Schmidt

There’s a really offensive part where they have a Japanese airline with the stewardess dressed like Godzilla and they do that mock "ching chongy" Asian accent--NOT COOL. Candice, who has really nice boobs, gets into a bath tub filled with milk and is surrounded by those Repo Man style generic cookies, why? Because it’s supposed to be funny? It's definitely a goofy experience and shouldn't be watched sober but I dug it!

the secret sauce at Captain Hook Fish & Chips is semen.

Alright, so until next year, this is USA UP ALL NIGHT WEEK signing off, our last ditch effort to drag in more readers! Reflect Jack Handy style on what's been written for the next few weeks, remember it's only a blog and reading is fundamental or something. Thanks to everyone who helped out! We dedicate this week to not only the ghosts of the USA pre-internet network but also to James Harris (Dr. Terror) who we lost to cancer last month.



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