Sunday, September 4, 2016

Roots Of Evil

Roots of Evil (The Breeding Of Evil) Directed by and starring Christian Anders (1979).

Skunkape is Deep Roy's #1 fan. He's got the commemorative plates, the racing snail action figure and all so of course when he presented this action-packed flick I knew I was in for a treat. He teases me about having an undying infatuation with Edmund Purdom and now it's my turn to jab him in the breadbasket. 

Now for a second forget about that Indian midget and focus on the Farrah-coiffed chinless martial art stylinz of Christian Anders! He does it all, fights, sings the "balls in a vice" high pitched theme song "it's a Deaaad Ennndd" and acts the shit outta this movie! It's a catchy tune, he also provided the theme for Divine Emanuelle (aka Love Camp) "Love, Love, Love" which sounds like a warped Coke jingle, not too shabby. Just think of him as a nice guy version of Martin Kove's Karate Kid villain, instead of "sweeping the leg" he might sweep the kitchen up.

3 mins in, a group of clownish thugs get schooled (well one of them gets his limp wrist broken). The others suit up and stay awhile just in time for Anders to bust out his tender acting chops and go into a sad story about his sensei's tragic death. 

so high pitched only a dog's ears can hear it

Next, Van Bullock's (Deep Roy) imposing henchmen  Komo (Fernando Bilbao) shows up, he's got a Fu-Manchu long sideburns combo. I feel bad for Komo, who takes some serious abuse from his humiliating boss, he even has to roll out a tiny carpet for his to enter his car from. Roy's voice is very high and squeaky, he's always on the verge of strangling someone like a coked out Indian Donald Duck, he should mellow out and chillax w a nice Clamato or a jazz cigarette! 

I have to take a SHITTT!

The camera angles and goofy sound effects don't do him any favors and play up to the fact that he's a tiny gangster--ok we get it! This insecure twerp is just so put off that Frank Mertens owns a Karate school and he sends his goons over to start shit up! What's his problem anyway, he's got a total Napoleon complex!

The fight choreography is pretty good, Anders (who actually taught in reality) makes yowling noises like an Austrian Bruce Lee. There were tons of Bruce-Sploitations out there, the best poster to that signifies that era to me is Bruce Lee Fights Back From The Grave.

I crushed my balls for nuthin for this Christine audition!

Deep's always got a ridiculously tacky 70's outfit on, a drink in hand and never seems to leave his apartment. The same spooky winds and tension you'd see in a Fulci movie show up at the burial ground of Anders karate master. A bunch of Van Bullock's thugs again start a fight and even though they're all armed with Eastern weapons (nunchucks, one dude carries a tiny switchblade) they all get fucked up.
J.C. Pennys catalog circa 74

The film gets pretty repetitive and seems at first geared towards the PG market but stick around because it gets pretty sleazy and ultra violent. Why it's called Roots of Evil is anyone's guess!

The next time you watch The Never Ending Story, just imagine what the audio on the set would sound like with Deep Roy's actual voice yelling angrily at his racing snail!

ROE contains one of the most revolting one man training montages I've ever seen, as Frank Mertens rolls his stomach in leather fetish underpants and does a cock push-up! (I could see Mac from It's Always Sunny using this part as masturbatory material.)

these leather pants really pack in the limburger smegma stink

The pint sized drug lord is always surrounded by phones, his latest devious plan to bring down Frank is to send over Cora a flat faced temptress played by Dunja Rajter. I like how his blonde girlfriend is immediately jealous of her (talk about insecure)! Maybe she's been pining for him for awhile and he's too narcissistic to notice. The blonde is played by Maribel Martin, an actress who's appeared in highly regarded trash like The Blood Spattered Bride and The House That Screamed, she's pretty much wasted here.

this spaghetti shawl really chafes!

Serves Merten right because she plants some booger sugar on him and ditches his ass. Cora is so enamored by Frank that she shoots up and fantasizes about him. As the film chugs along it gets increasingly weirder and more sadistic, my fav part is when this terrible lounge singer who sings like a low pitched Miss Piggy and wears a shawl that looks like spaghetti. The grand finale is a must see event as poor Komo is literally snapped in half and Deep is tossed in a very cold looking brook!
It's very difficult to find this movie, but if you want to see Tim Burton's favorite little guy in action playing a warped drug lord you can't go wrong.



TOG presents The Trailers That Smell
Roots Of Evil

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