Sunday, May 12, 2013

Escape From Coral Cove

Escape From Coral Cove (Tao Chu Hu Hai) Directed By Ga Jan Cheung 1986
   A group of Asian templar knights attend a seaside funeral, the coffin is lit on fire and then submerged, where it crushes a waterlogged zombie's hand. An instrumental version of Jan Hammer like keyboards playing "In my House" by The Rick James backup singers group is blasted during the credits as Alex and his foxy chick drive around. The white on white subs are pretty excruciating, Alex threatens to unleash his "Pink Panther" on the girls. They all stay in at his house (the production design makes it seem like no one lives there). One girl finds a secret experimental chemistry lab and a levitating wicker basket (is an Asian Belial not far behind)? Sadly no! 

Maybe the crummiest Asian horror monster of all time

   A mysterious swamp creature seems to be lurking about in the shadows (it's not the Oily Maniac though). This behemoth preys on drunks urinating in graveyards and their wives. The picture quality is so shitty during the night that its hard to make out the beastly invader. 
  Then it goes from hard to see night footage to bright daylight, as the crew aboard The Pink Panther (that's a boat apparently not a penis reference) frolic! The film might as well not be subtitled at all, because half the letters get scrambled by the white on white subs or get cut off all together. Some exciting elements include a crushing cup contest (Dreyfuss vs. Quint Jaws reference?) and some water jousting.
Your move Asian Robert Shaw

  Escape From Coral Cove is basically someone's home movie sloppily strewn together, why am I watching it? Skunkape was nice enough to find it for me! There are two Escape titles in the Deep Red catalog (Escape From Hong Kong and just plain Escape). I was sad to figure out that this one is neither of them as I first thought when I went ahead and reviewed it. There's a character graphic in the left handcorner throughout the film (its from a VCD). If you are expecting a typically exciting or gruesome Asian funfest like I was, you'll be miserable like I was! But if you like dull home movies with a hidden sea monster that barely shows up, then by all means seek out this piece of shit! I couldn't wait to escape from this movie! All the ingredients that make Asian horror flicks stand out from the rest are missing, there's no nudity and minimal amounts of blood. Total garbage, don't waste your time! 
Totally Sucks! (on the Deep Red Gore score this would get a Dog rating)

not enough beer on the planet to make this tolerable

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