USA UP ALL NIGHT WEEK: Eat And Run

"Eat And Run"(1986)

Director: Christopher Hart 

Writer: Stan Hart, Christopher Hart

Stars: Ron Silver, Sharon Sharth, Pat Ryan

Review by: "Machine Gun" Kristin

"Eat And Run" seems like a somewhat larger budgeted movie from the looks of it, with that glossy New World Pictures logo coming on the screen. At least it seems fancier to me. This movie's pretty gross but it's actually adorably funny in a likable cornball way. It's one of the many New York set films of the 1980s that emphasizes it's Italian community, although it's probably the only one that focuses on the appetizing nature of its people as food versus the food that they create. haha. They generically reference Carvel ice cream cakes which is painfully 80s NY, but surprisingly not Friendly's (even though, they hail from Massachusetts) which seems to be a suburban NY staple. Hell, they even referenced Friendly's in "The Sopranos" haha.

The eating (although, not much running actually) is done by shirt button spitting character actor, Pat Ryan (or sometimes R.L. Ryan). You might recognize him as the sleazy junkyard owner from "Street Trash" which he did around the same time as "Eat..".  Here, he's a humanoid space alien named Murray the Creature that crash landed in New York. A nice Italian man picks him up thinking he's a hitchhiker and inadvertently talks Murray into eating him. This sets a series of murders that goofball detective, Mickey McSorely (Ron Silver) goes on a self-narrating journey to solve.

"I Ordered Fudgey The Fish But They Send Me Fuckin' Cookie Face!" 

I went into this "USA Up All Night" choice of movie thinking it was a horror film, but it's more of a comedy than anything. All the "gore" is done off screen. There are a ton of gags in this, which can sometimes read as trying too hard. Sometimes they kinda bash you over the head with the schtick but it was still charming in a vaudeville kinda way. It was the last movie written by Stan Hart who was head writer of "The Carol Burnett Show" and also had written for Mad Magazine.

I could've done without the icky comedic fully-clothed sex scenes with poofy haired Judge Cheryl (Sharon Schlarth) and McSorely, haha. Some of the dialogue exchanges though were pretty funny like,

Cheryl: "Oh by way, I forgot to ask if you had Herpes?" 

McSorely: "Oh god no, that's one thing I don't have" 

Cheryl: "It's not so bad, it stings from time to time, but it doesn't interfere with my social life" 

Murray eats tunnel-digging Agamemnon from "OZ" 

I think my favorite gag was when the Zeppoles vendor fried his ring, his watch and his ID bracelet.  The least would have to be the weird sex scene with McSorely (he kinda resembles an off-brand Andy Garcia) and Judge Cheryl but she's sound asleep. Yuck. 

This movie is not quite at "Eating Raoul" caliber as far as comedies involving eating people goes,  but it's worth a look. These movies were surprisingly never paired up on "USA Up All Night". 

"Eat And Run" apparently aired 4 times (!!) on "USA Up All Night":

April 8th 1989 Satan's Cheerleaders/Eat and Run 

September 1 1989 Eat and Run/The Kentucky Fried Movie 

November 24 1989 Swim Team/Eat and Run 

November 25 1989 Eat and Run/The Van 

I give this one 2 and half pizzas 🍕🍕

You can watch "Eat And Run" HERE

Find the it for sale HERE

Beach House

Beach House (Down the Shore) Directed By John A. Gallagher, starring Kate McNeil (1982).

Paul Sharky Vandervoort alerted my attention to this schlock-ter-piece and he knows good trashy teen movies! So I bartered with him and he finally agreed to peddle a copy in an unknown location sold for a high ransom among other paraphernalia out of his Studebaker beater so that I could dish out the dirt here for your enjoyment, hope you appreciate it. 

You've seen King Frat and Ghost House, now get ready for what I can only describe as "Mook House" as in an all Italian American frat party! The "Beloosh" of this Animal House is the tubby bleach blonded slob Baby (played by Paul Anderson)! He wears sunglasses at all times and calls everybody else baby, hence the nickname.

The music is really lethargic power pop or sometimes fake Freddy Cannon. There's all sort of famed prefab punk stars involved in the music like one of the Paley Brothers and Adam Roth. Roth who plays Googie was very close with Dennis Leary and played guitar on his hit song "Asshole" and was in The Del Fuegos. He also had his own catchy song check it out here. According to this movie, it's all happening not at the Joisey Shore, but at Ocean City!

BOO! DISCO SUCKS!

Down at "Phil's Rock Room and Disco Inferno (see ya get best of both music genres) they all pogo to "Ca Plane Pour Moi" by Plastic Bertrand! Cecile (Ileana Seidel), a frizzy haired chick jaunts over to the hotel of Baby and his cohorts and lets everybody slobber on her after her snaggletoothed afro-ed boyfriend can't get it up. She is just asking for trouble and all the girls at the party hate her! Sometimes the lighting guy nods off and forgets to turn them on (during the night scenes you can't see shit) that's one of my main complaints about this flick, which is otherwise jam packed with entertainment value.Usually I'd save this one for USA UP ALL NIGHT WEEK but I twisted Sharky's arm off and forced him at knifepoint to upload his video tape to Youtube.

Marty (Al Wheatley), a total creepy perv wanders in while girls are bending over or minding their own business, he gives off a serial killer vibe.

People say I look like Greg Lowery

In Beach House there's this strange "turkey and tequila" party or a TNT! Maybe it's a Philly thing, which is where this film takes place, not sure. There's one birther type guy who keeps bringing up George Washington and trying to embarrass his girlfriend in front of the portrait. I gotta consult my Destroy All Movies book to see if this one is in there (actually I confirmed that the co-editor did review it). It's got waay more punk looking people and music than even Surf 2! One girl wears a shirt for a Boston power pop band called The Marshalls. Marty the perv turns out to be an aggressive stalker/ rapist and almost attacks Cindy (Kate McNeil)! That actress must have a great agent and is still consistently working, she was in Monkey Shines and a bunch of popular tv shows like Madmen and X-Files.

Last Supper?

During the last few minutes all these incidental characters we don't really care about all bone while the band (which doesn't seem to have a name) plays "When You Find Out" by The Nerves!

Don't worry it's all gluten free

It's pretty frustrating how the last half takes place during the night because there's not even a street light and I think they might've forgotten what type of movie this is because it shifts gears into slasher territory. The music even gets more Casio sounding ala Don't Answer The Phone as Marty chases Cindy on a merry-go-round! My head hurts, I'm very confused and I didn't eat one of those magic brownies again by accident! Stick it out if you can because this is one weird underground punk infused beach party train wreck.

SHIT, I'm so wasted on Tryptophan!

If you live in the Bay Area make sure you go see The Teutonics who are amazing and do a cover of the song they play at the end! Thanks again to my best pal Sharky for hooking me up! HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!

MICROWAVE MASSACRE

Microwave Massacre

Directed by W. Berwick. Starring Jackie Vernon, Claire Ginsgerg, Loren Schein, Al Troupe. (1983).

Reviewed by Michael Hauss

I consider myself to be a major verbal extremist, I drop more F-Bombs per day than some small third world countries or the latest Gangster rap CD release. So, political correctness is something that I don’t subscribe to. I am sensitive to other people’s feelings, but I have been known to open mouth and insert foot on a regular basis. I work with a bunch of people who find inventive ways to use the F word in every sentence and being around a bunch of likeminded verbal extremist, just fuels my F-Bomb creativity. Now, you’re probably asking yourself, what the Fuck is this idiot babbling on about and what does it have to do with the film in question Microwave Massacre? Plenty my fucking friend, plenty.

This film is from the 1970’s (Filmed in 1979, released in 1983) and it’s all about the political incorrectness in this joyous stab at cannibalistic sexual perversion among the deviants. Microwave Massacre is about a poor deadpanning slob who just wants to have a bologna and cheese sandwich when he gets home from his job as a construction worker. Donald (Jackie Vernon) never gets that bologna and cheese sandwich, he gets some Haute Cuisine that his flighty wife May (Claire Ginsberg) cooks up for him in her industrial sized microwave. All around Donald people are living, eating desirable food and having sexual relations. The problem with Donald is two-fold, while there is an issue with the food there is also deep problems concerning his sexual relationship with May or lack of sexual relations that is, that part of the relationship has been nonexistent for the last fifteen years and in their battle of putdowns and continual verbal sparring,  Donald snipes about May’s desirability, and May shoots some zingers back at Donald including the soul crushing line, that he’s a “Walking contraceptive.”

One night after getting drunk at his favorite local bar, Donald returns home late and May has created another gastric disturbance. Donald after being denied that bologna and cheese again, becomes drunkenly enraged and after urinating on May’s couch in her plastic home reality universe, he attacks his wife in her beloved kitchen while that industrial sized Major Electric microwave looks on in gleaming, chrome consumerism. Donald bludgeons May to death with a salt shaker (Vernon's character has enough sense to throw some salt over his shoulder to try and negate that old bad luck). The next morning Donald awakens late with a massive hangover, and while looking about for his lunch, checks out the microwave and finds that, “Ma-Ma-Ma- May is in the microwave.” The deadpanning Donald turns to the camera and says, that’s the way May “Would have wanted to go…. slow broil.”

Wait for the ding before serving!

The star of this film is the world renown comedian Jackie Vernon, who had a sparse number of movie and television series credits, but did appear on a host of variety shows, with many funny appearances on the old Dean Martin show. For those who have never seen Microwave Massacre, I implore you to close your eyes and wait for the first lines uttered by Vernon in the role of Donald and let your brain quickly scramble to figure out why that voice sounds so familiar!

It is odd hearing the voice of the beloved Frosty the Snowman saying some outrageously raunchy politically incorrect things! Donald after his killing of May, cuts her body up and places the parts into the fridge in the garage to cover his dastardly crime, but keeps his wife's head displayed in the fridge. That very night Donald stumbles out of bed for a midnight snack and bites into a piece of meat that he had taken from the fridge to make room for May and unbeknownst to him, he bites into a piece of his dead wife and finds that he enjoys the taste of flesh.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I'm gonna carve the roast beast, wait wrong fucking TV special?!

Donald meets a prostitute at the bar and being the naïve non-sexual being, does not realize that the woman whose name is Dee Dee Dee is indeed a lady of the night. On the way to Donald’s house Dee Dee Dee tells the dour-pussed Donald, that she was named Dee Dee Dee because her mother stuttered. At the house, Donald, can’t seem to get over his sexual impotency but then something snaps and after a quick two minutes, Donald smothers poor Dee Dee Dee and afterwards he carries her dead body into the kitchen and proclaims to no one in particular, “I’m so hungry I could eat a whore!” Now think about that for a minute, ole’ Frosty the Snowman is ready to cut into a dead prostitute and devour her in a cannibalistic frenzy, and old fucking Frosty the Fucking Snowman just said, “I’m so hungry I could eat a whore!” Let that stew in your brain for a minute, a beloved figure even if only in voice is a whore devouring, deadpanning cannibal. I was equally shocked and amused with the visual fantasy scenario that played out in my head as old frosty went about killing women on the snowy terrain of that Christmas classic, a decidedly more perverse cartoon than Rankin/Bass had ever envisioned for that fat mass of frozen water who has become a holiday tradition.

Holy Shit! Karen you slut, this is Frosty shaming you for that gynecological spread you did for Swank.

Donald takes a bit of old May with him to work and after his fellow co-workers Roosevelt (Loren Schein) and Phillip (Al Troupe) get a taste of the meat, unbeknownst to them they develop a bad case of cannibalism. The film moves from scene to scene as the robust Donald with his deadpanning naivety procures attractive female after attractive female and after sexual relations, eats them. The eating of a woman part is expanded a bit when Donald visits a psychiatrist with a heavy soul and the doctor snoozes through their session only to awaken at the end to hear Donald speaking of eating women in a non-sexual sense, which the doctor does not interpret correctly and tells him if it feels good do it. Of course, Donald is speaking in both terms of the phrase, but is thankfully never shown doing the sexual one, only showing the clothed Donald with his unwitting topless female victims. The ending I will not spoil, but a visit to his family medical doctor helps understand the ending, and ultimately May will have her revenge, with a little help from her beloved Microwave!

I'll never look at Frosty in the same way again!

Microwave Massacre is played strictly for laughs and does what very few comedy-horror films do, it keeps the emphasis on the comedy and never overplays its hand, reveling in its stupidity and never going into anything overly graphic in terms of blood or gore. It relies more on its ability to jab at our sensibilities with its political incorrectness and its total lack of scruples to amaze and titillate the viewers. I, for one love the film and think that it is an unique viewing experience, and needs to be discovered and rediscovered so it can take its place amongst other classic exploitation films of its ilk. The film does what it sets out to do and that is to never take itself seriously and to present a male who has a proclivity for human flesh and that inclination helps release his dormant libido. So next time your hungry for a bite to eat for your politically incorrect soul, bite into this fleshy presentation from the great team at Arrow Video. 

Frosty, tell us one more time about your cannibalistic urges, the urges that finally motivated your pole North!.

Now on to the release by Arrow. The film is presented in the aspect ratio of 1:85:1. The Blu-Ray/DVD release of the film is loaded with special edition contents including; Brand new 2K restoration from the original camera negative. High definition Blu-ray (1080p) and standard definition DVD presentations. Original Mono audio (uncompressed PCM on the Blu-ray). Optional English subtitles for the deaf and hard of hearing. Brand new audio commentary with writer-producer Craig Muckler, moderated by Mike Tristano. Brand new making of featurette including interviews with Mucker, director Wayne Berwick and actor Loren Schein. Trailer. Original treatment and 8-page synopsis (BD/DVD-ROM content). And an informative and outstanding booklet on the film by the film historian Stephen Thrower.

Check out this big box phone cover for Microwave Massacre that's guaranteed to melt you brain. 

*Please look for my upcoming interview with Microwave Massacre producer and actor Craig Muckler in Wengs Chop # 10. If that’s not enough look for an upcoming review of the film for Exploitation Retrospect #53.*

GUTS FIELD REPORT: NASHVILLE MIDNIGHT MOVIE at The Belcourt: THIS IS AMERICA PART 2

NASHVILLE FIELD REPORT BELCOURT THEATER: THIS IS AMERICA PART 2. Directed By Romano Vanderbes, starring Ron Jeremy (1980).

Here I am back at the only place in Trashville to see weird movies for sickos only.

I always arrive early enough to check out the pre-show which has stuff related to the film they're about to play. As I got in slightly late, I saw a part of the Dead Kennedys Target video (that I still own from high school) which had a segment from the local San Francisco news about Jello's run for mayor, followed by Drug Me. One part that cracked me up showed Richard Pryor walking into a gun store where all the weapons had their own voices and personalities (one of them was Robin Williams, R.I.P.), it was taken from Pryor's short lived TV series. I also saw a trailer for Human Highway, the Devo/ Neil Young movie which has been a total bitch to find until now. I first read about that one in Psychotronic and it's finally being re-released.

This gun is the tits, it's loaded with cocaine bullets!

Back in the days when video stores still existed, there were shit tons of repulsive dreck in the mondo section like Africa Blood & Guts, Mondo Magic, Shocking Asia and the most famous Faces of Death. I’ve always despised this genre as cheap Fox News style propaganda mixed with genuinely horrific nightmarish accident footage or staged attacks and executions. Fodder for death metal videos and stoners with a taste for twisted violence, not for me at all. So why did I venture out on the highway to check this flick out? First and foremost, I fucking love this theater and want to support them. Awhile ago after seeing the very depressing and grim Killing Of America by Leonard Schrader (Paul “Taxi Driver, Hardcore” Schrader’s) doc, I discovered Jabberwalk (aka This is America part 2) and thought I should revisit it. There is a part one, but it's pretty forgettable. What's really strange to me is how both of these films combined are not as gut wrenching, at least to me, as something like Fahrenheit 911 or Bowling for Columbine (I'm sure Moore was heavily influenced by the Schrader film)

Skunkape found this sequel for me at least 10 years ago, I switched it on for probably a few mins, saw Jello Biafra riding BART with his campaign posters and shut it off. Thought to myself “Next” and then watched something with more guts. Then in the present year 2016 A.D., I figured I'd give this very cheesy, non-prophetic and out dated “mondo” movie that relies too heavily on sex and buffoonery and goofiness a second chance. There’s not much here to shock any drooling slack jawed geek show veteran who's seen Faces of Death a trillion times or preteens of now, who have every depraved sex act known to humanity at the click of a mouse, so who is this movie for, I don’t really know!

I enjoyed it regardless but really wish I could say, “Sheesh, I’m glad society isn’t as fucked up as that movie painted it out to be!” Just think of the lyrics to California Uber Alles (which fears the threatening grip of a, shudder to think, Jerry Brown presidency)! Holy fucking shit, I wish that’s the way the tide turned, but no, current society is a billion times worse than this mondo flick paints it out to be! At this point in time, Idiocracy, one of the most accurate futuristic depictions of a society ruled by the completely moronic and sub intelligent might have to catch up with how retarded everyone is right now. Check to see if Mike Judge’s brain matter hasn’t ejected all over the inside of his office out of sheer disbelief.

Ahhh that's better, if only this really happened.

So what goes down in Romano Vanderbes’ movie celebrating the eccentricities of the wackiest people he could gather for this event? Well, I noticed Ron Jeremy is featured during a lot of segments, in the passenger side of a naked carwash. One lady looked like she had a 4 boobs in two, over the shoulder boulders indeed. During a topless boxing match at the end, we get Vanessa Del Rio and Veronica Hart punching each other’s lights out (they were billed as just drunk girls who wondered into the ring). Jeremy shows up later at a repulsive hot top orgy at Plato’s Retreat, I recommend reading the incredibly sleazy book Tales From Times Square by Josh Alan Friedman for further debauchery on this subject.

valet parking and buffet? Oh boy!

At one point, the film attempts to get dark and shows a community of homeless underground dwellers (a pre CHUD reference) feasting on rats, one bum looks suspiciously like Brian Johnson from AC/DC. Another disgusting moment (which we’ve seen worse on mainstream shows like Fear Factor has an entire family scarfing down worms (and making juice out of the wrigglers), read The Worm Eaters review for more Zimmern style shenanigans, BARF)!

Shake & bake that rat baybayby all fucking night looonnnngg

After a while my patience wore thin, adding to the fact that there was possibly 5 other people in the theater, no one was laughing accept me and some fat dude in front of me kept checking the time on his cellphone (I almost narced on him, but I don't dime). The staff at the Belcourt mentioned that I was possibly the only person who walked in, not employed by the movie theater who had any interest in watching this flick, I guess I’m a "for real" weirdo.

There was a phoned in little segment showing Manson, people with hideous wounds, random protesting and scuffles, Edmund Kemper (who really ate up the film stock in Killing of America) and an inmate who was fried a couple of times in the electric chair (sans eye socket duct tape by the way). I mean the footage in Faces of Death looked more realistic.

Whew, at last my sinuses feel great!

2 more segments that I enjoyed overall were the footage of Bo Diddley partying with Hells Angels (which was shot for a concert in an already finished short called Hells Angels Forever and reinserted here). The zaniest of all, was an all handicapped band miming to The Village People’s “Macho Man” led by a fictional rich mentally challenged mastermind of a weirdo cult from Berkeley (they showcase the college campus, which I’ve been to numerous times, my wife and I would go to Top Dog across the street and lounge on the lawn). No actual guy exists as far as I can tell, I think I would’ve heard something by now. One last thing I’ll mention is a disco where a dude shoots whip cream out of a keytar at naked girls wading in red jello—I ain’t no foodie so I was definitely not turned on by this segment. I highly recommend checking this place out if you ever visit Nashville and can't wait to return!