"Eat And Run" seems like a somewhat larger budgeted movie from the looks of it, with that glossy New World Pictures logo coming on the screen. At least it seems fancier to me. This movie's pretty gross but it's actually adorably funny in a likable cornball way. It's one of the many New York set films of the 1980s that emphasizes it's Italian community, although it's probably the only one that focuses on the appetizing nature of its people as food versus the food that they create. haha. They generically reference Carvel ice cream cakes which is painfully 80s NY, but surprisingly not Friendly's (even though, they hail from Massachusetts) which seems to be a suburban NY staple. Hell, they even referenced Friendly's in "The Sopranos" haha.
The eating (although, not much running actually) is done by shirt button spitting character actor, Pat Ryan (or sometimes R.L. Ryan). You might recognize him as the sleazy junkyard owner from "Street Trash" which he did around the same time as "Eat..". Here, he's a humanoid space alien named Murray the Creature that crash landed in New York. A nice Italian man picks him up thinking he's a hitchhiker and inadvertently talks Murray into eating him. This sets a series of murders that goofball detective, Mickey McSorely (Ron Silver) goes on a self-narrating journey to solve.
"I Ordered Fudgey The Fish But They Send Me Fuckin' Cookie Face!"
I went into this "USA Up All Night" choice of movie thinking it was a horror film, but it's more of a comedy than anything. All the "gore" is done off screen. There are a ton of gags in this, which can sometimes read as trying too hard. Sometimes they kinda bash you over the head with the schtick but it was still charming in a vaudeville kinda way. It was the last movie written by Stan Hart who was head writer of "The Carol Burnett Show" and also had written for Mad Magazine.
I could've done without the icky comedic fully-clothed sex scenes with poofy haired Judge Cheryl (Sharon Schlarth) and McSorely, haha. Some of the dialogue exchanges though were pretty funny like,
Cheryl: "Oh by way, I forgot to ask if you had Herpes?"
McSorely: "Oh god no, that's one thing I don't have"
Cheryl: "It's not so bad, it stings from time to time, but it doesn't interfere with my social life"
Murray eats tunnel-digging Agamemnon from "OZ"
I think my favorite gag was when the Zeppoles vendor fried his ring, his watch and his ID bracelet. The least would have to be the weird sex scene with McSorely (he kinda resembles an off-brand Andy Garcia) and Judge Cheryl but she's sound asleep. Yuck.
This movie is not quite at "Eating Raoul" caliber as far as comedies involving eating people goes, but it's worth a look. These movies were surprisingly never paired up on "USA Up All Night".
"Eat And Run" apparently aired 4 times (!!) on "USA Up All Night":
April 8th 1989 Satan's Cheerleaders/Eat and Run
September 1 1989 Eat and Run/The Kentucky Fried Movie
There's that "10 o'clock news" blare of keyboard and cardboard buildings of Lloyd Kaufman's Troma film company introduction tacked onto every one of their movies. Here they strike again (check out my other Troma review of "Luther The Geek") with "I Was A Teenage TV Terrorist". I picked this to review solely based on the title, which didn't really work in my favor. This was the second film featured on the much loved USA network cable show, "Up All Night". We follow Paul (Adam Nathan) and Donna (Julie Hanlon), a cute teenage couple from Ohio. Upon Donna's pretentious Greek tragedy high school play ("boo! get off the stage!"), Paul steals a camera which he reveals on their car ride home. The kids are wearing these white masks which immediately reminded me of this crazy "As Seen On TV" gadget I remember seeing the commercial for when I was in middle school.
I have a photo of it (I like taking TV pictures), but here I found the whole bizarre commercial:
The beginning sequence of "I Was..." is edited in a "channel surfing" style, with TV flips and white noise. I kinda wished the whole film, (in which the pacing is really slow) had this style, although it probably would become old after awhile. Paul's angry workout spandex clad mother announces he's going to New York for the summer to work for his father's TV company called Romanceco.
Italian for stupid
Your entire retched generation has poisoned itself on their comics and bongo music and the whole lot of you are bound for hell on a road paved with self-indulgence
I really like that Troma has created a couple of different films in their catalog based on media formats, here with TV sets and video tapes, and in another better Troma film, "Hollywood Zap" with video games. Adam ends up working the basement of the TV station and starts selling their old tapes to a pawn shop in the city for extra money. Donna tries her hand at acting and flunks a frozen asparagus commercial where we watch her practice while writhing around on the floor in their apartment wearing a Ben And Jerry's t-shirt (whom they thank in the credits).
The Ben & Jerry's workout
Asparagus people!
Of course (who wouldn't?) they become bored and decide to blow up the TV station, making waves as a supposed "terrorist group". It sort of transforms into a teenage, lite version of "Network" where high ratings and star makings surpass any sort of common sense. This when the movie becomes more interesting, using the ridiculous news media to their advantage. I probably watched this about 3 times and fell asleep a couple of times though. Even so, I still liked the film and found it to be pretty charming, although some aspects of it just went right over my head and I missed some of its more clever lines.
I watched this on Troma's fantastic YouTube channel where you can watch pretty much anything with their name attached to it. Its in all its fuzzy, 3rd generation grainy blurry glory, keeping with this VHS appearance. The only downside to this though is the indiscernible audio and lack of subtitles.
There's maybe 3 different versions of the same poster for this film. I'm guessing the guy and girl portrayed in each poster is supposed to be appeal to a different social clique in each one? haha.
Also, you can find Adam Nathan in Michael Jackson's over the top 16 minute opus, "Bad". He's only in for a few seconds as a classmate in the first half of the video.
Starring: Norman Kelley, Tanna Hunter, Bruce Detrick
Review by "Machine Gun" Kristin
This particular version of "Invasion Of The Blood Farmers" I watched I had a less than appealing opening featuring director Fred Olen Ray. It was more or less a montage of him pulling objects from various women's breasts, etc to the point of tedium. *Barf*. Sorry Fred. :(
Sorry guys, no hash browns in this house
"Invasion Of The Blood Farmers" opening sequence consisted of a blood colored cloud, that could easily be mistaken for an outtake from "Innerspace" (1989) if it was directed by Cash Flagg/Ray Dennis Steckler. This movie has the makings to be fodder for "Mystery Science Theater 3000" (if it already hasn't been) but also it's very likable on it's own. It's about a race of druids (or also called Sangroids here) looking for blood sacrifices to save their Queen. The voiceover (which is actually director, Ed Adlum) in the first scene talks about Stonehenge and a mistletoe being the kiss of death (?). Yeah, I didn't get it either. I apologize for getting too hammy around here, but I can't help but think of Spinal Tap with all this talk of Stonehenge and Druids. That's probably showing my lack of historical knowledge where I can only make pop culture related references. haha. (That's all the references we know around here, .Crank the ed.)
"coming to a blood clot near you!"
According to IMDB, most of the cast members worked on this film in exchange for beer. haha. "Farmers" while very low budget, has decent pacing and a homegrown kinda sweetness to it. It's a rough film with klunky but charming acting performances. The first character we see is named Jim Carrey which unfortunately purports the uncontrollable urge to crack jokes at the film. "hey, I know two things they have in common; one's dead and the other's career is dead". *zing!* Sorry Jim. Later, we even have a character named Egon, so let the "Ghostbusters" references commence!
"More booze!"
As I mentioned earier, Ed Adlum directed this, but actually got his start playing guitar on some fantastic records in 1961 as part of The Castle Kings. He also wrote for Cashbox and Creem magazine a few years later. Make sure add "You Can Get Him Frankenstein" by Castle Kings to your Halloween music playlist.
He also makes a cameo in "Farmers" as newly wed, Milton who decides to shower before having sex with his now wife. He'll probably regret that!
"there's a TV here! I told you this was a first class motel!"
Our main characters are engaged couple Don and Jenny. Her dad is a scientist studying Jim Carrey's blood (which resembles 123 Jello) after he's found dead. Jenny's voice reminded me so much of Donna Dasher/Mary Vivian Pierce from "Female Trouble". I thought she'd ask for an "extremely large glass of ice water" at any second. hehe.
"damn these stubborn blood stains!"
The Sangroids are disguised as farmers who stick out like a sore thumb in their overall and straw hat combo, yeee-haw. They're hunting for blood around a small New York town, killing many and using tubing to drain blood viciously from their victims. A particularly grim scene is when they kill and drain the blood from Jenny's big fluffy dog Buster. Then later, they proceed to hang the poor thing outside her house, fleeing after a vigorous door bell ringing.
"c'mon, I just wanna give ya a hug!"
The motivation of all this seemingly senseless killing and draining of one's blood, is to save the Queen of the Sangroids. The wildly effeminate lord of them (who's the spitting image of the maître d in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off"), hangs by her side while she lays in a clear casket.
"this'll be a HOOT!"
There's a lot of blood and gore in this movie, which has surprisingly garnered a PG rating. I'm not sure if that's a modern rating because I thought that it was GP in the early 1970s. It may have made the cut off because it was in 1972 when GP changed to PG. As usual, violence is okay, but sex is apparently way more offensive.
"I'll have a Bloody Mary" *zoinks!*
"this poster paint is refreshing"
With "Farmers", you of course have your usual continuity problems, such as sudden night and day changes in the lighting and a ridiculous amount of phone calls made during the film. Even so despite it's many flaws, I liked the movie. It reminded me a little bit of a tamer H.G. Lewis' "2,000 Maniacs", which I haven't seen in awhile. "It's a bicentennial celebration, YEE-HAW!".
And now, I present, the greatest phone call ever filmed!
There's gotta be a fly buzzing around the room or something.
Ms. 45 Directed By Abel Ferrara, Starring Zoe Tamerlis (1981).
I first became aware of this film in middle school the same way I fell in love with Vice Squad and NightHawks thru clips seen in Terror In The Aisles. When I saw it in the theater recently, I was hoping for the same marijuana addled, drunken frathouse seen in Terror with the ghost of Donald Pleasence seated between us and people yelling at the screen, sadly this never happened. I did have a blast and had read many conflicting reviews in the past regarding Ferrara's symbolism (the methodical kissing of bullets in a nun habit, that type of nun-sense would resurface in Bad Lieutenant). Also certain critics were appalled that the rapes made her more powerful and sexual. It's not clear to me why this film is back in the theaters, although I'm glad it is, I've seen it five times and it has gotten better with age. I'll spare going into detail on the plot-line (since this film has been overly reviewed)!
One of Terry Hawkins pals escaped!
In my opinion there are certain religious and psychotic elements that delve deeper than just a typical vigilante exploitation flick. Thana (Zoe Tamerlis Lund) specifically targets all men, regardless if they wronged her or not, just the fact that they exist, merits her furious rage and with each murder she gets more attractive. There's never a moment where she breaks down, sheds her soft spoken demeanor and goes to a gun store, it just naturally appears once she loses her sanity (it's becomes an extension of her hatred toward the opposite sex). She is more introverted than ever and even though she's surrounded by stronger female characters, she never communicates to anyone on how she is feeling and internalizes it until it transforms into psychotic frenzy. The men don't do us any favors by acting like drooling horn dogs or self diluted jag-offs.
Fashion designer jag-off
Thana, after deciding not to join her work friends for a drink, heads back to her apartment and becomes the unfortunate victim of two ugly sexual assaults in the same day (one by the director in a clear mask). After spending five minutes recovering from being humped on a trash can (ahem excuse the Harmony Korine accidental reference), another dude rapes her at gunpoint. I like how, she uses her seamstress skills to pummel the creep with an iron and then hacks through his fully clothed arm with a kitchen knife!
Ironing off the clock
She has nightmares about her snooping, but likable landlady (as a child babbles and dogs incessantly seem to bark). The hounds bark almost on an endless loop throughout the film and all men in 45 are some of the most lurid and skeevy, (all of them are unhinged predators or sad sacks).
So What, I know I'm talented
Out of her gaggle of co-workers, my favorite is the attractive street tough Laurie (Darlene Stuto, who sadly stopped acting after this). Laurie is the only one with the balls to stab Thana in the back in the final shootout, she looks like one of the Lizzies, the all lesbian gang in The Warriors.
In most of the rape/revenge subgenre there's a heroine that emerges (usually it's Linda Blair) and in this case, the sexual assaults psychically change Thana from a frail timid mute to an lethal feminist enforcer. The murders seem to give her enough strength and confidence to wipe out every male in the five Boroughs.
Glow in the dark barracuda mouth
In the new version, I noticed that her crocodile-like mouth glows in the dark like E.T.'s heart beat, It was unintentionally hysterical! There are some quick edits that are still enact from the original cut (but this new version of the film is more complete than ever). I forgot that she walks around each day dropping off pieces of the rapist's corpse throughout the city.
The music is lowdown squawky saxophone or chilling piano, during the party scene I thought it was strange that they played it over a fake band using a trumpet, the score is being re-released by Death Waltz Records.
The only comparison people use for this film is Death Wish and like that series, I never felt justified as people are mowed down, Thana is more of a serial killer than a vigilante, because she hunts down any male in sight, she even ridiculously kidnaps her landladies dog Phil and points a gun at him! Vigilantes always get away scott free and since she's a selective killer, she dies.
Stop spoiling the ending Cranky!
I always feel relieved when Laurie kills her at the end, because her suffering is over. Tragically in reality, Zoe Tamerlis died of a drug overdose at only 37!
Practically everyone in the film disappeared, never to act again (unless IMDB is broken again). I thought I had recognized the boss as actor Kenneth Nelson (Hellraiser, Boys In The Band), but it's not him, it's an actor named Albert Sinkys and I'm glad I never bet anyone because I would have lost. You'd think that women would be repulsed by this male revenge fantasy enacted through an attractive feminine killer, but I've found it's rarely the case. The audience I saw it with got all the jokes and I'm glad to see the uncut version of this exploitation classic getting the attention it deserves, don't miss it in theaters.
"New York Ripper" AKA "Lo Squartatore Di New York" (1982)
Directed by: Lucio Fulci
Starring: Jack Hedley, Howard Ross, Almanta Keller, Andrea Occhipinti
SPOILER ALERT!
This is the more straight forward, Giallo version of Lucio Fulci. This is basically his version of Lustig's "Maniac" (1980) with some "Cruising" (1981) mixed in for more perversion and maybe even a little "Dressed To Kill". I'm not a Fulci expert, but so far this is his most sexually deranged film of his that I've seen. That seemed to be the climate in New York City at the time, the late 1970s- early 1980s. A great reference on this is the Legs McNeil book, "The Other Hollywood", which talks about various sex clubs such as Show World and Plato's Retreat that "Ripper" seems to take reference from. The admittedly, fucked up sounding duck quacking voice is so silly it's insanely unnerving. Especially in the Italian language version I saw; a duck shouting in Italian about murdering girls? Yikes! It's like a cross between Donald Duck and the crazed anti-abortion boyfriend from Bob Clark's "Black Christmas". The killer even quacks as loud as they can during the killings, almost competing at volume with their victims.
I expected the film to be much more vicious because there's many claims that heighten its gore content. Such as video boxes proclaiming that is Fulci's "Most Brutal" and "Controversial" (HorrorDVDs.com). I'm willing to bet this is because of its strong sexual content which always makes people squirm. It could also be that this killer is supposed to be a real person, so of course that makes him all the more frightening. This film definitely isn't for your casual movie watcher, but fans of the genre will appreciate this movie's ways of slashing its characters. I've been trying to guess the "Ripper", but have no idea who they are. Is it the chess playing psychologist helping the cops? Is it the sex obsessed wife? The guy with two fingers missing? Thankfully this movie isn't completely incoherent like many of Fulci's movies. The ending just sorta comes together very quickly. As far as I could tell, there weren't any telltale signs on how things were going to end up. They tie off pretty much all the important plot points and even explain the disturbing duck noises. The ending makes the killer have more dimension to his character, not completely one sided, not without any kind of feeling. That definitely makes him more believable as opposed to when we're first introduced to his strange senseless nature.
You could easily attribute this movie to vicious violence against women. The killer seems to always slash their breasts and over their stomach where their uterus lies. In the end of the film, it does all tie together, but it could easily be mistranslated by those sensitive to those issues. Especially in the case of Jane (the nymphomaniac wife) who goes to great lengths to get off. She's humiliated in a scene involving "silver toes" in a pool hall (there's a bunch of kool pinball machines in the background) and then later maimed from her foolish decision to sleep with a random two fingered man who may or not have done it. I can't explain all the psychological meanderings on the subject because I'd feel like I was writing a term paper. To write off a horror movie as misogynist can be a cop out and also a hard pill to swallow. You just have to remember that it's fiction and not take it so seriously. I haven't read any other reviews yet (I try not to so I can form my own opinion), but I wouldn't be surprised if it was pegged as such.
There used to be an active link to the soundtrack over at this blog, but that has changed since the downfall of Megaupload. It even included the weird pseudo-punk rock song played in the porno house, possibly called "A Kind Of Misery".
I created a couple of one inch buttons to compliment this review. If you're interested in one, they're $1.50 plus shipping. You can email me HERE.
