Showing posts with label German. Show all posts
Showing posts with label German. Show all posts

Sunday, May 1, 2016

The Fan /Der Fan aka Trance

-Reviewed by Skunkape-
aka Trance Directed by Eckhart Schmidt (1982)
When seeking out horror movies and other types of twisted cinema, a film with a title like "The Fan" isn't going to jump out of the bunch. TOG's main man Erok Hellhammer insisted that I dig it up in his never ending quest to cover all the films in the Deep Red catalog(s) and in doing so that's when I recognized the name Eckhart Schmdt. I reviewed a film of his called The Loft a while back not realizing that he had more goodies to offer.  It's a word of mouth film for sure and that's why I'm writing this. I can't recommend it enough and Mondo Macabre USA has just released a Blu/DVD version that will knock your socks off.
SUPERFAN-Da Bears!
"Bitch better not download my music for free!"

Eckhart Schmidt started out as a writer, an artist, and a musician. His next logical move was to combine these elements and start making films. The Fan has a very simple story about hero worship but Schmidt's eye for detail escalated it into the cult classic that it is today. A young girl named Simone is obsessed with a pop star named 'R'. She can't concentrate in school and harasses all the local post men because she's waiting for 'R' to respond to all her fan letters. Finally she decides to leave home and stand outside the studio where 'R' is shooting his next big music video. Everyday this NDW God points to a cutie and brings her inside to see the production. It's pretty safe to assume he's just another egotistical musician that dazzles the girls with his stardom and then takes advantage of them-sexually  ;).
Simone (Desiree Nosbusch) finally gets 'R' 's attention while listening to his music outside the building, her fantasy is finally being fulfilled, or is it? Is she special or just another groupie bitch? 'R' is played by Bodo Steiger and the movie showcases the music from his own electro/new wave band Rheingold. The catchy pop songs work well in the film serving as the soundtrack, it's what Simone is actually listening to in her headphones and it's the music 'R' shoots a music video to. The video is shot with 'R' and a bunch of mannequins in total 80's fashion. The two seem to be connecting and she is invited back to see more on a daily basis.

"Anyone want their boobs signed?"
"We got it all on UHF!"
Mannequins courtesy of Joe Spinell. 
Finally the big night is about to happen, 'R' takes Simone to a friend's empty mansion and the two make love or fuck, depending on whose perspective were talking about. 'R', thinking that he has made this young girl's dream come true is now ready to move on.  He basically says, "thanks for the sex now take a hike", in the nicest way possible. Here comes the bat shit crazy parts of the movie (spoilers) , Simone smacks him in the head with a blunt statue killing her idol! Hey, if she can't have him, nobody can, right? He's then chopped up and becomes Simone's dinner. The leftover bones are grinded up into a fine powder and instead of making the remains into a protein shake they're taken to the recording studio where the two first met. She scatters the bone powder on the sidewalk where other fans watch in confusion. It's all done in a very surreal way and I kinda feel bad for the guy, I mean this chick is nuts! In the end it just goes to show you that these larger than life celebrities we worship are just regular ol' dooche bags. (with the exception of Werner Herzog of course) :)

"I'm going to Husker DU you!"
Don't get Boogers on the mirror!
Whacked with Crack!
This film has other layers too, such as how we worship God in our own religions and the way Germany worshiped Hitler. Schmidt asks the question, did the people of Germany create Hitler or was Hitler just that good? Did he actually fool an entire country in his rise to power?
Don't take my word for it though, on the Mondo Macabre USA Blu/DVD there is a 20 minute interview with this intriguing director. He also talks about a brilliant trick he pulled on the censorship board to get the film released uncut.
Despite all the negative reviews from German critics, the film was hit. The star, Desiree Nosbusch was big at the time and when the film was released she actually sued the director to have two scenes cut from film. This controversy helped sell more tickets along with Rheingold's musical success. The band had 3 songs from the soundtrack on the German single charts, Dreiklangsdimensionen was 17 and two others landed at numbers #24 and #44.

It's the New Wave Slicer! Just 9.99! 
This musician's career really crumbled, he-he!

9/10 on the CULT-O-METER
RECOMMENDED
Don't let the boring title trick you into thinking this movie doesn't offer the goods. It's an Artsy and Horrific movie with the a great new wave soundtrack that serves as a nice little time capsle of the music emerging from that era. Yet, the film doesn't feel dated at all for some reason! 
Will there be a remake? Probably not, but I would love to see a fan kill Justin Beiber and make him into some delicious Canadian Bacon!

and don't forget to Follow me @TrailersPU on Twitter!
Theater of Guts on Twitt -       @Filmguts 

FYI



"Michael Meyers, is that you? Are you a Fan too?"

I am!

Check out Some 'R' !


Thursday, September 4, 2014

Mosquito the Rapist (1977)



“Mosquito the Rapist” (1977, original title “Mosquito der Schänder”, aka “Bloodlust”, directed by Marijan David Vajda, screenplay by N. Supasi)

Review By Goat Scrote

     The ToG Board of Misdirectors had to have a meeting about this movie, actually. We all watched it. All 13 members of the coven agreed that what we had seen was unusual and disturbing, one of those rare movies that falls outside the usual continuum of “good” to “bad”, and that it definitely deserved a review.

Waitress! More Fiddle Faddle and Diet Slice all around for the TOG board members


     We also unanimously agreed that none of us liked it, didn’t know what the fuck to make of it, really, and didn’t want to see it again. Somebody was going to have to watch it one more time though, and be the one to write the review. I drew the short straw, so to speak. Trust me, you don’t want to know how we actually decide these things, unless you have an unhealthy interest in goat vivisection.

     So here I am. Let’s get this over with, then.

     Some art is meant to make you feel yucky, not to entertain you. “Mosquito the Rapist” is not a recreational good-time movie unless you have some very specific, profoundly dark personal tastes. It’s based on the life and crimes of Kuno Hoffman, the “Vampire of Nuremberg”, a blood-fetishist necrophile and multiple murderer. The movie was made in Germany just a handful of years after Hoffman was caught and sentenced to life in prison.

That Nuremberg guy, Oh yeah I sold him all his tools!

     The best elevator pitch we’ve collectively been able to come up with is that it’s Romero’s “Martin” (1976) meets Buttgereit’s “Nekromantik” (1988), set on the wrong side of the tracks in Wonka Town. There’s plenty of blood, lots of horrible mutilation, and even lesbian sex just like you’d expect from a more entertainment-oriented horror product, but despite the trappings this is no typical gore film. There are some interesting artistic choices in the movie, and it’s not quite like anything else I’ve seen. It’s a grimy, scuzzy, nasty, uncomfortable film which gets grindingly repetitive after a while. It reaches its antisocial climax, and then suddenly halts with a token effort at resolution which brings no sense of closure whatsoever to the whole awful experience.

Mosquito, Oh yeah he got that straw idea from me!

     The main character is deaf-mute and we never even learn his real name, only his criminal signature, Mosquito. We get to know him through his actions and flashbacks to his very troubled past. None of the other characters are ever named at all. Much of the movie has no musical score, and since the main character never speaks and spends most of his time with corpses, all we hear are ambient sounds. The background music, when it’s present, is good. It’s got a psychedelic rock feel and is somehow very fitting for the movie. Much respect to David Llewellyn, who did the score. This had to be a tough one to work on.

     It’s just another ugly day in scumtown. Some ape smacks around women just for the hell of it out on the front stoop. Enter the character we will come to know as Mosquito (Werner Pochath), a reasonably pleasant-looking, somewhat timid young teutonic man in a  shabby brown coat. He puts himself between the attacker and the main victim, gets beaten up, and has his head clobbered into a wall.
I just need to find a necrophiliac Kristin Stewart and it'll be "Mosquito's Twilight"

     From this initial introduction, putting his own body on the line to protect someone else, you’d almost think he was a really decent guy. Then we get a little glimpse inside his mind after he gets bonked on the head. The fight in Wonka Town fades out, and we fade in on a strange looking marble-white corpse with white hair, in a coffin. Mosquito is alone with her. He gouges out her eyeballs one at a time, puts them on a handkerchief, and plays with them.

Freak your friends out with this Mortician's Thing Maker playset!

     The movie is off to a gory and surreal start. The effects are solid and it has already managed to establish a distinctive style. The first time through I thought that this might turn out to be one of those obscure, under-appreciated diamonds in the rough which has just been overlooked, perhaps because it was simply never distributed properly.

     Not… exactly. It’s absolutely an artistic success, in the same way as “Nekromantik”, "Salò, or the 120 Days of Sodom" (1975), “Two Girls, One Cup”, or “Forrest Gump” (1994). It hurts you and it goes on hurting, and when it’s done you want to hurt it back but you can’t. (Damn you, Gump. DAMN YOU!) I took a quick shower afterward and felt a little less dirty, but it’s one of those cases where I’m probably never going to fully scrub the stain away. There is just not enough brain-bleach in the whole world.

     Mosquito works at a desk job doing bookkeeping. His coworkers are jerks who resent having to work with someone deaf-mute. They ridicule and abuse him, sometimes even physically. Not a very satisfying work life, then, either.

There's always Blow-Up sex doll Thurs to look forward to

     Back home in the absolute bleakness of scumtown, ol’ Smacky-fists is up to the usual, beating his wife and daughter and whomever else happens to be weaker and within reach. Mosquito gets in the way again, and enters the wonderful world of brain trauma one more time. He has a flashback to being beaten by his drunken father. Dad knocks him down, kicks him in the balls, and pummels him with a table. Young Mosquito is barely conscious when his little sister wanders in and interrupts… so Father of the Year leaves off beating his son and molests his daughter. Then he beats her unconscious too and crushes one of her dolls spitefully underfoot. Mosquito watches the whole thing, broken and helpless. Through other flashbacks we learn that his father’s repeated beatings are what destroyed his hearing and speech as a child.

     Okay… I am 7 minutes into the movie, and I am sick to my stomach and I kind of want to cry. Have you ever had someone try to remove your soul through your eyeballs? I’m pretty sure that’s what the filmmakers were after, and that’s why I call it an artistic success.

Come On Goaty, don't be sad, here's a chubby baby painting to cheer you up!

     As an adult, Mosquito collects baby dolls in his black-painted apartment and keeps a pet gerbil. He opens the cage… oh no no NO, let’s just not, please. Stop fondling the gerbil. I don’t like this movie anymore please take me back home RIGHT NOW. Oh, thank fucking Crom. The gerbil goes back in the cage and nothing… unsavory… happens. This is the moment when I realize that the only way I’m going to get through the movie is the same way I’d get through being dosed with an entire gram of tainted LSD. I’m going to just sit back and watch the bad trip unfold and remember it can’t actually hurt me as long as I don’t move.

Just go with it man! It'll all be over soon, then you can have some B-12 and Orange slices


     He wanders the street and gets picked up by a hooker. Back at her place, she washes her pussy in a businesslike fashion and lays on the bed for a quickie. He doesn’t seem to know what to do with her and lays his head down on her breasts. Finally she loses patience and throws him out.


German prostitutes all looked like Mrs. Garrett or another house keeper on Different Strokes back then.


     Back home he lays a doll on the bed and smashes it up a little, then licks ketchup off his hand. The motifs of bloody hands and crushed dolls dominate Mosquito’s life until he just can’t take it anymore.

     He borrows some tools from a neighbor and rides his motor scooter to a graveyard, breaks into the funeral home, and examines the bodies laid out out for viewing. He cuts open a woman’s funeral shroud and starts cutting her flesh. then his own, mixes the blood together and has a taste. (I have questions. Wouldn’t she be full of embalming fluid? If she wasn’t, when does the blood of a corpse start coagulating? I bet the internet could tell me, or a mortician, but I think I’m just going to chalk it up to artistic license and move on.)

What's gonna come out, French's embalming yello Mustard ?

     He signs his work in blood on the wall. At work he writes the name Mosquito over and over in red ink. His coworkers mock his doll-collecting and sexual inadequacy. One of the work-jerks gropes an inflatable sex doll in a way that mirrors the attack on his sister. He later has a repeat vision of mutilating the eyes of the white-haired woman.

     Everyone in this town is a total asshole except the cute young woman who lives in the same building (Birgit Zamulo). She gets a warning from her mom to stay away from Mosquito and she immediately does the opposite, dancing and showing off her new dress to him. She seems a little nutty herself but in a gentle and charming way.

Wes Anderson guest directed this segment


     Speaking of gentle and charming, Mosquito has a jar with preserved eyeballs in it at home, which he fondles and leers at really inappropriately. I just don’t think this guy should be allowed to keep a gerbil. He goes out in a nice suit (like it’s a date?) and enters a chapel with a pale, black-haired corpse on view in a coffin. He uses a straight razor to gruesomely decapitate her so he can play with the head. This is the goriest effect in the film and it's both well done and gruesome.

     Soon the ghoulish crimes of the unknown “Mosquito” are the talk of the office and the neighborhood. He continues raiding funeral homes, tagging them “Mosquito” and molesting corpses. He gets interrupted or nearly caught several times. At one point he collects and preserves a new set of eyeballs. On another occasion a night watchman interrupts him. The watchman sees the tag scribbled on the wall but somehow doesn’t make the connection to the string of crimes... or he just doesn't care? He hangs out and eats a sandwich in the corpse-filled room which must reek of formaldehyde and/or rotting flesh. Huh. This guy isn’t as weird as Mosquito, but still.

I'm funkier than a Mosquito's Tweeter!

     Eventually Mosquito’s luck runs out and he’s cock-blocked by a watchman just as he’s perving on a fresh batch of bodies. He throttles the guy and trashes the place in a blue-balls-fueled snit before he runs off. He is obviously getting sloppy. He even leaves his apartment door open while he is napping. One of his neighbors walks inside, wakes him up, and points out the window. The only nice person in his life, the young woman in the dress, is outside dancing on the edge the rooftops. Her parents try to get her to go back inside but she deliriously topples right off the edge and smashes to the ground in front of them all like one of Mosquito’s wrecked dolls.

     At a store Mosquito picks up a hollow glass fork with two points at the end, a glass “vampire straw” which he uses to suck blood out of the dolls and corpses. He plays with the dolls and blood he has collected on an altar decorated with surgical tools and jars of human eyeballs. He was all wrong in the head before, but now even his usual bloody perversions have lost their power to satisfy and he gradually becomes more and more frenzied.

     He goes to a brothel to watch two girls get it on, which is actually just about the most normal thing he has done so far in the movie other than go to work. While they get into it with each other, he hallucinates or fantasizes that people from his past are in the room with them, including his dead neighbor. Whatever he’s trying to get out of the experience, it isn’t working so he gets up and walks out without the two women even noticing. Back home he trashes his room, stabs the walls, tears down his vintage HR Giger prints (YOU UNBELIEVABLE BASTARD!) and dumps his eyeball collection.

Destroy everything else, but for Chrissakes, leave the Giger alone!

     Cut to a funeral procession for his neighbor. He stays in the graveyard afterward, climbs into her unfilled grave, opens the coffin, pulls her out, and takes her rigored body to a bench. He makes out with her and remembers all the good times they had when he would furtively peep at her. In a way he is finally having the perfect moment with his dream girl, she has become a corpse-doll for him, but he is also overcome by grief. He cuts himself and wipes his own blood on her lips in an inversion of his usual vampiric procedure. Then he freaks out and runs away, leaving the body on the bench. Why am I surprised? Was I expecting this guy to show respect for the dead?

     He visits one funeral parlor after another and uses the glass straw to suck blood from women and also dribble it back onto them like he's making a Jackson Pollock painting. (More like Hermann Nitsch, actually, if you're into that kind of thing.) As he scooters around town failing to find happiness, he sees a couple kissing in their car and follows them out to an isolated spot where they plan to make love. He hallucinates his crush again, dancing in her dress. He stalks the couple like a predator moving in on prey until Mosquito is spying on them right through glass. He smashes the window open and kills them both with a knife.

Check out the fun bags on that hosehound!

     Apparently, the double murder finally gets him off. He looks pretty pleased as he covers his face with fresh blood and admires the effect in the mirror. He imagines his neighbor in some lovely soft-focus place with romantic music while he molests and sucks blood from his victims.


I'm Neil Patrick Harris and I haven't pooped in a week! 


     It took some work, but Mosquito is back in his happy place again. He’s so swept away, however, that he ends up leaving damning evidence behind at the crime scene. Later at work, the police show up with his vampire straw, and Mosquito knows he’s finally busted. He just goes back to his mental happy place with the dead girl, running through the woods together, and that’s that.

     Okay, WTF seriously you guys, how come Skunkape got to review "Emanuelle in America" and I got "Mosquito the Rapist"? Fuuuuuck. I thought kinky movies are supposed to be fun. Let's agree never to speak of this experience again. (OK, Goat we're sorry we hazed you with this cinematic punch in the balls, please forgive us-- the editors).

WATCH WITH EXTREME CAUTION!

AVAILABLE FROM J4HI.COM

Sunday, November 24, 2013

The Virgin Of Nuremberg


Virgin Of Nuremberg (Horror Castle, La Vergine di Norimberga) Starring Christopher Lee. Directed By Antonio Margheriti (1963). 
If I didn't know any better I would think this was a Bava flick, all the gothic horror staples are present. The Torture Chamber Of Dr. Sadism has a similar feel, but is much better than this effort. 
   An attractive girl in a see through nighty played by Rossana Podesta walks down a long corridor clutching a burning candelabra and winds up in a red velvet dungeon surrounded by instruments of torture. An iron maiden (or in this case a Virgin Of Nuremberg) swings open with an eyeless victim still in its casket and scares the shit out of the fragile damsel, who looks to me like the actress in Top Secret, who's breast's defy gravity. The casual Nazi elements in Virgin were also similar to that other film. A jazzy score by Mondo Maestro Riz Ortolani emanates as the credits role. 
Can you believe I landed this hot chick?
   This italian production is populated by tons of overdubbed Germans. An ascot wearing rich Aryan named Max (Georges Riviere) is hiding the secret of "The Punisher" from his frightened wife Mary. When she tries to describe how she heard a stranger slunking around in the dead of night wearing an executioners mask, he chalks it up to her being overtired. 
   Max covers it up because the evil punisher is his distant relative and used the dreaded casket with nails inside during the middle ages to kill people he deemed immoral. 
   Christopher Lee plays a former Nazi named Erich with a hideous jagged scar on his face. Max keeps mentioning how horrible "The War" was and what a bad time they had, I'm assuming its WWII. If that's the case, they had it better than everyone else, especially the people they were busy shoving into gas ovens!
Is it true, that your boobs defy gravity?
   He confines his wife to her bed and drugs her, but she's quick and hides the pills.
Everyone is dubbed, even the great Christopher Lee unfortunately! They gave him this high whiny type voice, it's a shame since Lee is renowned for his brilliant pipes. 
I'm gonna order from Little Caesars
   Poor Mary is trapped in a palace like an Italian Ronnie Specter to a Nazi version of PhilThere's shrewd old woman who is "The Punisher's" biggest fan and awaits the cleansing of the wicked once again after 300 years! The news freaks Mary out and she wanders throughout the castle, which is filled with Poe-esque decor and secret basements.    
   Sometimes she'll hear rusty gears operating and even bumps into the old hooded geezer, who tells her to go to bed! If it's not her husband in disguise, I'll eat my executioners mask!
 
George "Liquor" American in the flesh
   An FBI agent played by Jim Dolen, a human version of George "Liquor" American, with a white flat top and a scotch tape colored suit, prowls around the castle asking questions.    
   Even though the film is shrouded in that Bava-World of mystery, its missing that grime and shocking ugliness from the genuine article that bangs you over the head. I don't hold it against the director, because he's capable, I just expected more! 

I am too scary!
 
 "The Punisher" is about as scary as Bruce Mcculloch as "The Eradicator"! He fastens a nose eating rat cage onto a girls face and it's mildly gruesome. That scene is cut from certain prints according to the Deep Red catalog, it helps out a little. 
    Excuse me while I chow down on some sweat soaked hood, because it turns out my prediction about the killer was wrong!
   Max the nazi gets trapped in a web of his own weaving, as a stone pit slowly fills up with water. Margheriti does a fine job of directing, but the story-line is duller than dirt!
The Nazi elements are more subtle through out the first half of the film like Frozen Terror, which made them all look like Disney businessmen. But then later on Hitler makes an appearance and Max's dad goes under the knife and gets scarred for life. I still had no sympathy for the character, which they turned into a weeping phantom-like character. 
   Had they started out in that hard edged Nazi direction, it would've elevated it about a typically dull haunted castle/torture chamber story, too bad.
No Refunds!
   The last ten minutes reveal what really happened, mixing in Third Reich stock footage and attempting to explain the surgical conspiracy. It's interesting, but I felt that my time was wasted. You may find the film more exciting if you watch it backwards, believe it or not! 
  
Don't Waste Your Time, watch an actual Mario Bava film, sorry Antonio!


Lee, get me a job as a background Ork in the future

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Virgins Of The Seven Seas


Virgins Of The Seven Seas (The Bod Squad, Yang Chi, Karate Kusse Blonde Katzen) Directed by Ernst Hofbauer & Chih-Hung Kuei (1974).
It's almost as if the German girls from Schulmadchen Report did a semester abroad and got trapped by bandits. And that's exactly what these two titans of the filth industry had in mind when they collaborated on this project! Chih-Hung Kuei made one of my favorite Shaw Brothers films, Boxers Omen and Hofbauer is a Viennese schabigkeit veteran who directed a few sexploitation flicks in his day.
   I don't know about you, but when I see Chinese pirates on the screen talking in German, I'm a little puzzled. There's nothing to be alarmed about, because this is an Asian/German co-production of sleaze and depravity, the dialogue is Umberto Lenzi priceless! Fraulein slaves are tied up to sell for human trafficking, when one eats fish guts she says "it tastes like Grampa's left nut"!  The lewdness barometer is off the charts in this offshoot SB flick.    
Tongues carved to deli meat perfection
   The lead pirate looks like an Asian Yul Brenner and when they dock, he immediately starts a rampage on the island. The girl's naked bodies are offered up to two Genghis Khan looking warlord pimps.One of the hustlers, Won Tau (Wang Hsieh) takes over as the main villain, he carries a bullwhip and get molesty real fast! 
    Ko Mei Mei (Hui Ling) dresses in all green and leads the girls to the bed chamber, where the virgin test will be administered. Most of the Chinese characters wear fright wigs and either manhandle or lear at the sexy naked girls, who all have astounding breasts! 
   The ill fitting wigs reminded me of the Asian cannibals from Dr. Butcher! In fact, the costume designer must have raided the "worst wig emporium" to find these beastlies for all of the cast, men and women!  Tao Fu (Helen Ko), a cruel lesbian character with a sunken in emaciated face, uses a Mortal Kombat style razor fan to slice off a busty German girl's dress.
   Ko Mei Mei reveals that she was also abducted into servitude and agrees to help the "Bod Squad" escape from the clutches of the horny pirates. She trains them in the fine art of spitting razor sharp olive pits as a handy weapon, I can't make this shit up folks! I like how they all practice spitting by yelling 'POO"! 
POOP!
   Down in a secret lair, they also do sexercises, this flick really speaks to that pervy thirteen year old neatly tucked away in your subconscious! 
Gulp, I swallowed!
   The erratic theme song kind of sounds like Faccia de faccia by Ennio Morricone. 
When the grand opening of the brothel arrives, the alleged "7 seas virgins" have a mutiny planned against the lead flesh peddler.The girls are paraded around like pieces of meat at the auction. A sexy blonde known as "rabbit teeth" attracts another rodent like slave trader who says she turns him into a giant buck tooth rabbit! 
The Chinese NoBunny
    The girl's don't band together yet, instead they defeat each slimy pig that bought them for sex separately and in wacky comical situations.
   Karen does a topless fight in a red panties and flops around like a fish out of water, I call her technique "the dreaded red snapper"!
Fish Flop Away!
   The rest of the girl's get trained by Ko Mei Mei's brother so fast, that there's enough time left over for a delightful slo-mo naked frolic in the river!
   But it turns out the girl's are terrible at fighting, Yoda should have stepped in and said "Complete your training bitches"! Instead of a final battle, we get one of the clumsiest, humiliating displays ever, as the girl's fall into pit fall after clusterfuck! 
We're Doomed!
Seek this one out, immediately its incredible! It's so tasteless and enjoyable. Thanks to http://www.coolasscinema.com/ for jogging my memory about this rare film, they had very informative credits too, better than Imdb.com, which has been letting me down lately with their spotty information. Run out and grab a copy, prepare to have your mind knocked out of your skull!

Available through Diabolik DVD  


OK, I give up!

Sunday, November 17, 2013

RASPUTIN Orgy in the Czar's Court


 -Reviewed by Skunkape-
 Rasputin aka An Orgy of Corruption (1984)


 Time for a little Theater of Guts History Lesson before we talk about this film. Grigori Yefimovich Rasputin was a wannabe monk that flunked and then became a wandering prophet thought to have had healing powers. Eventually these rumors of mystical power got him in good with Czar Nicholas the II and he actually went on to cure his son of hemophilia.

 In 1916 political rivals of the Czar plotted to kill Rasputin and began assassination attempts. First they fed him wine and cakes laced with cyanide but that seemed to have no effect. Later he was beaten and shot several times, then wrapped in a carpet and tossed into a river. Three days later his body was found and an autopsy report showed that the bullets didn't kill him, he actually drowned.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lets now meet the Rasputin in this film:

 EXTERIOR: THE WOODS
An angry man runs up to kill Rasputin with a knife.

Rasputin:Why are you so determined to kill me?
Angry peasant: My wife! You have dishonored her and given her a child.
Rasputin: (laughs)
Angry peasant: I sent her to you because she was barren, as cold as a dog's nose.You were supposed to heal her!
Rasputin: Well, haven't I?

"I put a bun in your wife's oven."
 Rasputin is Germany's answer to Caligula, a costume drama with scenes of actual intercourse. Caligula boasted a much bigger budget and more style, eighty percent of the movie focused on the story, twenty percent was padded with a lesbian scene and a giant orgy. Rasputin had a decent budget but was eighty percent porn and only twenty percent story, making it more of an adult film then an exploitation movie.

"I fuck in a hurry cause I'm Russian! Get it?"
 Alexander Conte plays Rasputin, known to many as the mad monk. Who is Alexander Conte you may ask? Well, Nobody. His only other screen credit according to IMDB is a soviet police commander in the Swartzanegger/Belushi cop buddy film Red Heat. Conte refrains from any participation in the hardcore action probably to protect his integrity as an actor but based on how much work he got after this film he should have just slipped it in.
The female leads do however partake in the sex making all the insert shots with Conte match up quite nicely. It's almost perfect aside from some on screen slow fucking with hard fucking sound effects.

"Rasputin is cooler than a Russian dancing bear."
 Much of the plot deals with Rasputin traveling to St. Petersberg. Along the way Russian soldiers fight rebels and torture them for information. All the prisoners captured are marched off to Siberia for imprisonment.(Hopefully they don't have to deal with ILSA, no not the one from the SS, not the Harem Keeper, not the Wicked Warden, yeah the other one!) The torture is not all that exciting, pretty mellow, aside from one dude getting his ear shot off. You could get ten times more torture in a witchspoitation film like Mark of the Devil. Also along for the ride is a beautiful Countess but she is really a spy. She tries to lure him on a train rigged with explosives but fails and winds up getting boned the rest of the trip in a small carriage.(she loves every minute of it) He also humps her servant too, in a hot threesome!


Another Vodka!
 When he finally reaches his destination he gains power and respect from the Czar right after he heals his young son of a serious illness. As he acquires more political influence traitors plot to eliminate him. First he gets stabbed , next day shot and beaten, and then finally poisoned but none of that phases him and he gleefully laughs and lives to fuck another day.
"Who put hot sauce in my custard?!"

Rasputin lives again!


With all the Vodka, food , and endless sex, I sure can't understand why Yakov Smiroff would ever want to leave Mother Russia.
 I love that country!






6-10 ON THE CULT-0-METER

Fun! Above average all around but way to much sex to be a classic exploitation film and if all that was removed not enough substance.

"So, you thought you could outwit the imperious forces of  "Spaceball."
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