Theater of Guts & Co. Podcast

LAST HESS ON THE EDGE OF THE PARK

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Hello,
It's your pal Skunkape! First of all I'd like to thank all those who read and support the Theater Of Guts Blog. You're beautiful people and are what keep us reviewing these fine feature films. What you see embedded above is a podcast. (sort of) After nights of drinking and talking movies Erok Hellhammer aka Crankenstein and I finally decided to speak out, we woke up early, created an outline of talking points and hit record. It's the first podcast, our cherries are popped.  We do make some points and other times forget what point we were trying to make. Cut us some slack will ya? Because more are in the works and we promise you'll be entertained. In this episode we tackle House on the Edge of the Park and some other Rape and Revenge classics. Praise Hess!

For now look for the recordings on our Wordpress Blog ---> HERE  You can download or watch on the YouTube Channel GUT's GARBAGE.

 

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Blood Massacre

Blood Massacre Directed By Don Dohler, Starring George Stover (1991).

First off I have to ask, who the fuck is Don Dohler? Blood Massacre opens in a smoke encrusted dive where they drink Schaffer beer and all the women have acne. The awkward tone is set by a great Pat Benetar ripoff song. The film quality is in league with the "Mr. Robbie" short (grainy, dark and nauseating). I don't know who Dohler is but I like him already!

Hey, who put a wig and eyebrows on a bloated sack of Corn Beef?

   A pudgy maniac named Rizzo who looks like "Radar" from MASH has a grudge against everybody. As he stabs a hooker--there's some loud thumping and chocolate syrup looking blood! It made me think of Serial Mom (the blood is not like in the horror movies, it's brown)! Don't worry the splatter effects get a lot wetter and meaty toward the end! Speaking of John Waters, Rizzo is played by George Stover, who you've seen in various bit parts through out the eyeliner mustachioed one's career (he was the priest that reads last rights as Divine in led into the gas chamber in Female Trouble).

Staff picks, Oh Boy you don't get that on Netflix

   Don is kind of like Robert Rodriguez, a one man wrecking crew, only with zero money and no star power. He's a great trashy film maker, I've just become aware of thru Chas Balun's VHS catalog (there's endless inspiration and value in that raggedy stapled pamphlet)! How could I have been a cult movie addict this long and not come across this director (I'm glad I discovered his work now and plan on checking out more)!

Everytime I try to get to third base you push me away

   Rizzo (Stover), the sloppy maniac from the opening has his own social club of inept criminals. They drive around in a shitty car, I love the realism these lowlives bring to the film. It's stuffed full of scummy charm. 

   Look out Retro VHS tape heads because there's an amazing robbery scene at a video store! Jimmy, one of the criminals wears a Kim Carnes t-shirt and shoots the brains out of a women's skull, which land on the poster of Endless Love.

I hope you choke on my brains Brooke Shields

   Jimmy (James DiAngelo) and Rizzo were in Nam together and mention how "Death was in season" back then, the tubby psycho seems to hate even his own kind. They mention Vietnam a lot, but this shouldn't be considered a Namsploit (even though there is a hilariously clumsy montage at the end with Riz). The tubby slob has a flashback in the forrest with a fast zoom in camera shot that steals a little bit from Evil Dead. When Riz gets trapped and hung upside down, he reminds me of Bill from King of the Hill. 

I will not "Be Kind or Fucking Rewind!"

   They end up at a house where a girl in a leotard is working out late at night with a boombox. It starts to teeter toward "Last House" territory when they meet a strange family (who have ideas about trapping criminals when they least suspect it).

   During the robbery scene and a fight they play this track that sounds like a classic NES game. 

   Monica (Lisa DeFuso), one of the other criminals who looks like a mall rat, puts down the stew cooked by the family they are holding hostage by saying "you should have buried that recipe with the family." We later find out why the stew tastes so vile!

the secret ingredient is goose sweat

   Dohler attempts a gratuitous shower scene with Liz the daughter (that basically shows nothing). She's a complete freak and bites Rizzo, the fat galoot on the neck. They make out and smear blood on each other, it's fucking disgusting! I was more prepared for a massacre not a vampire freakout!

   The first sign the dumb criminals figure anything out about the crackpot family it's too late! The ending was a really nice surprise and thanks to this film I may just have to check out more by Don D! 

The man behind the Muck

   Don Dohler, a schlocky filmmaker from Baltimore, created a magazine called Cinemagic and Wild which was a Mad Magazine style publication in the 60's and 70's. Robert Crumb and Art Spiegelman sent their early works to Wild magazine.

   According to The Baltimore Sun, Dohler was inspired to start his film career with Alien Factor after almost getting killed in a hold up at his government job. I love his style and will track down more of his films, he's got this cryptic, ugly, trashy, horrid technique that I absolutely adore. Sadly Dohler died of cancer in 2006, he was a talented guy who took what cheap elements he had and threw them together in the funnest way possible on the same level as Ed Wood or Ray Dennis Steckler. One of his movies called Fiend was on the Video Nasty list (oh boy have I been burned by those Brits lately) and Night Beast was referenced on 30 Rock (by way of Judah Friedlander's trucker hat).  

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!   

HEEEEERRRREE'S PAUNCHY!

Do I have spaghetti sauce on my face again?

Why won't Baltimore accept our same sex partnership!

Last House On The Left 2

Last House On The Left 2 (Late Night Trains, New House On The Left, Night Train Murders) Directed By Aldo Lado. Starring Irene Miracle (1975).

   This film came out only three years after it's originator Last House On The Left, It shamelessly steals from the Wes Craven flick (which was a loosely based remake of The Virgin Spring). It starts off with two street punks assaulting Santa Claus during Christmas as the warbling goat voiced song "All You Need Is A Flower" by former Aphrodite's Child singer Demis Roussos plays over the credits. Aphrodite's Child were a great 60's psychedelic band that had soundtrack maven Vangelis in its roster. 

Don't be jealous of my sweet hat

   Curly(Gianfranco De grassi) and Blackie (Flavio Bucci) replace Weasel and Junior as they terrorize innocent shoppers. Director Aldo Lado like Jorge Grau's Let Sleeping Corpses Lie (which was the first to steal from NOTLD) capitalized on the Last House exploitation rip-a-thon that seemed to line the pockets of many Italian filmmakers for years to come (Ruggero Deodato at least had the sense to cast David Hess as his lead psycho in the fake Krug role). Hallmark, the company that distributed the original Last House also carried this one (Keep Repeating.. "It's Only A Ripoff").

  Two girls (one virginal and one promiscuous) are on their way home for Christmas aboard a train packed with smokers and wacky "Hard Days Night" style passengers.
   Irene Miracle (who I remember as the sexy girl with the wet t-shirt in the beginning of Dario Argento's Inferno) plays Margaret, the "Phyllis" copy. Laura D'Angelo is the fake "Mary". Flavia Bucci played the blind pianist in Suspiria whose seeing eye dog rips out his throat is Blackie. His partner is named Curly. Macha Meril is a veil wearing nympho, Blackie has sex with her in a bathroom and she joins their voyeuristic torture club. Almost of the these actors later went on to work with Dario Argento. Meril famously played the drooling psychic who is murdered right in the beginning of Deep Red. Curly is seen shooting up (like Junior Stillo, who mentions that he's sick from withdrawal). He incessantly plays the eerie Morricone harmonica theme and looks like a cross between Warwick Davis and Mick Jagger.

The word on the street is they're casting for Willow 2, here's my audition

  Instead of the "piss your pants" scene, all of the excruciating humiliation occurs in a train car bathed in blue light (as a creepy passengers peeps through the window in the background). There seems to be absolutely no security other than ticket takers. 

   The most revolting part happens when Lisa, is held down by both male and female characters and stabbed in the vagina with a switchblade! Macha tries to smooth things over by saying she once had a small incision on her hymen to terminate her virginity. Thanks for helping, but no thanks lady!There's no remorse at all in these characters as they dispose of Lisa's body. Irene Miracle tries to escape and runs around bottomless in sexy high boots, then jumps to her death!

Not Sadie, Weasel or Krug

   Once the passengers make their way to the "Last Stop On The Edge Of The Train Station", they are met by the vengeful father of one of the girls. They have dinner with the parents of the girl they murdered (sound familiar)? The Doctor later uses the metal stand attached to the plasma bag as a skewer instead of Gaylord Fields weapon of choice; the chainsaw. The father played by Enrico Maria Salerno also stabs Curly right through his dick! Unlike the chewjob giving mom that bit off Weasel's wiener, the mom in this stays out of it and lets the father handle the carnage. The most unforgivable sin the film commits however is letting the lady on the train get away.

You stabbed my favorite pair of testicles!

   Lado attempts to class up the joint by using a Morricone score and casting Macha Meril as a nameless nympho only referred to in the credits, as the lady on the train (she is most likely a left over combo of Sadie and Krug). Check out David Szulkin's excellent book on the making of Last House On The Left, which has an entire chapter on fake versions of the Craven/ Cunningham debut. As much of a blatant ripoff as this movie is, it's well crafted, stylized and a nice companion piece to the Wes Craven film. Both are great (one is untouchable)! I highly recommend both of them! The film was banned for awhile and on the Video Nasty list until Blue-Underground put out the DVD packed with extras.

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