Guinea Pig 3: He Never Dies

GUINEA PIG 3: Shudder!, The Man who doesn't die, HE NEVER DIES (1986). Starring a bunch of nobodies. 

A “scientist” or some Francis B. Gross ala Faces of Death type dude starving for the circus peanuts he was most likely paid with, warns us that this is a true story. His name is Rick Steinberger and looks like one of those cheap 1-800-lawyers or a Better Call Saul type huckster. There’s a really annoying punk sounding song that plays while a rundown telemarketing office goes about its daily grind. This one already is miles ahead above in comedy but we shall see if it gets as unbearable as the first few films in the series.

I found this more entertaining than Better Call Dull.

It’s really odd to me that when Chas had these for sale, they were unsubbed, so you’d just make up your own story line! This one was described as the "Mermaid in a Manhole" entry, but that's one of the later episodes. He Never Dies is almost "Dundler Mifflin Tokyo style" as office workers chit chat and the shitty-o camera looms in way too close. The fake scientist makes another appearance as a Japanese voice loudly speaks over his and they both talk about the main character’s “human relationship between employee and company”, then the narrator gleefully anticipates how insane the main character will get. He does a puppet show with his feet, I mean who hasn’t been there? So he locks himself in a room for 4 days and begins to slice open his wrist. Why though, I mean he’s surrounded by TV, comics, tons of entertainment—I don’t get why he's so bummed out but it’s all part of the let's shock the audience in a masturbatory way.

Dag your breath smells like limburger!

If you discovered that you were immortal, why would you fuck yourself up by cutting into your flesh all day— it’s so grunge! If I found out I could live forever, you can bet I'd do everything I could to effect legislation toward gun control or disable The "Diaper Klown Dictatorship" for the sake of sanity. Or maybe I would go back in time Terminator "Outer Limits" style and abort all the babies that are now neo nazis clogging up Washington, making society more intolerable than it should be. How boring or pointless would it be to just hack away at your own limbs, too much work for me that's for sure.

The music that plays during the office fantasy scenarios sound like Trio that "da da da" band or Atari casiotones. 

This dude is about as likeable as Pauly Shore crossbred with Kid Rock!

Some dude the main character is pals with comes over and tries to scare him wearing an Elvis mask. It’s all still a lot funnier than the 1st two movies but none of it makes sense and it’s on an 8 level on the excruciatingly boring scale. Can't wait till part 4, oh wait, yes I can!
WHY AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF, I MUST BE SOME KIND OF TWISTED SADIST!

Somebody order a Hand sandwich, I'm the Dave Coulier of Guinea Pig!

Guinea Pig (1985)

Guinea Pig: Devil's Experiment (1985, dir. Satoru Ogura)

This "Guinea Pig" series reboot is a great idea!

Review by Goat Scrote

     Yes, this is the first one in the series that got Chas Balun in all that hot water with the FBI! 

     Although there are several repulsive scenes, “Guinea Pig” doesn’t even come close to living up to its reputation as an extreme shock classic. The entire thing is only 43 minutes long and there is no story to spend time on, yet it’s halfway through before actual blood flows. Since this movie seems to have no purpose for existing other than to showcase blood and guts, that means there is a whole lot of purposeless violent filler occupying screen time. With no context for the violence it just seems like a meaningless exercise in misogynistic torture fantasy. If that sounds like your thing, you may dig it. My personal reaction to "Guinea Pig" was boredom and distaste (not a good combination), except during the brutal finale which features artfully disturbing imagery and an outstandingly horrifying gore effect which is a must-watch for gorehounds and practical SFX nerds.

     Three men torture a woman, and she dies. There it is, the complete plot, in every detail. The abusers are anonymous and the victim never says anything. No one in the film is individualized or made into an actual character. There’s no explanation except that the project is claimed to be a series of experiments exploring the limits of suffering. Each “experiment” opens with a title card hinting at what kind of punishment they will inflict this time. This film is genuinely nothing but torture porn (and I use the term without malice), although they actually leave a lot of the worst of it out of view even during the gruesome and explicit final scene. They sacrifice quantity of gore for quality, which is usually the right trade-off.

     The movie presents itself as something which was obtained illicitly and redistributed, in a “Blair Witch” style marketing maneuver. Most of the time the perpetrators faces aren’t shown, which further lends to the feeling that we’re watching something we’re not supposed to be seeing. I suspect it was these facts combined with the plotless pseudo-porno presentation which confused certain drug-addled celebrities into mistaking “Guinea Pig” for a real snuff film.

Part 2: Flower of Flesh and blood was the tape that freaked Charlie Sheen out enough to alert the FBI. Here's what Dennis Daniel said about the embarrassing event after he lent out the tape. Well, when I finished with it, I sent it to my pal Chris Gore at FILM THREAT. He ended up lending it to a friend who watched it with Charlie Sheen, of all people!  Sheen thought the shit was REAL!!! He contacted a friend of his in the FBI and before you know it, I got a call from an FBI Agent saying that it was a federal offense to send snuff films through the mail! We’re talking 20 years in prison!!!!  I had remembered that Chas told me there was a tape called THE MAKING OF GUINEA PIG, so the FBI said I had to give him the contact info for the person who sent me the tape and they needed to send that “MAKING OF” tape as well. So, I had to call Chas and tell him all this. Needless to say, he was not pleased. I actually called him on his birthday and he was having a fucking grand old time till I called him with the info. Remember, Chas was a California hippie dude of epic proportions…the fact that I gave “the man” info about him was not too cool…but I had no choice. He was my only hope to prove it was fake. It all worked out in the end but it really sucked at the time.

     It begins with a woman handcuffed to a chair and several men dressed in black beating her. They rub salt in her eyes. They club her with a bag full of coins while one dude chills in the background casually enjoying a soda. Some time later, they throw her on the ground and kick her while verbally abusing her. Next they torture her with pliers pinching and twisting her skin. The most absurd torture arrives when they spin her around a whole lot on an office chair. After way too much time lingering on that, they force Jack Daniels down her gullet, and spin her around some more until she pukes.

     The second most absurd "experiment" is when they torture her with headphones roped to her head, playing something which sounds like a perfectly ordinary Merzbow recording. This goes on until she is a drooling wreck. Around 22 minutes into the runtime it starts to get gory as they pull out her fingernails. She is tied up and asleep when they start pouring boiling oil on her arm with a cringe-inducing sizzling sound. That’s one seriously fucked up alarm clock.

     Next up is the maggot torture. They pour maggots on the burns and sprinkle a few on her face just for the hell of it. She seems to be unconscious through it all. Maggots are pretty fucking gross, and the thought of them eating the dead flesh on her arm is unsettling. The entire maggot scene is about getting under our skin with psychological creepy crawlies.

     For their next amazing trick, the torturers throw raw meat and real animal guts on the woman. The guys, mostly off-camera, giggle and breath heavily like masturbating morons. She is unconscious, and the gut-throwing goes on and on for what feels like a really long time. Finally she wakes up and screams. Again, it’s pretty gross to have guts all over you, but mainly I am bored at this point in the movie. If you've cooked chicken or turkey in your kitchen, you've handled things just as gross as this. Like the maggots, it's something a quick shower can take care of..

     Things get drastic near the end. They move on to surgical incisions and smashing her hand with a sledgehammer. It does look pretty realistic. For the finale, they chain her head down and shove a long needled into her eye socket sideways. The eye socket floods with blood and the eye is skewered until it pops right out. Fulci and Bunuel would probably approve. It closes with what appears to be her corpse, dangling inside a net in the woods.

     After it was over I felt all the emotional involvement of having watched a practical f/x demo reel. It was very hard for me to connect with this movie, since I couldn't see any purpose beyond serial-killer stroke material or showing off their gore effects prowess. I would've liked it better as a five-minute short, and I don't think anything significant would be lost that way. I know that they were doing their very best to present something deeply disturbing, but other than a handful of short sequences, I had to fight to avoid letting my attention wander.

Recommendation: Only watch the ending, unless you are a huge fan of torture porn and fake snuff.

Dr. Gore

The Body Shop/ a.k.a. Doctor Gore. Written, Produced and Directed by J. G. Patterson.

Reviewed By Herbert Strock.

(Crank here, so we did it, we sent the call out for new writers and one person sent in a response-- soft clapping sound. This film has become an overly priced SWV DVD, which has been lampooned on Reel Wild Cinema, Cinema Snob, every other schmo with a YT channel's account as dreadful. The director apparently killed himself directly after this release but this is according to Chas Balun. Beyond the DVD extras you'd be hard pressed to find any info on the "greatest magician's demise of Don Brandon). So let's welcome our newest film critic (who also writes under a pseudonym like me), take it away Herb. 

I remember seeing the big box VHS at video stores back in the 80's and 90's.  J.G. Patterson, a former magician and TV horror host wrote, produced and directed this interesting low budget gem. The basic plot is Dr. Don Brando (J. G. Patterson under the pseudonym Don Brandon) loses his wife Anitra in a car accident, so he and his hunchback assistant Gregory start experimenting with reanimation of corpses, but when this doesn’t work out, they resort to murder. The Dr. begins luring young women with his hypnotic powers to their death. Procuring various body parts from these victims in order to rebuild the Dr.'s version of a perfect mate--a new Anitra.

It's a full bird stuffed with ham, topped with gorgonzola.

J. G. Patterson worked for the great Herschell Gordon Lewis on a few films such as Moonshine Mountain (actor / asst. director), She Devils on Wheels (asst. to producer) and The Gruesome Twosome (associate producer). Patterson's time with Lewis definitely shines through in this film.  The gore scenes are extremely similar in execution and style to any of H. G. Lewis gore film. Dr. Don's use of hypnosis on his victims recalls Fuad Ramses from Blood Feast (1963) and especially Montag in The Wizard of Gore (1970). The showmanship style of the film also seems very much a holdover from Patterson's time working for Lewis. The film's humor is similar, as well. A scene has the Dr. running his finger along the blade of a scalpel seeming to test the blade’s sharpness, then he suddenly begins using it to clean out dirt from under his finger nails.  Another scene has the hunchback Gregory cleaning up around the lab, he decides to take a break and opens a cold storage unit used to preserve the victim's body parts and reaches into it. Instead of pulling out a body part, he pulls out a bottle of booze, which he proceeds to take a drink from.

Zack Galafinakis and Meathead made love and produced me.

Despite what some reviews have stated about the camerawork consisting of the point and shoot variety, I have to disagree. There are some very interesting shot compositions throughout the film including a shot from inside a woman's arm as the Dr. slices it open with a scalpel. This shot reminded in Lucio Fulci's New York Ripper, where the shot is made to appear inside the victim's throat as it is slit open. The eye removal scene has some inventive compositions with the Dr. looking down towards the camera lens, plucking an eye ball from the left side of the screen, and holding the container for the eye on the right side of the screen.  The romantic montage between the Dr. and his new creation has some very artfully framed shots, one with a light post, a few others with various trees composed like a painting within the frame.  

Reynolds Wrap seals in the juices.

    

Underneath all the gore and absurdist humor is a film about mistaking control for love. A film about controlling another human being under the illusion of love. The desire to make someone into who you want them to be. Throughout the film, the Dr.'s interactions with females, victims or otherwise, has a feeling of cold emotionless detachment. The Dr. has a narcissistic, “all about me”, view of relationships / love, as expressed by the lines he says to the newly created Anitra , " You will have every desire to follow my every bidding. Your pleasure will come from doing what I ask you, things that will make me happy."   He seems totally unconcerned about what his mate wants, thinks, or feels.  He is, as he says, " Excited to be able to teach her how to think."  Total control is the name of the game.  The DR. tells his assistant Gregory that he will isolate his new creation from other people, even the assistant himself.  Gregory eventually is killed by Dr. Don, when Anitra comes onto him.

I took the PHYSICAL CHALLENGE!

It is in this latter portion of the film that the Dr. and the new Anitra's relationship takes on a controlling parent and overly compliant child with strong and disturbing incestuous overtones. Using gender stereotypes, rigid gender roles and expectations, he attempts to indoctrinate the new Anitra to do whatever he wants.  The final moments of the film where Anitra hooks up with a variety of men comes across as a cautionary tale.  The compliant child, the new Anitra, has become like her controlling parent, Dr. Don, cold and emotionally detached, using others to fulfill her selfish desires.  An over the top gore fest with an interesting subtext, I highly recommend The Body Shop / Doctor Gore.  That is my opinion, yours may differ.

our dressings tonight are vinaigrette and contempt for the human race.

Did you ever suck the jelly out of a jelly donut--simply marvelous.

Cataclysm: The Nightmare Never Ends

Cataclysm: The Nightmare Never Ends (Satan's Supper), Directed by Gregg Tallas, Tom McGowan, Phillip Marshak. Starring Richard Moll (1980).

You've seen Night Train to Terror which has snippets of Nightmare and about five other films crammed together like a peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwich that adds up to a headache inducing disgusto-thon. This film was directed by 3 separate people, which should tell you something, too many cooks spoil the broth. Nothing about this travesty works and yet it's profoundly fascinating in a "I can't believe what I'm seeing" sort of way. Troma owns the rights to this one and Vinegar Syndrome offers the Night Train version (which is more coherent for some unknown reason). This one and Death Wish Club are available full length in the DR catalog. I knew there was something special about this Cameron "total dime whore " Mitchell/ Richard "Night Court's Bull" Moll Z-grade flick. 

It begins with deep sea magma footage of evolving rock, then a road trip with some of the most Thorazined-out dialogue looping I've ever heard. I mean just 2 mins in I'm ecstatic to watch this fiasco (or cataclysm which are just both synonyms for disaster) unfold or fall flat on its face. To me, this is a quintessential shit flick to steal Kris Gilpin's term. Claire Hansen, a ham faced lady played by the atrocious Faith Clift who has a more lethargic sounding voice than Frozen Scream's Liz Stanhope is plagued by a vision of Nazis machine gunning down a quartet of cello girls upon her visit to a dingy Vegas nightclub act. Her and her husband James Hansen (Moll) who's a novelist with a best selling book called "God Is Dead" go to see a cheapo psychic. It turns out the clairvoyant, a former ventriloquist is in league with Satan and soon after dies, (he scrawls "Moloch" in some sugar). Was it a warning, who knows there are tons of non sequiturs in this one, just go with it Sgt. Stedenko! 

Richard Dawkins eat your heart out

Next a blithering old man sees a David Cassidy looking dude on TV and starts having a conniption fit all over Cameron Mitchell because he was recognizes him as a Nazi who tortured him during the Holocaust.

Bring us your finest soiled bag of Pizza Hutt bread sticks

Robert Bristol who should've gotten hired as a Partridge family stunt double for Cassidy is a Mr. Olivier, a Nazi demon with cloven hooves and probably Satan incarnate only instead of doing anything terrifying with his powers he seems content to just haunt discos. So to clarify David Cassidy is an immortal vampire or demon Nazi and Cameron and Lawrence must try to defeat him. 

Satan is obviously really Danny Bonaduce in human form, not me

There's nothing more excruciating then an old coot babbling like a doofus, I was very annoyed at Marc Lawrence's performance in this role, he needed a hard slap that's not delivered. The way he prattles on like an idiot kind of reminds me of James Hong getting too cold in the organ transplant facility in Blade Runner.He goes down to a haunted house with spooky purple windows and gets eaten by a big rubber creature which burns a 666 on his stomach. Lawrence wears a Don Post looking shoddy old man mask and later on directed Pigs (aka Daddy's Deadly Darling), which I'm not sure even if they had a lighting technician and looks like it was illuminated by a stray Bic lighter. Oh Yeah, Troma owns the rights to that one as well. 

Cheap lighting and loose morals that's how you move product at Barnes and Noble

It's very weird to see Richard Moll shine as the best actor in this film. Satanists and wackos admire his agnostic book "God is Dead" and start following him like flies on sherbet. One bearded freak with a funny name Mr. Papini (Maurice Grandmaison) won't leave Bull alone and spouts his bargain basement philosophy about God and the Devil. When I saw him in Night Train I thought he was a Manson-type, but now I see here he's almost like the priest played by Dr. Who actor Patrick Troughton only with zero acting ability or presence. 

Dignity, what's that and yes they did pay me in Circus Peanuts

The subject matter is pretty dark  for this crummy film and the budget-less way it's all presented takes away the impact. Everybody meets up at to the disco, Moll, his wife, Cameron Mitchell and even the Satanic Partridge--I guess it's the place to be. Satan sits on weird throne in between two scrawny coked out babes. Mr Olivier, which is not a very sinister name, unless you're afraid of the Shakespearean actor from Marathon Man (come to think of it Marc Lawrence was also in that one which is an odd coincidence).

Every dude in this movie has a 70's hardy boy haircut and a satin jacket like all the garage bands in San Francisco used to for awhile until they all turned into Sons of Anarchy style beardos or drug casualties like Ty Segall.

UGH, Gross I hate Billy Corgan

Claire inexplicably visits a black psychic who keeps referring to himself as a "nigger," OK, that part is totally offensive and uncalled for. I wonder if the script writer, after penning a semi interesting story saw what they did to his screenplay and immediately blew his brains out William H. Macy Boogie Nights style.

The agnostic "God is Dead talk show scene" is intact from Night Train and Bull's hair looks kind of like a male Bride of Frankenstein. There are elements of this film that are fun and I could see why they'd try to salvage it for a compilation anthology but it still all adds up to a tepid brainless very special episode of Tales From The Darkside.

Bob Tilton stole my shit yo!

I like how Mr. Olivier gets pissed off that Bull thinks believing in Satan is just as stupid as belief in God and then is crunched by a demonic force until his eye pops from the socket.

Panini is the worst protector ever, he kind of resembles a homeless Stanley Kubrick. When he gets thrashed by one of Satan's nuns, who sticks her side butt at him, I was overjoyed! They end up giving the immortal Partridge a live autopsy. If there's one way to kill the devil it's through amateur botched surgery am I right? The ending is pretty crazy so stick around for that.

FOR NIGHT TRAIN COMPLETISTS ONLY IF ANY EXIST

Flesh Feast

Flesh Feast Directed By Brad F. Grinter, Starring Veronica Lake (1970).


We're getting to the scrounging point of the VHS catalog. But everytime I think we've reached the bottom, more goodies rise to the surface. This was also featured in Mad Ron's Prevues From Hell, so it's doubly important. This one is considered Miami-sploitation and has "actors" we've talked about before like the Anti-Marijuana, chainsmoking fellow recently mentioned in Charles the Alien's review of Bloodfreak. There's Harry Kerwin, the brother of minor H.G. Lewis celebrity Bill Kerwin. There are a lot of these exploitation films from Miami that were not made by Italians and this one is clearly trying to dupe people into thinking it's some how related to Bloodfeast or H.G.
  

So here we go with a version special episode of Dragnet involving Veronica Lake and a Nazi conspiracy, also there's maggots! Sound fun? The stirring library music is exceptionally loud (which I was fine with) but the excruciating office typing is very annoying. Dr Frederick (played by Lake) and her boyfriend Carl Schumann, a flat topped morgue attendant looking goon are busy conducting secret experiments in their swinging pad. Everyone has a monotone tin sounding dubbed voice. A pissed off cop figures those pesky Nazis are responsible and heads out of the office to follow them.

I come to the Arby's walk-in to clear my thoughts

Psychedelic primary colors flash over slithering maggots, as the two unlikable people talk in code and keep their dialogue all so elusive. Paranoid nurses are nervous and don't trust their bosses, they work at her house. Lake constantly wears a bonnet on her head for some reason (maybe her brain is exposed). She sets up four tubs full of maggots that are used to reverse the aging process--which makes about as much sense as the fly larvae storm scene from Lucio "maggot king supreme" Fulci's Gates of Hell did. Maybe the Real House Wives (or any of the Botox junkies on Bravo should try maggots instead of facelifts)!

Get Andy Cohen on the phone, those tubs of barf need their own reality show!

Make sure you suspend all logic and don't pick on the film's ineptitude or it will be a difficult time, you could just fall asleep and wake up at the last five minutes and you'd be fine.

No one can say "Lake was confused or senile and had no idea what she was doing, because she produced this schlock!" I say good for her, she knew exploitation horror was money in the bank.

When is this film over so I can buy some more booze!

Carl looks like one of those walking corpses from Carnival of Souls and has a robotic voice. Him and Dr. Elaine spend a lot of time lounging on the couch and drinking. This film is only an hour and change but it feels like three! YAWN, man this thing is slow, I was hoping Mike and the Bots might emerge from the bottom half of the screen but they never do.

OW! I just got lockjaw!

Two girls in curlers wonder what experiments are going on down in the lab and see a mortician saw through some bones (in the most PG friendly way possible). Some ambiguously foreign men in suits and a hippie show up at the house and stir up trouble. They talk about a revolution, which made me think about the lyrics of that Beatles song, didn't they mention Flesh Feast in their somewhere?

The hippie is accosted by one of the girls who just showed up and they still haven't established if she's the Dr.'s daughter or what?

This film attempts to invent some kind of conspiracy but is way out of its league, the scriptwriter has no clue, he doesn't attempt to explain anything or establish the motives of the characters. From what I can piece together, the (fill in the blank) foreign agents, hippies and crypt kickers are all involved in a second wave of The Third Reich, but I'm basically giving the writer more credit then he deserves.They show a withered Hitler in the grand finale, I'd flash the ((SPOILER ALERT)) sign, but every description of this film gives it all away. I guess that's the only reason to watch this one is for the creative ending. It's a hilarious concept that she brought back Hitler only to humiliate him by putting maggots on his face and the switcheroo ending is kind of E.C. comic-esque. This film is hard to take and you'd be better off firing up another viewing of Frozen Dead, which has similar Nazipoitation and 60's Disney looking characters and a talking severed head but is insanely better than this dreck (check out my review of this gem over at Kindertrauma).

DON'T BOTHER! DRINK ANOTHER ORANGE FANTA INSTEAD (The Only Soda invented in Nazi Germany).

Hey it's the guy from Taste of Blood, thanks for stopping by

AGONY AAA-GONNE-EAAYY (in Bugs Bunny voice)

TUSK

TUSK   

USA, Canada, 2014. D: Kevin Smith

Reviewed by Greg Goodsell

Odious radio shock jock Wallace Bryton (Justin Long), of the “Not-See Party” (get it?) plans a trip to Canada in order to interview the subject of an Internet viral video. Said notorious clip depicts a nerdy teen demonstrating his Samurai sword skills, accidentally slicing a leg off in the process! Taking the trip solo to the Great White North, Bryton finds that the teen has taken his own life out of humiliation. Hating to go home empty-handed, Bryton takes note of an ad posted in a bar restroom. An eccentric old recluse, Howard Howe (Michael Parks) is looking for someone to share his mansion for free room and board, adding that he has interesting life experiences to share for that special someone. Bryton takes the bait, and meets up with Howe at his rural, gloomy manse. Regaling Bryton with his experiences as a young sailor, Howe has drugged his guest's drink. When Bryton next wakes he finds himself bound to a wheelchair – and one of his legs has been amputated (in bizarre retribution for the planned exploitation of his suicidal interview subject)! Howe informs him that the happiest time of his life was when he survived a shipwreck and was lovingly cared for by a male walrus who kept him from the cold by concealing him in his blubber. Long is to become a human walrus, following extensive, homemade surgery ….

Meet Wallace the Walrus

Transformed into a hulking, barely mobile human walrus after Parks' handiwork – a truly horrific and hilarious makeup effect, chillingly achieved by Robert Kurtzman, Bryton is kept in a macabre aquarium where he soon learns that other would-be houseguests have fallen prey to Parks' brutal ministrations. In the meantime, Bryton’s radio cohort Teddy Craft (Haley Joel Osment) and Bryton’s girlfriend Ally (Genesis Rodriguez) enlist the aid of an alcoholic French-Canadian detective Guy LaPointe (Johnny Depp in a delightful bit of dialectical comedy on par with Peter Sellers) who has encountered similar, perplexing unsolved murders. The trio, after a successful series of deductive reasoning close in on Howe’s mansion – will they be able to save their friend in time?

Oh well, I guess I'll have to start all over

TUSK tanked at the U.S. box office. It played most theaters for a week, barely advertised, and skipped the second-run movie houses altogether in most cities. Many people when hearing of the premise, were quick to write it off as “HUMAN CENTIPEDE (2009), except this time the victim is turned into a walrus.” It's nowhere near that simple. The film's storyline takes on many complex shadings.

Big Gulps, now in blubber flavor

While frequently hilarious, TUSK makes the audience think twice before every chuckle. The ostensible hero, Long, is an unrepentant asshole. The most famous quote to emerge from the film is his plea “I don't want to die in Canada!” We've all laughed at YouTube videos where people are injured – “MAJOR FAIL!” – not thinking of the pain and injury suffered by the unlucky subjects. To paraphrase Mel Brooks, “Tragedy is you falling down a manhole: Comedy is me watching you fall down a manhole.” Director and writer Kevin Smith isn't letting the audience off the hook that easily, and all the laughs taken at the expense of others is literally taken out in flesh.

Remember kids, don't laugh, because you too could end up a human walrus!

Michael Parks performance as the mad surgeon is Oscar worthy. Perpetually kind and apologetic, his intentions are solely to create a friend for himself. His genteel manner doesn't crack once through the entire film, making for a profoundly unnerving character. There's more than just a little hint of homo-eroticism going on behind his eccentric proclivities, and the setup calls to mind the popular fetish as practiced by “furries” and “fursuiters.” Google those terms …

Parks as the Right Wing maniac preacher in Red State

Director Smith has dabbled in horror before. His RED STATE (2011) took a caustic look at small-minded provincialism as practiced in small town America. Smith digs into a dark chapter of Canadian modern history to explain some of Parks' motivations.  

If you like this then you'll love Mortdecai 

Johnny Depp is quite good as the detective, although it’s notable his performance is in the service of yet another box office flop with his name attached to it. Few people have forgiven Depp for THE LONE RANGER (2013) debacle of several seasons ago, and with the exception of Tim Burton's ALICE IN WONDERLAND (2010), Depp's recent films have underperformed at the box office: THE RUM DIARY (2011), DARK SHADOWS (2012), TRANSCENDENCE (2014) et cetera. 

TUSK, as hard as it is to believe, was based on an actual gag advertisement placed on Craig's List! The advertisement described a man looking for a roommate, with free room and board with the stipulation that the boarder spend two hours a day in costume and in character in a walrus suit. This story is related in the Blu-Ray and DVD extra entitled “Smodcast #259: The Walrus and the Carpenter.” Smith calls the phony advertisement as pure “Hammer Horror” and laughs uproariously throughout. This extra, presented with video-generated animation, unfortunately links Smith to his main character, who likewise found it perverse enough for widespread media coverage. Other extras on the Lionsgate disc are deleted scenes, “20 Years to Tusk” featurette, a brief making of documentary, and an audio commentary track with Smith.

Sung to the tune of "A Chorus Line", "One Singular sensational-Walrus"

TUSK is far better than many people's expectations. It has painfully funny comments to make on our anything-for-a-laugh media landscape, as well as some stately Gothic horror, truly in the manner of Terrence Fisher's “Hammer horrors.” As if it needs to be said, a certain Fleetwood Mac hit single comes wafting through in a climactic scene. See TUSK – you won't regret it.

BUY HERE

Horror Hospital

Horror Hospital (Dr. Bloodbath, Frankenstein Horror Klinik, Computer Killers) Directed By Anthony Balch, starring Michael Gough (1973).
 
If you're looking for a ghoulishly fun British horror film, this is a must see! Not even five minutes goes by before we get a motorized decapitation Rolls Royce with a handy dandy head catching basket. This film is in league with cryptic Brit favorites like Theatre of Blood, Dr. Phibes and the work of Peter Walker. 

Michael Gough and his dwarf pal Frederick (Skip Martin) are perturbed that two patients with blood soaked bandages on their scalps attempted to escape. They pay for their insolence with their lopped off heads. I remember seeing the image of the two victims on the cover of a zine in middle school called Demonique in the Fantaco catalog. 
    

They went alittle crazy with the condiments

      
   Jason Jones (Robin Askwith, who looks like they cloned Brian Jones) decides to take a vacation away from the music scene after a glam band steals one of his tunes. His ripped off song "Mark of Death" by Mystic is a pretty hilarious and sounds like Eric Burdon trying to imitate Alice Cooper. Askwith was also in Horror On Snape Island before this, which I've yet to see but remember fondly from the "Mad Ron's Prevues from Hell" tape.
     

Gingivitis I hardly knew yee

   Mr. Pollack (played by Ealing comedian Dennis Price) is a gay rotten toothed travel agent for Hairy Holidays. After checking out Jason's bulge he watches as the mop-toped yob sets off on a train. Jason meets a cute girl named Judy (Phoebe Shaw) who's timid at first, but he eases her mind by saying "Listen honey, I'm not gonna rape you". Yeah that's a reassuring opener, which I guess worked in 1973 because she trusts him and they become a couple. They check into a drafty health clinic where they are greeted by Fred the dwarf from the beginning who's unusually chipper and wears a yarmulke. Skip Martin, who was also in Vampire Circus, brings most of the black comedy to the film. 

This corn beef bloody better be kosher

   At dinner time, the couple (who are getting friskier by the minute) see a table full of pale teens with head wounds, there are glasses of green Kool-aid in front of them. 
I'm beginning to think Hairy Holidays is a scam to commit hippies to an insane asylum or worse!

Coloring books were often used to fool Hippies into impromptu lobotomies

   Dr. Storm (Michael Gough) shows up at the hotel and his midget servant keeps telling everyone to brush their teeth, he's an advocate for tooth wellness, not brain health. Storm has a grayish complexion, wears black leather gloves and travels in a wheelchair.
   
   There are two motorcycle henchmen who reminded me of the axe hacking maniac biker gang from The Undertaker and his Pals. They beat the piss out of Jason in the forest which really taps into that fantasy you might have in wanting to see one of those 60's era Rolling Stones jerks get what's coming to them.
 

Oh wait, you didn't drown, is Hendrix still alive too?

   This movie hates hippies and Dr. Storm uses the travel agency to lobotomize the teenagers.
He's kind of like Phil Spector and anyone that deserts him gets slaughtered, even those who were loyal to him. At the end he explains how he worked for Pavlov and after Stalin installed new adolescent runts, that was the last straw and the reason he hates the younger generation. His form of retaliation was to create a lobotomized human zoo. They tried this concept in Barn of the Naked Dead with unappealing results. It gets even weirder as we find out Dr. Storm is a mutant creature made out of melted wax and is seen fornicating with different girls. 
      

It's embarrassing but you're right we both have the same hair stylist

 

   The director Anthony Balch is a counterculture fixture who hung out with Burroughs and Kenneth Anger, later on he distributed some of the most highly regarded cult flms like Haxan, Supervixens and The Corpse Grinders (which was on a double bill with Horror Hospital). He never made another film and sadly died of stomach cancer in 1980, he was an extremely talented director. The score is great and uses stock music from the De Wolfe catalog to great effect, I guess I'm a sucker for library music as someone who is obsessed with all the Romero tracks from Dawn and Creepshow. This film is a total blast and a must see for people who are on the fence about British horror, it may just convert them.

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!

I gotta run this over to the set of Brain Damage

Hold on! I'm indecent!

Mutant 69 which I guess you could call a 74