Cafe Flesh

CAFÉ FLESH (1982) Directed By Rinse Dream, starring Michele Bauher. 

The last porn we reviewed was an Emanuelle flick by the king of gorgonzola smut, Mr. Joey Baggadonuts D’Amato! But I mean with all the sadistic violence and traumatic festivities can we really classify those as fitting the bill of boner material, not really, unless you’re a serial killer I guess. It’s almost impossible to enjoy the sex scenes without fearing a tornado of depravity is about to assault your libido and leave you cowering in the corner like a victimized weeping target, crying in a shower stall. Is Cafe Flesh any better or in porno terms, hotter? No it’s artsy fartsy, nihilistic and also dystopian and eye-poppingly art deco to the max. I should be mildly ashamed that I’ve actually seen the 90’s sequel before this one, but whatever you can’t judge me!

It’s got one of the sexiest babes who turned into a scream queen later on in such classics as Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers and Terror On Tape, Michelle Bauher (under her skin flick nom de plume Pia Snow). So let’s all dive into this deep dish pizza of MTV highbrow futuristic sleaze and cheese and pretend we never did to our friends.

Welcome to the place where monkeys spank you!

So here in the mutant future we’re dealing with impotency (Sex Negatives) and horniness (Sex Positives) who hump it out for the repressed masses in a nightclub setting. This is already reminding me of a Devo video and for some odd reason Defending Your Life, the bad comedians attempting to impress the elderly deceased who are confused in the afterlife. The main MC guy played by Andrew Nicholas, looks sort of like Bowzer from Sha Na Na and is just as hilarious, which to say is not funny at all. Total unabashed sexual awkwardness and zaniness is this director’s calling card and he actually influenced Mr. Gregory Dark, who I vaguely remember discussing his Satan worship in Psychotronic Video (Yawn, excuse me while I drink more coffee to stay interested).

Everyone in this movie is deformed, I’m seeing pimples, pockmarks and misshapen faces and genitals—turn back while you still can! Or at least pull back your pants up, because not many brave souls can enjoy this one in the proper American masturbatory way like nature intended.

At least I can’t and live with myself!

Keep those pants down, it's just getting good!

The extremely obnoxious nightclub host I’m hoping will fall into a vat of acid or one of those Gwar “Slaughter-ama” meatgrinders. He dresses like a baby in clown makeup and antagonizes the fugly men and women trapped in this hellish flick. I could imagine renting this at Videowaves, my South Florida videotape emporium that supplied me with all my gore flick or adult watching needs back in the days when you had to travel to rent porn, drive 30 mins out of your way and get them back in time before they closed. I think this one would’ve pissed me off and forced me to demand, “I want my 3 bucks back!”  

We got yer money to buy us more lube and mime greasepaint!

If you do a Google search for the cast it’s awesome because Kevin James and Richard Belzer show up! There was a porn actor with the same name as the King of Queens, Adam Sandler punching bag but he died. According to Mike Hauss, Belzer was in a crowd scene but I didn't notice him.

my legacy will not be ridiculed Crank!

Rinse Dream (aka Stephen Sayadian) is no slouch and sort of revolutionized porn, as much as I hate giving any smut director any shred of dignity or credit, he deserves some for taking the new wave, day-glo approach to skin flicks and Jeanna Fine appeared in a bunch of them, obviously I have a little crush on her early stuff. Another flick by Mr. Dream is Dr. Caligari, yet another wacky adult flick that looks like a Devo video or Pee Wees Playhouse After Hours. That just mentioned flick is actually still playing at midnight movie showings as recently as in Nashville at the Belcourt.

Jerry Stahl (writing under the pseudonym of Herbert W. Day) penned this apocalyptic script and he’s no schlub either, I mean Ben Stiller played him in Permanent Midnight and how appalling is it that a porn screenwriter worked on ALF and Twin Peaks, Katy Bar the door, children shield your eyes, it’s the end of the world!

I'm working overtime on those TPS reports

I found this Playboy article from 1985 using my new library card research that allows me access to their databases. Stahl mentions in the interview that it was shot on one set the size of a Dunkin Donuts and its brand of apocalyptic erotica gained some traction as a cult hit in the Rocky Horror vein (man they got that wrong)!

This is less humiliating than working with Fred Olen Ray

This one actually influenced The Dark Bros, who’ve made some of the best 80’s smut of all time, the people in animal costumes, surrealness in hardcore sex--it all came from Rinse Dream first. Night Dreams was one of the first Stahl /Rinse Dream collaborations from 1981, which I haven’t seen. I mean they’re just warped, they don’t work as porn, nothing about it is sexy, but they deserve lots of credit for inventing this alt-porn sub-genre that finally became more exciting than it should’ve been, maybe the babes got hotter—I mean Traci Lords really elevated it, so to speak. And yeah I know she was criminally underage during New Wave Hookers, but it’s just a better adult film as far as what you crave from such a dingy disgusting forum. CF is just too highbrow for its own good, but maybe that’s not a bad thing, it’s just not for me. 

I know Houseofselfindulgence (http://houseofselfindulgence.blogspot.com/2008/08/caf-flesh-rinse-dream-1982.html) is a major fan! If you like highbrow smut than dial it up on your favorite porn site, very innovative for sure but can't really recommend it even if it paved the way.

SLIGHTLY RECOMMENDED AS LIMP AS A KATRINA AND THE WAVES VIDEO

  

The Guernica Tree (1975)

The Guernica Tree. Directed By Fernando Arrabal, Starring Mariangela Melato (1975).

Fernando Arrabal is one of the most insane surrealistic filmmakers out there, he almost upstages Jodorowsky! He really pushes the sacrilegious aspect over the cliff and is one of my new favorite directors. I recommend watching his earlier film "I Will Walk Like A Crazy Horse" first though. 

Maybe I missed an issue of Deep Red that celebrated his career (I'm not sure why he wasn't included), but at any rate he belongs among other controversial figures like Dali, Nagisa Oshima, Pasolini and Dusan Makavejev. Arrabal, along with Roland "Marquis" Topor and Jodorowsky were in a hostile performance art group called The Panic Movement together.
  

In the Guernica Tree we're in the midst of anarchy and rebirth as people of villa Ramiro (a fictional Basque village) have lost their shit in the streets. My only reference before watching this mind blowing, sacrilegious histori-spoitation movie was the Picasso painting "Guernica". The Picasso picture like this piece of artwork was a reaction to Franco Nationalists and Nazis bombing women and children, striking at the core of human civility. If you're Catholic, avoid this film like the plague, it's very confrontational and sickening. It doesn't really count as a Nazisploitation even though there are Third Reich style shenanigans.

some newspaper elmers glue ghost picture you've seen in Italian exploiation films

         
Arrabal at times is like a pornographic Luis Bunel, showing dwarfs having sex or cuming on religious statues all in the name of equality? Ok, sure I'll buy that for a dollar. When you break it all down, it just doesn't gel as much as you organically experience the rampant debauchery and weirdness that unfolds like a rancid intestinal track! That's surrealism for you, it can't really be captured on paper. I swear, one of the naked dwarfs looks suspiciously like Louis Ecclesia, or Shorty from 2019: After The Fall Of New York. The half sized bearded actor Hachemi Marzouk who plays Marvel in Crazy Horse also makes an appearance (and isn't even credited on stupid IMDB).

these new Japanese toilets are sweet!

The metaphors about the Spanish Civil War are all so repulsively in your face, if you hadn't guessed this movie is very confrontational, but also hilarious. Cult Epics put out this disc, they are braver than Criterion who plan to release Guillermo Del Toro's own Spanish Civil War masterpiece.

One disgusting scene shows Goya, a perverted criminal played by Ron Faber shooting his sperm into a glass of Count Cerralbo a fascist aristocrat's wine to express his animosity. Perhaps he's just expressing his affection and just doesn't know it yet. They show a painting Goya (Faber) created of Jesus getting blown on the cross crucified next to Frankenstein! Serious go watch this movie, I didn't believe it myself (maybe I was too wasted)! The actor who plays this anarchist maniac or hero of this film is impossible to identify with. Faber appeared in a brief scene for The Exorcist a few years before and provided one of the demon voices.

This reminds me of a Dead Kennedys album, hmm. . . Plastic Surgery Disasters, right that's it!

The Catholic Franco fascists fight against the pitchfork carrying peasants/populists who're Republican (hard to fathom aye,well unless you count the ultra-retarded Tea baggers). The ugliness against Judeo Christian idolatry is even more repugnant than Ken Russell's film The Devils. I mean people literally piss on Christ statues and dwarfs smear semen on the lips of The Virgin Mary statue, while real children clap, it's total madness. I was kind of shocked at its offensiveness and wonder why the Ken Russell film in still not properly released! 

One burnt weenie sandwich flamed broiled coming up!

The fascist Franco regime wants to keep Spain pure and they show real corpses and people bound to firing squad posts while Nazi soldiers melt captives dicks off using a torch. This movie is beyond unsettling and obviously very political. GUTS readers will appreciate its demented style even if you're confused by the historical elements.  

Yellow Dolphin Man, how long has it been, we need to hang out more 

It's important to see however because it could easily happen again, think about it, a crumbling Republic combined with a narcissistic demagogue rising to power, historical moves like a snake eating its own tale even faster than before with every receiving up to the second info.

is it scrumdiddly-umptious?

Led by Vandale (played by the attractive Lina Wertmuller regular Mariangela Melato), the poor citizens organize and fight back. Goya the Perv (Faber) who's in lust with Vandale, assists in making the people think they're safe, but who in their right mind would trust that creep? She ends up in a bamboo cage and the overly decorated General's slaughter the people and take back control. The poor once again take the brunt, while fascists dominate and get really creative with the frequent death toll, carrying it to an inquisitional level of theatrical cruelty (one midget is strapped to a fake bull as a matador rams colorful spears into his flesh). I discovered this filmmaker through Fandor, I've mentioned them a lot over the years and they consistently deliver the most vital movies out there, for a week I saw everything by Arrabal thanks to them. Check this one out, if you want to see your friend's jaws fall to the floor and whatever you do don't warn them--make it a total ambush experience. Just tell them Oh yeah there's this director who had Spike Lee in one of his movies.

WATCH ON FANDOR

Emanuelle Around The World

Emanuelle Around The World (Confessions of Emanuelle, Emanuelle Versus Violence Against Women) Starring Laura Gemser, Directed By Joe D'Amato (1977).

Before any credits role, the viewer is treated to one of many ugly 70's hump sessions, but then again we are waist deep in yet another D'Amato/ Gemser sex fantasy depraved thrill-rides known as the Emanuelle series (the extra "M" is left off to distance itself from the inferior "White Brit Silvia Krystal one"). 

Pretty much anything goes in these films, snuff, cannibals, this one includes a banana sex scene that's haunted me ever since I saw it at the mentally fragile age of 9. 

It begins with Gemser balling in the back of a moving van in San Francisco. It was especially exciting for me to see Emanuelle fuck her way around Frisco because I recognize most of the locations they show (I lived in Oakland for 10 years and I even worked at Alcatraz for a spell). None of the majestic city has really been paved over since the 70's, when this film originally came out. Even people in the city by the Bay know about the world famous tart and set her up in a glitzy hotel. Gemser is very attractive and looks a lot like Padma Lakshmi from TV's reality cooking charade "Top Chef". She bumps into Ivan Rasimov (who most cannibal film enthusiasts know as the cult leader in Eaten Alive and the blonde punching bag from Man from Deep River). 

what shampoo is that, Charlie the Tuna # 5?

This film has my absolute favorite rock song by Nico Fidenco, with it's retarded lyrics about "Needing a special light to take a Picture of Love". Emanuelle's philosophy as a journalist is that she screws her way around the world (hence the title) and yet remains free from the entrapments of "love and commitment" all in the name of equality and liberation of course. This is the secret to her success as a traveling journalist (although she must have a scorching case of gonorrhea). 

I need some more change for the homework hotline

I love the fluorescent warehouse location her slimy boss resides at, in Emanuelle in America and in this one, it was super funny when she bails on her job and takes a vacation, basically telling him to fuck off. Nick Alexander, Al Cliver's disembodied voice shows up this time dubbing a bearded hippie who tells her about a love cult (hopefully it's not of the Mike Myers "Love Guru" variety). Brigitte Petronio, the blonde actress who gets sliced and diced with a straight razor in House on the Edge of the Park by David Hess shows up to fondle the Indonesian temptress. She looks kind of like Cindy Brady with tits and mentions that she was almost gang raped by a Middle Eastern slavery syndicate. 

I hope Hess didn't sneak his way onto the set to finish the razor job

Then later, what do you know, but Mr. Anthropophagus hisself shows up, George Eastman! He watches as some of the grossest dong suckling and bone smuggling happens with multiple partners (Bleccchhhhhh)! This film just goes to show, how ugly human sex can get, you may want to keep a Howard Scott Up-Chuck Cup ready under your chin! Eastman is supposed to be Indian (and is dubbed by a guy who sounds like Apu), but looks more like a B-rate Jesus impersonator.

Clean up on all the aisles

As they show Gemser being graphically penetrated, her spread open genitals turn into a Caucasian women's private parts (I'm guessing she wouldn't go the full nine for D'Amato, And I must commend her for this act of dignity). The Indian cult leader goes on about the caste system and how Kama Sutra is important or something. He even bones Emanuelle, who's about as hard to persuade to engage in casual sex as unscrewing a jar of already loosened pickles! 

Let's both pat our heads and rub our bellies at the same time

Just like in Erotic Nights, when Georgey boy has sex, they never show penetration, because it's probably in his "never nude contract clause". I like how she uses the same spy camera journalism watch from Emanuelle in America to get some snap shots (or ahem. . . "snatch shots"). It gets real ugly once she unveils a Middle Eastern sex slave ring that starts off with dumb girls in Rome being picked up and used. Then the plot goes into how Emanuelle wants to empower these women and try to undermine the sex slave trade by hooking up with the victimized girls. 

Rolls Royce driving hot shots lead the girls into a rape trap. One thug who looks kind of like a smoother faced Billy Drago sicks his henchmen on a blonde and they viciously rape her (this point of the film starts to get really dark)!

Billy Drago, post face lift

One of the scariest one-eyed lowlives with a burnt face and a neck brace shows up and picks a girl to engage in forced entry with just like he's choosing a crustacean from the tank at Red Lobster. That repulsive display just sort of ends abruptly and then she hooks up with some other nameless dude. 

     

Cripes!! What are you up to now Stephen Collins from TV's 7th Heaven?

Now in Hong Kong, she encounters a seriously frightening individual named Chang who has a dungeon with women he tortures and hysterically laughs at in the bowels of his Chinese restaurant. Some of these scenes are straight out of a 50's Mort Kuntsler pulp mag as the Asian fellow maniacally cackles then puts a snake into a women's vagina and forces a German Shepard to have sex with a tied up and scared female (this part was very depressing to me)!  

Pinch me, I'm so happy I must be dreaming!

During the last 20 minutes, Joltin' Joe actually makes a cameo appearance as one of the Mid East investors. One floppy haired butt chinned Saudi business man has a threesome with Emanuelle and a blonde, offering his oil up in return.

Joey "Baggadonuts" D'Amato in da house

There's so much depraved sleaze constantly flowing throughout this film that its hard to discern which is the most appalling scene (I guess you could flip a coin and choose). The last five minutes are seriously disturbing as a naked girl is raped by five homeless guys and even Emanuelle is sexually assaulted. She just shrugs it off and jet sets away with Rasimov onto another sequel. I'm thoroughly fascinated by these films, they are disgusting, offensive, ugly, exploitive and completely fascinating. There's no way you can recommended these to a novice though, you certainly have to brace yourself when you view an Emanuelle film or a Joe D'Amato one in general.

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED FOR SICKOS ONLY!

experiencing erectile disfunction? Use a banana!

I specifically requested organically roasted hipster brew! 

Kris Gilpin's Unearthed Works: M 3-D THE MOVIE

This was originally printed in Subhuman, an incredible zine created by Cecil Doyle, which Kris frequently wrote for and thanks to Greg Goodsell, here comes another edition of "The Unearthed Works of KG". Apparently all of the back issues were bought up by Lux Interior of The Cramps for a hefty sum and have been kept out of the public eye, until now. More to be transcribed, dusted off and re-animated later, stay tuned! 

There was a long line standing outside the Nuart "art" theatre at Midnight waiting to see the world's first 3-D hardcore porn epic, M3-D! The Movie, which was bering shown in "Deep-vision". "You'll duck when John Holmes cums on screen!" proclaimed the lurid flyers and ad mats (which of course. LA's mainstream newspapers refused to run). Directed by "Norm DePlume" (chuckle), this was also hyped with the legend, "Scene you'll never see on MTV!"

   MTV should sue. This piece of grunt has not a thing in common with the musical cable channel; the distributors apparently simply ripped off their call letters in hope of attracting (and duping) a youthful crowd.

   The glasses which were handed out were the better kind, sporting red and blue lenses instead of the inferior, uniformly grey ones. It was a decent crowd for a Midnight show (the theatre had just shown a double bill of Manhattan and The Apartment). Since Subhuman (or TOG) is not afraid to stoop to the lowest level of human degradation (and since I have always enjoyed the pure-schlock, William Castle-ish gimmick of cinematic 3-D), I donned the cellophane spectacles and hoped for Cody Nicole inside.

Does this chair make my ass look fat?

   The first tip-off came right at the start when the film began with a title card M3-D! The Movie, which had been spliced into the front of the print. Next came names like John Seeman and Bill Margold, people who haven't made fuck films in years, which meant that this movie (I know not its original title) is actually somewhere around 15 years old. It was however, originally shot in the three-dimensional process, though the photography was gaudy and washed-out, making it look almost like a black & white movie. The disturb hadn't even bothered to strike a fresh print, and this one was full of tape splices. The credits listed "Ann Nonymus" as a co-writer, The Lucious Lickers as composers (Available on scratchy 78s") and they'd even spelled John "Holms" name incorrectly.

Sadly, the popsicle twins didn't make an appearance

   With a dipshit musical theme ("La-la-la-la-laaaaa!"), the story skips all over the screen, beginning with three Roman assholes bouncing on a trampoline (the first stupid 3-D effects in the film). The funniest line in the whole flick comes after one of these stooges kicks a large fruit on the ground ("Oh Melon of Troy!"), and why was it they'd have people act like total schmucks (complete with embarrassing overacting) in the name of "comedy" for these early shitters? Were they making slime for readers of Hustler of Highlights? We then cut abruptly to the Dandy Candy Co. (run by a guy who keeps forgetting his bogus British accent and his assistant named Miss Breastworthy), which is given seven days to save itself from eviction. They are saved when some liquid drips on a bunch of lollipops which,when licked give folks the horn. Meanwhile, the three dolls pop in and out of the picture, saying they are looking for "the Fellatio Mines".

I want my STD!

   The audience was at first dumbfounded, as usual, then soon began laughing at the film (as opposes to with it);some guys in the audience were getting drunk on something and started hooting at the action on-screen. During the most effective 3-D cum shot, someone yelled, "Run for your lives!!!"

And all went apeshit when the infamous Johnny Wadd mounted some poor girl ("It's Alive!!" "Eat it!!" "Cornhole!!")

   The dialogue was along the lines of: "They're suckers for those lollipops!" (She: "I love wine; on the other hand, port makes me fart") And, "Gee, Wilbur you know you don't need a lolly to score with me". The uninspired 3-D FX included nets, wooden boards, record albums, brooms, mailing envelopes, eggs, telephones and even garbage being thrust in front of the camera lens.

ARGGGHHHHH, I cannot unsee so many revolting pairs of genitals!

   Typical boredom set in half-way through this cum flick, and I heard a couple behind me say "What the fuck are we doing here at 1 A.M.?!" They spent the remainder of the movie guessing who they thought on screen were now dying of AIDS.

   We had all been lured in by the ad, which was much more effective than any "effect" they pooted out in the film. So beware won't you?

  Suckered again!

So Ya feel cheated by a shitty 70's porn do ya, what did you expect?

Emanuelle in America

-Reviewed by Skunkape-

Directed by Joe D Amato aka Aristide Massaccesi (1976)

It's finally time for every one's favorite promiscuous reporter to make her way to the good ol' US of A. Emanuelle is in America but she's not planning a road trip to Wally World in the family truckster. She's spending all her time in New York City working, not just as a journalist either. She's also making a living as a fashion photographer. Laura Gemser is reprising her role in the Black Emanuelle series yet again and Joe D' Amato is directing, so lets see what wacky adventures he has in store for us this time around.

Topless women are actually normal in NYC

Emanuelle is sneaky and cheeky

   The movie starts out during one of Emanuelle's fashion shoots. She's taking naked photos of gals on motorcycles while Nico Fidenco's smash hit "Celebrate Myself" plays. The song is fantastic and really manages to set a certain tone for the whole film in a very surreal way. After the girls wrap and start putting their clothes back on (dammit) they have a brief conversation about weight loss. Then Janet (Stefania Nocilli, who never worked again), one of the models mentions her boyfriend Tony (Giulio Bianchi, also never worked again) who won't make love to her. She claims he's a real philosopher and all he wants to do is talk. This is a set up for Emanuelle's first little scrape that she gets into and it's right after work. While driving home a man hiding in her back seat pulls a gun on her, he claims that blowing her brains out would be what's best for the corrupt society we live in. He believes she is spreading filth by taking naked pictures of woman so her death would be a lesson in morality.

   When this mad man shows her a photo of Janet in order to prove his point, Emanuelle uses her detective skills and deducts that this loony is Janet's philosopher boyfriend Tony. Emanuelle uses her superpower of SEX, she manages to calm Tony down and before you know it, she's blowing him! He becomes overwhelmed by theses strange feelings of pleasure and flees the car holding his balls which will probably be turning blue very soon. Emanuelle chuckles over this little incident, just another day at the office. Oh, we are updated later in the film that this encounter has turned Tony into a sex fiend and now he won't leave Janet alone! Way to go Emanuelle!

"OK Ladies, smile with your buttcheeks!"

"Let me see your Love Gun!"

   Next we meet Bill, he's a friend of Emanuelle, so you can pretty much assume that he's a friend with benefits. He's the only character in the Black Emanuelle series that provides any stability in Emanelle's life. They are both journalists and always seem to be there for each other in times of need. Deep down they both know that a relationship would never work.
   In this scene you have to pay close attention to the dialogue, there's a  piece fruit with a vagina painting that's hanging on the wall and it's stealing the show. Oh No! Did Bill just say the M-word? Yes he did, Emanuelle tells him that marriage is a crime against freedom. Luckily he didn't scare her away, she cancels an appointment and you know what happens next!

Who wouldn't eat that out?

Assignment #1 The Harem

   Emanuelle stops by Joe's Gymnasium to get her next scoop. Joe tips her off that a high class harem staffed with girls by their star signs is looking for a Virgo to fill an empty position. Joe forges her papers with a new birth date and gets her immediately in touch with the boss, Eric van Darren (Lars Bloch).
   Once on site she screws the bosses right hand man and then mingles with the other girls by the pool. She really seems to fit in!(not really a surprise) Joey D delivers the goods with his underwater camera work, giving the audience lots of wet hairy beaver shots. Next we are treated to some horse fondling or inter species erotica as some would say. A horse named Pedro gets his pecker played with from one of the sluts, while the other girls and the boss watch from outside the stable. This is one of many scenes that make Emanuelle in America one of the most notorious of the series. D'Amato would also put horse fondling in his epic knockoff Caligula 2 The Untold Story years later. Time for some lesbian action, cut to a love scene with Gemser and Lorraine "Cannibal Ferox" De Selle, she's the Gemini of the bunch. It's extra hot and steamy, mainly because it takes place in a sauna.

   Finally, after Emanuelle gets all the photos she needs from a hidden camera in her bracelet, she gambles with the boss man and his VIP guest  Duke Alfredo Elvize. (Gabriele Tinti, Gemser's real life hubby). Luck is on her side and she humiliates Van Darren by beating him with every roll of the dice. The next morning, before anything bad can happen to her for getting out of line, she uses the earnings to buy her way out and hides in the back seat of the Duke's car. After reaching a safe distance she reveals herself to him and they quickly become friends. He invites her to party in Venice where many aristocrats will be attending along with other wealthy guests. Time for Emanuelle to pack her bags!

"There is a lot of small black curly hair in that pool!"

The famous Mr. Head

Assignment #2 Party with the Duke and Duchess of Mount Elba

While visiting Duke Alfredo and Duchess Laura (Paola "Eaten Alive" Senatore) she really gets to know them quite intimately.Seriously, what did you expect? The party of wealthy elites turns into an orgy, some even have ownership of certain guests.They play a "find the golden peanut in the cake game" and the winner, who is this old creep, gets to lick a girl head to toe who was hiding in the cake. He happily slurps all the frosting from her creamy crevices and sadly we have to watch. Emanuelle sits this one out, but does manage to dig up some dirt when she discovers that the Duke deals fraudulent art. After confronted by the Duke, she decides his friendship is more important and the story is not worth reporting.

"I found this peanut in a turd, does that count?"

"I'll have my cake and eat it too!"

Assignment #3 The Stud Farm

So far a harem, a diplomatic orgy, and now she's going undercover to a stud farm. A Place where rich woman of the world go and pick out studly musclebound men so they can act out their fantasies. Probably where any one of "The Real Housewives" would go for a good time. She witnesses a Tarzan fantasy ("me Tarzan you Jane, now suck my dick"), that's harmless enough but then she peeps into a room and notices a couple having sex while watching what could be a real snuff film! Shortly after seeing this her cover is blown, she manages to hide her film, but they confiscate her possessions and clothes. While being interrogated she seduces the manager and with her laying on the floor in heat, Emanuelle sneaks out the side door, gets a ride and then gives the lucky guy who helped her, a ride of his own. That was a close one!

Stud Puppies for sale

Never seen anything this good on pay per view

Assignment #4 Finding the Snuff

After seeing those unforgettable images from that film while visiting the stud farm, Emanuelle must discover if the footage was real or fake. She recognizes a missing girl in a newspaper that she saw being tortured in the footage. Her next informant Ronny, a washed up ex cop who lives on a boat down by the docks (where else) gives her the name of a senator in DC who is linked to the snuff films.
   Emanuelle hooks up with the senator by using the old "oops, sorry I bumped into to you and spilled food on your clothes" routine. It doesn't take long before they hit the sack together. She baits him by asking if he'd "like to do something more stimulating, like something far out or forbidden" so he puts on some black and white porn. Emanuelle acts let down and calls the video a phony, so the senator breaks out the snuff. She gives him the ride of his life and tells him that she was so turned on by the realism and fear of what she saw. The kinky congressman drops some LSD powder into a drink and drugs Emanuelle and then flies her to the filming location. There she sees hot oil poured into a dick shaped funnel placed in a women's mouth, rape, a metal hook inserted into a vagina and nipples being sliced off!
  The next morning she thinks it was all a nightmare and heads back to NYC. It wasn't a dream! The negatives from her hidden camera have been developed and all the shocking things she witnessed have been photographed from that movie set of doom. However, the story is archived because the paper she works for doesn't have the balls to cover something so horrific or does Washington really control the press and are they part of this whole conspiracy?!!!

I'm more disturbed then Anthony Wiener and Eliot Spitzer combined!

Sicker than Salo?

After we put in oil then she gets the dipstick.

 A very frustrated Emanuelle threatens to quit and takes a holiday with her boy toy Bill somewhere out in the jungles of Africa. She gets captured by a tribe and now is forced to marry the leader, who at a glace looks like Carl Winslow from Family Matters. This whole scene is played for laughs and a film crew shows up out of nowhere interrupting the wedding. Probably just Jacopetti and Prosperi shooting their next Mondo feature.

Bill and Emanuelle should have just gone to Disney World.

"Yes, Family Matters!"

Emanuelle in America is the perfect exploitation film on every level. Giannetto De Rossi's fake snuff effects still have quite the impact and it's not everyday you see a horse's penis being played with. Gemser looks great as always, also De Selle and Senatore look pretty damn good naked, not covered in mud being chased by cannibals. Joe D Amato's Emanuelle in America is my favorite of any Emanuelle film, black, white or even yellow! So give this journalist a Pulitzer prize already! 

10/10 On the CULT-O-METER 

Take a tour with Emanuelle

and you'll also see an episode of the famous Mr. Head